To people who stick random foods together because they are "poor"
In future, don't stick them together. Eat them seperately. You cockflaps.
(keify34, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:25, Reply)

I applied for financial aid
And started college this past September.
(Ecclesia, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:19, Reply)

driptray
A friend at uni took to ordering a pint of drip tray from one of the local pubs when his cash ran out. They very kindly obliged and poured the contents of all the drip trays into a pint glass for a very reasonable price.

Also tried -1) don't eat anything all day. Then 1 pint'll do the trick. 2) Roll up a beer mat into a makeshift straw, Inhale whisky/vodka/gin into nasal cavity. Get spectacularly drunk for an hour, then get very sober with a headache/burning pain in nose. (apparently v. dangerous, akin to solvent abuse. oops.)
(shouldwork, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:14, Reply)

ashtray fun
there is nothing more beutiful than ripping up smoked Spliffs, to create the last smokeable J from the night before's remains.
(JLB8, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:14, Reply)

Clash Fan Fucks Up
Years ago I went to Big Audio Dynamite's first gig. Afterwards Mick Jones came out into what was left of the audience to have a chat and sign stuff. The only paper I had on me was a fiver, which he signed. Years later I was so skint I had to spend it. What a fucking tit. I should have mugged a granny or something.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:08, Reply)

Tabasco sauce
Makes anything in the world edible. Makes it taste of tabasco sauce anyway.

I don't mind living like a pauper so long as the crap I shovel into my mouth tastes of chillies.
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:07, Reply)

they were
dire times.

I was out of tobacco and weed.. so I shook my keyboard, and smoked what fell out. it was harsh. it did get me stoned though, so all was well in the end.
(radja, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:06, Reply)

pint of "Ta"
Many (about 14) years ago scroungers at the Camberley indie club I used to go to would walk around with an empty pint glass (or an abandoned one with a few dregs in it) and ask for a few drops of booze from other peoples drinks.

Didn’t matter what they were drinking, lager, cider, interesting lager/cider/blackcurrant combinations, bitter, J&D and coke, whatever. All went into the murky fluids sloshing around in their beaker to make a ‘pint of tar’ or ‘ta’. It was named after the taste of the stuff or, maybe, what the manky wasters said after one had surrendered some of ones own booze.
(skitster, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:04, Reply)

Smokin
Like many other child smokers I could never afford to buy fags. I discovered a solution of course and that's to pickup all the nub ends off the street and roll them into a nice harsh ciggy!
The things you do when you're 11 eh ....tuh...
(BobMonkhouse is a lacist, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:02, Reply)

I once had to take a bus because the Aston was in the
garage, Eurgh! Never again.
( theWooinator, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:00, Reply)

It was two days til giro day
and i only have a quarter of a packet of tobacco left.
So i cracked out the packet of Tesco Value teabags that had been in the cupboard for a couple of years and quadrupled my tobacco supply with it.

I've also used washing up liquid instead of shampoo and shower gel for quite extended impoverished periods of my life. I really quite recommend it.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:57, Reply)

A couple of years ago
Having just gone through a hellish and financially crippling break-up, I sold my ex's (incredibly tragic) underwear on eBay.
(bedsitmartyr : Doctor of Bottles, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:56, Reply)

Its terrible
Recently I've been forced to transfer some of the money from my savings accounts, and use that to pay my living expenses.

Its so horrible I tell you.

Plus, we havn't had a thunderstorm in a while, so I've been forced to syphon off the house electricity to try and bring my creations to life. The bills are getting suspiciously large...
(R-T-C Got arbitrage profits?, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:52, Reply)

like most women
i thought about turning to prostitution, but then just wheedled what i wanted out of my bloke in return for "favours"..err..
( nbby notkins, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:45, Reply)

I'd love to know if this is available in England,
In some bottle shops in Australia, you can buy a lovely liquid called "Punch Extender". It comes in a 2 litre flagon and costs AUS$6.50. It's about 20% alcohol. I've never been able to look anyone in the eye while buying this.

Is Passion Pop available in England? Essentially it's a passionfruit flavoured champagne that costs AUS$2.50 a bottle. Last time I bought some (you have to buy at least 2 bottles so you don't get a headache before you pass out) the guy behind the counter said "normally I wouldn't ask, but because of what you're buying I'm gonna have to see some ID".

I was 24.

Oh yeah, also a trick for free painkillers:
1. Go to the doctors and tell him you have severe lower back pains.

2. When he checks you out, wince every time he touches your kidneys. He will then get you to to a urine test.

3. When peeing in the jar, prick your finger and mix ONE drop of blood with your piss.

Hey presto! free Temazapan for your kidney disorder!

(put any more than a tiny bit of blood in there and you may be rushed to hospital for an urgent kidney removal)
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:44, Reply)

Stole it
Stole pound notes from my dads wallet to buy Panini Football stickers to complete the Espana '82 edition (never did finish it). When the "heat" was getting too much, stole it from the paypacket that my mum left out for the cleaner. Then nicked it out of the secure money box my dad bought to store coins by tipping it upside down and using a knife.

Going to hell.
(monkeyatemyhomework, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:41, Reply)

Paper cups in pool table.......
...pockets is always a good one for the endless afternoon of pool.
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:39, Reply)

Poorness!
I've eaten gravy and pasta for tea because I had no money for food.

ahhh Bisto!
( darth munki is flipping livid, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:32, Reply)

Money from nothing
sussed a pool table in a pub which you could shake 10p a time out of the leg where the money went in. Mate used to keep an eye out while I shook it. Once we had enough we'd then go watch the fruit machine until someone had put a heap in and the lighting combinations meant it was going to pay (took a lot of watching to learn) then we'd invest the 10pences to get the Jackpot. Best day ever was starting with £2 between us, shaked the pool table, won the Jackpot and ended up with £5 each which we put on grand national - 2 horses each way. Both came in ended up with £38. Few years ago when pints were less than a quid so got shit faced. Also did a collection for the Zeeburg ferry one time which resulted in a great party but that's quite a turdy one I guess...
(klondyker, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:31, Reply)

I do recall one time when thanks to an accountancy mishap,
Daddy couldn't buy me a new pony one year, AND I was forced to keep the Porsche for two years running!
He made it up to me the next year by refurbishing my holiday home in France and bought me my very own fag to bugger at school.
What-ho!
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:30, Reply)

innovative
when we had our water cut off, we had to stop doing the washing up. then we ran out of money and couldn't afford any decent food or paper plates to eat it off.

i came home one day to find my flatmate eating a tin of cold beans and sausages from off the top of the fridge. scum.
(pb4ugo2bed, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:25, Reply)

Not me,
but I guy I know who couldn't afford new underpants when his old ones fell to pieces. So he just mended his old ones.

With a stapler.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:24, Reply)

Felched Margaret Thatcher
Otherwise, erm... Tesco's own-brand lager. Tastes about the same.

Normally I've just scabbed off people.
( TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:14, Reply)

Most useful thing in the world
I wore a pair of trouser until you could see through the fabric. And beyond. One day I squatted down to tie my shoes, and an odd ripping sound was emitted from my posterior region. The fabric was so threadbare is had split down the seam, and there wasn't enough material to sew a patch to anymore.

So I mended it with duct tape.
(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:11, Reply)

Hello sailor.
The one thing i wasn't willing to sacrifice at university due to tight finances was beer, so all I could afford to eat was bread. This fairly limited diet led to me getting scurvy 3 times. Bleeding gums and wobbly teeth alerted me and my doctor to the problem. I then expanded my diet to encompass bread and orange juice. And beer
(robzilla666, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 10:05, Reply)

I have personally managed
to survive on takeaway for a month solid...damn this money the council throw at me...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:57, Reply)

eaten pasta sarnies
its a filling meal for 10p (spaghetti in bread) but rather.. dry.. (no sauce allowed).

perfectly nutritios thou, or i'd not have been able to eat nowt but them for 2 months with no ill effects
(5lab, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:55, Reply)

Last Resort
I got a job. Shamefull I know, but what can you do?
(Chillumm, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:46, Reply)

In college now.
For the past month I've been sneaking my laundry in with my roommates, then picking it out when he's washed it.

Also, I carefully measure the remaining dishwashing liquid to make sure I end up using the last bit and my roommate is forced to buy the next bottle.
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:41, Reply)