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This is a question Things you've done when you've had no money.

Apart from the usual survival rations of beans, white bread and Doll Noodles™, we've all done things to compensate for having no money. Personally I spent 6 months barefoot to save on the cost of shoes. What pathetic things have you done when the cash ran out?

(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:34)
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Strip Scrabble...
Because Strip Buckaroo takes too long, and the missus was too good at Connect 4...

(hey, if you're in on Friday nights and everyone else can afford to go dancing what else are you gonna do?)

Basically...

Person 1 places a word.
Person 2 has to beat the score of that word, or else they lose a sock (or whatever).
Person 1 has to beat Person 2's word. Etc.

When someone loses they get to place a new word, which begins the process again.

It passed many a long evening this game. Extra rules being that if you spell a word that is a body part (i.e. Minge, or Elbow) that overrules the current score (and obviously the opponent needs to get that part out on show.)

Add as much Gin as you wish.

Gin rules.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:38, Reply)
In such an event:
I once stuffed some wet tissue paper up a vending machine change shoot. Went back at the end of the day; over £5 in change. Hurrah!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:34, Reply)
Last Summer
Me and a friend were in desperate need of alcohol and video games so we "borrowed" some bolt cutters from b and q then stole a postman pat charity box then dragged it in to the car and made a speedy get away
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:34, Reply)
change hunting
I would hunt for any little bit of change. When no one was looking, I would duck down and look under the vending machines.

I think I hit a low when I started jumping into water fountains just for a few pennies.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:23, Reply)
Festival fence jump
A pal and I waltzed into a music festival by slipping round the back of a catering tent into the perimeter, then wandering around looking for a way into the main fence. Picked up a couple of half-filled bin bags, pretended to be looking for litter and just strolled past about 4 security guards into a tent, hopped over the crowd barrier and in. Genius.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:17, Reply)
Desperation
When I was a very poor student, I once went around Leeds town centre picking up fag butts. I then used some tin foil I had to fashion a pipe to smoke the tabacco I got from the butts, as I didn't have any Rizlas. I almost burnt me mouth off but I was desparate for a fag.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:10, Reply)
Being a cannabis addict for many years
Tried all the usual tricks when it had run out aswell as putting some kitchen roll over the end of the hoover and smoking what it picked up off the carpet.

But the worst has to be drinking some 3 month old bong water. I can't describe how disgusting it was but I can describe how stoned we got....... VERY!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 14:57, Reply)
Jack Fulton = crap food
When I was a student in Sheffield I used to buy frozen sausages from Jack Fulton and eat them for most meals. You could buy a few kilos of them for next to nothing because they only contained something like 30% meat, and the little meat that was in them was a mixture of chicken, pork and beef all minced together. I put on almost 4 stone in 9 months, by which time my girlfriend had stopped sleeping with me.


(Jack Fulton is a supermarket chain in Yorkshire which is notorious for selling incredibly cheap food that has just passed its sell-by date, or is of very low quality, or has Ukrainian packaging, or all three).
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 14:55, Reply)
Stole all the books from my local library
...whilst disguising myself as The Library Phantom, forcing all the local citizens to buy their reading material from my grossly over-priced book shop.

And I would have got away with it too...

In real life: Shamelessly begged for money on the internet.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 14:24, Reply)
Car washing
After leaving school at 16, and struggling to get a job, me and my friend used to go around door to door with a bucket, sponge, turtlewax and my three-year-old nephew.
The nephew would sweet talk the customers into letting us wash the car, then he'd wash the car, while me and the friend got paid a fiver each, plus "tips", i.e. any change left lying around in the car. We even found £20 once.
We didn't leave the nephew with nothing though, he got an ice cream, blue sweets, and a can of red bull for doing it
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 14:18, Reply)
Had a Wank.
It's free, it's legal, and it's on tap!

What more do you want?
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 13:50, Reply)
Ah Happy Days.......
When I was a Student, my friend Ed and I lived on rice and fried courgettes for about 3 months during the summer holidays as we were both working on a building site and spending all our monies on trying to make a dent in our respective overdrafts. I was physically fit by the end of it and farted like trooper.

Note: any spare money always went on a bottle of tequlia and chillum fuel. We did have some priorities!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 13:22, Reply)
Getting drunk on the cheap
When I was sharing a house with a fellow pisshead, we'd run out of money and there wss nothing at all to drink in the house. Except my aftershave.

My mate and I proceeded to gulp and gag in equal measure till we'd polished off a bottle of Issey Myaki. At 89% it did the trick and although it was free on the night, it'd cost someone £20 as a present for my birthday, so it was also a very expensive drink.

It had the desired effect and we got drunk and had nice-smelling breath to boot (:

xxxx
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 13:10, Reply)
When I was about 18..
I spent three weeks staying at my girlf's house while her parents were away. They had left her a minimal amount of money to get herself any essentials and food for the leigon of dogs(they lived in the country!).Anyway, all the food was gone after a few days, we'd even rooted out all the shit form the back of the cupboards. Some bright spark remembered there was a pot of change knocking around, just 2p's and 1p's. A merciful release you might think, however we didn't go and buy any food, for some reason we spent £7 on pellets for the air rifle. Had to go in the shop and pay with all this change, for fucking air rifle ammo. I guess the idea being we could hunt and catch food(yeah, right!). We did dine on a wood pigeon that one of us shot that day though, but the rest of the pellets got wasted on shooting each other/small birds/cars the usual. I still don't know why we didn't just go to the supermarket, kids eh!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:53, Reply)
Tomato soup
from ketchup packets and a cup of hot water, provided free from the local fast food establishment.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:35, Reply)
i hate mcdonalds
But one day I was really, really hungry.
My mate had come up from Wellington and he had purchased some vile meal with 2% meat (I believe it is more commonly known as a "cheeseburger"). I had no money. Zip. Nada. None. Not wanting to scavenge off a friend I hadn't seen in ages, I survived by asking him to save me a bit of his burger. He saved like TWO BITES for me. Oh well. I got a hair from my head (I have real long hair) and wrapped it around the remaining burger. I'm serious. I WRAPPED it around. It seemed clever at the time. I did a pretty bow too. Then I went down to the nice people at the counter and demanded a refund. The gangy teen just looked at me and went "Shit!!!" and yelled about some worker not tying their hair up. BUT I GOT A FREE BURGER NO QUESTIONS ASKED. It fed me for like a day.

I hate having no money.


edit: I just remembered I hate that knob from Wellington, he really is so very annoying and knob-like.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:33, Reply)
Baby rabbits
When I was a very little kid and lived on a farm, my mum and dad were way poor.
As a result my dad had to go hunting for rabbits! This all was going well (after mum got used to skinning their still warm bodies) until spring time when one day she discovered the unborn baby rabbits inside their mum. They slithered out into the kitchen sink and were still (barely) alive and moving.
Mum had had enough at this and ran out of the kitchen screaming leaving me to cry in my own shit filled napppy til dad came to sort the mess out.

They also regularly dined on boiled pigs head!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:32, Reply)
A Pint of Pennies
When I was at university in Derby (they do have one I'm sure) it had got to the end of term, which is the poorest time of all. I was left in the flat with the one other housemate who was stupid enough to get the cheapest flight back to Belfast with me. We knew the electricity was running out so everything was off. We had one of those card meters where you had to go to the local 24hr garage and buy a card (in valuee no less than £5) which you then slotted into the meter. We had already pushed the "emergency" button which gives you about a day's leccy but that had been 4 days ago...

ANYWAY, we gambled on a cup of tea at 4pm one night and the twatting leccy cut off. All we had between us were the coppers (2p's and 1p's) that were lying around the house. We collected all these up and had £5.15 - in a pint glass, which we duely took to the garage and poured onto the counter in return for a card...

and 15 penny sweets. Nice cup of tea though.

Apologies for length.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:30, Reply)
Not humorous or anything.
But I ran out of money when travelling on the Albanian coast and ended up spending 5 days hitch-hiking back to Cambridge, including spending a night with 3 gorgeous Montenegran girls, a young sex crazed Polish girl and an all night drinking session in Germany with 2 Irish guys to avoid paying for a room. Nice ;)
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:30, Reply)
while at university
i never had enough money for cigarettes. however, i found out that if you bought a pack of fags from a shop and later discovered that the pack was damaged (and so the contents would naturally be less than satisfactory), you could take your 'dodgy' pack of fags back, and get a refund, having smoked 1 or 2. this led to the odd week of marching all over london, going into different newsagents to buy cigarettes, then returning 1/2 an hour later to demand a refund. normally a pin through the underside of the packet does the trick, as you can then claim that they're stale.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:27, Reply)
Sensible
I was once so poor that I couldn't afford to feed anyone in my family, and both my parents died. I got together with the other students in my village and we came up with a wacky scheme. We sold my mate's youngest sister to a man from the city and used the money to pay someone to smuggle us to England. Now our financial problems are over! It's a pity the mental scars will never go away.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:26, Reply)
Poor smokers...
When I was really poor I used to work for one of the bigger double glazing companies, walking round knocking on doors trying to get people to buy windows. It was soul destroying - the constant streams of abuse I got off people would regularly reduce me to tears. And, I was completely crap at it - in 9 months I nearly (but not quite) sold one single front door. As I was so crap, they stopped paying my the basic rate of £30 per week after a few months, so I worked for about 4 months for absolutely no money.

(For your information, when somebody knocks and asks if you want double glazing when the front of your house plainly already has it, before balling the poor chap out, remember that they've got no idea whether the back of your house is double glazed too!)

As I'm sure many of you smokers out there also did, during this time I resorted to scraping together peoples fag ends from pub ash trays, would wrap them up in a page from my Gideons Bible (Hell, here I come) stuck down with just the right quantity of spit. Bronchial hilarity ensues.

Sorry, that wasn't funny in the slightest. Cock.

/Edit: Very cheap way to get drunk, we called it a depthcharge... Take one pint of lager/bitter/cider/tizer/anything, and one measure full of Benelyn (y'know - the cough medicine - don't bother with the non drowsy version), dump the measure in, try not to waste the froth, and lose entire days of your utterly worthless existance.

I think I need to cheer up a bit before I post again.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:23, Reply)

clearasil + coke = cocktail.

that is all
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:20, Reply)
one summer holiday at university
my house-mate and I were staying in Southampton. We were both absolutely skint but desperately needed to smoke something. Out came the rizlas and teabags. Tasted absoluteley foul but satisfied the cravings for a while. Another (similarly skint) time, upon realising that the only stimulant in the was a jar of instant coffee, we decided that the best thing to do would be to turn it in to two cups of brown tarry liquid and down the lot. Don't ever do this... my mate ended up in hospital with a resting heart beat around 180 bpm or so. Er, yes doctor. I don't know what's wrong - I just had a, er, strong cup of coffee...
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 12:10, Reply)
one year at college
i only ate smash and sainsburys value spaghetti hoops.

my teeth have never recoverd.

and on moving to london, i was forced to take a sales job at loot. which was mind blowingly awful.

Also, one house i lved in never had enough money for bog roll. we got to T in the yellow pages before someone at a party flushed the remenants of the tome down the shitter - unfortunatly the plumber numbers had already been used....
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:52, Reply)
Oh how we laugh now....
When I first moved to London with my sister about 6 years ago we had a budget as tight as a camel's fanny in a sandstorm so had to resort to various money saving schemes. These included: 1.Sharing bath water (if I had only had a cam corder all our money worries would have been over I am sure) 2.Going to Covent Garden cafes and telling the waiter it was one of ours birthday to get free ice cream/beer 3. Having alloted smoking times where we both had to be present for the sharing of one Superking cigarette. 4. Waiting for the already cheap and nasty food in Somerfields to be knocked down (also chucking the 9p tins of beans on the floor to dent them therefore getting them cheaper) 5. Sharing a bed in the winter so we didn't have to put the heating on (and spending all day Saturday and Sunday in it)6. Using supersavers fabric conditioner on our hair. 7. Eating nothing but economy fish fingers for months. Oh - and stealing bog roll from various offices where I was temping - by the carrier bag full.

Oh how we didn't laugh at the time........
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:47, Reply)
Well my cash hasn't "arrived" yet at university.
Personally, I'm sitting back and waiting for everything to sort itself out. Luckily I'm at Exeter, which is like centre parcs only with work and stuff.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:46, Reply)
No Money

Once when I was so skint I couldn't get into a gig, I stood by the van as they were unloading the keyboards, picked one up and walked into the show pretending to be a roadie. Luckily I'd had some Mentos beforehand so my brain had enough sugar to think of this idea.
Hang on, that might have been an advert from my youth, DAMN TV!

Woo, posting Virginity broken!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:41, Reply)
at the moment
i'm very skint and cant afford the bills. so i'm avoiding letters and hourly phone calls! :o( not a lot of fun...!
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:36, Reply)
I developed a taste for
black pepper sandwiches, when all I could afford to eat for a week was a loaf of cheapo bread, and lots of little pepper sachets stolen from a railway café.

I also went through a period of going to bed at about 8pm, so I wouldn't notice that I'd had no dinner.
(, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 11:27, Reply)

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