Trapped
Back in the early 80's, a girl in the year below approached me at the school disco and asked me to dance. 'Fantastic', I thought, 'this never happens to me.' All went well until the next day at school when she literally wouldn't let me out of her sight. Cue much teasing from my mates. The humiliation didn't end there - one day she brought in a gift. She'd gone out and bought the record we first danced to. It wasn't one of my favourites but she liked it - so much so, she rang me up at the weekend and made me play it down the phone to her. It was then I knew it had to end. The song? Totally appropriate.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSNWeXGZMcU
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 19:30, 2 replies)

Big Brother 3...
A few years ago after a large row with the wife this came on. A perfect moment capturing exactly where I wanted to be. I've never forgotten it...

video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5953001553062667504#
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 19:07, Reply)

Bolllocks wank fuck poo
jism toss arse fannies tits cunt bogie vomit cumshot:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7ogLE4JD1Y

I'M the fucking rude boy, ya cunt.
(rampants, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 18:39, Reply)

Jonathan Coulton
"Code Monkey"

That is all.

[edit]
Ok, you want the story, you can have the story. I'm not the star of this one, just an innocent* bystander...

Set your wayback machines for the early 90's and zoom in on NW London to the offices of a now defunct but then well known software developer.
Focus on the receptionist, the utterly gorgeous, breathtakingly attractive, part time receptionist, part time model...
She's mouthwateringly beautiful just lounging at her desk, trouser stiffeningly delicious when undulating around the office and even The Duke Himself cannot keep his eyes focused entirely on the code infront of him.
Full well she knows the effect she has on the room full of mostly young, mostly male, almost entirely virginal code monkeys. The hint of mischief in her smile as she slowly peels back the skin of her lunchtime banana before slipping it between her moistened lips and taking that first slow lingering bite is not the only clue that she's deliberately playing to the crowd and lapping up the attention.
Swing the camera of the mind around to young Colin, the chap with his own theme song, "Colin, Colin the coder". Not a bad looking lad, good guy to share a beer with but so lacking in clue regarding the fair sex that even the other byte pushers roll their eyes at the clumsiness of his schemes and machinations.
Colin has decided to be handsome prince** to the fair lady and decides one day to wind his courage to the sticking point and actually ask her out. Kudos to him for setting his sights high, and more kudos to the lad for having the bravery to go through with his plan. Had he known but one thing he might have remained sat at his desk instead.
The day he chose to ask the girl out, the very time he chose, could not have been worse. He'd worked his way through the usual, "Hi, How're you doing", part of the conversation and, clenching his sphincters tight, drew breath to casually ask the girl out for a drink.

Just as her fiance sauntered through the door. Her tall, blonde, tanned, broad shouldered, catalogue model boyfriend. Freshly back from a photoshoot on a palm fringed beach somewhere in the glamourous parts of the world that mere code monkeys never ever get to see.

The entire building the crash and burn on that one...

*For certain values of innocent
**For certain values of handsome
[/edit]
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 17:37, 1 reply)

Oh, the memories!
I'm having a bit of a retro phase at the moment as I am listening to nothing but Mike Oldfield. His music is truly the soundtrack to my life, from listening to Discovery whilst hurtling down a hill on my bike after delivering papers as a kid, to listening to Ommadawn through my Walkman in school assembly. Listening to Five Miles Out at the moment and it reminds me of sitting in a very cold teenage bedroom wondering why I was being bullied at school...
To Be Free (from Tres Lunas) is my current favourite song. I cannot help but feel uplifted by it every time I hear it.
Sky, a band I was into even earlier than Mike Oldfield, also brings back happy times. The first album I ever owned was Cadmium and it was bought for me for Christmas in 1983. It was the same time I also got my first tape player, a little mono-speakered Hitachi thing. I managed to track down the CD a couple of years ago. I'd not heard it for at least 20 years (the tape had long since broken and binned) and as soon as I heard it, it took me back to the warmth of the family home, the last happy Christmas before my family started to fall apart.
Pink Floyd, The Wall that me and a mate used to listen to two, sometimes three times in a row on a Sunday morning when I used to doss down on his bedroom floor.
At the beginning of the 90s I spent a couple of years unemployed after dropping out of Poly. Eventually, I managed to get an interview, for a job that I really wanted. I didn't have a car at the time (too skint) and so had to take a bus. After a great interview I walked through country lanes to the bus-stop, plugged in, as usual to my personal stereo. It was late winter. The sky was a disgustingly deep shade of blue. There was a promise of Spring in the air and, for the first time in many years, I felt optimistic about life, as if things were really going to start to happen. As I looked up to the sky, overwhelmed by an engulfing sense of hope, Tom Petty's Learning to Fly started. It is a song that I still play now when I am happy and at one with everything... Yes, I know it’s about drugs!
And to bring the post down a little, REM's Losing My Religion will always remind me of a funeral I went to in Birmingham. It was of my mum's partner that had recently died of cancer (he was a lovely bloke). The whole day was awful and I remember seeing how broken my mum was as losing her soulmate. I came back home, realised that life wasn't fair and so stuck this song on repeat. I curled up on the floor and bawled my eyes out for about half an hour.
As love songs seem to be a major theme this week, Hurricane by Neil Young reminds me of my lovely gorgeous ex. I downloaded it literally a day before we met and went out for nearly four years. Then she binned me last year (moved away, offered a job abroad) and, thinking it might do me some good, I listened to it again. It didn’t help. Gravity by Embrace didn’t improve things either... No, really, I’m fine!
(Ghostlight, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 17:08, Reply)

The whole Rocky Horror Soundtrack
My mate and I aged 14/15 or so went with his parents on one of those camping holidays where the tents are already in there and have bedrooms and gas ovens and everything.

We met this Canadian lass called Megan who was the same age as us. A vision of Beauty she was and was also a total Rocky Horror fanatic. The Rocky Horror soundtrack was always playing back to back whenever we went round to her tent, which we did a lot.

I nearly freaked out round the pool one day when she took her top off to catch some more sun. T'was my first proper first-hand view of lady lumps and I think I had to turn over on the sunbed for quite some time.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:53, 5 replies)

Late 88.
I messed up.

The girl I was in love with had dumped me because I rather stupidly slept with one of her 'best friends'. It was really messy as we had just moved in together and our social group had either sided with her (rightly so) or stuck with me (my friends.) Despite my pleas she moved out but I wouldn't give her up; I called her on a daily basis, I showed up at her flat unannounced, I sent her letters begging forgiveness and canvassed her friends to see if there was any way she would consider talking with me again but she was adamant - it was over.

I was genuinely heartbroken and spent far too much time moping and drinking to realise that I had lost a lot of weight and was looking like hell, but I kept on writing letters without getting a reply.

Until finally she called me and said we needed to talk.

We arranged to meet at our old local. I had my hair cut, scrubbed up, put on my black suit and bought a small bunch of flowers. Even though I was sure nothing would ever bring her back, I needed to tell her how sorry I was to have hurt her.

I arrived early, sat at a quiet table and waited.

At the agreed time she walked through the door and with the afternoon sun behind her looked more radiant than ever. She was beautiful - and I was a total idiot for ever betraying her love. I knew it and could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I looked up at her and she reached her hand to my face and gently smiled, and at that moment I knew there was a chance. A remote one, but still a chance.

As I went up to the bar to get her a drink I saw some people making selections on the jukebox, and eventually heard the opening chords of a great song by The House of Love. I smiled and for a moment thought that the world was working with me to win her back - until the vocals kicked in and I started to panic...

"Christine...Christine."

...she got up, grabbed her stuff, muttered 'goodbye' to me and ran out in tears.

No prizes for guessing what her old best-friend's name was.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:51, 5 replies)

put a donk on it

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:43, 2 replies)

Drifting away... drifting away...
Music is most powerful when its subject matter is something people can relate to and also something they consider to be important. This is the reason why there are disproportionately more songs about love than any other subject. But scratch beneath the surface of this week's Top 20, away from "I love you and you love me", "I love you but you don't love me", "I used to love you but now I love your best mate" etc. and you will find more imaginative situations we can still relate to.

The two songs I Miss You by Bjork and Blues Away by Erasure are musically very different. Different instrumentation, mood and tempo. But the subject matter is exactly the same: singer is fantasising about their perfect partner they believe is out there somewhere but they've yet to meet. World Full Of Nothing by Depeche Mode is about the delicate trust and vulnerability of a girl and boy losing their virginity to each other. You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC is about a curvy woman who made quite an impression ;) So yes, we can have serious and tongue-in-cheek songs about all kinds of complex situations involving love. The ones that stand out are those we relate to at an important juncture in our lives.

And though her mood is fine today, there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways.

I'd been with my girlfriend for nearly six years and she was the only girl I'd ever truly loved. Hell, it was my only relationship to last longer than a fortnight! Realising that despite being still very much in love you're miserable being together is hard, but it's even harder to accept and do something about. It was obvious to both of us that living together was breaking us but we'd come to accept it and put up with a daily grind of arguments and unhappiness for over a year or so. I'd leave home from work feeling tense thinking about walking through the door; I couldn't switch off at the pub with friends knowing I'd get a text or call asking me to come home early; I dreaded the weekend where I'd count the hours trying to fill the time in peace until Monday would come round to save me again.

And then I met her. To be honest, it could have been anyone. It was the first girl in a long while to have shown any notice in me whatsoever. Nothing else needs to be said about her other than nothing happened between us and she moved away. But it was a wake-up call. Most of my twenties had already gone by and instead of being out there experiencing life, enjoying myself, doing... well anything, I was suffocating alongside someone I loved more than anthing else in the world knowing that she was feeling exactly the same.

"We need to talk..."

It was strange finally mentioning the elephant in the room. I decided to take a big picture approach and started by saying that we knew she wanted children one day and I didn't so it was probably best we ended as a couple. There was no big fight or lengthy relationship talk, just little conversations where we mentioned splitting up. I remember taking a half day to come home early to pack a bag and walk out, shaking as I started to pile up clothes before bottling it. I recall one morning where we were just chatting happily in bed and she started crying, quickly setting me off the same, as we admitted we didn't want to be with anyone else. We knew the inevitable was coming but neither of us were strong enough to walk away.

And though he's too big a man to say, there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways.

I waited until the next time we'd be apart for a few days before suggesting we make that the time we officially broke up. It would be tough living together in the same house until we found somewhere else to live but we'd never get moving unless we did something. With that in mind, I'll never forget December 2005. I shared the taxi with the love of my life to the train station. Embraced and kissed her passionately on the platform and saw her away with tears in her eyes. The next time we saw each other we'd be single people.

The train left and I reached for my mp3 player. Music is the soundtrack to my life, I'm always listening to music. I'd known for months that I was going to kiss goodbye to my girlfriend and immediately after I would listen to Parting Ways by Pearl Jam: a beautiful love song about two people living with being in a relationship that they know is soon going to be over. My eyes welled up as the gentle guitar and strings intertwined and I walked back home on a clear Christmas Eve, to spend Christmas in my house on my own. Truly on my own for the first time in a long time.

Parting Ways - Pearl Jam (youtube)
( djtrialprice, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:25, 8 replies)

I can't choose one
so i'll settle for two.

First is "All Things To All Men" by The Cinematic Orchestra. The tune is really well done and takes be back about 6 months to the best holiday I've ever taken. A field, 4 friends, big bag of chronic and some tents. We stayed up until 9am listening to them and this tune always stands out.

Also, What Makes A Man by City & Color. I remember listening to this tune on my way to my old lifeguarding job. Walking up an epicly long road at 5:30am, the sun began to rise over the houses at the end, and it looked totally awesome. Literally had to stop.
(Jem Harley is finding it difficult to sleep, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:23, 2 replies)

The Star Effect tune
A Couple of years ago. A girl called Peach, (for that is her name) got kidnapped by a gang of thugs (called the Koopa Troopas) on the other side of the country. After seeing her picture. I fell deeply in love with her. I had to save her before it was too late.

So I headed out, determined to find that pretty young thing. However the Koopa Troopas had not only kidnapper her, but pretty much took over the whole country.

Eventually after a long journey, and many releasing of other kidnapped girls. (Not surprising that they had to kidnap so many girls, the Koopa Troopas looked ugly as ducks.) I managed to rescue Peach. But she didn't even give me a freakin' kiss, she must have thought herself to be royality or something.

I had to go through hell to save her, the least she could do was give me a kiss. I had to dodge bullets, kill Koopa's, and hide from fireballs. The only bit of help I ever had was when I found a star, that made a little tune, and gave me powers to knock everything out my way.

Looking back on it now, that Star tune is the only bit of it that I care to remember about it. Whenever I feel low, or feel powerless. I hum that tune, and remember how good it use to make me feel ...

Mario.
(Dante licked your nipple on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:18, 2 replies)

'Better Off Alone'
was out when I was starting divorce proceedings.

'Do You Think You're Better Off Alone?' Yes, I used to think, I bloody well will be!

If I hear it now, it reminds me of how anguished I was over it all, and how the ex just walked away when the game was up. What a fool I was to let it get to me.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 16:06, Reply)

The optimistic soundtrack of a doomed relationship.
In my case this was 'our song' and I am glad to say while it ended very badly, this song reminds me of the good times between us. It's so uplifting and consequently if you are feeling down click here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iSWQO1myeEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iSWQO1myeE

The whole album is ace as well.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 15:14, 2 replies)

Live from the Royal Albert Hall
Methodist Association of Youth Clubs used to have an annual gathering of approximately 10,000 young people in London. Highlight was the show on Saturday. 2 performances in the Royal Albert Hall. Our youth leader submitted a sketch which was accepted and we rehearsed in the hall and on one memorable day we marked out the dimensions on the beach. As well as the sketch there was also the dance for the finale. This was to "Do not pass me by" by MC Hammer performed on the night by the MAYC orchestra and singers. The cassete we were sent to rehearse to which I still have has the vocal track turned right down so when it no longer sounds right on the rare occassions I hear it normally. Went to a wedding over Christmas where a few from that group were guests. It's nearly twenty years ago but we were still able to put the whole dance together. People like me don't dance and certainly not somewhere like the RAH. One of my proudest achievements.
(jvz, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 14:53, 1 reply)

The Scientist Coldplay
Anyone that has a painful break up will know that there is usually some love song around that time that chokes you up every time you hear it.....Mine was the scientist by cold play. I have hated them ever since!! It took about 3 years to stop thinking about my ex whenever it was played, so for anyone that's had a similar thing happen then you do get over it...eventually. I could probably sing it on singstar with a smile on my face now :D

Sorry for lack of humour etc.. :p
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 14:19, 3 replies)

Blame DaDaDali...
You had to mention the bloody flower duet didn't you...

One of the pieces of music that has me fighting back the tears for no readily apparent reason.

Barber's Addagio for strings I just can't listen to at all.
Blame HomeWorld for that one. Can't listen to the music without feeling the despairing horror of an entire burned world.
Doesn't matter that it's not "real" it's real enough to think about.

Or for a different mood entirely the track Love you by a slightly obscure 60s/70s group Free Design.
Sometimes an unremittingly perky upper. Other times has me howling into my beer thinking about a couple of people who didn't make it out of the dark.

Not going to write any more, going to have a bit of a sit down and a cup of tea instead.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 14:04, 4 replies)

Does anyone else do this?
Between myself and some of my friends, we've started a "what song would be on a loop in your personal version of hell?" conversation. It's usually a hideous combination of the song that you loathe, covered by the singer you most detest.

For example, my best mate would have Shirley Bassey singing "Stand by Me."

I'd hazard a guess that b3tard Nunnerfly would suggest possibly Katherine Jenkins covering "Walking on Sunshine".

Another, suggested by my old housemate was "Bohemian Rhapsody" sung as a duet by foetus faced x-factor rejects Eoghan Quigg and Ray Quinn.

And mine? Robbie Williams doing a medley of Bob Marley's Greatest Hits.

It's enough to make me want to end it all, if it wasn't for the smallest of chances that there is actually a hell and it's possible that the devil reads b3ta and this has given him an idea...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 13:23, 25 replies)

Guilty Pleasures
Chiquitita - Abba - as detailed in my previous story

The One And Only - Chesney Hawkes

Dancing In The Summer Rain - Belinda Carlisle

Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves

All of them are ace - including Chesney.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 13:14, Reply)

First of a few methinks
One in particular is hideously gay.
"I've had the time of my life" - Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes.
Now let me make something very clear here. I fucking hate this song, it drives me up the bastard wall. But it reminds me of one night in particular - 14th May 2004. The day I left school, knowing I was moving away a couple of months later.

We'd had our leavers assembly (which was shit), and we'd all headed our seperate ways to get ready for the Leaving Do that night. Me and my best mate decided to make people laugh one last time, and both got our hair dyed, so people were somewhat shocked to see me appear with bright red hair. I still find that pretty damn funny.

So we get to the place where the Do is being hosted, and sit down for our meal. I had a miserable time, due to some stupid little bitch deciding to ruin my night on her friends behalf (but that's another boring story). As soon as the meal was done, I left the table, and avoided the bitch for the rest of the night.

Then, it comes time to fulfil a promise me and my mate Ed had made earlier in the year. A girl in our year had a massive crush on one of the lads, who was a good laugh, but his mates wouldn't let him near her, so while he was mildly interested, nothing ever came of it. Me and Ed had managed to get him to tell his mates to fuck right off, and he said he'd love to have a dance with her. This was originally intended to be a quiet thing, but everyone found out. Eventually it gets towards the end of the night, and the (twat of a) DJ invites the couple to the floor.

It was at this point I realised that this was going to be one of the last times I'd see my friends (I assumed I'd lose all contact after I moved), and as a result I shouted over the music to them "one last photo?", and tossed my camera to one of the teachers. We all lined up against the wall, smiling, but all knowing what would happen when the teacher counted down for us, she counted, and like a million times before, we did our thing. Unfortunately that photo went missing not long after. (It was stored on another friends PC, who soon turned out to be an utter cunt, and he deleted every photo I had from that night.)

So now every time I hear that song, I'm transported back to the Private Suite at the JJB stadium in Wigan, standing next to my friends, gurning like an utter twat.

Marvellous.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 13:02, 8 replies)

The Winkers Song (misprint) by Ivor Biggun
There's a guy I used to know called Simon. I didn't know him very well, a friend of a friend when we were all about 16.

One night, when staying over with a friend, said friend caught Simon having a wank while lying on the floor next to his bed. Not only that, but said friend whipped off Simon's blanket and saw his very small penis. Being a kind, considerate teenage lad, the friend didn't mention this incident to anyone at all, for fear of embarrassing his friend. Yeah, right.

One Saturday night we were all at the Maquee to see some band, the DJ used to play songs between groups and one he was sure to play was Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars. Sure enough, on it came, and as it reached the first chorus, twenty young lads joined in, jumping up and down and pointing at Simon:

"He's a wanker, he's a wanker,
And it does him good like it bloody well should,
He's a wanker, he's a wanker,
And he's always pulling his hood."

Kids can be cruel, teenagers can be worse. It makes me cringe inside to think what that must have done to that harmless bloke. Let alone the feelings that must course through him should he ever hear that particular piece of music again.

Sorry Simon.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:53, 4 replies)

It's Not A Song . . .
. . . it's an entire album. Tom Waits' "Small Change", to be precise.

(delurk)

Back when I was a young and tender lad rather than the ageing miscreant I am now, I went through a bad breakup with a woman. Previous to this, I'd never even heard a Tom Waits song in my life - yes, heretical, I know. Nevertheless, I was drinking quite heavily and indulging in far too many recreational substances. One day during this repeating cycle of misery and inebriation, a friend of mine told me that I needed to stop all this self-destructive bullshit. I simply laughed him off, as is my wont.

He got angry at me, and gave me (what I thought at the time) was a rather sanctimonious little speech, the practical upshot of which was basically the phrase "You think you're the only person that has ever felt this way, or that this has happened to? You selfish little shit!" He was very obviously right, but I just didn't want to know . . . you very rarely do in those circumstances.

Before leaving, he placed a CD on my table, amidst the overflowing ashtrays and puddles of whiskey. I thought nothing of it until later that day, when I put it on the stereo, sat down and listened to it.

Have you ever gotten that feeling when you listen to a certain album that the songwriter had basically looked through your diary and said "Hell, this would make a great song"? Well, I got that with Tom Waits. He expressed every miserable, shitty feeling I was going through. I finally managed to stop weeping copiously about halfway through the album . . . and then "Bad Liver And A Broken Heart" came on, and the waterworks started all over again.

I still love that album to death.

(relurk)
(thanateros Does Not Play Well With Others, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:35, 2 replies)

I have to agree with Rev Fisters track choice..
As if it weren't for that song (In my darkest hour, megadeth) playing on my ipod, I'd now be getting to know the local constabulary very well, as it's just stopped me from tearing out my (now ex) managers throat and dipping his arms into the void where his larynx should be.

I feel a black metal and beer session coming on.


First post, wahey!!
(Unclebeefcurtains mum.....ivejustdoneabadmurder on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:33, 2 replies)

"out on a....." one in the hand is worth 2 in kate bush.
Probably inappropriate, but I was adolescent and watching TOTP when Kate Bush wuthering heights was first screened, gran was with us, four and a half foot of east endian opinion: "daft mare`s writhing like she`s got a turd stuck sideways".
Instantly my infatuation was broken, yes she does look a bit like she is doing that, damn!
God rest the old girl, you are unlikely to hear any KB these days, but every time I do I can`t help thinking of that.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Zut Alors!
People always ask homosexuals “When did you know you were gay?” But nobody ever asks heterosexuals “When did you know you were straight?” Probably because it’s a stupid fucking question and only a moron would ask it. However, should a friendly moron ever ask me such a question I can pinpoint almost to the day that girls went from being confusing creatures that didn’t warrant any attention, to confusing creatures that occupy every waking thought, and thanks to Vanessa Paradis, some of my unconscious thoughts as well.

Let me explain. It’s 1987, I’m 9 years old and watching Top of The Pops with my family and TOTP is showing the video for “Joe Le Taxi” by Vanessa Paradis. I don’t remember the experience having much of an effect on me at the time but that night I had my first-ever erotic dream starring, you guessed it, Vanessa Paradis. Being 9 years old this dream consisted of Vanessa and I talking, making eye contact…and not much else but I woke up with a new set of feelings that were different and strange.

As a side note, I find it odd that it was the video that started all this off, not her controversial live set on TOTP where she danced around in a skimpy black dress (she was only 14 at the time). I have just checked out the video on youtube and she looks like an ugly little French exchange student with attention deficit disorder who refuses to stand still or shut up. It’s also a fucking dreadful song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJrHSfDSm34
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:55, 1 reply)

James. Sometimes...you get a lorry embedded in your face.
When I was a teenage Snark, I accepted a Valentine's Day date to watch ice hockey with a young man who bore more than a passing resemblance to a large and unwieldy rodent. He was no looker, that's for sure. Nor was he good company, come to think of it. I was gold-digging for some sweet, sweet ice hockey tickets. Hell yeah.

Never the type to allow ugliness, lack of intelligence or boorishness to get him down, he decided to impress me by driving very fast down an icy freeway. If this were a film, there would be a close-up of him laughing with his freakish rodent teeth, and then a side-angle shot of me calling him a dick. The slow-motion montage of breaking glass and screaming would kick in just in time to see the front end of a lorry smash into the passenger seat where the hero of the story (me, of course) was sitting.

For extra measure, 6 other cars ran into ours, halving the length of the original vehicle. I had serious neck and head injuries, deep cuts all over my body and a glove box which had embedded itself in my lap. Through some miracle, my cranium merely pinged off the lorry and the abject carnage what was the remainder of the car was beautifully wrapped around me. I was fine. Well, fine-ish. The sort of fine which takes lots of giant metal and plastic contraptions to make right again.

But how did I survive? I don't remember any of it. I remember seeing the lorry a matter of feet from my face, then, for the next several minutes, I only remember the song Sometimes by the band James, which was playing on the CD player. No pain.

I f*cking love that band now.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:36, 1 reply)

I would just like to point out
That there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying Def Leppard.

You cannot go wrong with a band that writes lyrics like "Skin on skin - let the love begin!", and "Your body says yes, but you won't let it go"

Snobs - start your disapproval engines.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 10:30, 4 replies)

The music that's stuck in my head
I tend to get music from films bouncing around inside my mind as I go about my life. The theme from Hellraiser is often there on repeat, as are the soundtracks to Robocop, Starship Troopers and Total Recall (Verhoeven rocks, as does Basil Poledouris). Obviously the Imperial March gets a look in from time to time and also "Life of Destructor" by Ultraviolence - teamuvr.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/idestructorreduxv11.mp3 is pretty much the default noise in my head. If I ever look like I'm not concentrating, or just staring into space, that's what I'm listening to.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Good times... for a change.
Its been a tough couple of months, and a year of struggle. Job changes, worries and disappointments over houses, love-life mishaps. Details I won't share here for lack of funnies and a desire to protect the guilty.

Yet I am holding out hope of imminent change.

The Smiths - Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want
(russet_gusset up the reds, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Legless post reminds me
Of possibly the most inappropriate half time match entertainment ever.

It is Saturday September 15th 2001, a few days after the twin towers came down and myself and a few friends were watching an afternoon Rugby match at Cardiff RFC. Obviously, the crowd were a little subdued, all talk being of the unbelievable events of the last 4 days, and even the players on the pitch, perhaps aware that the crowd was not paying its usuall attention seemed sluggish and lacklustre.

And then, just before half time there was a low whining roar in the distance, getting closer and closer until an airliner flew right over the ground and it was low, very low, perhaps 2000ft over the centre of Cardiff. Of course the brighter of us realised that airline schedules were shot and airliners were still being diverted left right and centre in the wake of the attack in New York, so seeing an airliner well off the normal routes was to be expected. Even so, it spooked a lot of the crowd, and even on the pitch, play stopped for a couple of seconds as all 30 players and the referee crained their necks skyward nervously.

Within a couple of minutes it was half time, the whistle blew and the players ran off into the tunnel heading for the dressing room and large parts of the crowd went in search of half time burgers, beer and urinals.

Now, for a season or two, half time entertainment at Cardiff RFC was a dance troupe of girls aged 10 - 16 leaping around enthusiasticaly waving pom poms dancing to disco type music led by their (rather fit) dance teacher.

You can see it coming can't you.

about 30 young girls in their glittering costumes came flooding out of the tunnel onto the pitch, lined up in ranks ready, the speakers crackled as the music was put on and the stadium boomed with the sound of Its Raining Men and off the girls went manically into their pom pom waving routine.

The crowd stood, silently, mouths agape, not quite believing what they were seeing.

The Dance instructors face changed from a happy jazz smile into a horrified rictus grin as she realised a third of the way in why the crowd instead of cheering as usual were looking at her aghast.

The poor girls, god bless em, soldiered on to the end, some of them getting quite teary and as the final bar of the song reverberated around the pitch, they fled back into the tunnel to the sound of stunned silence from the crowd.

The second half came and went, I can't even remember if we won or lost, and we had a very subdued few pints after the game.

Quite an experience.


/Edited for datey accuracy
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 8:52, 2 replies)