I like hokey the best
Take one angsty teen girl, arm her with a big stick, and send her out onto an oval full of people she hates. Let the fun begin. They'ed never seen so many fouls in their life. I just told them I was uncordinate, but we know better.
(rattus, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 11:49, Reply)

Does sex count as sport?
I recon the highschool education board has got it all wrong. They should just provide areas for teens to have sex in and then they woulden't need to provide costly sporting facilities, because all the teens would be getting enough bennificial exercise to stay fit and healthy. Oh and they could add some pron for teh ugly ones, hey, they need to keep fit too.
(rattus, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 11:37, Reply)

5 a Side
I'm going to post something funny. Well, funny at the time.

At college I was part of a 5-a-side team with an unblemished record. Of losses that is. We weren't bad, it's just that all the other teams were from the sports course and we were just playing for fun - we were, of course, athletic enough and all that, but just not to that honed level that was required...

One match stands out in that it was the best 5-a-side game I've ever played in. We played on an internal court with unforgiving walls - the game started off ok, we were holding our own in that we were winning - then it started off with a simple foul. I passed the ball away and stopped, the guy bearing down on me didn't and steam rolled me - when I got up, I decided that I'd repay the favour, but I just couldnt' get near him, but my mates could. What went on from there was so many off-the-ball incidents, blatant fouls, charging into the walls, etc.

We lost, of course but it went down in folklore as the best game that we played in and everyone watched (there was a big observation window in the canteen). The opposition thought so too - they were and some still are - our mates and we often talk about that game all those years ago.

Ok, not so funny, but it was a fantastic game in a non-malicious way.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 11:19, Reply)

erm,
i like water-sports.
(nappy rash, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 11:17, Reply)

Amen
to that. Jeez... how about a page where people just share amusing stories? Oh hang on, THIS IS IT.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 11:07, Reply)

please can we change the QOTW
before we're all killed in a scrum of spiked boots, our heads cracked open with hockey sticks and javelins, blood pouring over the ground to create a crimson swimming pool...

rather like last year's Sports Day.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 10:59, Reply)

It appears that...
...the mods have deleted my post. Either that or I hit the wrong link and deleted it myself. Ah, no I didn't because my previous post has gone too. Disappointing. I repost my last anyway purely because if there's room for points of view like disasterprone's, then there's room for mine.

T-BONE - {thatbloke rolls eyes in a precocious teen fashion, fixes underwear and gets back to reading his Asimov novel, pausing only to raise a brief speculative eyebrow at T-Bone's funny walk} :)
____________________________________________

This QOTW is bringing out a lot of ill will, don't you think? We're keeping the site mods busy, that's for sure. And despite my best efforts to resist, I have to add my own to the cauldron.

Maybe it's because in addition to alienating those less able or inclined in areas of sportiness (which it did indeed, as apeloverage says), school sports was an open ground for those who enjoyed hurting others to do so whilst avoiding detention. I saw it happen a good few times at my school, where rugby was the game-most-played. Indeed, a number of posts here describe or indicate exactly that kind of action. The difference between those who got hurt and those who did the hurting, I'm finding, is proportional to the difference between those who hated school sports and those who loved them. Hate is easy when you're a kid, and it can stick with you.

Far from amusing or interesting, I've found this QOTW to be rather saddening.

And for the benefit of those who would label me a wanker or worse, I've said before that I was a dues-paid geek in school, but I didn't really shine or suck at sport as I was basically lacking enthusiasm, not understanding of the need for exercise. I never had much heart for team sports y'see - I dunno, possibly because I could never muster any honest camaraderie with the majority of my classmates. My views here are based purely on observation from what I'm coming to realise was a highly desirable inbetweeny-background stance.

On a slightly more venomous note though, I encourage geeks and jockstraps alike to read www.maddox.xmission.com/dumbassjocks.html - Maddox is a man after my own heart when I'm not feeling as niceguy as I am today ;)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 10:15, Reply)

Thatblokeoverthere...
Shut it, or you'll get an atomic wedgey.
RUGBY RUGBY RUGBY RUGBY RA RA RA RAA RAAA.
(Crushes empty shandy can against fore head, goes back to torturing insects, while asking why Father never hugs him like the male P.E teacher dose)

where did Thatblokeoverthere go?

Oh, there you are. I thought we could be friends?.......
HA HA No i didn’t. ATOMIC WEDGEY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. GEEK.
(Ironically, runs away femininely due to the rickets and sore bumbum)
(Jeeves, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 10:09, Reply)

School sports
were ace. Got you fit, instilled a sense of competition and desire to succeed, gave a chance to experience the high of victory and the low of defeat, and the chance to kick whoever had pissed you off this week. What more could you ask?

There are far too many fat computer geeks on here who need some fresh air and less knowledge or interest in MSN (whatever that may be).

"Oh, I was so fit but I didn't like to compete because it's discriminatory towards fat/lazy/talentless bastards like me who'd rather eat pies and learn to write solely in numbers and abbreviations than get some shorts on" you all say.

Wankers!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 6 Apr 2006, 8:54, Reply)

the point of school sport
QUOTE: "So, all of you that complain of having to take part, just so you know, it was as bad for people like me. We FUCKING HATED you for it. But you didn't care, you were too busy smoking, crying about being fat and then eating crisps to compensate."

i) the justification for school sport is that it makes people physically fit. school sport exists precisely for fat, unhealthy kids, just as school canteens aren't for kids who know all about food and love cooking, english as a second language isn't for kids who speak really good english etc.

ii) at least at my school, we were told we were 'competing against ourselves'.

iii) this was total sh1t, we were competing against each other, because it was set up that way. the equivalent of making everyone do English as a Second Language, then humiliating the Korean kid for not being very good at speaking English.

iv) thus, it was set up to reward the people who it wasn't for, and alienate the people who it was for.

v) like a lot of people who were 'bad at sport', I was actually pretty physically fit, but bad at the mindset of physical competition. The small, weedy, pie-eating and smoking but rough kids seemed to like sport, the tall, fit nerdy kids didn't.

vi) in short, fuck school sport.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 7:34, Reply)

I was the fat kid
And I hated to run, and my Grade 8 teacher LOVED to run. So naturally, she made us run every morning before class - outside down a forest path. Of course, I'd be the slowest, I'd pant, wheeze, cough up blood and cheese and slowly my legs would shut down, and everyone would have to wait for me to finish, which was completely embarrassing.

So, being the artistic fat kid that I was, I got up early one morning and coloured a very realistic bruise on my ankle with eye shadow. I got to school, and jogged off a'ways and pretended to slip on a slippery rock. Hobbling back to my teacher I showed her the terrible bruise and was finally relieved of the spirit-crushing activity.
(Arctix, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 6:37, Reply)

Hmm, not much
Most of my gym teachers were in shape, but there was always the obligatory fat-arse and smoker. I think I drove the fat-arse to leave cos she spent almost every day screaming at me for reading or wearing boots so I couldn't participate. After awhile, she'd have me turn out all of my pockets and pull my pants legs up so she could see if I was hiding anything. She'd turn about three shades of purple when I'd pull a small Discworld book out of my thigh pants leg.

Then there was the computer teacher who was the head of the boys' team for something, but they had to sack him cos he was molesting a few of them. This could explain why he was so chatty with me outside of school.

Other than that, I got on high honour roll in my senior year cos I had to take two gym classes to make up for the year before, and I got As just for showing up. I spent most of my time sitting out and gossiping with the teachers. They were awesome.

So, yeah. Nothing special about gym class. We didn't even have the obligatory jocks raping the loser footballer like all the other schools. (I'm totally serious.)
(DeadCats, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 4:44, Reply)

Just remembered another...
I was house head for our house at School, while in the sixth form. Now, I'm not the sportiest of people - covered in hair, sometimes referred to as being "Troll Like"... so as you can guess, sports were never my strongest point.

This didn't stop my entire year coming out in force for the Swimming day, where all the swimming races were held. And not a single bugger entered. So I was forced to compete in every race for my house. The bastards.

To make matters worse, I had to borrow a pair of old, holey swimming shorts from another kid in the year below, as I had banked on just sitting at the side watching the other kids in my house getting nice and exhausted.

However, my moment of shining glory came the point of the underwater race (where you must hold your breath and swim as long as possible). I play a lot of music, so have quite strong lungs - so strong in fact, that the PE teacher in charge dived in as he thought I had drowned.


I would apologise for the length, but instead I might just sing myself a little song...
(Ant Marching And for my next trick... GWARGGHHGWWGGGH!, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 2:53, Reply)

Golf
I'm crap at golf. Really....

last time I played at school, I teed up, and swung - it went for miles! The club that is and ended up a tree....

Not doing that again....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 21:51, Reply)

800metres
I was never that great at school sports, but I was pretty fit as I did other things outside school that don't quite fit in to PE. (cycling, surfing, that kind of thing)

So, when I could be arsed with the silly running/jumping/throwing type games, I could do fairly well.

800metres race, I'm in the mood for a bit of competition. I go hard and finish a few metres out and in first place. I slow down, floppy arms, casual, bit of a grin on my face and I laid down on the grass, feeling a bit smug, as I get my breath back.

I'm vaguely wondering why everyone else is still running.

My mate Johno comes past in last place. He's laughing so hard he can barely walk, let alone run. Crying with laughter.

'What the hell are you laughing at?'

'It's TWO laps you twat...!'

'Oh.'
(inflateable, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 21:17, Reply)

Javelin!
We had many kinds of events on a sports day, of which since I couldn't do any type of running, I did the "other" sports.

It was suggested to me by my PE teacher that I do javelin. Not sure why, since I'm not the kind of person who's got arms that could throw things, but I thought I would give it a go anyway.

So the PE teacher gives me a javelin, and walks about 30m and asks me to throw as best as I can so he can see how to improve my throw.

Unknown to him and to me, I was actually rather good at throwing the javelin, and I managed to strike him down with it in the foot. Suffice to say I never did PE again.

The PE teacher was actually rather nice about it though, and I did get a certificate for throwing 34.7m without a run-up, which was apprently the school record for our year. Ho hum..

NeoThermic
(NeoThermic Mon 9 Apr, 22:49, Fri 13 Apr, 16:28, Wed 19 May, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 21:09, Reply)

I'm quite good at sports.

( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 20:06, Reply)

We sometimes played Pirates at primary school
(except we didn't call it Pirates - it had no name). I always took great delight in telling the teacher how many times I had managed to touch the floor without her noticing. Oo, I felt like such a wicked monkey.

After each game we were told to go back to the changing area without walking (to make us exercise as much as possible, I suppose). Cue everyone hopping, skipping, running etc back to get changed. One day I opted to mince out. The teacher's failure to persuade me that it was the same as walking was matched only by my failure to convince her that they were completely different forms of locomotion. In the end I couldn't be arsed and just ran.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 19:42, Reply)

Diarrhea :(
My first sports day at high school. I was about 12. I was spectating, as I was rubbish at all sports and not deemed worthy of the team.

Unfortunately, I was beset by two problems - 1. I had diarrhea, and 2. I didn't know my way to the toilets. It was a huge comprehensive school and I had only been there a few weeks. The sports field was miles away from the rest of the school and I had no idea about the 'geography' of the place.

When I finally found my way there, I was absolutely bursting - seeing stars, gritting my teeth etc etc. The only toilet I could find was marked "Staff". I hobbled in, trying to keep my guts from exploding all over the place. I failed. Orange skitters squirted out of me before I had time to get my knickers down. I tried to aim for the toilet bowl, but only succeeded in pebble-dashing the floor, the toilet seat, the wall...

In a fit of panic, I tried to clean myself up as much as possible, but didn't dare risk being caught, so sped out of the stinking hellhole I had created without cleaning the cubicle.

I will never forget the sickened look on the janitor's face when I guiltily crept passed the scene of the crime, after the sports day had finished. He was attempting to clean the filth and looked as though he had been put off his tea for a week.

Gossip was heated for weeks, as both teachers and pupils alike speculated as to which teacher had been so disgustingly 'caught short'...
(Pantyliner, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 18:16, Reply)

Never having been any kind of athlete
and always being the kind of kid that would get outrun by others when they were running backwards, school sports days were things I tried to avoid, usually unsuccessfully.

Suffice it to say that when football teams were being chosen, the fattest kid in school would get picked before I did. At that point, the captain of (now) my team would say something along the lines of "oh shit, we've lost".

This occured pretty much most times. While the prophecy may not always have been fulfilled (I did get pretty adept at staying as far away from the ball as humanly possible) there was one constant - I was always the one kid that never got picked.

Anything humourous happened? Well, I could tell you that my knob fell out during a race once, but as that would be a completely untrue utter barefaced lie, I won't bother.
( esganorp has no hummus, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 18:12, Reply)

Cross-Country Run
Because I have asthma, I usually had a handy excuse to get out of the yearly cross-country run.

However one year, the new teacher didn't believe me and forced me to start running. After running painstakingly slow (a little old granny could walk faster than I decided to ran) I got sent back to the school because the teacher (who had to stay at the back with the last kid) wanted to catch up with the others.
(tranmerefan, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 17:46, Reply)

My school sportsday
This story is not so much about the day itself, but about the last 25 years of my life - You see i used to have a recurring dream about being on my primary school field on sports day - but oddly just sitting on the spectators steps - anyway - years have past and i managed to scare myself in Greece when i climbed to the top of a huge castle and looked down a crevis which seemed a mile deep - it shit the life out of me - Since that day the dream i have is me falling down the middle of those sports dayt steps and never being able to get out again ! - hence now i cant go near stairs that you can see through ! shit story huh - i'll get my coat
( awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 17:07, Reply)

petuniadb
You mean this guy:

youtube.com/watch?v=1fw1CcxCUgg

At my school sports day i tried to pass off something i saw on the internet as my own story too.
(basshedz2, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 16:41, Reply)

:)
Me and my best friend at school were so terrible at sports that on sports day they invented an event called target bowls.

We had to throw rubber rings at a target on the playground.

I won 3 years running, I have the certificates in my record of achievement.
(DRAGONSLAYER, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 15:51, Reply)

Almost like Camoflage...
Being the stocky kid can occasionally pay off. Everyone else had gone through their obligatory growth spurt leaving me to tramp around in a Land of the Giants style existence, relegated to the fatties/spotties/sickies bargaining camp (we'll take him if you take those two), waiting to catch up. However it was that year our Sports lessons (we had PE AND Sports, Sports was basically PE with a point) were upgraded so we could actually make physical contact (anyone who's played 'touch' rugby knows how unsatisfying that is). So the Rugby time rolls around, and we're being taught how to tackle. Suddenly the benefits of being a heavy short-arse pays off and I get a tad over excited during the 'test' in which we had to tackle the PE teacher to prove we knew how to tackle. I barrelled into the guy and carried him a full six feet before slamming him into the ground. Not suprisingly I suddenly became an authorised team picker after that. Huzzah!
(GingerDemon, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 14:59, Reply)

I hated PE
For most of my school years I hated PE, I was shorter than most of the kids and not a very fast runner. I also had no interest whatsoever in any kind of ball-games, so while most of my peers would be out playing footy in their spare time, me and my mates would be out exploring the countryside, climbing trees and the like.

Just occasionally tho, if our fat cnut of a PE teacher was in a good mood, he wouldn't force us out into the elements to get covered in shit, he'd let us set up every piece of equipment around the gym and play "pirates". Now this game was simply "tag off ground" but with rope-swings, climbing frames, bridges made from benches and crashmats scattered all around the floor. There would be 3 "pirates" and if one of them tagged you or if you touched the floor, then you were out.

As you can imagine, just about every one of us 30 boys thought this was bloody marvellous fun and for once I personally didnt feel like one of the most inept sportsmen in the class, all the hours I'd spent jumping brooks and climbing trees was paying off, the ahtletic superstar pirates were having trouble catching me. Much to their visible frustration and my growing glee I dodged and climbed like some kind of monkey-boy until I seemed to be cornered at the top of a 20 foot high vertical wooden climbing frame.

"Focksucks" thought I, as the pirate ascended towards me, about to end my moment of glory, but wait.... my temporary monkey-brain kicks into action and I realise that there are 2 of those big thick crashmats at the bottom of the climbing frame and I may just have time to jump over the pirate below me, land on the mat and scamper away again.

A good idea in theory, but in order to avoid kicking the pirate in the head I over compensated my jump and yep, I completely missed the mats...ouch! Within seconds my right ankle and foot had ballooned in size and my left foot looked fine but hurt worse. I was scooped up (screaming in pain at first) by the teacher and driven to hospital. It turned out I was very fortunate in that all I suffered was 2 very badly sprained ankles, it could have been much worse considering I was a little 14 yr old and the height I'd jumped (about 20ft /6.5 metres).

Pirates was banned after that - cos of me :(
so we were back out in the rain gettin covered in shit again.

PE in my final year at school was a different story though, I may post that one later.
( Twizla ...a shrew living on the edge of a bog, extinct on, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 13:57, Reply)

PE Teachers are twats and deserve everything they get. Fact.
Most PE teachers are sadicious bastards who victimize the fat kids and love the sporty ones. Ours was a bit different.

He regarded anyone that could put one foot in front of the other with suspicion and hatred, and would dole out arbitrary punishments to anyone who was better at sport than he was. He only really liked the kind of people that seems to inhabit this board (no offence intended).

I was quite good at sport, and thus the subject of much of his pettiness. I even got a detention for tripping over my laces, another for getting a basketball in the face, and my personal favourite, kicking a ball too hard at the fat goalie.

It was quite a posh and strict school, so I ignored his petulance. Until the day when the Masters played the 1st XV at rugby. He ended up at the bottom of a ruck (like a scrum but more informal), and I was stood up in the middle of it looking down as I drove forward.

He had a beard.
I stamped on it.

It felt so good, I kind of lost it a little and did a Michael Flatley number on the rest of him. Didn't get told off or anything. He left me alone after that.

Length? I imagine you'll find that that was his problem.
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Wed 5 Apr 2006, 13:57, Reply)

I've never been much of a winner...
....but one time, in the distance past, my chance came - I was winning a running race.... the glory was mine for the taking, all I had to do was keep my head up, and go for gold!

However, seems I was so far ahead of everyone, I got lonely, and stopped, and waited, for my friend to catch up, who promptly over took me, and won.....

.......These days I've developed a knack for not applying myself, abd I don't know that boy anymore....and I certainly haven't won anything since then........

Curse my youthful innocence,
(Willhouse Fear, the thief of Dreams, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 13:38, Reply)

Being Picked....
I was always of decent sporting ability - I could play rugby, football, cricket, etc to a decent standard without being outstanding - I was, however accident prone and always picked up some injury or other - aaaanyhoo I digress.

I think it's safe to say that we most of us (unless you were one of them) hated those who were the pickers - who were usually the "jocks" (vile americanism I know) with no brain, personality and in my school's case the year bully.

I was rarely the picker, but when I was, I picked the decent players and/or my mates so it'd at least be a good laugh playing.

Most of those "jocks" ended up in the army from what I recall as that was the only place that would take them due to their virtual lobotomy.... I, however, play sport cos I enjoy it (when I can be arsed) and I'm a highly paid technical consultant. Ha ha ha.

Erm - I'll get off my soapbox now.

/quit
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 12:06, Reply)

grr_boy
grow up
( Weetobix, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 11:03, Reply)