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This is a question Strange things you've been paid to do

I once spent two years being paid by the UK government to play Quake.

What's the strangest thing you've been paid to do?

(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 10:13)
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This question is now closed.

carrying logs

(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 21:34, Reply)
Well technically I didn't get paid...but I did get to kill things
I worked on a Kibbutz in Israel for a while - a strange Commie-esque community where no-one 'owns' anything and everyone works for the 'common good'.

It was my job to go into the chicken house every morning and pick up the lame chickens - (pretty easy to spot - they couldn't run away) and wring their necks while their little legs kicked desperately. Terrible job, but someone had to do it...

I'd average about 22 chicks every morning before breakfast - scrambled eggs.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 21:01, Reply)
The other 2%
Don't know what it was. Didn't think to ask at the time, for some reason... ;-)
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:57, Reply)
I was paid $400,000 US a year
to force my petty Napoleonic agenda on millions of people, get oil CEOs to slobber on my knob, and erase the civil rights of thousands of people (most of them brown). I got fired after four years because I spent too much time shopping weapons into images of foreign countries and passing them off for real. And fwapping. With my thumb in my bum.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:46, Reply)
Why did I do this?
I once cleaned urinals (no gloves), on the midnight shift in a coffee shop for about 1 pound an hour.

I was a new immigrant with no work permit, so they could get away with paying me what they liked, and I needed the money.

Some disgusting bloke had blocked up the urinal with bog roll (I don't even want to think what he was doing) and then pissed in it. And I, out of desperation to keep my crappy job, put my bare hand (I was given no gloves)into the pool of warm, steaming piss to remove the wet bog roll and unblock the urinal. All for a quid an hour between 12 and 8am.

Ah well, when I am a millionaire and dining out on caviar and Champagne it will amuse my fat, boring millionaire friends. "From such small beginnings..."
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:45, Reply)
well
I was paid a fiver to eat as many bags of 'Space Raiders' crisps as i could in an hour. These things annihilate you. Once I got into the 7th or 8th packet, I was thinking I'd prefer to be eating vomit. eugh.

and propain... what was the other two percent?
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:38, Reply)
Archiving Specialist Excecutive Manager Synergy Leverager
I once spent a Summer removing paper clips and staples from bits of paper at the Medical Research Council. It was great. 8 hours a day reading letters from [content deleted due to restrictions of the Official Secrets Act] to [content deleted due to restrictions of the Official Secrets Act] about ... nothing very interesting at all.
I managed to negotiate a higher rate based on the thoroughly justifiable reason that I couldnt face earning less than my friend who was also employed and had manage to blag the top rate.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:37, Reply)
chopped up chickens.
i was sixteen, it was my last summer holiday before i started real work or went to college and i spent it getting up at 4 o'clock in the morn and getting home at 5pm. All for 2.80 an hour.

like fuck. i walked after 2 day's. marshall's chicken cunts.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:36, Reply)
Drugs
Oh, and for a while I was selling $20 bags of coccaine. For each one I sold, I got one for myself. 98% pure Bolivian flake, baby!
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:27, Reply)
Hijinks
I once helped grab a newpaper machine, which we took home and got into the change box with sledgehammers. My share was about US$6.50 in quarters.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:26, Reply)
Haven't done it yet
but some of my friends offered to pay me 20 each to climb up the side of Winchester cathedral in a superman costume. I agreed, on the condition that they provide the costume.

Still waiting for the costume so I can earn some money...
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:21, Reply)
I once spent 18 years being paid by the government

that's it
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:13, Reply)
i second that proudclod
Why bother being a member (tehehe member) of b3ta if you have no bad taste? everyone needs that break from reality....b3ta gives that :)
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:12, Reply)
I got paid
to drive a golf buggy around Edinburgh Zoo. This was quite possibly the most awesome job I've ever had.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:10, Reply)
....
||o_o||

My mum pays me to stay away....its called university fees
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:08, Reply)
For Mister Caps Lock
I think I speak for all of us when I say:

B3ta has always been about bad taste. Don't try and remove the fundemental part of the site. Cunt.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 20:06, Reply)
I wasnt paid, but It was strange..GOING ON B3TA!
I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER WITH THIS SITE. NO, THATS A LIE. I GO ON THIS SITE BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD ARTISTS POSTING HERE AND ALSO SOME GENUINELY FUNNY ANIMATIONS AND PICTURES. BUT THEN YOU GET ALL THE SICKOS, JOKES ABOUT BRITISH HOSTAGES, 9/11 AND THE LIKE. AND ITS JUST NOT FUNNY. I SAY CLEAN UP B3TA - GET RID OFF THIS RUBBISH, OFF THIS PEVERTED NONSENSE. I DON'T MIND THE OCCASIONAL BADLY DRAWN COCK, DONT GET ME WRONG, JUST THE FACT THAT SICK AND WRONG DRAWINGS AND ANIMATIONS ARE OFTEN WINNING THE COMPOS AND BEING FP-ED. I FEEL SORRY FOR SINKING TO THIS LEVEL, BUT HOW ELSE CAN I GET MY MESSAGE ACROSS.

CLEAN UP B3TA
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:58, Reply)
A few months back
I was recently sponsored to dye my hair purple and shave it off. Got me 450 for a trip abroad at least. Only before i got it dyed i went swimming. It went grey. At least the 450 covered most of the therapy costs...
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:55, Reply)
beer testing
last year i did work experience in a thwaites brewery, testing beer. sadly i wasn't actually tasting the stuff, just running it through a machine. but i got to mouth pipette! technically i wasn't paid, but they gave me 70 a week in travel expenses, when it only cost me a tenner to get there.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:38, Reply)
during work experince at marks and spencers (me mum works there)
i was paid nothing to peel stickers off hangers for a week then stick new stickers on them the next week
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:33, Reply)
Did
some paid work experience in a Belfast newspaper years back. I got put in the marketing department, which was a bad move, as I am the world's least convincing liar. So in a desperate attempt to get me out of the office, each morning they would gave me a list of all the newsagents that carried the paper in a particular part of a county, and ask me to drive between them measuring the distances. For extra comedy value, I had of course no bloody idea where they were, so I'd usually end up at least once a day entering that two shops which were really about 100 yards apart were two or three miles apart, simply because I'd missed the second one and had to drive out of town and back in again to find it. After the first couple of days I realised they didn't give a shit about the figures, they just wanted rid of me, so I'd drive about more-or-less on the route, make up the individual figures once I got to each town, and just bugger off into the countryside and smoke a few joints while admiring the scenery and doing the Guardian crossword...
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:14, Reply)
last night i got paid...
to sit on my arse and do the Times crossword, which i didn't finish, but i doodled on some beer mats
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:07, Reply)
I was a security guard while in college...
with a friend. We worked on building sites and offices at weekends, and stole more crap than we actually prevented from getting stolen. Still, for sixquid an hour, what did they expect? Best thing ever was when he stole memory chips from all the computers - I would have paid good money to see those poor fuckers' faces on Monday morning wondering why their computers were running so slow!
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 19:02, Reply)
A year ago
A friend of mine got paid a quid to suck the scab of where he'd been given a vaccination the week before for 5 seconds. A quid is meant to be a lot of money in the school I go to.

Also, I got two quids to play slaps with someone, provided I didn't try to dodge unless I was certain they were going to hit. If I dodged, they got ten free hits and I got no money. I won.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:57, Reply)
.
Once when walking in town this old lady suddenly grabs my friends arm and drags her across the road. I always take the piss ot of her for this but she said she got paid for it....I dont know if i believe her.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:50, Reply)
Ok well, I've done market research before
and its normally something like 20 for two hours at some random place with about 5 to 10 other guys my age.

So when a friend of a friend's parent rang me up, and asked me if I'd be interested in doing some market research, I thought, why not? 20 isnt bad for a quick 2 hours inc travelling normally.

Except when they sent me the details, it was slightly easier than I expected. I got paid 50 to sit in my own house for an hour, talking to random strangers. All I had to do was tell them what sort of technology products (PCs, mp3 players, that sorta thing) I owned, then tell them why their satellite portable tv sucked. I like market research really :P
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:37, Reply)
I got paid £20..
..to accompany a lady friend on a night out in Littlehampton. I would have done it for free as we did it every weekend, but thinking about it now (4 years later), I should have demanded more...

Those not in the know, read www.chavtowns.co.uk for a description of Littlehampton, which incidentally made it into the recently published Top 20 Worst Towns in the UK.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:29, Reply)
NHS woe
My worse job was being a filing monkey at an NHS hospital, doesn't sound too bad you might say....however it involved being in a huge room by myself all day, stacked from floor to ceiling with box files, then filing the appropriate forms which had 10 digit codes in numerical order - absolutely mind-numbing work - number crunching at its finest. The cherry on top however was the fact the room overlooked the morgue. I lasted 2 days in that job - made me realise life is too short to spend it round dead people
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:18, Reply)
Five dollars
Hush puppy dipped in crap - not the literal sort, but all kinds of things. Nothing that would be terrible by itself (except for the saurkraut), but make a horrible combination. The resulting mixture was this strange pinkish-yellow color.
So expecting it to be major gross, I decide to go for it in one bite.
It actually didn't taste all that bad. Unfortunately, it was much too large a hushpuppy to eat all in one go - maybe three inches long and one and a half thick - so I turned green and gagged. Best five bucks I ever made.
(, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 18:17, Reply)

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