I'd do anything for love... But I won't buy that (again)
I'd recently been seeing a lady who has been the subject of a previous post when I was left short changed after an extended journey south of the Thames.

Anyway, said lady was given a second (and indeed a third) chance on the basis that she was one of the most stunning looking women I have ever seen, let alone dated. Any accusations of shallowness and moral capitualtion in the face of aesthetics are probably justified to some extent, but it's also fair to say that she wasn't exactly a one trick pony and possessed a fair degree of brains and humour. All good then? Not quite.

If "taking the rip" was ever offered as a course, said lass would be a grade A+ student. More than once I found myself in a situation where I was regularly running to her aid at the expense of both my wallet and my own needs. Even though she was a stunningly beautiful and oft funny creature, the flip side of her character was proving to be more and more damaging to my self esteem, with her opinion on my apparently numerous character flaws being expressed often. However, morale boosting salvation came one evening when she looked me in the eye and wispered "I need you to do me a big favour..."

She outlined the nature of the favour to me, which even if I say so myself I handled with a reasonable amount of sensitivity and tact, after all she trusted me to help with the most awkward of issues that she wasn't quite brave enough to deal with herself. The gauntlet was thrown down and I took on the challenge.

So the next afternoon I marched up to the counter at Boots with my proxy purchase. I don't embarrass easily and was somewhat amused when the nonplussed till-jockette addressed me as "darlin" as the plastic bag and my change was handed to me. I didn't bother to attempt to stifle a wry grin.

Lady in question was hanging around looking at hair dye while I did my gentlemanly duty and she was very relieved to be handed the contents of the plastic bag which was summarily applied at an opportune moment.

No doubt her Rockford Files must have been causing her some embarrassment and distress, which is why The incident was never discussed again other than the wholly understandable "don't you dare tell anyone about this" speech. However, at no point was there even a "thank you for doing that for me" or offer of £3.49 to cover my expenses (which would have been refused anyway, but it's the principle).

Whoopsy ;-)
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 7 Nov 2007, 11:40, 13 replies)

I know!
Canestan.
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 11:44, closed)

Kensington?

( Kroney, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 11:59, closed)

Kensington?
Nah, more like Chalfont St Giles.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 7 Nov 2007, 12:07, closed)

What
have you been doing to her to bring those on?
(frankspencer, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 12:11, closed)

Frankspencer
Certainly not what you're thinking.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 7 Nov 2007, 12:14, closed)

Emma Freuds?
Farmers? Etc etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 12:33, closed)

I used to work at a popular chemist's chain, named after footwear
where I saw this kind of thing a lot - the fun part would be trying to guess which member of the couple required the "treatment"...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 12:37, closed)

Maybe
She really wanted the cream for her wrinkles....apparently some supermodels use it to tighten up the skin around their eyes.



Or alternatively she needs to invest in a rubber ring to sit on and lots of fruit to eat!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 13:52, closed)

Tattoos
It's also quite commonly used to help heal tattoos
(oeb, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 16:26, closed)

Tattoos
I should imagine that if you have a tattoo right on your tender and uncomfortably inflamed balloon knot then it's a miracle product.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 7 Nov 2007, 16:33, closed)

I've had to..

..do this on several occasions and I usually find it's best to be upfront with the cashier after all they are profesionals.

"Tube of this please love it feels like Bernard Manning is fisting me"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 16:33, closed)

Reminds Me Of A Spike Milligan Story
Bloke walks into a chemist and asks, very quietly for a tube of Blue Ungent. Now Blue Ungent has only one use and everyone in wartime Britain knew what it was for.

So the Chemist, in an attempt to shame and embarrass the poor bloke asked in a very loud voice so everyone in the shop could hear:

"Blue Ungent? What do you need that for"

"IT'S ME CRABS!!" yelled the bloke. "THEY'RE EATING ME BALLS"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 6:52, closed)

Chortle
I find that Anusol is very good on the (w)hole.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Nov 2007, 13:25, closed)