OK, cards on the table time…
I think we all know the completely hopeless feeling that washes over you like a sudden and terrible frost, spreading from your internal organs and ending with a strange tingling feeling in the tips of your fingers and toes, when you suddenly realize at a tender teen age you’ve fallen for someone for the very first time. Just the sight of them makes you feel giddy, makes you feel sick, makes you feel completely and totally alive. You hang round them, not knowing what to say, feeling utterly helpless – hoping they’ll notice you and somehow read it in your fraught expression; they’ll run over and take you in their arms, hold you close, stroke your hair and tell you they feel exactly the same for you as you do for them. Then you’ll both live together forever – happily ever after.

This is how I felt about Sue…

I must’ve been about fourteen. Sue was round the same age, she lived with my mate’s family, must’ve been adopted or something because she had the most beautiful tan skin – like a dusky Amazonian maiden. It started off with a vague attraction, but after a couple of weeks I was completely and totally in love with Sue. Whenever I went to visit my mate, Martin, usually on the flimsy pretext that I wanted to kick his arse at Street Fighter, I’d spend my time stealing the occasional glimpse at Sue as she sat on the sofa, a mild look of amusement on her face, whenever she caught me looking at her. And she had such beautiful eyes. Such gorgeous eyes, filled with summer days and deep dark depths. God, Sue was beautiful. And so reserved, so ladylike. Not at all like the usual slags you used to find round my neighborhood who’d let you finger them for a Peperammi and a bag of Monster Munch.

After a month or so I still hadn’t actually plucked up the courage to speak directly to Sue. I was crushed inside. Completely incapable of forming vowel sounds, my breath would just catch in my throat. I think Martin was starting to see something between the two of us. He’d look at me strangely as if to say: Try anything with her and I’ll kick your arse, you dirty little prick! And the danger of all this just made me want Sue more. It was like Romeo and Juliet, only set in a shitty backward part of Coventry instead.

Then one day after beating the crap out of Martin while playing as that big green fucker while he was the fit bird with the nice tits, Martin got a bit of a cob on and decided to fuck off to the shops to pick up a bag of Maltesers and some small blue Rizla. And that’s when it happened. I was alone with Sue. I went to speak. Couldn’t. Shit! I was completely paralyzed with fear. Then, soundlessly, Sue sauntered over to me, turned round, and presented her fine, slightly muscular arse to me. She wiggled it from side to side. Well, fuck me… I put down the Nintendo controller, turned round and – hands shaking – grabbed her gently round the rear and nuzzled my nose against her sweet smelling bumhole. God, Sue was hot. She remained silent as I slowly, ever-so-carefully, eased my tongue inside her tight chocolate starfish. Jesus, this was WRONG! This was so fucking wrong! But it tasted so good. Sue wriggled down onto my lips, a strange contented sound escaping from her mouth, she started to pant as I increased the speed of my probing tongue and then –

Martin burst in the room. He decided he couldn’t be fucked going to the shops so found us, Sue and I, locked together like some kind of sexy jigsaw puzzle. Martin went absolutely apeshit. Sue was more alert than me, she legged it into the garden leaving me to deal with Martin, who was attempting to remove my head from my shoulders. I managed to evade most of his punches, sprint past him, and make like Linford Christie up the road.

Eventually I slowed, caught my breath. My hard on was subsiding despite the taste of Sue’s anus that still hung heavily in my mouth, driving me wild, making me want her more. Then I started the long trudge home. My friendship with Martin was almost certainly over. I knew I’d probably never see Sue again. Sue. Sue. SUE!!! Ahhh, lovely, amazing, beautifil, gorgeous, SUE!!! I suddenly felt silly, I felt incredibly childish, and that’s when it sort of occurred to me for the first time - Sue was a pretty damn stupid name for a pit bull terrier….
( SpankyHanky, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 11:51, 7 replies)

Ah
you beautiful cunt, you!
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Mon 9 Nov 2009, 12:06, closed)

Click
just for "Not at all like the usual slags you used to find round my neighborhood who’d let you finger them for a Peperammi and a bag of Monster Munch."



Lyrical genius.
(syz, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 13:06, closed)

You, sir....
...remain a truly, truly grim person. Bloody good show, old bean!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 17:42, closed)

A Pepperami AND a bag of Monster Munch?
Jeez, not cheap then? You'd have got a nosh in return for a bite of your Pepperami (no pun intended) at some schools round my way.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 21:30, closed)

Oh
FFS

sniggers
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 0:19, closed)