I have spent most of my teenage years on the internet so far
My profile states that I have been on b3ta for more than 4 years.

I am currently 16.

This means I have been on b3ta since before I have been a teen. Does this count for anything?

I've done many pointless things, not really to shock people, but because of boredom.

Such as eating stinging nettles. (boiled first)
Sticking pins through the back of my hand in maths.
I then used to hang things from safety pins I put there. Great fun.

The only other things I can think of are that whenever I go near a window and stretch out a bit, my friends think I'm going to jump out and they don't like when I show them how good I'm getting at throwing and catching my knives.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 22:14, Reply)

Resident Loon
Noooo... I'm happy with LET X=X+1. It was the PRINT statement that caught my eye. Even the correction you've been sent is wrong - it needs some semicolons* and spaces:

10 PRINT "(name of girl I didn't like) HAS BEEN FUCKED "; X; " TIMES".

(*edited to correct my own typo ... oh dear)

----------------------------------
*in Sinclair BASIC, at least
(patently Was somewhere else on, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 21:55, Reply)

On holiday with the yoof lcub in Denmark
Hostel overrun by Polish football fans and girls from the club that I am desperate to impress. So I decide to try and "win" a game of truth or dare by self-suggesting spraying Brut deodorant onto my nipple for ten seconds from a distance of 1 inch.

The nipple freezes, bleeds and then goes solid. It has now been permanently erect for 11 years.
( timothycrippins, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 21:49, Reply)

1980's
10 print "Kitescreech is Great"
20 goto 10

Never, NEVAR gets old, *sigh*

Edit - Did I miss a ; ? One version makes it go in a colum up the left side of the screen, one makes the message fill the entire screen left to right.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 21:36, Reply)

Not pointless, and not as a teen...
...but a few minutes back I startled the hell out of everyone in earshot.

So here I am working on an AutoCAD drawing, plugging away, and one of the other people comments that the weather station is issuing severe storm warnings. I look out the window in time to see the trees starting to thrash under a leaden sky- and then the power goes out for a moment, making my machine reboot.

I stared at it for a moment, trying to remember when I had saved last, then loudly snarled, "Oh fucksocks!"

The office was silent for a moment, then I heard muffled giggling from various cubicles...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 19 Jul 2007, 21:32, Reply)

I have mentioned my mother on here before.
Having a pierced, tattooed dominatrix for a parent makes it very difficult to rebel.

By my teens I'd pretty much given up, but as a youngster I would go to chruch with my paternal grandmother to piss my mum off.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 21:17, Reply)

Stripey socked mark made some badges
as we were all dressing up as brownies in the name of fancy dress. The badges were b3ta inspired and were for such activities as "goatse", "beastiality" and "doing needles".
Anyway, after a morning of over fermented home brew then a heavy afternoon pub crawl around birmingham two lads decided to sew their badges on, except they didn't have any sleeves so sewed them to their skin. When that started to become a bit tricky they resorted to stapling them on.
20/21 years old is only just not teenager...
( thistle, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 20:34, Reply)

I went in to morrisons...
through the exit door.

Hows THAT for rebelling.
( Cae1, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 20:08, Reply)

I rolled a concrete fox into a girl's pond, stole some of her underwear and then exposed myself to one of her friends.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:50, Reply)

Hydrogen burps
In year 10 we did an experiment in chemistry where we dropped magnesium ribbon into hydrochloric acid, collected the resulting gas and tested it for that 'squeaky pop' to confirm that it was hydrogen.

As you may know, the stomach also contains a fair amount of hydrochloric acid, and far more concentrated than the stuff we used.

My friend, Ben (who was already well known for acts such as blowing the fuse for the entire science block by short-circuiting the mains supply in a physics lab and destroying every dog shit bin in the estate by blowing up cheap cans of deodorant in them), thought it would be a good idea to eat some magnesium ribbon.

He started burping. A lot.

I wanted to stick a lit match in his mouth when he burped but he was somewhat opposed to the idea.

He went home later that morning with stomach cramps.

I still have some magnesium ribbon which I have carefully kept from oxidation over the years.
I am currently living in Paris with someone who doesn't think b3ta is funny.
Click "I like this" if you think I should put magnesium powder in one of his sandwiches.
(StrongBad =! strong% AND StrongBad =! bad%: StrongBad = 1/0, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:49, Reply)

Back in the day, when I was about 14, I visited some mates in Milton Keynes.
Walking into town, me and said mates had a series of challenges to see who was hardest. The game involved lifting wheelie bins above our heads with one of the lighter members of our group inside. I got the bin and lifted it up, and the girl inside fell onto the cold hard tarmac of 1st street. She broke her arm.

Also, a couple of months later we decided to run around like loons inside the shopping centre. This ended up with one of my mates being thoroughly fucked up by the police on 6th street after knocking over some poor woman. Breaking her arm. And legging it.
(beast on toast has xpango=> http://www.xpango.com?ref=90520974, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:42, Reply)

Torturing teachers
I spent most of my teenage years being bullied, but I had my moments.

The boy who spent his life torturing me got what was coming to him when I smashed his head into a wall in English class and got the entire 6th form chase him through the school. Oh the joy of having a cousin in 6th form.

I used to have a hat obession in high school. One the supply biology teacher took a particular dislike to. After refusing to take it off about 476 times she went to get the head of year and I promtly threw it to someone else in the room and they put it in their bag. Que teacher screaming in a demented way 'But she was wearing a hat!!!, check her bag!' que lots of laughter, one very pissed head of year and me thinking I was the dogs' bollocks. I heard she had a nervous breakdown after working in our school.

I also ran away from home, hurled by enemys hampster at all wall and etched things into my skin with a blunt necklace. But those are all other stories.

Length? about 10 years...
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:31, Reply)

Sorry for length in Advance
I had (have) a genuine medical problem but I used it to full advantage at school. Most of my teachers didn't really understand what I had (It's a bit like Asthma)so used to freak out if I even cleared my throat. So, in school, I never wore the school skirt, I wore my jeans instead. I often left the school without signing out, or without permission, because I was "sick". Never had homework done because I was too sick the night before. In classes I didn't like (Irish, Maths and Chemistry)my friends would make me laugh, I'd start coughing, and I'd have to leave the class. The friend would come with me, and we'd spend the rest of the class in the loos. Soon we realised that the prayer room was a much better place, as it was sound proof. I never once went to a Chem class in 4th year. I only had it for half the year, to see if I wanted to do it for my leaving, but after one class I knew I didn't. The teacher was a whore. So I just never went. Cos I was "sick". I never went to PE. (Yet still got a cert to say I can teach volley ball) Yet, I was always considered well behaved. I got detention a few times (Never actally went, cos I was- Oh, you know) for minor things. But my proudest rebillions were fucking a priest out of it in class. I called him a "Fucking Prick" and all. I can't belive it now. Best part is, the priest, who normally went running to the year head in signs of trouble, didn't even repot me. Cos he knew I was right. Take that Fr. Heheir!
(Beauty School Drop-out, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:18, Reply)

I once actually drank meths.
We were 16-17ish, it was summer, we were sat at the end of a friend's garden with a bonfire going, drinking cheap cider and pissing about as boys do.

Anyway, we decided that spraying meths on the fire made a cool fireball, and that the best way to do that would OBVIOUSLY be to take a swig and spit it out. Which I did, a few times. Until the time that someone made me laugh while I had it in my mouth and I choked, swallowing some.

By fuck I was sick that night.

The wonder of the meths, followed by chugging down about 2 litres of cider because someone else said "that tastes like meths now" after I took a swig to wash my mouth out...

Probably the closest I've ever come to actually poisoning myself to death.
(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 19:01, Reply)

An ex-boyfriend of mine
once stapled his foreskin together for a bet. This resulted in an assembly on a) the dangers of putting unhygienic bit of metal through your skin, and b) the rights and wrongs of filming each other's rude bits when you're not quite sixteen and there are a lot of funny people out there.

I may or may not have gone out with him after this event, knowing full well that it had happened.
( kikilookeylikey, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:47, Reply)

Oh my
Alot of us used to doss about in the woods, and in various car parks (as you do) on nights when we couldn't afford/weren't old enough for the pub. Some of the highlights included:
snorting english mustard;
'borrowing' a disabled friends' morphine and losing all feeling below the waist;
rolling around in broken glass;
jumping down flights of stairs/rolling down them in trolleys;
trying to smoke catnip....

good times, all of them.
( McBadger COW, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:28, Reply)

LONG LIVE HEVY WOOD!!!
SO it is the Summer of 1999, and my friend and I are in a small town in Britich Columbia Canada.

We're bored because that is what tends to happen in a small town. We were(and I still am)aspiring musicians, although we didn't have much money or equipment. We had a Drum set and a Guitar at the time. No amp. Well, we did have an amp but it consisted of an old stereo and a small speaker that we kept in a corner shop gum ball container. Phenominal garage sound distortion out of it, but I digress.

One night like many others we find ourselves bored. So we decide it would be awesome if we just go somewhere random in town and play. Only problem is we can't bring the amp due to the fact that it we even move it ever so slightly from where it is, it simply stops working. also we are going to be hard pressed to find a place to plug it in. My friend mentions this an we start thinking.

Well if we can't be functional lets just make it a bloody good spontanious show for the masses!

I was inspired by an idea and my friend thought it was brilliant.

We went to my granmothers house because we knew she had a trunk of old halloween costumes.
We took some random items we fancied and put them in the truck where we also had loaded up the drum set and the electric guitar(without an amp). Then we promptly set off for somewhere in town we could set up.
We found a hill by the beach right next to a popular park and an old folks retirment community. Nice! Perfect!

Get in costume...set up the insturments and away we go. Picture the scene.

My friend in front. he's a big fellow 6'4 with long brown hair to the middle of his back. He has donned the cheap prisoners costume, all clad from head to toe in horizontal white and black stripes. On his head is a god awful black sombrero with gold trim. He is holding a guitar. Me in the back on the drums, also with long hair but dressed as a knight in black(Black cape with red lining and a black tunic with a skull in the center of my torso).

Going with my idea my mate speaks up.

"GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! WE...are HEVY WOOD!!"

at this point we get a couple of random passing peoples attention.

"TONIGHT WE ARE GOING TO OPEN WITH OUR NEW HIT SINGLE, WE AIN'T GOT AN AMP!!"

He started to stum an I layed some beats down, and as we were right by the beach my drums echoed off the water and were quite loud, and my mate strumed wildly on his guitar that no one could hear. Then he sang.

" WE AIN'T GOT AN AMP
CAUSE WE'RE TOO DAMNED CHEAP!
WE AIN'T GOT AN AMP
BUT WE'LL GET ONE WITH IN THE WEEK!!

WE AIN'T GOT AN AMP
CAUSE WE AIN'T GOT JOBS!
WE AIN'T GOT AN AMP
WE'RE JUST ROCKn'ROLL SLOBS!!"

this was fallowed by a wicked drum solo, or not I couldn't tell and then we stoped.

Obcenaties were being hurled at us from the elderly community and our 2 audience members we managed to get laughed their arse off.

We did it again a few weeks later but it didn't catch on that much. People were mostly annoyed.

Although a few months later we went to a local cafe and someone recognised us as the loonies on the hill. They said they were amused, and we were happy whilst drinking our beverages.

Length? One song was enough.
(Nihlistic_Alchemist Brand the Herd with Fashion, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:25, Reply)

I shaved my big toe.
Yes, I was drunk when I did it. No, it's not very extravagant or impressive.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:24, Reply)

Patently
I assume you're referring to the statement LET X=X+1? In BASIC, that means that you take the last value of X and add 1 to it. (Believe me, it works.) So it starts out 0 by default, so it prints out as (name of girl I didn't like) HAS BEEN FUCKED 1 TIMES, then (name of girl I didn't like) HAS BEEN FUCKED 2 TIMES and so on until you break the loop.

Remember, it isn't algebra, so you can define a variable that way. I know it sounds weird, but that's the way they wrote BASIC circa 1979.

EDIT: It has been pointed out to me by teedyay that it should have read 10 PRINT "(name of girl I didn't like) HAS BEEN FUCKED" X "TIMES". In my defense I'll just say that 1979 was a long time ago. *grin*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:22, Reply)

a really really really stupid tattoo
flames coming off my genitals and coming up my stomach

totally stupid
(AudioLag there ARE two zeros in n00b, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 18:21, Reply)

The most rebellious thing I did as a teenager
Was date someone seven years my senior. Still with her in fact, 'cos she's lovely.

Um, but... nah, actually that's it. I had a sheltered upbringing.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:57, Reply)

I did absolutely nothing whatsoever.
It is time, now, for me to kill.

( collapsibletank procreates, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:47, Reply)

meat is murder
when I was 15 (early 80's) I wore a pair of dungarees (please kill me now) with Meat Is Murder scrawled on one leg in marker pen, and an anarchy symbol on the other to reflect both my militant diet and my free spirit.
I wore these every saturday and sunday for my weekend job working in my cousin's sheepskin and leather coat boutique.
Right on.
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:22, Reply)

I was really into the Prodigy when i was about 15
Me and my mate Richard went to a live gig.. and I came home with a waterbottle that the Prodigy had trown into the crowd!!

YEAH!!

So anyway.. we were experimenting with "drugs".. and someone told us birdseed had hemp in it...

So we made a bong from the bottle and smoked birdseed through it in my parents garden.

Im sure we both pretended it worked aswell.

Brilliant. We were so cool.
( Obz Click, ting, stamps, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:19, Reply)

not teenage, but anti-authoritarian
I was also a cocky child, precociously bright.

I was six years old and acting up. My infant school teacher loudly asked me in front of the class why I couldn't be more mature.

I giggled and said, "mature, ha, that sounds like manure."

My classmates dissolved into laughter, as did the teacher. I won that one. :)
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:15, Reply)

The Sixth Form Revue
I was the youngest and most obnoxious kid in the year, basically an irritating little fuzzy-haired shit who often did things to show off but rarely even got a laugh from my peers because, frankly, I wasn't funny.

Aged sixteen I included myself in the cast of the end-of-year sixth form revue: a collection of sketches, impersonations and general school in-jokes that only occasionally held any humour to anyone else. Having written several terrible sketches, most of which were rejected, I decided I needed my moment of fame some other way. I wrote a sketch in which the leading character gets electrocuted off-stage and runs across the stage with his head on fire. Like all my other sketches it was rubbish, but the stunt appealed to the upper-sixth producers and it was accepted.

Because I usually got in the way of things and there were plenty of actually funny things to prepare for the stage, my sketch was never rehearsed. Thus, on the night, we all realised it was my sketch but nobody knew their lines. The curtains opened, there was a pause and the others involved decided to abandon the sketch.

Undeterred and ever attention-seeking, I promptly poured about half a can of lighter fluid on the top of my head, soaking my fluffy hedge of hair, put a match to it and ran shouting across the stage.

Apparently it was quite a spectacle. The audience genuinely screamed at the sight of a short spotty, be-spectacled kid with four-foot flames (lighter fluid) and black smoke (burning hair) billowing from the top of his head, and I earnt my few seconds of infamy running around the stage in a state of very convincingly growing terror. The watching teachers were completely aghast but I ran off-stage before anyone attempted to intervene.

Mercifully, we had plenty of fire extinguishers backstage and I grabbed a CO2 can and promptly froze my remaining hair to my scalp. Through another miracle of fate, my remaining hair was booked to be cut the next day (a Saturday) and the barber somehow managed to produce a messy style that covered my bald spots and burned blisters.

Monday morning, I ambled into my form room and was greeted by a massive round of applause for probably the only time in my school career. The later bollocking for irresponsibly using fire on-stage was probably harsher because I didn't appear to show any injuries, however it was worth it for the few moments of utter panic I appear to have caused.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 17:13, Reply)

Why???
I took physics at university. To rebel. WTF???
( Whodathunkit, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 16:57, Reply)

well apart from the usual
smoking, drinking etc I was quite good. Went a bit mental at times though in my school years.

Smashed a locker with my fist destroying both it hand and locker.
Smashed a mate with a block of wood in the face for pissing me off.

apart from that I'm good :)
( SiX and his hat, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 16:53, Reply)