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This is a question And that's the thanks I got

On getting screwed over by people for whom you were doing a favour:

I spent several weeks helping my best friend - a complete layabout - with his A-Level computer science project so he wouldn't fail his course. In the end, he did so little work I actually ended up doing the whole thing for him in a half-term week I should really have spent revising for my own exams.

I got back to college to find that while I was hunched over a red-hot BBC Micro, he had spent the week screwing my girlfriend.

Then he didn't bother sitting the exam because "I'm going to fail anyway".

And that's the thanks I got. How have you been screwed over whilst doing someone a favour?

(, Thu 24 May 2007, 10:20)
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volunteering - no thanks!
Like everyone these days, I am concerned about the environment and leaving carbon footprints on clean carpets etc. So I recently volunteered to help plant trees to offset the effect of the mountain of tyres and fridges I set fire to on some wasteland near my home.

Anyway, on the first day I was presented with a load of saplings and a spade. My overseer, an attractive girl called Fiona, showed me how to dig the hole and settle the new sapling in it. Unfortunately, some pesky little animal - a bit like a squirrel - kept running around my feet as worked, so I waited for it become accustomed to my presence, and then smashed its brains in with my spade.

"What are you doing!" shrieked Fiona. "That is a northern marmoset squirrel - an extremely rare and endangered species! You've killed the only breeding male for 50 square miles!"

After that, they moved me to a safer area of the forest. I was digging a hole for a sapling, but there were numerous roots and I couldn't get through them. So I picked up an axe and swung at the bloody things with all my might ... just at the second a badger emerged from the hole. The axehead cleaved its furry head in twain and its hot brains gushed across Fiona's dungarees.

"Frankspencer! You've just killed a protected species!" she yelled with apoplectic ire. I stepped back and dropped the offending weapon ... right on to the head of an escaped panda that had been lurking in bushes behind me. The razor sharp head shattered its black and white forehead and it squealed in agony as blood erupted from its face.

"Frank! You've just killed the only panda bred in captivity in Britain!"

For fuck's sake Fiona, I'm trying my best!" I said, hurling my cigarette into a pile of tinder-dry sawdust soaked in petrol. It exploded and burned the forest down in a matter of hours, causing a previously undicovered tribe to be wiped out completely, taking their native art and language with them.

As a result, I was sentenced to two years in prison. Some gratitude, eh?
(, Tue 29 May 2007, 12:59, closed)

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