my great birthday last week
reminded me of another, not-so-great, birthday.

best friend number one: bought her a dragon figurine under a glass dome for her birthday, as she collects both dragons and domed items. only cost about £12, but it was what she wanted.
best friend number two: bought her a shocking pink catsuit-type affair, which she absolutely loved. it was her 21st, so i saw no problem with spending a little extra for a special gift. cost £45 and 6 stitches(ask me, i might tell you).

my birthday that year. i knew they'd both been paid, both had no children or large debts, both had a fair bit of disposable cash. i feel that i was justified in expecting at least some form of birthday gift.
what did i get?

a card.
a 59p card.
signed by both of them.

as if that wasn't enough, they then phoned me to invite me round to friend number one's flat for a birthday drink. i was willing to put up with sitting on a mattress on the floor(too tight to buy even a second-hand sofa), but i drew the fucking line when they said they were both skint and i'd have to pay for the drinks. not only that, but they said they didn't want the cheap cider they normally drink, oh no. they wanted vodka and, as it was my birthday, i should buy it to "treat myself"!

obviously, i told them both to fuck off and went to the pub.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 17:37, 14 replies)

Do you still consider them your best friends??

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Wed 29 Oct 2008, 17:43, closed)

not really
one of them has since died, the other one is shooting out sprogs at a rate of knots, not working, living entirely off her partner's wages and spending her time doing no housework or cooking, just sitting on her arse watching jeremy kyle whilst her ill-mannered brood draw on the walls and shit the place up.
she used to be such a nice girl, too.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 18:22, closed)

You should've got the vodka
and some GHB, then after drinking for a bit with them got them to "get off" with each other and taped it.

Then send the tape off to

Jeccy
****
***
Swansea
SA* ***

Pm me, I'll give you the delivery address :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 17:57, closed)

back then, that might have been plausible.
nowadays, it'd be necrophilia.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 18:22, closed)

That doesn't matter
Send the vid anyway.
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 19:24, closed)

i can't
she was cremated!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 20:07, closed)

This is why
I like b3ta.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 23:32, closed)

Crispy Fried Lesbian
My favourite, just sprinkle all over the dyke of your choice.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 23:54, closed)

pass me
the mind bleach
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 3:41, closed)

oh god
so wrong, I love it :D
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 9:40, closed)

mmmmm
so tasty with char siu chow mein and a bit of hoi sin sauce
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 16:25, closed)

I think
it's pretty clear that they don't like you.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:03, closed)

Too right!
Cheeky mares!!
With friends like that who needs ememies!
Click!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:48, closed)

and i also hate
mates turning up to your birthday party an hour or so late drinking the free booze "because they are skint" fair nuff

then producing pill and dropping before going off to see pendulum... once again still not that fair.. then returning to the dregs of the party at 3am buzzing tits off and asking for some booze for "the walk home" err fuck off... MAYTE
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 15:44, closed)