Dell are c**ts
Why? Here's why.

Step 1: Outsource all your logistics, order processing and support to the far east. Quids In!

Step 2: Continue affairs as though you're still the same old Apple Pie / Mom & Pop type garage business those quirky colonials know and love. Gee Whizz!

Step 3: Steadfastly refuse to adhere to any form of SLA, order tracking, human to human interaction and refuse to cough up or admit your behemoth scale ineptitude and torpid manner when confronted with a blatant fuck-up on your part.

One Battery : 124.90
Lead time : well over a month
Apparently : My fault because I wasn't psychic and didn't manage to figure out that "We will post a link to your delivery details here within 24 hours" (which never materialises) in actuality means "we've given it to parcel force who are, frankly, as much use as a set of titties on a fish, and to be honest, we couldn't really give a rats cock if it arrives or not, or if the postie even bothers to push a 'You weren't in' slip under your door, because, sunshine, we've got your cash, and you've got sweet FA. Hope you like arguing with a call centre run from the middle of a country more renowned for attacks of viral dysentry and dazzling displays of chronic fuckwittery in terms of organisation than efficiency. Ta."

Dell - you are tight. To surmise this, I am now producing a returns policy of my own, which you will soon be in receipt of (NSFW).

scot1and.net/~allan/pictures/sssss_i_ar_a_snake.jpg

Stick it up your chuff you errant cunt-mongers.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 22:01, 18 replies)

FFS
NSFW you cunt
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 22:06, closed)

w00ps
amended..
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 22:08, closed)

What are you talking about
you love that sort of thing.
( turb0t, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:02, closed)

dear lord!
What have you been eating!? You do realise that a box of all-bran should last longer than a day?
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 23:00, closed)

crikey
that is one impressive shit!
( nightbuffalo needs more duct tape, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 23:03, closed)

yup
...but the cleaner is still recovering from PTSD.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 23:13, closed)

sod the cleaner
he gets paid for that shit. how's the layer doing? If I turned round and saw that, I reckon I'd panic and try to tuck at least some of my colon back in.
( nightbuffalo needs more duct tape, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 0:18, closed)

doing dandy thanks
I wasn't even ill or up or down when I laid that leviathan to rest.

Diet consisted of cereal, OJ, bran bread, normal dinner (zero alcohol also at that point). I also drink a lot of water so that flushes all the crap out, which, clearly, you're viewing.

For want of a better term, I lay comedy shits.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 0:33, closed)

Titties on a fish...
I am so stealing that! Well funy!
didn't really read your story properly, but, titties on a fish! *CLICK*
(leglesss let that be a lesson to you, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 1:18, closed)

How did that shit
not manage to break? Good effort
(Visionaryofthe1980s www.myspace.com/visionariesofthe1980s, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 1:49, closed)

A reply not about the shit.
But I hear you dude, got a battery on my desk which is now growing moss on it, waiting for Dell to come and change it.

Despite not being safe for work, clicked the shit pic anyway :)
(Miggyman, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 7:26, closed)

jesus
I didnt need to see that.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 8:15, closed)

That is......
one impressive turd.

Have a click.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 9:49, closed)

There's no way that was produced by a human

(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:51, closed)

I too
have been on the receiving end of Dell's customer 'service' and if anything it's worse than described. A tip to get slightly more prompt replies is to be an absolute arse of a customer and say how pissed off you are, reporting you to the manager etc. Turned what took 2 months to fix the first time into a next day service for me.

Also parallel with the underpants gnomes there?

Step 1: outsource to India
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!
(Kendal, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:52, closed)

Dell are cheap
They are cheap and now you know why. Built in China and supported by people don't speak your language.

1. Cheap
2. Cheap
3. Cheap

A lesson to all - don't buy cheap. DELL are shit and have been for a long time.
(tech_junky, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:32, closed)

Dealing with Dell
Is a pleasure. The trick is to spend 300K a year at least. In fact, despite buying only Dell Kit - and its something I have almost no problems with - ever (and we're talking 10,000+ servers and PCs in the last 10 years) - I have the answer. Use a third party. I have a reseller who is brilliant. I deal with him. He deals with Dell and has the buying clout to get what he wants.

I pay 2% on top for this and no supplier has ever prised this deal away from them - even if they are cheaper, money is not the issue.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:35, closed)

replying to my own comments
In balance, HP are cockmonkeysfuckwits. I have no end of DOA's from them, servers die all the fucking time, their parts dept is shite, everything is shite.

However, my HP workstation is fucking awesome. Most computers are awesome with 8GB memory and seriously fucked up fast processors.

So there, some balance
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:41, closed)