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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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A carrot makes an excellent pointing device.
If you need a longer pointer simply sellotape the carrot to the end of a pool cue.
(, Thu 11 Jun 2015, 9:33, 3 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
Insults
You can hurt the feelings of a partner or other in an amusing way quite easily, but taking two negative traits and putting a "Mc" between them, to create a pretend name. eg:
Lazy McThick;
Nasty McStupid;
Ugly McBoring.
(, Wed 10 Jun 2015, 13:30, 4 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
In case of unequal loading of opposite buckets/tube racks or tube-holes, the operation will be interrupted during the acceleration phase. The rotor will be decelerated to standstill.
Additionally the error message "ERROR" appears on the preset display "speed".
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 1, the difference in weight of the samples is too big. Fill the tubes and load the rotor as described under point 3.
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 2, there can be several reasons for:
- The imbalance switch is not adjusted correctly.
- The imbalance switch is defective
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 17:37, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
buy a card cloning scanner,
for maybe a tenner on the Ebay. And clone your own cards. Then, should you lose your proper one, you have a copy of it. Trust me, its better to spend that tenner than wait for 3...? working days (a fortnight) for your old one.
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Upset someone?
Surprising though it may seem, they may not even realise they are upset. Helpfully point out to them that they are upset. They may not thank you immediately, but they'll be grateful in the long run.
(, Mon 8 Jun 2015, 12:41, 3 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
If you want to say something in a discussion but have absolutely nothing intelligent to add
simply type 'this.' You may wish to use a caret (^) to direct the reader to the above discussion.
(, Thu 4 Jun 2015, 14:19, 6 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
Last week's QOTW a bit shite?
How about some mixtape related anecdotes?
(, Thu 4 Jun 2015, 12:16, Reply)
Missing last week's qftw?
Post your answers here instead.
(, Wed 3 Jun 2015, 15:56, 3 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
This seems like a logical place to continue posting life-H4xx0r|z

(, Wed 3 Jun 2015, 13:26, Reply)
Triple fuckin' D an' the TT kru yo

(, Fri 29 May 2015, 19:47, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
Become a mod for QOTW and resort to using 'top tips' after a month, even though it already has its own board.

(, Fri 29 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
A condom is an ideal storage device for keeping a single carrot fresh.

(, Wed 27 May 2015, 16:41, Reply)
Do you have a lot of smegma under your foreskin?
Why not collect and package it as Stinking Bishop cheese.
(, Wed 27 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)
Sports plebs!
Avoid disappointment by always backing the winning team
(, Tue 26 May 2015, 22:18, Reply)
Men. Examine your own prostate by simply wiping your arse with Aldi value toilet roll

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 17:42, Reply)
Clap your hands everybody, if you got what it takes.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 17:20, Reply)
Imagine you're hiding in a drain by lying in a puddle and looking through a fork.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:48, 1 reply, 2 years ago)
Give your Action Man a realistic penis by glueing a cashew nut to his groin.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
OAP drivers. Avoid being told to ;speed up or get off the fucking road' by speeding up or getting off the fucking road.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
Want to notify people online you're upset?
Login to B3ta and tell everyone about it.
(, Mon 25 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)
Cat owners. Save money on expensive cat carriers. Simply tie your pet's tail to one of its back legs to make a handy carrying loop.

(, Mon 25 May 2015, 8:01, Reply)
Bonsai trees make ideal model trees for Japanese Hornby railway set enthusiasts.

(, Mon 25 May 2015, 8:01, Reply)
Kraft cheese slices make ideal patches for heavy cheese eaters who are trying to cut down.

(, Sun 24 May 2015, 8:33, Reply)
Paintballers.
Attach a paintbrush onto the end of your gun to use as a 'bayonet' in case you run out of ammo.
(, Sun 24 May 2015, 8:33, Reply)
Cinema goers. Ensure you get more for your money by only going to see longer films.

(, Sun 24 May 2015, 8:32, Reply)
need a top tip?
Simply copy one from somewhere else.
(, Sat 23 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
Save money on e-cigarettes by
emptying an ashtray into your kettle, filling it with water and inhaling deeply when it boils.
As an option, add an orange, lime or some extra strong mints for a burst of flavour.
(, Sat 23 May 2015, 9:26, Reply)
Pretend you are a member of the Drifters
by adding the words "on a Saturday night" to the end of all your sentences.
(, Sat 23 May 2015, 9:26, Reply)
Dieters. Cake makes a very effective appetite supressant.

(, Sat 23 May 2015, 9:26, Reply)
Save time, money and effort when buying a breadmaker
by writing 'Breadmaker' on a cardboard box, leaving it on your worktop and buying a white sliced loaf instead.
(, Sat 23 May 2015, 9:26, Reply)

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