I've spent a couple of chunks of time unemployed
due to mental health issues.

I noticed a distinct trend in the types of people at Jobcentres. Prepare for blatant stereotyping!

* The Genuine Article - the real job-seeker who's lost their job for whatever reason, need a little financial help getting by while they work hard looking for a job.

* The Silver Fox - finding it difficult to get a job because of their age, usually weary but polite.

* The Burned-Out Exec - unkempt but generally still in smart dress, they see it as their God-given right to claim Jobseekers, despite being able to run their M3 by skimming the interest off a secret off-shore bank account.

* The Obvious Piss-taker - the guy or girl who turns up in work-boots covered in plaster, or wearing a tabbard, to sign-on.

* The Blinger Minger - usually slightly overweight, wearing a track-suit a size too small and heavily adorned with cubic zirconia, he or she has an optional baby-in-an-incredibly-expensive-pram accessory, which invariably has a snotty nose.

* The Scum of the Earth - the type you see hanging out on street corners restraining rabid Staffordshire Bull Terriers and exchanging packages with people in old BMWs.

...and then there's me, weary of life in general and desperate for a hand-out so I can afford to eat, who actually quite enjoys the show while sitting, waiting for my case handler who's always, always late but incredibly polite and kind.

Feel free to add your own stereotypes, or embellish mine.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 10:53, 10 replies)

*click*
sums it up perfectly.

I remember being in a jobcentre once getting loads of hassle before the wankers gave me my paltry cheque. Some geriatric punk wonders in stinking of booze with HATE tattooed on his face - he signs his paperwork without even sitting down and is out of there, saying "see you in a fortnight".

And there's me stuck in there half a morning to do pretty much exactly the same thing.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:19, closed)

Become more vile.
You'll be in and out in no time.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 21:56, closed)

You
Your contribution made me smile plenty - really well observed and honest without being offensive. Maybe you should use your free time to write more - not just for b3ta but generally. Good luck to you!
Pete
(foxbean i am a one in ten, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:59, closed)

Wow...
That's really nice... Thankyou :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 12:22, closed)

Don't forget ..
Those bloody asylum seekers!!

Polictal correctness gone mad I tell you


[/dailymail]
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 12:46, closed)

Oddly enough
I saw very few imports at the job centre - most other cultures work for a living and don't try to take advantage of the welfare system.

This doesn't count for everyone, of course.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 13:01, closed)

Oh they exist.
They aren't the majority, like the Mail suggests, but the idea of free money is as attractive to foreign scroungers as it is to our homegrown ones.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 16:05, closed)

Two more:
(A person may easily fit into more than one of our categories)

* The crapped-upon

Forced out of their past job by an unholy blend of constructive dismissal / bullying / harassment / discrimination, and all the rest.

Struggling to find a job where the resultant-yet-innocent CV gap of years forcibly stuck on a part-time contract, followed by a year out sick, isn't a problem.

Doesn't fit neatly into any 'high profile / government spin' box so is seldom a priority. Usually on antidepressants, being (barely) treated by the NHS.

With tragic irony, these are some of the most hardworking, dedicated, reliable people you could hope to employ. But inevitably someone senior took a personal dislike, and placed their ego before decency, law, and their mutual employers interests.

* The overqualified

Keys in preferences to machine. No relevant results. Acceptance.
Keys in less specific preferences. No relevant results. Irritation.
Keys in basic preferences. Looks at reams of irrelevant results, and dies a little more inside.

Starts looking through page after page of schizophrenic job specifications: Usually just minimum wage; but expecting 'flexibility' (read: only a part time contract, but your hours will be altered or extended on a whim, probably different every week, so you can forget about domestic responsibilities or taking a second position to make ends meet), 'experience' (always 'needed' or 'useful' - barely anyone is willing to train their own staff, just leech of someone elses investment), 'willing to travel/own transport' (as if you can afford to buy or run a car on what they're offering).

Can be heard muttering to themselves "But I've got a Biology Diploma..." as they look at yet another McJob. Will snort with scorn whenever government plans/fudges to increase the number of uni graduates are mentioned - how much education do you need to work in a call centre or retail, which is where all the jobs are; since our heavy industry and engineering was gutted by The Ironing Lady?
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 14:29, closed)

Considerably
more detailed and cynical than my post... I like it :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 14:37, closed)

The Crapped Upon
I honestly thought that "Short Man Syndrome" was a myth before I met him.
Favourite quotes:
Upon finding something mildly to his distaste: "You see sunray18, this is why I think you're a cunt." In front of an office full of people. I was gutted, demorolised and felt generally shit. And then it started. I had the honour of being promoted to what was going to be his position when he handed his notice in. The MD persuaded him to stay, so I ended up working directly under him. It took him 5 months to get rid of me. He lied about me (I've seen the paperwork, but only managed to get a copy of one document) to the MD, set me up and gave no support whatsoever, even though (I think anyway) I was one of the best and achieved good results (even if I am a little weird!). I was sacked on the spot for one minor alleged infraction (Being 6 foot tall?). I was glad to get out. He even told my colleagues I was a nonce after I left.

Being jobless and demorolised and feeling sorry for myself weren't good. It was so bad that I didn't even sign on as I felt I didn't deserve it for being sacked combined with the ethos that you shouldn't rely on the state and work for a living (can't figure that out - I grew up in a council house!). Cue doing as many Clinical Trials as possible to support myself.

At the start of this year I started a McJob (my first job was a McJob at the same restaurant) and I can honestly say "I'm lovin' it." The managers are good, the staff are brilliant, the customer's are mostly good and a laugh. It's flexible and fun and I really feel good about myself. The say it's easier to find a job when you already have one. It's more money than the dole and I feel better about everything.

Sorry there's no funny, couldn't think of one.

P
(sunray18, Sun 5 Apr 2009, 12:25, closed)