Fringe benefits to unemployment.
There I was. Recently graduated from a former polytechnic in a social science at the height of the last recession, and nobody wanted to give me a job! It was an outrage. A sure example of The Man keeping me down.

I'm not actually someone who can sit still for long and I soon got bored, so I asked after voluntary work at the local job centre and ended up doing several days a week in the fundraising department of a major hospital. I thought I'd be jangling a tin on street corners, but as I was good with computers and quite funny I ended up writing and designing adverts and helping out with big corporate charity appeals. It was a pretty good job - I even got free food on the days I worked.

One thing that this hospital did was arrange huge events and try and set world records in 'wacky' things - the biggest conga line, that sort of thing - in order to raise sponsorship funds, and one event I was involved in had an expected attendance of ten thousand people. Some corporate, marketing-type presentations were done and sponsorship was gained for the event from Mcvities, who as part of the deal agreed to supply a 'fun size' packet of Jaffa Cakes for every attendee.

The day of the event came and I was wandering round the site in the morning, making sure all was all right and I wandered into the stockroom to make sure everything was Ok in there as well. As I stood there, I heard a click behind me. Someone had noticed the stockroom door standing open and shut and locked it - presumably to prevent theft. I had a moment of panic before I realised I wouldn't be in there long as the sponsorship goodies were stacked in pallets and the event attendees would be along in a while. Plus there was a tap so I wasn't exactly going to die in there.

And then it struck me. I was locked, alone and unsupervised, in a room containing thirty thousand jaffa cakes. You may be able to guess the rest.

It was the best mornings work I've ever had, and I was unemployed at the time.
(davywavy, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:48, 11 replies)

Lucky you.
I see them eventually finding you and rolling you out of the stockroom like a beachball.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:55, closed)

They had to call the fire brigade to cut me free.
(davywavy, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 10:58, closed)

Haha.
Made me laugh
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 6 Apr 2009, 11:10, closed)

How do you use jaffa cakes to wank?

Just trying to fit in with most answers from this week!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 11:42, closed)

Mush them up
and pop them in the microwave for 10 seconds. They feel just like a very hot, orangey fanny.
(davywavy, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 11:46, closed)

This sounds like
the voice of experience.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 12:26, closed)

Well,
I was unemployed you know.
(davywavy, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 12:36, closed)

and as they're jaffas ...
you won't get pregnant.

Win!
(Ja For Sure, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:04, closed)

B-dum tish!
Well done.
(davywavy, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 14:15, closed)

This is one of the best lines I've ever read on the internet:
"And then it struck me. I was locked, alone and unsupervised, in a room containing thirty thousand jaffa cakes."

Just, genius.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Mon 6 Apr 2009, 18:06, closed)

^^ snigger
It IS a good line though...
( snee held his breath since, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:40, closed)