and another thing....
I once convinced my best friend Celine that men have crotches and women have crutches. And that all people walk on groins when they have injuries.
She is exceptionally gullible though. It's too easy really. (Too her credit, this was a while ago).
( Whythebigpaws?, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:47, Reply)

Woof! Woof!
What's that Lassie? You can smell jealousy? Why I think that's Cheesecake's post down there.

Good dog.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:44, Reply)

Festivals
I like to wind people up at festivals with stories like bob holness is dead, the queen has been arrested, and earwigs make chutney.
i get great satisfaction from hearing my own rumors two days later
( chuff monkey I AM him, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:42, Reply)

purple aki!
Oh my God, you've just dredged up the weird half-remembered half-memory.

Whereabouts in Merseyside did you encounter this? I was a schoolkid in Crosby a fair few years ago, and that's where I heard it.
(TheKidsOffTheShining, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:32, Reply)

you may find this shocking but...
one of the ways local newspapers beef up circulation in certain distribution areas is to have sightings of 'beasts'. Black beasts, cat-like beasts, big-cats whatever they call them, they co-incidentally make an appearance in times and locations suffering low sales (i.e. Jan/Feb in rural areas). You would be amazed how many people buy a paper when there may be a beast in their backyard.
The reason i know this was that i once had to 'enhance' a picture to 'highlight' one of these beasts whilst working on a local paper. To my shame i have since seen this picture repeated in reputable journals as 'clear evidence' of urban big-cats. I am a bad bad man.
( BadBadman saw an incorrect comma placement on, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:27, Reply)

lie-ful tower
When I was 9, my best friend Nadia told me that once, a gust of wind blew her off the top of the eiffel tower and then blew her back in again.
I believed her.
( Whythebigpaws?, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:22, Reply)

The 27th...
I managed to convince half of my year group in junior school that there was a secret 27th letter in the alphabet that the teachers didnt want you to know about!
It was a proud day...
(iydlibm ...If I Am Online Here, I Am Definatly Bored..., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:19, Reply)

purple aki
has anyone ever heard of the merseyside legend that is purple aki?
he was this big black fella who used to be into young boys, he'd grab them and squeeze their arms and legs and ask them 'd'you do weights?'
( megapowerskills is farming apple meat, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:16, Reply)

Corgi's
When I was young, a family friend had a corgi dog. My dad always said they have blue blood.

Found out last month that they don't ACTUALLY have blue blood, it's because the queen's got some corgi's....

I'm now 26. The shame.....
(ElitePlotter, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:15, Reply)

I once managed to
convince a friend that bears lay eggs, and that they look a lot like coconuts.
That is all.
(Robot. Home of the greasy bucket., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:07, Reply)

I'll have a P please Bob.
No new story from me, but I did once meet a guy who knew the real sax player from "Baker Street". A sax genius, maybe, but spent most of the time so stoned he could hardly walk.

Anyway, why do these things always happen to a mate of a mate?
(The Jannie, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 19:05, Reply)

Richard Branson
When I was a fair bit younger I didn't know who Richard Branson was. The name sounded familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I asked my dad (and believed his answer because, well, he's my dad!) who informed me that Richard Branson was the inventor of BRANSON'S PICKLE.
( The Helpful Bear, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:59, Reply)

I heard that..
..Ken Dodd's Dad's dog's dead.
(mcnelson, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:46, Reply)

Eddie Izzard
Is Englebert Humperdink dead, or not?
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:33, Reply)

mistafeesh
Welcome...
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:26, Reply)

T-in the park
i remember starting a rumor at T in the park 2004 that patrick moore had died in his sleep. one guy almost broke down in tears. the rumor didnt spread very due to scotish people generally not giving a shit.
(monkeytennis?, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:23, Reply)

Urban legends?
Once upon a time, there were two forum goers called Stusut and Legless. While Legless was an excellent and entertaining storyteller, he perhaps passed off one story too many as an actual experience, and destroyed the whole image (as there are only so many tales people will take about wanking gorillas, camping holidays involving nurses & sheep and film-esque narrow escapes from the fuzz involving motorbikes before becoming suspicious ).

A set of the fairies he supposedly hallucinated about in one of his stories stole his nads as punishment. May that be a lesson to you, children. He did, however, win the prize for appearing the most Best Of QOTWs, which although good, wasn't much of a replacement for his stolen testicles.

Stusut was just crap.
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:18, Reply)

Heads Up
My Grandad managed to convince his son (my dad, well spotted) that legendary Everton football player Dixie Dean took penalties with his head. So outstanding was this myth that my father believed it until he was 21.

Please god let it be evil jokes that are herditary in my family and not complete and utter fucktardery.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:12, Reply)

Not me ...
...but a pal (who was off his face on some narcotic or other)is a vegetarian. Halfway through munching down a jammie dodger biscuit, we tell him that he really shouldn't be eating those as the strawberry filling is made from animals called 'land-jams'.

Shamefully, he believed us.

Not sure if this is funny to anyone else, or if you had to be there (!)
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:06, Reply)

Staying Alive
For years I was sure that Richard Branson was the lead singer of the Bee Gees. I had no proof of this I just remember seeing them when I was a kid and presuming it was some kind of beard club that they all belonged to. I mean they look kinda similar. If you squint. So it was unmaliciously that I spread this all around my junior school and it somehow became widely accepted as fact. Pass it on, you know you want to.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:06, Reply)

Good luck Mr Gorsky
I must admit with shame that I believed this one for a day or two until I googled it. In a good world it should be true tho :)

"When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 18:01, Reply)

Beatle clone!
For a while I actually believed the whole Beatle-is-a-clone thing.
(Aquabeast, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:51, Reply)

Famous Schooner Hotel
I shit you not.

www.livingtv.co.uk/mosthauntedseries3/loc_schoonerhotel.html

I quote from the website from those gullible dipsticks on Most Haunted.

"The Hotel itself is a listed 17th Century Coaching Inn and has been the hub of Alnmouth village for the past 300 years. Notable persons who've stayed in the hotel include Charles Dickens, Basil Rathbone, Douglas Bader and even King George III."

And that would be bollocks then as I was one of the people in the bar when we made up these stories. The Douglas Bader one was made up when we found a plastic leg from a shop dummy and convinced some gullible tourists that it was left behind by Douglas Bader. Then how did he get home then you thick twats? Hop?

And, again from the website:

"Its reputation as place of hauntings is well deserved. It has been twice awarded the award for The Most Haunted Hotel in Great Britain by The Poltergeist Society and is reputed to have over 60 individual ghosts."


Errr - there's no such thing as the Poltergeist Society. I know 'cos I printed out the fucking certificates that hang on the wall. John (the owner) couldn't get the fonts right. Go on - Google "Poltergeist Society" and see what comes up.

Cheers all - whooooooooooooooooo
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:41, Reply)

i no brain
I've fallen for just about every one in the book - gullible out of the OED, the old lady sitting in the back seat of my dad's mate's car when he comes back from the supermarket, he asks her to get out to help with reversing & looks round to find axes, knives etc. in the back seat.

My favourite fake one was persuading my sister that ginger people were created by the interbreeding of sexually frustrated spanish sailors in borneo and orangutans in the 1400s. She bought it & mentioned it to her (ginger) boyfriend who undid all my good work. Bugger.
(Lord of the Pies, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:40, Reply)

My friend Steph
once told me that Robbie Coltrane is really 8 ft tall, that's why he was cast as Hagrid.
(SJ is the egg, meow, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:40, Reply)

More printer ghosts
I set the status line of our printer to "Out of Coffee" as a laugh one Friday and went away for the weekend.

On Monday my boss was freaking out that something was wrong with the printer. So I set it to "Insert 10p to play" and waited. As soon as I heard the shout from over by the printers, I changed it back to the default "OK" and never changed it again.

He still goes over to check that the printer is behaving and I've never seen the need to enlighten him.
( chthonic, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:40, Reply)

Well, I fell for the fact...
... that ear candles are beneficial for ear infections. What a fool!
Oh, and did you know that the world 'gullible' isn't in the Oxford English Dictionary?
( CaroWallis, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:37, Reply)

My friend
A friend of mine started a legend on a website that celebrated all the best stuff on the internet. He began posting his own stories on a weekly basis. His first efforts were entirely fabricated, and they led people to believe that he had lived a rich and fruitful life, peppered with moments of sickening horror, brutal violence and passionate carnal lust. Some visitors to the site instantly took notice of these tales, expressing their dismay at tales of child abuse, bizarre musical concerts and the murder of unborn children. Others were left spellbound.

My friend's alter ego began to enter into their subconscious, haunting their dreams and featuring heavily in all of their wildest and most depraved sexual fantasies.

The hysteria surrounding this true legend escalated to such a point that my friend, his mind twisted by this unexpected reaction to his ramblings, lost all memory of who he really was. His identity had been destroyed and his destiny changed forever.

His writings became longer and more bizarre, to the point that they lost all of the original charm that had once won the hearts of so many and enraged even more. My friend was driven completely insane with confusion. He no longer knew what was real and what was not; what was funny and what was stupid; what was right and what was wrong.

When I last saw him, he simply cried out, "Woe is me! Look upon me with thine salty eyes and see this bent and twisted frame, but forget not the man I once was, for surely he is not lost, cast into the abyss!" And I will never forget his final words to me as I left the derelict building in which he still resides, a computer his only companion. The words still echo in my ears to this day: "I shall return! I SHALL RETURN!!!"
(stusut79, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:34, Reply)

tits
My mate who was always fairly bizarre, told me he once walked into his bathroom at home, and caught his mum shaving her tits.
(balboa, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:31, Reply)

Tube Bombings
Just after the London underground bombings I was in York waiting for a train to London when I bumped into an Arabic looking bloke and knocked some papers from his hands. So, being the helpful guy I am I picked them up for him. Arab guy was really grateful and leaned forward and said to me in a hushed whisper:

"If you're traveliing down to London today - don't!"

I felt a little scared and asked him and asked him:

"Why? Is there going to be another bombing?"

"No" says Arab bloke "Don't go cause it's shite!"

Ba-bom-tish!!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 5 Jan 2006, 17:26, Reply)