Cheered me up no end...
The reason I've not been online in fucking ages is because Mr Anodyne and I split up about six weeks ago and O2 Broadband apparently needed FIVE FUCKING WEEKS NOTICE to come and fit it in my new house. Achem. So yeah, we split up. No great loss to me, but shit is decidedly not good between us.

A few days after this happened, he went out with a local girl that he's always got along with, and I never have. She somehow manages to be both spectacularly retarded and an evil, conniving psycho cunt at the same time. His friendship with a crackwhore had been the source of many an argument over time. Anyway, they went out to a club, and she managed to slip three different kinds of drugs into his drink, whilst taking the same herself. When they went back to hers, she had a huge freak out and tried to kill him while he was tripping his balls off. So he manages to get out of her house, but he's really badly hallucinating and freaking the fuck out, and he's hurt. So, at 4 a.m. he calls my Mum and starts spouting gibberish down the phone at her (none of his family live near and they've always been close). Bearing in mind that he has severe mental health issues, she gets up and goes down to his house, where he's passed out on the floor. An ambulance is called, and he ended up in hospital for a week. In short, this bitch drugged him and he nearly died. Even though we'd split up, this was VERY BAD.

Fast forward about three weeks and my friend has taken me out for an afternoon sesh at the local rock pub to cheer me up. It wasn't working very well until I walked into the loos and sat down, only to look at the legend carved in angry, six inch high, letters on the door:

J***E S****L IS A DEMENTED SLAG

Which I thought summed her up quite nicely, really. I immediately whipped out my phone and sent pictures to everyone I knew. And I smiled for the rest of the day.

I saw her about a week later at the same place and ended up in a massive slanging match with her in the street (classy, I know) and when I called her a crackwhore, she said "How the fuck can I be a crackwhore? I don't take crack!". Like I say, spectacularly retarded.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Oct 2010, 21:31, 32 replies)

So, have you got J***E's number?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 21:38, closed)

Trust me mate, you wouldn't want to touch her with someone else's bargepole. The phrase "walking STD factory" has been used to describe her, quite fairly, I think.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Oct 2010, 21:53, closed)

Charmed.
(hairybuddha, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 22:27, closed)

she has a point though
you can't be a crackwhore if you don't take crack
it's how the name is derived
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 22:36, closed)

Well, look on the bright side. She can still be a whore. That's half right.

It's one of those glass half-full/half-empty things...
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 22:58, closed)

Yeah, sorry. My point was not about her not taking crack, it was the fact that she chose to refute taking crack over refuting that she slept with men for drugs.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 11 Oct 2010, 23:03, closed)

Is she hot?
(brutal stack Raided the beeves of Apollo on, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 23:50, closed)

The question is
Is she flammable.


Or indeed inflammable, I never did understand those.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 0:02, closed)

Yeah
What's the deal with that?
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 1:35, closed)

Blame it on Latin and its tricky prefixes.
In the beginning, there was "inflammable," a perfectly nice English word based on the Latin "inflammare," meaning "to kindle," from "in" (in) plus "flamma" (flame). "Inflammable" became standard English in the 16th century. So far, so good.

Comes the 19th century, and some well-meaning soul dreamt up the word "flammable," basing it on a slightly different Latin word, "flammare," meaning "to set on fire." There was nothing terribly wrong with "flammable," but it never really caught on. After all, we already had "inflammable," so "flammable" pretty much died out in the 1800's.

"But wait," you say, "I saw 'flammable' just the other day." Indeed you did. "Flammable" came back, one of the few successful instances of social engineering of language.

The Latin prefix "in," while it sometimes means just "in" (as in "inflammable"), more often turns up in English words meaning "not" (as in "invisible" -- "not visible"). After World War Two, safety officials on both sides of the Atlantic decided that folks were too likely to see "inflammable" and decide that the word meant "fireproof," so various agencies set about encouraging the revival of "flammable" as a substitute. The campaign seems to have worked, and "inflammable" has all but disappeared.

That left what to call something that was not likely to burst into flames, but here the process of linguistic renovation was easier. "Non-flammable" is a nice, comforting word, and besides, it's far easier on the tongue than its now thankfully obsolete precursor, "non-inflammable."

Source: www.word-detective.com/120398.html
(sunray18, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 4:14, closed)

This is useful but
NEEDZ MOAR CRACKWHORE
(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 4:52, closed)

Blame it on Latin and its tricky prefixes.
In the beginning, there was "inflammable," a perfectly nice English word based on the Latin "inflammare," meaning "to kindle," from "in" (in) plus "flamma" (flame). "Inflammable" became standard English in the 16th century. So far, so good.

Comes the 19th century, and some well-meaning soul dreamt up the word "flammable," basing it on a slightly different Latin word, "flammare," meaning "to set on fire." There was nothing terribly wrong with "flammable," but it never really caught on. After all, we already had "inflammable," so "flammable" pretty much died out in the 1800's.

"But wait," you say, "I saw 'flammable' just the other day." Indeed you did. "Flammable" came back, one of the few successful instances of social engineering of language.

The Latin prefix "in," while it sometimes means just "in" (as in "inflammable"), more often turns up in English words meaning "not" (as in "invisible" -- "not visible"). After World War Two, crackwhores on both sides of the Atlantic decided that folks were too likely to see "inflammable" and decide that the word meant "fireproof," so various agencies set about encouraging the revival of "flammable" as a substitute. The campaign seems to have worked, and "inflammable" has all but disappeared.

That left what to call something that was not likely to burst into flames, but here the process of linguistic renovation was easier. "Non-flammable" is a nice, comforting word, and besides, it's far easier on the tongue than its now thankfully obsolete precursor, "non-inflammable."
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 8:35, closed)

So, basically
What you're saying is that you're single.

/leans in close
/gurns
/rubs thighs vigourously
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 9:49, closed)

Rawr
I am inflamed with lust.


Err...or flamed with lust.

Awh damnit not again.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:11, closed)

Silence, Fidel!

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 14:59, closed)

Oh
I see what you did there.

My loins burn for your comedic wit.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 23:00, closed)

.
And my loins burn because I can't tell the difference between flamable and inflammable x
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 0:01, closed)

Does this count as a post-modern entry into the QOTW?
Vandalising someone else's post?
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:29, closed)

I think so, yes. But who would get the credit?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:43, closed)

I say we follow the principle that all modern art is founded on
I did it unless someone else can prove otherwise!
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:46, closed)

This is not a reply

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 11:50, closed)

This would be where I'd make a witty headline
This would be where I'd post a picture of you with a Dali moustache
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 11:58, closed)

Ironically enough, I have a picture of myself wearing a Dali Moustache on a night out a couple of weeks ago.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 12:39, closed)

Must...not...type
Did you grow it especially for the occasion?
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 13:14, closed)

No, someone had them on sticks (why, I'm not sure) and gave me one. There were a lot of girls with moustaches that night.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 13:28, closed)

Any chance you've still got it?
My moustache growing skills are such that the odds of gaining anything approaching a Dali style 'tasche is going to take until 2089.

(assuming a linear increase in facial hair folicle growth)
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 13:47, closed)

Haha unfortunately not. Just buy a stick-on one from the interwebs. If you're that desperate to have a Dali-style tache, I would avoid attractive members of the opposite sex whilst wearing it. There is a reason Dali only had full sex with two people in his life, and it's either because he was a huge deviant or the moustache. My guess is definetly on the moustache.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 13:58, closed)

Does that mean...
blokes will go wild and randy for me?

I need to know any potential downsides here before it's too late.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 14:43, closed)

I think they might, yes. But is that really a down side?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 14:47, closed)

Urgh
Damnit, my middle class sensibilities don't allow me to be negative about bumsex.

You win this round! But I'll get you next time Gadget...NEXT TIME!
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 14:54, closed)

Lets be fair though, Dali didn't really have lots of bumsex, he just did lots of other homosexualist stuff and watched other people have bumsex.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 15:02, closed)

Oh well that's alright then. Bring on the moustache!
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 23:02, closed)