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This is a question Weddings

Attending a wedding is like being handed a licence to act like a twat. Oh how I laughed when I sobered up and realised I'd nicked most of the plates and cutlery from the posh hotel lunch and those vague memories of stealthily exiting like a cat-burglar had in-fact involved falling out of the hotel, knives and forks clattering onto the steps.

Tell us your wedding stories.

(, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 15:19)
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I could write a book ...
Instead I shall divide into a few posts.

Example 1: Mate from Uni's wedding.

I got drunk.

Now, I know that this is a common theme, but I got REALLY drunk. It's hard to say what was the most embarrasing thing.

Was it being almost alone on the dancefloor, pretending to be one of the Spice Girls to Wannabe (I was 14 stone and had a beard at the time)? Sadly, I was that drunk I thought everyone was staring at me because I was such a great dancer. This inspired me to greater efforts.

Was it projectile vomiting from the dancefloor, through the dining room, up the stairs, across the landing and into the toilet, where I coated the walls? Drinking several bottles of red meant that the new carpets at the rather swanky golf club were stained so badly they couldn't be cleaned and had to be replaced.

Was it talking to the DJ who had been instructed by the Bride's parents to pack up early due to some drunken oaf barfing everywhere? As well as being fairly large and beardy, I am also white. Very white. For some reason huge quantities of red wine seemed to make me think otherwise, and not only did I finish every sentance with a slurred "You know what I'm saying?", but I consistently refered to the coloured DJ as "My Nigga". Fortunately, he seemed to find this more funny than offensive.

No, it was none of these very embarrasing things. It was the fact that the next day I was giving the grooms elderly grandmother a lift home, yet had no idea where she was. After several phonecalls I eventually traced her to the brides parents house, where I had to pick her up. They were far more gracious then I had any right to expect.

I'd like to say I've never been drunk at a wedding since, but I'd be lying.
(, Mon 18 Jul 2005, 12:51, closed)

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