We went to a wedding in Spain, as the bride was Spanish.
It was all a very nice, very middle class affair - a lovely country setting in the late afternoon, followed by a short trip to a lovely hotel for the breakfast, which was held around the luxurious pool, and entirely candlelit.

The father of the bride spoke no English at all, and so his speech was translated by his eldest son, line for line. It was a masterclass in such a setting - short, heartfelt; bordering on the emotional, and a good joke to close.

Then to the Best Man.

I've been Best Man a couple of times - I know how it goes: you're generally young, you're generally nervous, and you're generally not very funny, but everyone supports you because everyone's nice. So have a whisky before you go on, and get it done with.

This guy - this guy had had a bottle.

He actually, properly staggered and swayed up to the microphone.

There were a couple of gasps - he dropped his cards, turned around and knocked over a wine bottle to crash on the floor. "Iss a ... where the ... Paul what did I ... ?" he mumbled

Everyone stared in horror, but "No no!" I comforted my table, "This is part of it - he'll do this for a couple of moments, and then he'll crack in with an excellent joke - this is good stuff!"

Oh no.

Oh no.

This guy was actually that trashed. Absolutely trashed. He referred to the bride's 'baby hole'. He told a story about when she was mensturating. He told a story that seemed to involve him "Showing her my dick."

After a few minutes, the groom interrupted him, saying "Haha! I've, er ... I've got Graham something to thank him, er ... " to which several tables hectored with "YER! A TAXI!"

Sadly his speech didn't seem to make the final cut of the video, as if it had, I would have ordered a copy, if only to show to the prospective and some very nervous Best Men I've met over the years since, to tell them "If you can do it better than this guy, you're doing OK."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 11 Nov 2014, 17:04, Reply)