Dancing...
...it's not that I dislike the *concept*, just the practise of me doing it. It feels entirely unnatural, uncomfortable, and I've no idea what I'm meant to be doing or (crucially) why. Which is why I always forgo the clubbing portion of any friends birthdays or outings, and just go to the pre-drinks/dinner bit whenever possible. The only near exception being at gigs, where I would gleefully jump and bounce around in the moshpit, but that's not really *dancing*.

My non-dancing life went pretty happily for many, many years, in spite of the protestations and disappointment of friends who wanted me to come to their horrid, noisy clubs. Until, that is, a friends wedding. Where, for the first time, I would be surrounded by my dance-loving friends, AND a dance floor. Oh, the glee on their faces - these three girls in particular. The squeeing, the excitement, that *finally*, after all these years, they would get to see me dance. The anticipation and the threats (I say "threats" - but that was how it was taken rather than given) that I would be pulled onto the dance floor were built up to nobel-prize/oscar-award-winning status & importance. I weakly protested, saying that I've tried dancing but it feels weird and I've not idea what I'm doing, but the coo-ing reassurances of "you'll be fine" "just let yourself go!", "have fun and dance like nobodies watching" etc. came thick and fast.

There was to be no escape. "Fine" I thought. I'll go up for one dance just to shut them up, then I can head back to the buffet, bar and smokers corner to eat, chat, and crack wise.

The big night came. 3 songs after the first dance, the aforementioned girls, with beaming smiles yet eerily-threatening expressions came to my table, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me onto the dance floor. My brow furrowed with fear and discomfort, but I was encouraged and cajoled. Surrounded by 60% friends/acquaintances, 40% strangers, I started dancing. Well... I say dancing. I started moving my limbs in a manner I thought was rhythmical (In fact, it was *perfectly* rhythmical - I'm a drummer, dammit. Rhythm is the one bit I can do).

15 seconds. Literally. That's how long I lasted before their worried, almost horrified faces made it clear they could take no more. Almost in unison, 2 of them touched me on the arm, pointed off the dance floor and, shaking their heads slightly, said "it's ok, you can go".


I thanked them, let out a little a sigh of relief and went back to the bar. But it still hurts a bit that I'm even worse a dancer than I thought I would be.

Fuck weddings.
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 13:55, 15 replies)

Top autisming

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 14:08, closed)

I think an autism would spell it "practice"

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 16:48, closed)

An inability to dance is symptomatic of autism?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 16:57, closed)

says a man who has posted 28 stories and 1624 replies on question of the week.
In seven months.
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Wed 12 Nov 2014, 18:34, closed)

Hey pal,
go fuck yourself.

I can't help it if I'm interesting.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 20:54, closed)

...and pleasant.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Nov 2014, 22:05, closed)

Are you me?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 16:27, closed)

No, me.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 16:33, closed)

Eff yew emm?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 0:14, closed)

I enjoyed the sheer lameness of this

( rofl harris, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 23:55, closed)

^ dancer for money, does what they want him to do

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 21:11, closed)

Tina Bun.
I liked her.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 13 Nov 2014, 22:06, closed)

Larry was great in that film

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 23:37, closed)

You're not alone.
I dance like Chandler Bing.

I also dance with my bum. It just wiggles around when I'm enjoying myself. Did it in front of a mirror once to see what it looks like though. You know how you picture things in your head and they're completely different in reality? Yeah, I can never dance like this in public. I look so odd.

Combine the two and THAT is why I never get up to dance, no matter how much people insist!
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 22:32, closed)

Wow... Chandler's dancing is eerily close to mine, except at least he looks happy doing it. My face was a mixture of worry a total concentration.
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Fri 14 Nov 2014, 13:59, closed)