Grandmasterfluffles
I read your name as GrandmasterTRUFFLES, which would be a funny name for a fatty.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 13:14, Reply)

I was stalked by Bill Gates.

( Fictional Emma, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 12:56, Reply)

The Armstrongs (BBC2) documentary...
Does anyone watch that.

the odd looking chap who works the telesales job; and his even more weird looking wife. They met each other (and subsequently married) through an Othello website. Apparently they're obsessed with the game.

they are two of the weirdest people i have ever seen.
(nappy rash, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 12:52, Reply)

...
was just thinking the same thing meself...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 12:25, Reply)

Never Actually Met Him
But there's this guy I know who sets the QOTW week on a certain popular website.

Slacker is never on time getting the new question up.....Weird....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 12:12, Reply)

Kinda reversed...
I have a housemate i've known for 6+ years. But since he moved in 2 years ago. He has banished himself to his room to play WoW. Probably only see him for about 10 minutes a week :S

So does he count as an internet weirdo?
(HoBag (TM) <-- Fookin' legend, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 10:10, Reply)

Freaky Chap who my sister was friends with.
My sister enjoys meeting people from a popular online text based game.

They're often weird.
(DRAGONSLAYER, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 3:43, Reply)

The Hitman
If it weren't for the interweb, I would never have met The Hitman. I met him on a night out with one of my interweb friends- I went to pick up my friend, and he had this other guy with him...

He was wearing a black shirt, black trousers, and a red tie. Had a completely shaved head. He was also wearing leather gloves, and possibly a long coat. Did I mention it was July in New York? Probably about 80 degrees farenheit. He kept muttering about killing people whilst in the backseat of my car, as we drove to the bar. However, we got to chatting that night, and it turned out he was actually rather personable and seemingly clever, so we made plans to hang out more. What followed was a three-week or so friendship, with the following highlights:

-He was constantly insinuating that he was a hitman. He'd get random phone calls in the middle of nights at the pub and have to "leave immediately" for "business." Turned out he was full of it, he confessed to our mutual friend that I made him so nervous he'd have to leave. I guess I'm just that hawt.

-He would take incredibly roundabout routes home, because he swore there were people following us.

-He told me he still had his v-plates at nearly 30. Confirmed by mutual friend.

-He told me he was taken under the wing of a Japanese scholar at some point, and had learned Japanese and some martial arts. When he met my mates who spoke Japanese, he became violent with them instead of just admitting he was a liar who didn't know Japanese. This made an utter mess of my birthday party.

-He drank like a fish, and had a job that required operation of heavy machinery.

-He would constantly point out women who were checking him out/wanted him. They were usually paying him no mind at all.

-He told me he used to deal with a biker gang, and was worried about being recognized. Actually, not.

-At the end of our friendship, he'd put his hand around the front of my neck when trying to make a point, as one would normally touch someone's arm or something. He'd also grab my arm really really hard. That was the end, but of course it couldn't end easily...

-Cue the horrible myspace poetry and the envelope of pictures he'd taken at my party taped to my front door, weeks later. He also left me creepy myspace comments, and his photo was of himself dressed like The Matrix as usual, holding a glass of wine in one hand, sort of raising a toast, and a gun in the other hand.

-Last I heard, he left my friend's house (where he was living and not paying my friend's mom rent, even tho he was supposed to) without warning, leaving only a note that said people were trying to get him, and that he had to leave to spare my friend's family from being in danger.

And there you have The Hitman.
(emgee, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 23:29, Reply)

Fortunately
All my interweb-people encounters have been fine - though so far that only amounts to meeting a couple of people from a druming forum I'm on, and a friend-of-a-friend I'd only talked to on msn.
(asdfasdfasdf, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 23:14, Reply)

Maybe not a weirdo but..
Not being the most stunningly good looking bloke on the planet and absolutely shite at talking to women I don't know ITRW, online liaisons were my meat and two veg for a while. Most of them were okay and lasted a few months but one had me fearing for my life!

I'd just split up with Chris (another internet girl who liked it shot over her tits, nice...) and thought that rather than mope for the next few months I'd better get "back into the game"

Online relationship with Sarah from the Northeast. Sounded hot on the phone and was was offering free sex whenever I wanted it. Plus, she worked for an Apple dealer and I'd hoped that she could pass a couple of Macs my way.

I should have noted the warning signs when every time I came up with a reason not to visit (valid reasons) she went off on one, slammed down the phone and then called back ten minutes later to apologise.

I drove up to hers with an indescribable feeling of dread.

She wasn't a bad looker and we did get on rather well. But I did feel a strange unease all night.

In a pub she threatened to smash the face of some girl that was apparently checking me out (yeah right) and I regretted having a few beers because I wouldn't be able to drive home. She then proceeded to tell me that she had fantasies of wearing a strap-on and shagging me up the Gary.

First thing the next morning, I bolted sharpish and gave her some excuse that i wasn't over my ex (which was actually true). Dozens of crying phone calls from her for the next few weeks and then she gave up. So i was able to let both my cat and my big pans out of hiding.

Since then, she has been referred to as "Scary Sarah" but being the compassionate gent that I am, I think she just had issues.

I shagged her though. It would have been impolite not to...

Happy ending though. I met my current girlfriend off Dating Direct last year. She only lives 20 miles away. She's lovely and we're off to Paris in a week!

Wish I could apologise for length, girth, etc.
(Ghostlight, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 21:15, Reply)

My own fair share...
Apart from the obligatory fat bird (by the way we're talking not just meaty, not just a bit extra, not cow size, in fact, not even hippo sized. Try a sodding blue whale!) who was American, lived near Salisbury, lost her virginity at 13 and tried to rape me, I've never had a problem with weirdos off the net. I've made quite a few good friends actually. Although one person I am pleased never to have met was one person who claimed to be a psychic vampire, and offered to "turn" me. I think that's one for the old block list methinks.

Also, given that people are passing on experiences of past b3ta bashes, I think I may have well been the weird one in this case (Sheffield bash, Jan '06). I got slightly drunk, and did goatse-alikes with anything I could find. My pint, a sauce pot and a container for chips made good material. And then spending the rest of the evening constantly talking about a bloke who was sat just on the other side of the pub, who I swear to God was the dead spit of Dr Fox. The trouble is, it wasn't just his face. Or his hair. He even dressed the same. Either way, this is by the by, as I managed to freak out a bunch of hardened b3tans, which to me is something to be proud of!

Oh- one more thing- saying "No, Daddy no, it bleeeeeeeeds" in a really freaky voice is also excellent for freaking out fellow b3tans. I think it's something of a sport for me. Freaking out b3tans... hmmm...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 22 Mar 2006, 21:11, Reply)

Here's another from me
As we all seem to at one time or another, I've joined the odd online dating agency. Haven't really been on many dates through them - mainly because it's not until I get on the date that I realise WHY I don't go on Internet dates. But I'm a game bird and will try anything for a laugh...

This particular story revolves around arranging to meet a guy off the Internet. Blindly. His details: 42, 6', long black hair. Fine, I thought, not so bad. I arranged to meet him in Rockworld in Manchester - a nice busy place and great likelihood of me knowing someone there should I need rescuing.

ANYWAY, I get to Rockworld and text him to get him to come and meet me in the lobby. (before I've gotten there I've had all manner of cheesy texts off him - like "mmm, make sure you dress up for me nice" and other stuff that's too misogynistic for words. There goes first warning bell.)

After a while I get a text back, telling me that he's outside by the door. I get to the door to find: 42 - plus the ten years he forgot to add on to be telling the truth. 5'6" instead of 6'. Long black hair? Long, yes, but only at the back - the man had a fucking greasy mullet which was seriously losing fur up top. he looked like Mick fucking McManus in a leather jacket.

Anyway, apparently 'some guys' were after him and that's why he was outside. He tried to lure me to a 'nice quiet bar' but all I wanted to do was run (not to mention the fact that I had already paid to get in AND checked my coat.) I was getting a nasty perv vibe off him, therefore I wasn't going anywhere with him, especially alone.

So I sacked him off and went back into Rockworld while he stormed off like a sulky kid (NO JOKE!!). I didn;t miss out though as I ended up pulling a fit 19 year-old German metal type. Mein Teil!!! :-D
(sundaeg1rl Lady Two-Jugs, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 19:57, Reply)

Seebeedee wins
"malnourished wasps are sent on their journey to conquer my eyes" (Alice)

fan. tastic.
(InfiniteZenMaster, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 19:34, Reply)

Grandmasterfluffles
It's b), no question.

What girth?
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 18:21, Reply)

grandmasterfulffles......
I personaly think fat means any girl with a bigger waist than me. Being as I weigh 10 stone and have a 27 inch waist, that's quite alot of fat girls in my book.

Which is the reason I live in Thailand where they're all stick insects.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 17:42, Reply)

GMF.
B all the way.

Nothing wrong with a girl with a bit of meat in on her.

Not tried this internet dating lark and all the people I've met off the intarweb have been frighteningly normal.
(mehmeh 0% witty, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 17:36, Reply)

Hmmmmm
It strikes me that all the boys replying to this question are very mean about fat girls, whereas virtually all the men I meet in real life claim to have a preference for a girl with "a bit of meat on her". Could it be

a) that you're all too scared to admit in real life that you like skinny chicks; or

b) that your definition of "fat" differs to that of most women - i.e. women think "fat" means anyone who doesn't look like a model and men think "fat" means a ten ton lump of whale blubber that you'd have to be truly desperate to sleep with.

Tis an interesting question. I expect you all think I'm a fat girl now.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 17:28, Reply)

Horny in Harold Wood
New poster guys so please be kind!

Back in 2001 i was 'working' for an insurance underwriters in the city, anyhoo being the gap year student i never really was given much to do so spent most of my time surfing big waves on the net.
During this period i was also a subscriber to an email newsletter called 'The Friday Thing'. One of the services it offerd was the friday flirt and being the eternally optimistic and horny 18yo i sent an email to a girl named 'Tiger' or something akin to that.....and she replied.
Cue two days of email flirting and an agreement that i should pop over to her flat in Harold Wood on the Sunday (we exchanged fotos and she was quite a hot, if a tiny bit chubby red head)
Sunday arrives, my mum drops me at the end of her street (i couldn't drive legally then) and i go into her flat. Over the next 2 hours we chew the fat, she shoes me her shoe collection (kinky) and we consume an outrageous amount of alcohol. Next thing i know we're in her bedroom where she promptly demands that i
"Fuck her silly" and "not to bother with any of that foreplay shit"
This is a touch i think,and after the deed is done lay back feeling quite smug.....until she says that her ex-boyfriend is popping over for a chat with me (why?!) and that he's just got out of prison. The area looks like a BNP stronghold anyway so cue my sharpish exit under the guise of having a fag only to pretty much walk into the human equivalent of a doberman walking into the flats. I put my head down, walked a good block away and phoned my mum to pick me up. I also went for a check up at the clinic a week later.
(crispyshark, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 17:12, Reply)

Quagmire: "Fat chicks need love too...but they gotta pay"
My painfully skinny mate (think skinny bloke from 'Roadtrip') decided to meet up with a girl he had been flirting with online. He took me with him for backup.

We got to the pub in Bath & it was heaving, but his spidey sense was telling him that the beached whale across the room was the "Slim & Pretty" girl he was supposed to meet.

So he did the honourable thing and called her mobile number while keeping the swamp-thing under surveillance.

She picked up. ABORT ABORT...

Needless to say he lost the urge to introduce himself formally. I was tempted to drop him in it & shout out "Over here", but she would have snapped him in two.


Ninja Edit: There seems to have been a bit of a backlash against my post and similar, where the anecdote revolves around meeting up with a lady who has been economical with the truth about her ample frame. So to avoid accusations of being prejudiced, let me set the score staight in a mature and sympathetic manner: The only reason for going out with a fat bird is that you know she will swallow.

I'm glad we could have this chat.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 16:36, Reply)

Two I wish I have really never met..
I didn't, strictly speaking, meet this man over the internet, but I did used to have to help a man who had a few interpersonal problems. I helped him with PC problems (he was trying to set up a Linux cluster in a computing lab).

A strong (eye watering) smell of ammonia, which probably had something to do with the fact he only ever wore the one suit, consisting of a tweed blazer, shirt & trousers. He also suffered from an exceedingly creepy personality and scared most of the women he met.

The second one was actually a group. A friend of mine belonged to a forum of Howard Jones fans. A few of the members were flying over here for some reason, and had agreed to meet. My friend wanted to go along, and, somehow conned me into doing so..

Not really wierd as such. Boring? Well, put it this way, I spent the night in one of the Hilton hotels in London (Holborn, I think), with a group of Howard Jones fans, and I don't even like Howard Jones.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 16:35, Reply)

Sheffield - Sin City
Early 2000, in an attempt to get over a nasty breakup, I started talking to several girls over the internet. One girl seemed very keen and we started talking loads, exchanged photos and finally after about a month decided to meet up. Everything seemed in order, she seemed quite pretty, relatively normal and made me laugh.

I drove all the way to Sheffield to the Meadowhall shopping centre and stood around in absolute horror - the place WAS full of feckless weirdos who populated Barrymore's exploitative show - but I was stoned and had a 98% probablity of getting laid, so being stood in the middle of a George A Romero movie set seemed ok at the time.

2pm came and went, no show. I started looking around in that hopeful desperation of someone who has been stood up - smiling at people appearing out of lifts, walking around corners - looking like a needy gurning freak.

Someone said my name - I looked around and damn the weed, I'd imagined it.

Someone said my name again and pulled my jumper - I looked down.

It was her, all nearly 4 foot of her who then proceeded to come on to me like a drunken teenager.

I spent the next few hours fending her off after the nice guy in me (who didn't want to offend her) stupidly had coffee with her and then drove her home.

She was all over me like the fucking plague in the car park, the car, outside her house, repeatedly saying "I want to fuck you", trying to get her hands down my pants, sticking her tits in my face. I finally told her that I didn't want to shag her.

"Just let me suck you off then, you don't have to touch me, just let me taste you"

I left, rapidly.

Two days later a teddy bear and an apology card arrived at my digs, followed by one every week after. Somehow she managed to get my address, but luckily never turned up there.

Damn those circus midgets!
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Wed 22 Mar 2006, 16:09, Reply)

SIVABLOOD
rock.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 15:40, Reply)

My answer would probably involve mongychops in some capacity as well
And I also seem to have met the same excessively fat, fake-picture, money-leeching American girl you've all dated (my friend paid for her to fly from the US to the UK and back again and back again and she ended up trying to shag me).

On the other hand, I'm probably equally as weird as anyone else you're likely to meet on the internet, so I can't really say much. I've just registered on myspace and okcupid (under new usernames) so beware.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 15:11, Reply)

I've met Mongychops!
that is all.
;)
( Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 22 Mar 2006, 14:40, Reply)

it's all green
I arranged a date with a guy from a dating site i'd been using. We'd conversed by email & phone and I hadn't detected anything unusual so thought a meet up was a good idea.

We met and at one point on the date he says

"I only wear green coloured stuff" and indeed he was wearing all green clothes.

Ha ha ha, thinks i, he's making with a funny. Glad to know the sense of humour displayed on email has transferred itself to real life.

Only on the 4th date did it occur to me that that he really had only worn green coloured clothes on each of our dates and no he hadn't been joking, he was a camo fan.

I decided i couldn't go out with someone that would blend in with the greenery everytime we were outside so i ended things nicely and decided that dating on t'internet was not for me.

Pop. It's not that long, but it made my eyes water when it took my cherry.
(bonobos_know_the_way, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 14:23, Reply)

Once and never again!
So I admit I was registered on a dating website, partly out of curiosity but mainly cos I was desperate to bang the backend out of anything with tits and a pulse, the pressure could have wiped out Berkshire!
Anyway, get some nice messages from some lovely females( the pics proved this) and one who lived very close to me who just made herself sound very attractive. Me being a total prat, very lazy and also loving a good surprise I went for local lass.
Someone should have pointed out to me that when they say they are of light build and medium height, they are lying or blind!
So comes the day I meet her, little nervous but ho hum, and this tall hippocrocopig of a woman is standing in corner.
Cant be her, she says shes attractive.
Gulp! Its her, but being desperate I stay anyway.
Like the length
One mobile pic to friend later, I have own kidnap set up in order to save my soul from being munched by Queen Kong.
F**kers never turn up, so drag myself out of the way and make large excuse bout small children and animals to escape, I do, the end!
But for 6 months I get sent on a regular basis her glamour model photos, slowly becoming porn - her agent told her she had the body for it (Blind or insane, you decide)
Gave me a laugh tho!
Apologies for length but my shrink says its helps my recovery!
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 9:31, Reply)

It all started back in college
I met a girl in a chatroom. Back when I failed college twice (in a row) because I developed a little internet addiction (I'm cured now, kinda). I got quite friendly with this person, and we kept in touch. For a few years. Well, she said she lived in Scotland, and she sounded uber hot on the phone. Well, she started to get a bit possessive. I told her that I wasn't interested when she said she was coming down for a bit of hoohaa. I mentioned that my friend was single though, and as I knew he was a bit desperate, I passed his number on. Well, it comes to the time she arrives in Brum, and I go round my mate's flat.

She turns out to be a bit of a psycho. She bought two suitcases for her journey. Now bearing in mind she hadn't really met either of us, and we'd lost contact fro 12 months-ish previous to catching up and meeting; one small suitcase was filled with a few clothes, underwear etc. One large suitcase filled with whips, paddles, lingerie, 4 pairs of handcuffs, chocolate body paint, strawberry body paint, masses of condoms, a couple of wooden canes, and more. Seems she had something on her mind.

As if that isn't just a little creepy, she went out after sleeping there the first night (I presume she slept at some stage), she goes into the city centre with my mate's keys, and has a copy cut for her. Then applies for a credit card at his address. A council flat, somewhere she has no credit history, and a very poor one from previous tennants.

Suffice to say, she went after a couple of days. I haven't heard from her since. I can't think why
( Mart No Fool No posts but lots of stalks recently., Wed 22 Mar 2006, 9:27, Reply)

Whale of a time!
Ok so this is my horroible wierdo story of the interweb persuasion.

So i joined this shit picture rating site for shits and giggles just to see what people thought. A few weeks pass and i get a message from an extremely attractive "mexican" lady. Since i'm not an extreme manliness sex god. I was taken aback thinking it was spam. To my surprise i found out she wasnt. So we talked for a good awhile which led to some phone conversations. She started talking about marriage and kids in general, but not particulary with me. I was kinda freaked, but hey she was fackin hot so who i was i to pass a girl like this up. As time goes on we arrange a meeting. She calls me up the day before the planned meeting crying like an emo who lost his tickets to a "staby mc stab my heart" conert. When i inquire as to whats going on she says she has a confession and im going to hate her. She says the "pictures" of her arent really her and her friends put her up to being on the site and they found a girl who looks almost exactly like her and used that for her to see what guys think. So here i am thinking well if she looks anything like the girl in the picture its still a good score. So the next day comes around...... She shows up at my house a FARKING WHALE OF A THING, not only did she not look latino at all, neither did she look sexy. She was a black hump back quazimoto sperm WHALE. I'm no rascist as i have seen some sexy black women, but she was like a giant clown with all black make-up. I smile and invite her in, the first thing she says is i was actually not going to tell you because i doubt you could tell any difference from the pictures and who i really am....... So to sum it up i kicked her out a bit later after i couldn't fake it any more. I'm sorry but if you resemble a farm animal and you want to find a close picture of yourself go to the zooo!
(|insertnickhere|, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 8:53, Reply)

Long-distance "relationships"
I was 14, bless me. I'd never so much as kissed a girl's cheek. I met someone online from Wisconsin, USA, who was lovely. I lived in Birmingham, UK at the time. I flew out to see her and we were "boyfriend and girlfriend" for about 2 years. The weirdo of my story was her mother, who was half filipino. During our relationship (which truly was puppy love) she did the following things to try and break us apart

- Try and convince us that lovebites/hickeys can get not her pregnant, but ME.
- Threatening suicide unless I was prepared to marry her daughter
- Standing outside her own house and throwing stones at it
- Not stopping when my then-lady and I walked in on her masturbating

I was only there a week as well, bloody hell. Now 22 and wiser, I've never yet gone out with a girl since who lives more than 2 miles from me.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 8:28, Reply)

Where do I start.....or finish?
Ok, without wishing to discuss any past "meets", a girl from America is flying over to see me at the end of May.

Some people report good things, others report bad things, she "seems" nice, but that's not necessarily a guide to future performance.

Help?
(Laxly, Wed 22 Mar 2006, 8:08, Reply)