The year was 1981 and as she walked off stage I knew I'd missed my chance to irrevocably change the course of human history by killing Sheena Easton
From global warming to the failure of the Greek economy, each new catastrophe I've witnessed since that day plunges me into fresh self-recrimination and regret
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 9 Oct 2015, 6:23, 1 reply)

Couldn't find anything to buy me mum for Mother's Day...
... which was the very next day, so I nipped into Boots for a ham sandwich and a bottle of pop, it being about lunchtime. Went outside and sat on the bin to eat/drink. Wandered off to the bus station and got the bus home.

There were no mobile phones for working class oiks like me in 1993, so when I got home from Warrington I didn't at first know why my mum was making a fuss.
(SonofRojBlake, Thu 8 Oct 2015, 13:24, 3 replies)

( $$ ✅, Wed 7 Oct 2015, 21:40, 1 reply)

you know what I think, I think if they electrocuted the gays and injected them with hormones they might actually cure it eventually

(AEthelfrith of Bernicia, Wed 7 Oct 2015, 14:10, 6 replies)

Dead Ringers
Circa the Year 2000 there were some MP3s ripped from the radio program Dead Ringers being traded among the Doctor Who fandom on Usenet and elsewhere, because they featured Jon Culshaw doing phone pranks in-character as the Fourth Doctor as played by Tom Baker.

I loved them so much I made a very rough cutout-style animation of one of the calls, compressed it to one of the horrible small video files we had back then, and posted it online.

My animation circulated nicely, went the 15-years-ago equivalent of viral, and eventually got me a very nice email from a Dead Ringers producer who'd seen the clip, loved it, and wondered if I'd perhaps be interested in working on more animations like it for their TV version of Dead Ringers which was in its very early planning stages.

I was thrilled by the possibility, but let down when we got to the point in discussions where it was apparent I wasn't from BBC land at all; I'm American. There turned out to be too many obstacles in the way of bringing a filthy foreigner like me onto their production, but they were very polite and apologetic about it.

On the bright side, they were still very complimentary about my work and wished me the best and also didn't sue me for using their audio without permission. When their TV show premiered in 2002 it ended up not featuring any cartoons anyway, and it turned out quite nice.
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Wed 7 Oct 2015, 7:56, 5 replies)

Accumulated poverty
Despite the fact I can't stand horse racing I worked on one of our great racing papers for a while. When they found out I'd never been to a meeting they gave me a day out at the Ascot Festival (it was the prize for a competition that no-one had entered).

Just before I left the office the day before, someone said to me 'You should back Dettori, he always does well at Ascot.' I didn't bother and that was the day he went through the card (won all seven races). People had accumulators and won over a hundred grand - I didn't back a single winner and lost fifty quid.

Still, there was a really nice lunch in the Silver Ring and the girl I took with me gave me a great shag by way of a thank-you, so the day wasn't a total loss. Except that I would have got the shag anyway, since we'd been going out for a while. It didn't make me like horse-racing any more, though.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 7 Oct 2015, 3:01, Reply)

I never figured out why when you mixed all the colours of Plasticine together it just went brown like a big Plasticine turd, why was that? anyone?

(AEthelfrith of Bernicia, Wed 7 Oct 2015, 2:31, 7 replies)

not sure

( $$ ✅, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 15:56, Reply)

The interwebs - I could have invented that

Got offered a job testing a piece of beta software called "Netscape Navigator". I turned it down.
My reasoning: "who the hell is going to write a document and then spend all their time linking the words to other documents. What's the point of that?"
.
( gp_guineapig, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 15:00, 2 replies)

When I was at college a friend of mine claimed that he got off with Anna Friel at a festival
I've often though 'what would have happened if I'd just said to him STOP FUCKING LYING, YOU FUCKING LYING CUNT! WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE LYING AND IT'S MADE YOU A LAUGHING STOCK YOU FUCKING PRICK'

But there we are. You can't go back.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 14:07, 8 replies)

I once tried to chat up Victoria Coren only to get cock-blocked by David Mitchell
This was a month or two before they were revealed to be "an item" in the press so it's possible they were already dating, but I'm fairly sure they weren't and it was his snooty disdain for me that first won her attention.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 11:49, 6 replies)

*pops head up*
toddles off
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 11:46, Reply)

Regrets, Ive had a few but then again too few to mention
I turned down a job offer at Spitting Image working on the puppets because I decided I needed to go to art college first .. then found out I was shit at art.

I also turned down a job offer from the director Shane 'This Is England' Meadows, I used to go to college with him (the same college) and he was always a practical joker so when he told me he'd just been granted a couple of million to make a film with Bob Hoskins, I thought he was taking the piss. I did beat Paddy Considine at pool about half an hour later though in the same pub ...
(Swafty, Tue 6 Oct 2015, 8:09, 2 replies)