Kitchen nightmare
Whilst doing my A Levels many years ago, I took a summer job as a kitchen porter in a small restaurant attached to a pub. This meant relentless pot washing in a hot cramped kitchen from 7pm-midnight, without a break (only smokers got a break) for a pittance wage and I'd go home stinking of fish batter and with hands like a leper.

The place was run by a complete bitch and her arsehole son. The bitch once loudly and publicly bollocked me for being less than a minute late.

One day during a busy shift, the rancid old bitch managed to accidentally lock herself in the walk in freezer out the back. With everyone at the front of the kitchen and with all the noise, I was the only person able to hear her banging on the door and calling to be let out.

I left her in there for about 20 minutes claiming I didn't know where she was. Her cries became more and more pitiful so I eventually let the bitch out explaining that I couldn't hear her cries for help. She was mildly traumatised and shaking like a shitting dog.

I wasn't sacked but did I quit after three shifts. Oh, did I mention she was a complete bitch?
( abefroman fritters & wastes the hours in an offhand way, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:34, Reply)

Too late
I've been fired.

Or rather "My probationary period terminated" - followed by some quote about my blog.

Nice.
(james_tiger_woods is here, I promise on, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:23, Reply)

Not my current job
as I am a complete and utter saint at the moment ;-)

But a previous job I had where the bosses wife was an alcoholic. She would regularly come into the office with a bottle of "mineral water", absolutely stone cold sober, nip out of the office to boil the kettle (in the corridoor as the boss was too tight fisted to let us boil it in the office) and come back completely shit faced, all in the space of 15 minutes!

I couldn't get drunk that quick even if I tried!

Edit: Oh I almost forgot, she would regularly have paranoid episodes and believe we were plotting to take down her and her husband, when all we were doing was playing Quake. She also believed the fairies were after her...

Anyway, one day we had had enough, so me and the only other remaining member of the company, prized open her file cabinet and found a packet of biscuits she had stashed, alas, no alcohol. Anyway, we should have been fired as we wiped the biscuits around the rim of the toilet and pissed on a few, dried them, then put them back.

I hated that company for allot of reasons, but I hated the bosses wife more.
( Firkinfedup was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:03, Reply)

I got fired from my job earlier today
for browsing the internet.

Seriously XD

Long live the dole!
(TWeaKoR, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 2:35, Reply)

When the chavvy office admin guy left
I wrote in his leaving card "I look forward to seeing you...ON CRIMEWATCH!"
( krang, Wed 15 Aug 2007, 23:32, Reply)

For the love of god NOOOOOOOOO!
Firstly, rachelswipe - Good to have you back! I was on the verge of mounting a 'free the rachelswipe one' campaign (as well as other things) but...

...oh shit, oh shit, oh shit oh shit oh shit!!!

I also promised I wouldn't say anything about my current job...but by Tuesday leaving time I thought 'Ah fuck it'. I had a huge (even by my standards) story lined up about how I do cock-diddly all, how I blag the bosses, scam and steal etc...and just before I was going to post it - I heard a little voice behind me...


"So what's this B3ta then?"

Oh yes...my boss...the big one...THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!ARRRRGGHHHH

He'd been watching me on B3ta ALL ARSE-BLASTING DAY!

He leans over me and clicks on the QOTW.

I.AM.DEAD.

I went soooooo red it took about 2 1/2 hours to cool down.

I instantly went into utter-bollocks-blag-mode.

"Ah well" I said, "This is a site where IT guys get together and share funny stories, etc. Of course, I'm not on it for that, I mail them and get advice on the new projects and help on resolving common IT issues"

My cheeks were on fire with shame. The word 'BUSTED' was appearing on my forehead like something out of the exorcist.

My boss looked closer. "So you wanna get fired from your job?"

OH FUCKING JESUS CHRIST FUCK BASTARD FUCK FUCK (etc but with more 'fucks') HE'S READ WHAT I'VE TYPED"

"oh ha ha hurrrgh hurrgh, of course not, it's just jokes....made up...not real at all...."

FUCK MY ARSE I AM IN TROUBLE.

Why did this have to happen on this QOTW? WHHHYYYYY?

I clicked on my 'escape' IE tab (i.e - something actually work related)and stuttered my way through some totally unconvincing gibbering cruddsville.

Through my scorching redness I carried on talking about projects etc.

He walked off.....I knew I was rough-shagged.

Yet today......not a sausage.

GET IN THERE! - what a guy!

So today I had a bit of a dabble but thought I'd best make at least a small impression that I am actually worth employing...

If I'm fired tomorrow you'll all be able to tell I was wrong about this...like I am about most things...

pray for pooflake...he may not be around for long....
( Pooflake wants mo' money..., Wed 15 Aug 2007, 23:12, Reply)