Best Man Speech
Many years ago now I was asked by my best mate to be his best man, in all honesty I was young probably about 22 years old, I drank a lot we dabbled rather often like in illegal substances (it's not big and it's not clever). The point is I was not exactly the most reliable person.

I did all the other prerequisites for a best man, organised a completely substandard stag do (mini bus to Liverpool city centre which resulted in most of us spending the night in cells).

It was a few weeks before the wedding and my and my mate went for a pint and we discussed the best mans speech, it suddenly dawned on me I had forgotten all about it, we had been friends for years and I just imagined that I would say a few bits off the top of my head and get away with it, then he told me that that's gonna be the focus point for everyone (he is in the army and a lot of squaddies were going to be in attendance).

Even the day before the wedding I had nothing, that night I got totally trashed with his squaddie mates and him, we say at about 4am and wrote what could possibly be the single most offensive piece of literature since the bible.

The day arrives, seriously hung over, start drinking very early and dabbling.

The moment comes, I stand up, I check my pocket the speech is there....relief....I open up the paper to see the compete and utter scrawlings of a drug fuelled alcoholic binged brain. Indecipherable characters that looked like something that would be found in a pyramid, huge CDC's all over it including the back that the whole crowd could see.

I paused, stuttered, took a deep breath and absolutely fucking nailed it. Well that's what everyone said. I can't even remember what I said at all, not one thing, but everyone bought me lots of drinks later including the father of the bride (phew) and patted me on the back and said it was the funniest thing they have ever heard.
They may have been lying but I don't care.

Does that count as winging it?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:07, 15 replies)

The day before my mates wedding.
Involved me having to get a taxi (still too pissed from the night before to drive) to my works office to print the speech me and a mate had hastily cobbled together hours earlier.

Normally i'd have written it out, but i knew my handwriting would be too atrocious to read with nervous-shakyhands.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:18, closed)

I have only ever done it once and I actually think now that of I had to do it again I would really enjoy it, now I know what to expect
...how did it go?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:31, closed)

Alright, I suppose.
Dunno if I'd want to do it again to be honest.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:38, closed)

I am sure you were a raging success!

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:30, closed)

Clicked for "I ... wrote what could possibly be the single most offensive piece of literature since the bible"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:32, closed)

Cheers Vaga. Ever done it yourself?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:41, closed)

A couple of times.
First time pretty well entirely winged it; the guy had married an Aussie, and having flown out there for it I told them that I assumed they were all so nice because they were absolutely desperate for parole, which had the convenience of making identifying the English and Australian relatives easy.

Second time pretty well nailed it, and almost shed a tear.

Both still talk to me, which is nice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:16, closed)

Haha well if they are all still talking to you it must have gone down well :). I think I would like to do it again.
I think second time around I would know what I was doing more and wouldn't get as fucked up the night before ;-).
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:21, closed)

Vagabond has written several bibles

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:32, closed)

I was best man at my
older brothers wedding when I was 19.

The speech was shit but I managed to get a few laughs while reading out telegrams etc.

Not something I'd really want to repeat. It seems worse when you know most of the people you're speaking to.
(username failed moderation, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 15:44, closed)

Have a habit of doing this myself...
At my own wedding, my missus had written a speech that she wanted to make for all the thank yous. She wrote it four weeks beforehand and rehearsed it and had it printed on cue cards held together with a little ring, so if she dropped it, she'd not have them all out of order. I, on the other hand, scribbled some notes on the back of a business card I had in my pocket while we were eating dinner at the reception.

At the start of the year, our daughter got married, so as father of the bride, it was speech making time again. I actually wrote one, about 20 minutes before we left for the church and left it in the kitchen when we left, so had to wing it again. On both occassions every one told me how lovely my speech was :)
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:27, closed)

Friend of mine got married
and his wife's Dad made a speech.

He started by telling a filthy joke, whereupon his (the Dad's) wife made him sit down and shut up.
(username failed moderation, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 16:41, closed)

This is genius!

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 17:11, closed)

Someone would have probably flattened me if I had read out the nonsense we had written.
Either that or with the squaddies being there a high velocity round to the head
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 28 Mar 2013, 17:12, closed)

Haha - yeah.
Definitely would have got shot in the head. They're so like that. Squaddies, eh, I don't know.
Twats.
( 4Q just lurking, Sat 30 Mar 2013, 7:31, closed)