I live in a lovely area of Salford.
It's about 7pm, very dark and I'm going into the town centre to meet a female friend of mine at the time. I decide to cut down a very dirt-ridden path as I'm running 15 minutes late. One guy walking up the path. Shoulder barges me. I turned around, insinctivly to see who the hell it was. He sees and decides to engage me.

"What the fuck?"
"...you just shoulder barged me"
"That's because you're a prick"
I laugh, because it didn't make sense.

"Alright then", I turned around to carry on walking, he pulls a knife.
"Give me your wallet."
"...no", I reply, none-chalontly.

"I said give me your wallet you fat prick before I cut you"
I sigh, loudly. I'm running too late for this crap.
"Listen, that knife, what is it? 5"? 6" max? That'd probably be able to do some damage
on a normal person, lucky for me, I've got at least a good 8" of flubber, so quite frankly-"

He interupts.
"Shut the fuck up and give me your wallet and your phone, you cunt!"
"No. You're not listening to me. You're not going to be able to do any major damage to me
with that thing and certainly not enough to stop me from absolutely-fucking-wasting-you
and ripping off your jaw by the time I've passed out through blood loss."

He looks a little stunned, so I continue.
"The only damage you're going to do is if you go for my neck. But you're not going to do that.
I've got twenty quid and a phone that's worth about thirty, you know it's not worth it, so FUCK. OFF."

He doesn't say anything, he was a little shocked.

I turn around and walk away casually.

Take that, youth of today.

 
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 2:32, 4 replies)

Hear hEar
Good man sir!! i can justimagine you look like a slightly overweight Major Misunderstanding!
(EvelcyclopS, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 5:20, closed)

*cough*
never happened*cough*
(Hippo_of_Doom, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 12:26, closed)

Jeez!
Your a braver man than me Gungadin. Ok, I'm not a man but you are brave.
( girlinthehole, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 13:48, closed)

That gets a click.
Just for the last sentence.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 22:40, closed)