When I was younger...
I worked in a small supermarket (or grocery store if you are that way inclined). At 17 I was made an assistant manager so could get away with almost anything. Highlights of working there included:

Turkey Bowling: Very simple, around Christmas time we used to have a lot of frozen turkeys in the shop. In the evenings when it quietened down, we would arrange 10 bottles of Coke, 7-Up, whatever and launch the Turkey down the aisle at said bottles like a game of bowling. Hours of entertainment.

At Halloween we used to get fun snaps in stock. You know the little packets of gunpowder mixed with little stones so that when you throw them at the ground then make a little bang. Anyway I used to place clusters of them on the floor about the shop so when people stood on them or rolled a trolley over them they went off and frightened the bejaysus out of the customers.

As I was an assistant manager I was often left to my own devices while the manager snuck off for a few hours. One of my favourite games to play was to go up to the office and spy on a customer at random. I would then use the mike to get one of the lads on the floor to follow that person around. Example “John to aisle 3 please. He’s got a bottle of washing up liquid in his hand. Follow him. Wait...I think he’s on to you, fall back and await further instruction”. Obviously the guy on the floor was in on it aswell but it was great fun.

The weighing scales for the fruit and veg was over by the fruit and veg section and not by the tils where it should have been. If I was covering someone on the till, and a customer arrived with un-weighed fruit or veg, I would take said fruit or veg, walk over to the scales and place an exrta bunch of banana’s or a few apples with their produce. This one wasn’t out of boredom, just a petty form of revenge for making me move out of my chair.

I’ve seen this mentioned here but we used to also walk down an aisle full of customers letting out silent beer farts and then wait at the end of the aisle and watch them all look accusingly at one another. Great entertainment.

Part of the stock was stored up in the attic where it got nice and cosy during the summer. A favourite way to while away a few hours was to go up, make a bed out of the stacks of toilet rolls and sleep. The record was one guy who slept for 10 hours of an 8 hour shift. Thats right, he came in for a 10-6 shift, fell asleep at 11 and didnt wake up till 9 when I found him and told him to go home.

The guys in the butcher department used to have great fun with the freezers. Before leaving on a Saturday night, they would get basins of water and throw them all over the floor of the freezer before quickly shutting the door. The next day, any time someone ventured in they would have to fight for dear life to stop slipping on their ass. Another trick for a newby was to throw the water on the ground and wait about half an hour so it froze a little. They would then send newby in for something and follow suit. Once there, they would wrestle them to the ground and sit on them for about 20 minutes. Then you have a newby whose pants are now frozen to the floor.

One of my favourites was the time someone cleaned up the store room and found a bra. So me and one other guy did what any self –respecting young men would do, we overpowered the cleaner, tied him up, put the bra on him and dragged him into the lift. He was found 30mins later by the very irate manager.

There’s loads more but thats all I can think of for the moment.
(BigFatPaulie, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 9:51, 1 reply)

Re: Freezers
Reminds me of a rather stupid moment in a similar situation. Our idea of wit was to annoy the poor bastard working in the freezer by chucking a bucket of water over the floor when he wasn't looking and watching them scarper to clean it up before an industrial ice rink was formed.

Except for one guy, who was above this.

Oh yes, for when the contents of the bucket were launched on their merry way this quick-witted individual thought the best way to avoid 10 minutes on your knees is you throw yourself in front of the torrent as a human towel.

Wet bloke in a freezer at -6 degrees. God bless stupidity and heat convention physics.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Wed 14 Jan 2009, 15:33, closed)