Bloody Hearse Limo
It was my bf's (now ex) 30th birthday party. Not his actual birthday, but the day he had decided he wanted to go out and party. Fair enough, sez I, being the dutiful gf.

There are limits my duty does not extend to.

So, the night he picked was a night I was due to be working. He tells me to just take it off. But, I'm due to work the Bon Jovi gig at Hampden, and I quite like Bon Jovi, so I don't really want to miss getting paid to watch a concert. I'm also due to be working the next day at 10am (yes, I know I work too much).

We compromise, and I say I'll work but leave the gig early, and then after his party I'll crash at his and go straight to work again. As it turns out, I saw the support acts (couldn't tell you who they were) and the first 20 mins of Jon Bon. Not bad.

I try to get back to my flat to get washed, changed, pick up my stuff for work the next day, and get to the party as fast as is humanly possible. An hour trip tops.

Is that good enough for him? Don't be daft. I get hundreds of increasingly-drunken txt's from him and his mates asking where I am, and drunken phone calls demanding I hurry up. The reason for the panic is that the club we are going to has arranged for a hearse limo to arrive at bf's flat to pick us up and take us out. If I'm late, I'll miss it.

Bear in mind I've just finished a 14-hour shift, I'm stone-cold sober, and trying to do everything within my power to make his birthday as happy as possible. I don't give a damn about the limo, I suggest I'll meet them at the club, but that's not good enough for him, I *have* to be on his arm.

The whiny little cnut.

Anyway. I get to his flat to see the limo pulling up outside. Phew, sez I, I've made it! I go up the stairs to drop off my stuff, and am greeted by masses of pissed stoned mates of my bf, who all want to "assess" me to see if I'm good enough for him. wtf?

Anyway, I announce the limo is outside, and there is a general stampede downstairs. Then it turns out there's not enough room for all of us, and it'll have to make 2 trips. bf decides he'll go in the second trip, so 5 of us stay back, while the rest go on ahead.

Worst decision ever.

We have a couple of drinks and chat, getting on ok. I'm guzzling champers as fast as possible to try and catch up (nothing worse than being the only sober person at a party). We keep clock-watching tho, as we want to get to the club before the floor show starts. We're all dressed up in outfits and costumes for the theme night, and looking forward to generally having a good time. (Club Noir in the Carling, if anyone was wondering.)

We wait. And wait. And wait some more. No sign of this limo returning for us. We get on the phone to find out what's happening.

Actually, no, as I recall, bf whines about the limo, I suggest calling, he says he doesn't have the number as the club arranged it. I make the logical suggestion of calling directory enquiries (how many hearse limo companies do you think there are in Glasgow?) and we get the number that way.

Turns out the limo has broken down and isn't coming back. They tell us we'll have our trip another time.

Ok. Fat lot of use it does us on the night. We trek out to grab a conventional cab. But the city is bouncing and we can't get a taxi for love nor money, and end up walking to the club. In fancy dress. Thru some of the dodgier areas of Glasgow. With 3 drunk friends of my bf. And the birthday-boy-bf himself.

Ah yes. The bf.

He had regressed to childhood circa 3yrs old, and was throwing a tantrum. Bitterly disappointed he wasn't getting his limo ride, he decided to take it out on me. When he wasn't moaning and shouting at me, he was ignoring me (frankly, preferable), kicking rubbish bags and bins, and generally being a twunt.

We get to the club and they tell us we have to pay to get in as our guest passes were all used up by the friends who got there first.

Now, if there's one thing I *can* do, it's blag into clubs. Elbow in the ribs to the bf to shut him up while I do my thang, and 10 mins later we're all inside with complimentary champagne.

But we've missed the floorshow. F*cksocks. bf goes off in a sulk. I settle down to get drunk.

The End

Oh wait, it's not over. We leave the club at chucking out time, go back to his where he proclaims undying love and we'll be together forever.

Left him 4 weeks later :o)

F x
Never apologise for anything, ever.
(but, ye gods, that was longer than I thought it was going to be)
(Flurble - The Innocent One, Mon 11 Sep 2006, 15:57, Reply)