Jonathan Legard commentating on Formula 1*
Clueless, irritating, boring... and worst of all for a commentator, leaving my personal opinion out of it, unable to describe what he was seeing on the screen.

Compare Ben Edwards' commentary of last week's multi-car first corner incident - I can't be bothered to sit and transcribe it, but it was along the lines of "Hamilton's hit Grosjean! They're both out of control, Grosjean's hit Alonso! His car's gone right over the top of Alonso's! That's Perez out as well!" etc etc etc.

Now here's Jonathan Legard's commentary of Mark Webber hitting the back of Heikki Kovalainen in Valencia, resulting in both cars crashing, with Mark Webber's acheieving a fair degree of height before crashing back to earth upside down, flipping back over and hitting the tyre barrier: "Oh, and Mark Webber's gone right up there!"

Every week was a fight between trying to enjoy the race while simultaneously not smashing the TV in rage at the drivel he was being paid to spout...
"Trulli's off, he's lost his front wing" (and then being corrected by Martin Brundle that it was in fact the rear wing that had come off, said "Oh well, same thing - it's still a wing"


*Yes, lots of people hate Formula 1. Other interests are available
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:00, 18 replies)

Fuck, if you don't like the commentry just buy a scalextric set, tape the controllers half-way and sit and watch that for hours and hours
Every few days you can push the trigger down fully and enjoy a spectacular crash.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:09, closed)

Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:17, closed)

I never really had a problem with him. He still knows more than I do.
An audience is always miles ahead of a commentator. Same thing happens in most sports. You see something, your brain processes it. The commentators do the same, then they speak.

I'd agree Ben Edwards . . . is pretty good though.
(username failed moderation, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:14, closed)

Edwards! I knew Johnson didn't sound right :D

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:17, closed)

That's the thing, he *didn't* sound like he knew anything
He did a couple of races for Radio 5 Live this year, and apparently he didn't even know how many points a win was worth this year...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:18, closed)

You see the fundamental problem here isn't this Legard fellow,
it's that watching a bunch of spastics driving round and round in cars is by its very nature monumentally tedious. Even Brian Blessed commentating couldn't change that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:19, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/worstpersonforthejob/post1721486
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:31, closed)

You professors are all alike - no common sense, you see?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:39, closed)

Also they all wear 2 pairs of glasses at the same time and conduct experisplosions in their sheds.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:40, closed)

Fucking hipsters.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 17:39, closed)

Experisplosions!
The world needs more of these
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 18:36, closed)

True, but the great thing about television coverage is that you can see what's happening on the screen
If this was the commentary on the Radio then there would definitely be a problem. Frankly, as long as there's someone sensible (the aforementioned Brundle, or Coulthard, or whoever it is now) to correct the wilder errors, his main job is to shout a lot, get excited and make it seem like there's an atmosphere.

Exhibit A in support of this theory would be the entire career of Murray Walker, who, while sorely missed by me and lots of others, could fill half a lap by repeating the word "And".
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 6 Sep 2012, 16:48, closed)

If Ben Edwards really did say 'Hamilton's hit Grosjean!'
he's guilty of being unable to describe what he sees too. Grosjean was playing Mariokart in that one.
(el perro grande, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 0:02, closed)

Haha, true :)
No, he didn't say that, it was me getting it wrong. I did say I couldn't be bothered to look it up and transcribe it. I do remember while I watched it later though that his commentary was lightyears ahead of The Legard's
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 0:16, closed)

Wasn't it Legard who introduced
the horse-racey way of listing the order of the cars?

Like, "It's Webber from Hamilton, from Button, from Alonso".

That's shit as well.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Fri 7 Sep 2012, 12:36, closed)

Quite possibly :)
I used to find myself losing concentration, he used to waffle on about all sorts of shit; funny stories to do with someone's stay at the hotel the night before, all sorts of drivel O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 12:39, closed)

Oh god yes
His 'say what you see' style (I CAN FUCKING SEE THAT TOO. TELL ME THINGS I CAN'T SEE)

The same crap repeated week after week. ("Here comes Webber! What can he do?? This is crucial!")

His inability to leave any dead air. Sometimes nothing immediate is happening and I WANT TO HEAR THE CARS! Instead I had to listen to ill-informed crap.

I won't pretend that I could talk semi-coherently for an hour and a half, but even I could read a race better than he could. Brundle and Coulthard were an ideal combination; no condescension, just two mates talking in the pub giving us useful info when we wanted it.
(smellystudent, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 14:59, closed)

Right. For £2000 I will kill Legard.
Cash. Not in the face so you know it's him. And no women, no children.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Sun 9 Sep 2012, 1:53, closed)