I was working in IT support when a customer called to say his computer wasn't turning on
I asked him what the matter was, and he said nothing he could see. He said the drinks-holder had broken, but he had fixed it, but now the computer wasn't working.
"Drinks-holder?", I asked.
"You know, the plastic drinks-holder that comes out the front when you press the button", he said. "It stopped coming out, so I poured butter into the cracks and pulled it out with a pair of pliers. Now my computer won't work."

~the internet, 1998.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 21:12, 7 replies)

chortle

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 21:16, closed)

Nothing much
I was once a chauffeur controller, four on four off, twelve hour shifts, soul destroying etc, and once turned up at seven am to take control of my fleet and handle clients such as Chase Manhattan, Deloitte Touche, Deutsche Bank, etc, only to bang away aimlessly at my keyboard.

The IT department had removed the fucking computer. My boss went ballistic; mainly because the guy whose shift I was relieving, didn't actually mention this when I turned up when he was on duty
( Jahled Three shades of black, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 23:46, closed)

Fuck me
That's a very VERY old joke, specially in IT circles.
Now be truthful, that didn't really happen to you did it.
(Heliosphan, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 0:48, closed)

THISSSSS
fuck me, it was old when i heard it in 1997
(TheManofScience, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 13:36, closed)

/
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 18:02, closed)

Reminds me of one...

My mate works in finance for Rugby borough council. In the early days of 'internet arsing about' he received an email with an attached .exe file featuring an icon of the 'Coca Cola' logo.

Not recognising the sender of the email, and after having just received a lecture on the evils of computer viruses, my mate called IT support for advice.

The IT team had obvoiusly also been on the same course, and consequently all fucking hell broke loose. His PC was ripped from the system, they shut down the whole network - fearing that the virus could have already spread throughout the whole council by now. Surely a meltdown was just minutes away! PANIC!!! Meetings were held and an operation was put in place to scan and clean every machine in the place.

Finally, after a clean bill of health for everyone else, and with the knowledge that the offending machine was completely detatched and could do no harm, they decided that the best course of action would be to try the program to see what would happen...

Tentatively, the Head of IT clicked the icon...

And the CD tray opened. On the screen was a message: 'You can put your coke can on this if you want'.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 11 Sep 2012, 9:13, closed)

Pffft.
At a new company I'd just started working for, I received a "Sex quiz" which I did - something like "How dirty are you?". At the end it said "LOL - do you want to send this to all your mates? Yes/No" I clicked No and a box came up saying "Sending to ... contacts" and listed all the work email addresses. Terrifying. My colleagues pissed themselves.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 10:19, closed)