Parallel Parking
Tom wasn't bad at parallel parking. He was the worst in my short years that I'd ever witnessed. If he wasn't grinding the plastic hubcaps of his Fiat Panda 4x4 against the kerbstone of the local high street, we'd end up parked so far away from it that I'd need to call a taxi to safely arrive at the pavement without being squashed by an under-taking bus.

Every day it was the same - he'd glance to the left hand side of the car as he reversed into a space the size of Wales, exclaim "Oh for fuck's sake!", and give up, all the while insisting he could do much better, but it was the car's fault.

Parking in any normal space was never a problem... if we went forwards, it was always perfect, and done with ease. But the moment the reverse gear crunched into action, there was swearing, frustration, and a constant insistence that it was the car's fault, not his.

I began to question his ability, his driving instructor's aptitude, and his driving examiner's sanity for granting him the gift of thundering along the road with such an apparent lack of spacial awareness.

Until one day, when we both jumped into his car, on a very everyday voyage to not losing our virginities due to cruising the streets in a diarrhea-brown clapped out death wagon. I sat in the passenger seat, and as I always did, toyed with the passenger side wing mirror until it was in the correct position. Except, this was the first time Tom had ever noticed me do it.

"It's YOU!" he screamed, accusingly. "You're the one who's doing it!"

I was shocked at his tone.

"Why are you messing up the mirror? I thought it was loose or something!"

Completely oblivious to the problems I was causing, aged 16 and knowing the sum total of fuck all about operating a motor vehicle, I replied matter of factly:

"It's the passenger side wing mirror, Tom. I'm the passenger. I'm adjusting it so that I can see what's behind us too. Duh!"

Oh. His parking improved after he pointed out my error, firstly with a lot of swearing, followed by weeks of piss-taking.

No apologies for length, but apologies to passing motorists for width.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Sat 17 Jul 2010, 2:16, 2 replies)

I dont care, show us yer tits

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 17 Jul 2010, 3:31, closed)

Aaaaaaaahahahah *click*
"It's YOU!" Classic.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:30, closed)