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On this day last year
I mowed down a dog causing hyterical crying from my then girlfriend, and a dead dog.

The year before, I crashed my bike causing a broken wrist and a chunk out of my arm.

The year before, someone threw a firework into my car.

I'm fucking staying in this year.

What joyous bonfire stories do you have?
(Twin Pack Even less funny than Michael McIntyre, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 18:57, archived)
Oh man I've got so many stories about bonfires
I mean, just look:
www.b3ta.com/talk/6529738
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban This isn't what I ordered..., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 18:59, archived)
I'm going to set fire to your house

(GluEid Saeed, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:01, archived)
Sound the "real life threats on the internet" alarm!

(PsychoChomp <---NO FULLSTOP, which proves I'm real, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:02, archived)
it's only banter
should his house burn down it is purely a coincidence
(GluEid Saeed, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:05, archived)
My housemates have all gone "missing"

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:02, archived)
do the quotation marks mean you've killed then and buried them in a forest or they've ditched you?

(GluEid Saeed, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:07, archived)
Both.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:08, archived)
I think the best bonfire I remember was when I was about ten.
The centrepole was an actual telephone pole that one of my neighbors who worked for BT had "borrowed". It was still burning the next night.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:02, archived)
I have always had a good experience
This year I'm not going out though.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:03, archived)
This one time I went on a bonfire. Some kid burnt my neck.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:06, archived)
Did you like it?

(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:07, archived)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:07, archived)
Curses!
Foiled again!
(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:08, archived)
did you like it?

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:07, archived)
do you really like it?

(GluEid Saeed, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:14, archived)
We're loving it, loving it, loving it

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword cold get ill or get retarded, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:24, archived)
I just got a new laptop.

(I helped save b3ta! JackAction, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:08, archived)
Does this make you happy?

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:09, archived)
It does. Not excited.
But it's nice and shiny and fast.
(I helped save b3ta! JackAction, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:12, archived)
Good.
I want you to be happy, Jaction.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:16, archived)
My sister was at an organised council event
Though she was well behind the barrier, and across the river, she still had a 50p sized hole in her skin from a firework. It left a massive scar for years.

My boyfriend's got half the contents of a school chemical cupboard here. I'm nervous.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:12, archived)
I'm pretty sure your boyfriend isn't supposed to go within 200 yards of a school.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:20, archived)
Wait, SuperMatt's going out with Sammi?

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:22, archived)
Might as well FACT this one while we have the chance.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:23, archived)
It's like /talks own Posh And Becks.
:,)
(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:25, archived)
He LIVES within 200 yards of one

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:22, archived)
If I had a 50p size hole in my skin I'd let people in pubs play me as a fruit machine

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword cold get ill or get retarded, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:26, archived)
You're fucking SuperMatt?

(I helped save b3ta! JackAction, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:27, archived)
Now there's an image no one needed.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:35, archived)
Imagine the offspring?
John Merrick in a trench coat.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:36, archived)
PHWOAR!

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:38, archived)
I am not an animal *schlurp" I am Neo from the Matrix.
Would you like a sweety paki-boy. And that's not *schlurp* racist because I AM a paki.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey 84 not out, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:38, archived)
Haha.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:39, archived)
Might as well make use of it now it's there though.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:37, archived)
The very thought of b3tans making the beast with two backs is enough to cause impotence.

(I helped save b3ta! Gvpyczjppcl oo-ooo oo-ooo oo-oo-ooo oo-oo BARBRA STREISAND, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:37, archived)
Wanked yourself dry already?

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:39, archived)
No, I was too busy thinking about Maggie Thatcher and Thora Hird lezzing it up.

(I helped save b3ta! Gvpyczjppcl oo-ooo oo-ooo oo-oo-ooo oo-oo BARBRA STREISAND, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:41, archived)
You bastard.

(I helped save b3ta! JackAction, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:42, archived)
Aaaaand, I'm done.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:43, archived)
"dangerous things are dangerous"
shocker.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger "the Pippa Middleton of /OT", Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:30, archived)
I have mystery flammable liquids in my garage that I need to get rid of.
Anybody got a corpse they need to burn beyond recognition?
(I helped save b3ta! Pope Shax IX forgives you, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:29, archived)
I built the bonfire a bit too close to a fence, and burnt down the entire town.

(I helped save b3ta! Gvpyczjppcl oo-ooo oo-ooo oo-oo-ooo oo-oo BARBRA STREISAND, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:37, archived)
Oh Nero.
Not again.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:41, archived)
One time I covered a frenchman in petrol and ignited it.
It was that kind of "bon" fire!

ROFL, etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference beveragonormative hegemonarrative, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:40, archived)
Le lol

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword cold get ill or get retarded, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:44, archived)
:(
Poor Theoban.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj a big ball of voilance and hatrid, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:44, archived)