Morning
Long weekend.
You?
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:02, archived)

mine's longer
LOLOLOLOLOL
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:05, archived)

I have no doubt.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

smashing!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

I saw the Avengers finally, it's pretty good.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:40, archived)

worth seeing in the cinema or wait until it's on dvd?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:44, archived)

Depends if you like seeing things in the cinema.
put it this way, I'd go see it in the cinema again if I could be arsed.
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:45, archived)

wow, thanks MONO!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

I'd say it depends on your opinion of superhero movies
but this is THE superhero movie. Also, loads of great action and Scarlett Johansson's bottom in a leather bodysuit.
( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

wow! thanks edd!
your review made MONO!s one look like shit.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

I don't remember providing you with a review.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

fine, his opinion of the film made yours look like shit.
no matter what way you look at it MONO! edd makes you look like shit.

soz :'(
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:18, archived)

But I'm STILL better than you.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

HAHA! you're such a kidder.
you're better than adam. Just, only just.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

Well, MONO!, I had a lovely weekend. Thank's for asking.
On Saturday, amongst other things, I managed to take a photograph of a yellow wagtail.
On Sunday I hung a door with my dad. Or do I mean hanged?! Imagine that! Ho ho! No, I mean hung.
Yesterday my cousin came down from Scotland with his female friend. It was very nice to see him and she seems jolly pleasant too.
I wish it would be sunny for a few days, though. Also, I wish I had a part time job again.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:12, archived)

That sounds lovely.
bored yet?
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:16, archived)

Yes. Very.
I may injure myself to get sent home.
You?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:17, archived)

Does anyone know a good way to induce vomiting so I can spew on my desk?
I've never been able to get fingers down the throat to work.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:20, archived)

put loads of salt in a cup of water and down it

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:23, archived)

I don't have any salt handy. I may have to bring spewing supplies in tomorrow.
If this one works, it is good because I can drink a cup of water at my desk without looking like I am trying to induce vomiting.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:27, archived)

for now, punch yourself hard as fuck in the bollocks
that should make you spew.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

No.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

you clearly don't want to go home that badly then.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

I've never spewed from getting punched in the balls.
And I get punched in the balls a lot.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

okay, what supplies are around your desk or around the office?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

I dunno. Stationery and that.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

eat staples

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:42, archived)

fuck it, just look all ill and then go to the bogs and pretend to throw up.
you know what? you're a grown-up just go home.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:43, archived)

Yeah. K.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:44, archived)

glad I could help!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:49, archived)

same

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

I might just punch someone.
I'll probably get sent home then.
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:42, archived)

If only there was a blade left lying around somewhere. I could give myself a decent gash on the arm, blame them for leaving a blade lying around and insist on leaving to get a tetanus shot.
Which would make me feel poorly so I'd have to go home to sleep it off.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:44, archived)

Or
cut someone else take a photo of it say that you got cut and have to go home.
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:46, archived)

I could look up photos of wounds on the internet, print one out, glue it to my arm and say the fucking butler did it and I need to leave.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

or use a red pen and colour in your arm
then say you left the lid of the photocopier open and it gave you sunburn because you're one of those dark-skinned albinos.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:51, archived)

Or just go home.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

I don't think he can, he seems to want to do it wakki style.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:54, archived)

Well, it's always better to get sent home rather than walk out.
Innit.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:57, archived)

just tell them your not well, if you're really stuck then just shit yourself.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:58, archived)

smash stuff

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

Bullshit.
How are you?
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

Bit tired.
you?
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

a little tired,
But only got a 3 hour day today, so it's no big deal. What did you do over the weekend?
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:03, archived)

Saturday I played with little girls
Sunday I went to the cinema to see TWO films
Monday isn't the weekend so I'm not telling you because you didn't ask.
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

[predictable paedo joke]

( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

I thought I already made the paedo joke?

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

I'm not aware that you've ever made a joke.

( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

Maybe you should start reading my posts then, instead of just mashing the keyboard with your overweight digits.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:07, archived)

good mor-foetid-bumhole-haddock-ning, windy pig.
i have a chicken tikka slice in my bag
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:53, archived)

wanna go to slimbridge and look at birds and snuggle?

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

Yeah.
Where's slimbridge?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:07, archived)

IT'S A TRAP!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

www.wwt.org.uk/visit-us/slimbridge/visitor-information/
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:15, archived)

two hours and forty minutes away.
Is it good?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

it's fucking ace.
we could stay in one of the hides overnight and watch the badgers in the dawn glow.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:31, archived)

aww that sounds awesome!
can I come?
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:32, archived)

sure,
always room for more.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:33, archived)

WINNING!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:38, archived)

Not really.
I think more than one b3tan means it's a bash.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:51, archived)

shit :'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:53, archived)

Maybe when it is warmer.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

Lazy weekend really.
There was video games, making a video for my YouTubes and I saw The Avengers for a second time, which is the first time I've watch a film in the cinema twice.
( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:50, archived)

What kind of video you makes?

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

animations, music videos, sketches, whatevers

( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

Are you famous?

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

Nah
At best I'm slightly known in certain circles
( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

Does this make me a groupie?

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

You wish

( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:17, archived)

I know who you are,
And I was in a stone circle yesterday. Freaky huh?
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:18, archived)

Hippy.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:21, archived)

where? was it Avebury?

( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

Rollright,
in Little Rollright. I got to have a go in a microlight, it was terrifying.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:32, archived)

did you finally sacrifice that stupid little fucking dog?
mind you, not many gods would be impressed with that.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

The dog had a wee on one of the stones,
we had to leave when some filthy crusties showed up and started chanting poetry at the sky. fucking cunts ruining a nice pretty hillside for those of us who didn't take too much acid.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:35, archived)

fucking hippies.
you should have muttered mean things under your breath while throwing them disingenuous smiles.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:40, archived)

I scowled mumpso,
scowled!
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:41, archived)

that'll fucking show those cunts!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

I overheard their convesation,
and one of them was called Treehorn. He looked like a cross between Janet and a Walrus.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

I'm surprised you didn't try and jump the sexah mofo!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:53, archived)

i heard you have been comissioned to make the video to a song of rap sensation Tiny Tempura.
confirms? or denials?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:56, archived)

I can neither confirm nor confirm

( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

it's all just endless, mono. endless.
and every day on here is mono and baldmonkey groundhog day. I might go on a killing spree.
( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:55, archived)

how will you kill?
I'm going to say you'll use your saggy milkers like a flail and batter people to death.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:57, archived)

I'd want a machine gun.
I want, and I may have said this before, I want to stride down Portsmouth's Commercial Road with a machine gun shouting "GUILTY!" and shooting people.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

for some reason I imagine you singing three blind mice while you pull the trigger and carve a path of destruction
"SEE HOW THEY RUN"

this probably says more about me than you :'(
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:03, archived)

I had a dream once about this. The A-Team were helping me.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

imma waterboard you with Irn bru, jocky mcJockstrap.

( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:07, archived)

is this supposed to be a punishment?
water would be more effective, with no sugar in it I'd probaby crack in seconds.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

I'd love to go on a killing spree but, ironically, I don't have the balls.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:58, archived)

Try bullets

( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

Me and baldmonkey make this a better place.
We should be knighted.
( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

Do you have any crotchless knickers?

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

All her knickers are crotchless.
Due to erosion.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

it's high tide at janet's crotch!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

malformed leathery labia
destroy the delicate gusset
of waxed tarpaulin smalls
which are anything but small

- Wordsworth (extract from The Stench Of Defeat)
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

Or corrosion.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

I heard, now bear in mind this is just a rumour and I have no proof of this, right, but I heard
that once she was sitting on a chair and she stood up, but due to the suction, she lifted the chair up with her.
Don't shoot the messager, I'm just repeating what I heard.
( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

shit! I heard this too!
it's also why they call her spiderwoman, cause she can climb walls with her vadge.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

I heard that this one time in P.E. at school she was climbing a rope, and when she wanted to come down again, she slid all the way.
And the next person to try climbing it ended up with chemical burns on their hands and a smell of rotting flesh that wouldn't go away.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:21, archived)

no that's the perforated eel.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:25, archived)

no. I prefer the element of surprise.

( janet aylia living la vida loony, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

as in "holy fuck it's looking at me funny!"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:14, archived)

You know that bit in Alien when the alien drools and the flob hits the floor and starts dissolving it?
Well, that.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:18, archived)

or in predator where the predator roars.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:19, archived)

I looked at some photographs on walls then did a cycle then ate some crisps

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:40, archived)

flavour?

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:42, archived)

bike flavour

( Eddache, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

It never ends with you, does it
Alright Mono
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

There he is.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

Here he comes.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:48, archived)

A bloke in a van cut us up on the motorway today
Ran right across the chevrons and made us swerve into the fast lane. Heart beating fast. Adrenalin high. Need a cup of tea. Brb.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:49, archived)

Get over it, you nancy.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:51, archived)

you should have kicked his cunt off.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:54, archived)

Hello love

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:48, archived)

Wanker.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Tue 8 May 2012, 9:54, archived)

Aye up.

( MONO!, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:08, archived)