Morning
I visited a house with a baby at the weekend, if it wasn't eating it was trying to eat it's hand.
Stupid fat shit.
you?
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 7:48, archived)

fwawh fwah fwah fwha fwah fwah fwah

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:03, archived)

Dun a little bonfire in the garden last night.
Had tea and lemon cake next to it.
so yeah
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

Cool.
I have the house to myself this week.
Might burn shit.
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

Ew.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

+ better

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

- horse

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

+- ballbag

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:07, archived)

killer, qu'est-ce que sais?

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:10, archived)

*0.leg

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:12, archived)

OH MAN!
WE HAD A HANGOVER CURE THREAD AND I WEREN'T HERE. :(
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:13, archived)

Eggy Cup?

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:18, archived)

that stuff is far too complicated for having with a hangover.
I mean, what do you use a knife or a fork?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:16, archived)

do you still get upset by people mentioning alcohol then

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:23, archived)

I get bored of "What's the best cure for a hangover?"
Because it comes up all the time and reads as "TEE HEE! I GOT DRUNK LAST NIGHT! AREN'T I INTERESTING!".
I also get bored of "How do you poach an egg?" and "How do you pronounce scone?".
"What's you favourite cheese?" isn't much better.
And people who type "h" prounced "haitch". IT'S "AITCH" FUCK NUT.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:40, archived)

best cure for a hangover
poached egg on a cheese scone with haitch from steps
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

Christ. You are such a shitmod.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:07, archived)

yeah yeah

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

Alright Grrr,
Found this beast parked outside my house yesterday, thought it was right up your street.

www.flickr.com/photos/64196717@N06/7239894948/
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:23, archived)

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

I feel ill
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

ill with EXCITEMENT!

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:40, archived)

If it helps,
The back window said "travelling Zumba instructor" and it had seemed to have won some sort peugot 206 award. It sounded like a heap if crap.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

That's a beauty

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:51, archived)

it is impressively ugly, i'll give it that.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:53, archived)

I love a chavvy car
there's a lime green citroen c3 around here with full skirts, spoiler, blacked-out windows, the lot around here. I want it so bad.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:55, archived)

You could totally sew giant fabric triangles along the middle.
And marker pen pupils on to the head lamps.
DINO-CHAVCAR
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

I had some car lashes for my Cinquecento
forgot to put them on
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

That's it; I'm never thinking about you sitting on my face when I masturbate again.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

promises promises

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

Yeah, you make out like you don't like it, but EVERYTIME I imagine you sitting on my face while a masturbate, I imagine you having a great time.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

why, am I playing pokemon at the same time?
I like pokemon. Or watching TV?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:14, archived)

Sometimes you get out a Weepingbell vibrator and pop it in your botbot which makes your bum cheeks wibble on my chin a bit.
If that's what you mean.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

Totally given myself a stiffy now.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

that's grossed even me out

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

BACK OF THE NET!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:24, archived)

Friend had a bonfire down by the river on saturday night,
Sat talking and playing guitar till 6am. Felt like a right filthy hippy. Was a nice weekend though.
You should probably not breed, due to being a bit broken, you know what I mean?
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:17, archived)

You're probably right.
The missus has soriosis sorocis skin problems too so all in all not good.
I also have some other things wrong with me like sebacious cysts, they're harmful but annoying and both sides of my family have them.
Oh and the possible schizophenia that I sometime wonder if I have.
I'd probably spawn a mutant
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:20, archived)

give up, roll over and wait to die.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

Will do, ta.

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

Isn't that the name of a Personality Horse B-side?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

it is now.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 9:49, archived)

I thought that was the advice for if you are on fire?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:16, archived)

schizophenia? are you sure? better stab someone to make sure.
LOL!
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

must have seen you and got inspiration
LOL
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:29, archived)

lololol

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:39, archived)

I hope Adam returns to us this week.
I miss him and still want to apologise to him.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:41, archived)

I'm off for a shit.
Tell him not to go anywhere if you see him.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:42, archived)

I didn't realise he'd gone

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:42, archived)

he's fucked off to OT
they hate him there too.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

I bet.

( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

this weeks qotw seems to be bringing out the best
In that lot. Reet creepy.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

I farted in your milk.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

it's everything QOTW should be
lies, sex and massive drugz.
the only thing missing is accord justice.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

That's because babies are shit

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:49, archived)

Agreeing

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 8:51, archived)

They're pretty funny.
But yeah, they're not going to be doing anything really cool any time soon.
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 8:57, archived)

Fuck yeah.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:03, archived)

crying, eating, shitting itself.
why bother with the sleepless nights when you can log on here and get the same thing.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

you'll have one, one day
it'll be cheaper for you than most people as you won't need to buy any baby clothes... *obvious punchline*
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

no I won't
I've made that very clear. Babies are for people who don't know what to do next in life.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

i know you have
i just wanted to make a shit joke then gave up half way through
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

it's too early for me to be grasping jokes, I think

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

i was suggesting you could give the baby your own clothes

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

y'know, because you're not very tall

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

obviously you're much bigger than a baby, though

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

i was exaggerating for 'comic' effect

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

I get that now
thank you
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

you're most welcome

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:14, archived)

Yes, this

( broadsword, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:09, archived)

i didn't visit a house with a baby that when it wasn't eating was trying to eat its own hand, no
we had a barbecue and i got very angry about our hot water not working
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

don't get angry manolith
get even
next time the water wants you to be hot, don't bother.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:07, archived)

manolith is ALWAYS HOT BABY

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

*sexy pose*

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

MOD EDIT: WAH.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

Damn mod edits. :(

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:24, archived)

fuck off, that wasn't me you tosser

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:31, archived)

MOD EDIT: i like simply red

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:32, archived)

WOAH. Not cool.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:37, archived)

yeah, don't mess

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:03, archived)

our fucking landlord doesn't ever get professionals to fix things in our tumbledown shack
he does it himself. which would be fine but he's not very good at anything
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

hire a plumber and take the cost out of your rent
simples
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

if it happens again, i will

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

might be better off with a heating engineer, just saying

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:17, archived)

sorry mongy
we had a nice gas man in at the weekend to fit our new hob. He was telling us all about our boiler.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:24, archived)

i see, so instead of giving work to a forum chum, you pay a stranger, sadtimes, its no wonder i live in my car :(

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:30, archived)

you'd only bring us over Moser printouts
cr3 is a delicate boy
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:34, archived)

Get a mortgage and buy a house instead.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

that's the plan for a couple of years down the line, i think

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:15, archived)

Nah.
Do it now.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:17, archived)

Don't pressure him.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

Soz.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:29, archived)

buy a fucking house then, loser.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

Alright, baldmonkey?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:14, archived)

BONGO BONGO BONGO BONGO
I DUN A BLOG ABOUT BIRDS THAT I FARTED ON!!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:15, archived)

Speaking of which, did you see the woodpeckers I got at the weekend?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

yeah I did.
instead of all this effort just go to a natural history museum, they have loads of stuffed birds in them.
couple of hours and you'd have tons of pictures.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

Good idea.
Cheers, fella.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

it's great because there's now a less likeable baldmonkey!

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:24, archived)

oh man, bullied by a mod :'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:25, archived)

Yeah. Now maybe people will appreciate the skill that goes into be an unbearable prick.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:26, archived)

I thought you were a cunt, not a prick.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

Cheers, bro.
I always think of a cunt as a prick with character.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:30, archived)

if you were a prick then you'd just be Adam
he's not coming back :'(
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:32, archived)

HOW AM I MEANT TO DELIVER THE HEARTFELT APOLOGY I SPENT ALL WEEKEND WRITING IF HE NEVER RETURNS?
:'-(
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:35, archived)

you've cried wolf too many times, man
he'll never trust you again
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:36, archived)

he gaz'd me last week and I reckon he cuts himself at night about this.
it was a well sad gaz too. poor mite.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:41, archived)

Aw man.
I was only joshing with him. I think he's super really.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

OT is the best place for him, as long as he doesn't act llike a prick

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:45, archived)

he's so fucking thoughtless, you should probably gaz him.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:37, archived)

i know you put a lot of time and effort into it
you can't just start insulting people and expect to be taken seriously
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:35, archived)

I'm good at what I do. I pride myself on that.
It upsets me when haters be hating. Hopefully pricks like this will open their eyes to how lucky they are to have me and my skillz.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:37, archived)

Put the water on the barbecue
Problem solved.
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

the barbecue has long since gone out
THINK, mono
( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

whatcha tryina do to me, i said THINK
THINK-THINK

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:27, archived)

Quentin is here

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

i prefer quinten

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:14, archived)

well that is me so that's ok

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:17, archived)

prove it

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:36, archived)

can you send adam back from OT?

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 9:17, archived)

i'll see what i can do, that cheeky little ragamuffin

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

OKAY!
*puts the russ abbot album on*
*hands out the party poppers*
LET'S DO THIS!!!!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:19, archived)

COME ON EVERYONE! It's the northern ratafarian song! we all love that!
*moshes*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

you doing that lego from the sun thing Baldmonkey?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:25, archived)

No.
Too much effort.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:27, archived)

i get it on my way to work
piece of the piss
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

Nice one.
They dun some batman lego innit?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:30, archived)

i got a batmobile yesterday and some ninja dude today
not bad for 30p
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:44, archived)

I got the bat thing and the bat thing from sat and sun
the smiths across the road don't have the minikits though wankers.
( MONO!, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

what bat thing from saturday?
are you making lies at me?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:09, archived)

My son did get me some Marvel Lego for my birthday yesterday though.
It had wolverine, magneto and deadpool in.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

happy birthday big guy.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 9:34, archived)

winpig, calling a man fat on his birthday
low blow
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:38, archived)

S'alright.
My birthday was yesterday.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:44, archived)

I know, I posted on your facebook wall
like a true internet friend
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:50, archived)

Nah.
That was yesterday. Soz.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:40, archived)

happy birthday for yesterday, baldy.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Mon 21 May 2012, 9:49, archived)

I hope you got a birthday trifle.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:39, archived)

Yeah.
But on Friday.
Then chocolate cake on Saturday and Lemon cake on my birthday.
Pretty good haul.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:42, archived)

you was well spoiled!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

Yeah.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:45, archived)

you are a transexual grannie fucker

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:44, archived)

Nah. Look. Everyone is getting confused.
My birthday was yesterday. Today is just a day.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:51, archived)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR YESTERDAY MR BALDMONKER

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 10:04, archived)

i like a party with a happy atmosphere
all those other parties is shit
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 21 May 2012, 9:22, archived)