I've read the newsletter now, it wasn't bad
What else is often criticised but isn't actually that awful?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:03, archived)

William Hill's software installation process

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:05, archived)

ALWAYS BET ON BLACK.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:31, archived)

Clearly you're misguided.
red's the only way to go. on another note, have you been to brewdog's newcastle pub yet?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 18:48, archived)

BREWDOG HAVE PUBS???

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:35, archived)

Indeed
Think they're up over a dozen now.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:08, archived)

well fuck a duck

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:22, archived)

Too noisy.
And their bills can be sharp.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:28, archived)

but they are into rape

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:37, archived)

They do...
There is one here in Glasgow, which I attended recently. The next day hosted one of the worst hangovers I ever had. Damn Tactical Nuclear Penguins!
( Sipowicz Official member of Team Seam, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 21:24, archived)

might as well drink a bottle of port

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 21:26, archived)

what's wrong with a nice cup of tea?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:00, archived)

NOTHING

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:27, archived)

it's thanks to satan that i can now induce strokes in other people

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:05, archived)

Awesome, I LOVE masturbating!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:15, archived)

you're one of the best at it i've ever seen

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:18, archived)

Mono's bumhole

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:17, archived)

clicky clicky

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:42, archived)

Nothing. Ever.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:23, archived)

Me

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:26, archived)

I jest I'm worse than the Khmer Rouge
I mean You
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:26, archived)

No wait you're awful and I'm brilloplops
Soz this is very confusing
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, archived)

kevin nash

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:47, archived)

He's pretty bad

( magnum, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:11, archived)

pioneer tho

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:51, archived)

I disagree.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:28, archived)

i've never had a bad nash product

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:51, archived)

Hitler. On a related note, what's the best downloady thing to download in order to listen to FLAC files on?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:49, archived)

vlc'll run 'em I'm sure

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:54, archived)

Virtually Limitless Codecs and that.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:56, archived)

you can also get plugins for Winamp to run 'em

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:59, archived)

does that still exist?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 18:07, archived)

what's wrong with real player?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 18:19, archived)

Why do most TED talks get standing ovations?
and why are most wimp.com /dump.com videos about American soldiers returning home and surprising their kids/wives/husbands/parents at a public event?
( magnum, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:07, archived)

I'm a big fan of potnoodles

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 19:51, archived)

*notes*

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:19, archived)

this had better not end up in heat magazine

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 20:28, archived)

newsletter done! Time to go to the pub everyone.
b3ta.com/newsletter/issue524/
( rob, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:02, archived)

Alright Rob.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:02, archived)

Alright Badger.
 
(badger of doom http://www.trendingtracks.co.uk, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, archived)

Alright Badger

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:48, archived)

narrative is confusing and too hard to follow, 2/10

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:18, archived)

promoting gambling to kids now eh rob? nice

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:21, archived)

I hope Friz is in it

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:22, archived)

Oh lovely...
Yeah, I'll be running a .exe from a Spanish version of the William Hill site.
(badger of doom http://www.trendingtracks.co.uk, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:31, archived)

took me to the jap one
WELL DONE ROB
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:32, archived)

dicks
I got the french one
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, archived)

This is very exciting.
Anyone got any other ones?
(badger of doom http://www.trendingtracks.co.uk, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:15, archived)

german one here

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:24, archived)

I got the Spanish this time

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:32, archived)

ooh, French

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:33, archived)

Japs got me aswell.
It's just like the war.......

*edit - and the offer requires you to stick £35 down.
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:32, archived)

JAPS!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:33, archived)

'No-strings attached' offer worth £150 in turns-out-to-have-strings-attached SHOCKA!!!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:35, archived)

Does that offer include posters with a drink problem?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:32, archived)

The only problem I have with drink is paying for it!
Ahahahamirite??
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:50, archived)

Oh man do you want to set up a paypal so I can wire you some funds?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:54, archived)

yes please
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:59, archived)

tough all my money is for me and I'm going to buy some beer tonight

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:01, archived)

You no-money-giving swine
First no mead, then this.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:01, archived)

No-one has mead, do you see mead? You see me drinking mead MOTHERFUCKER?
YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GET MY MEAD ON AND LIE ABOUT IT? FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU ALL, THIS AIN'T RIGHT
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, archived)

Poor mead-less Theoban
:(
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, archived)

don't worry theo,
i've got some mead.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, archived)

That's cool
You're alright for a floppy haired biker cunt with a shit beard
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, archived)

nicest thing anyone ever said to me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:06, archived)

I dunno if you have any of that but you seem like the sort

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:36, archived)

How come I'm never in your piece of shit newsletter?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:51, archived)

your strikethrough made no sense you big fat ballbag.
or i'm too tired to figure it out. I don't wanna go back to work twohats.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:53, archived)

He doesn't like someone called Seth, who knows, Plymouth joke

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:54, archived)

Thank god you're here,

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:56, archived)

saving lives here man
Saving. Lives.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:58, archived)

Seth Armstrong, you know-nothing know-it-alls
He was in Emmerdale years ago. OBVIOUSLY.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/2e/Seth_ArmstrongED.jpg/200px-Seth_ArmstrongED.jpg
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:58, archived)

only grans and the clinically insane watch emmerdale
you thin ballbag
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:01, archived)

I don't WATCH it
I...oh, forget it. Stretch Armstrong IS a paedophile.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, archived)

That's what I said.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, archived)

I am concurring with you
CONCURRENCE!!!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, archived)

what the fuck are you doing watching emmerdale
you handsome thing you?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, archived)

And to think I was going to go with Lance
Wish I had now. Don't know why I bother, you try to do something...
*wanders off, mumbling*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, archived)

Lance from neighbours? he's been out of it for years you old twat

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, archived)

i thought neighbours got cancelled.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, archived)

You shower of bastards

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, archived)

so anyway,
when you see baldmonkey on sunday can you do me a favour?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:13, archived)

Go on

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:16, archived)

Can you sort out some sort of complex system in his house
so that whenever he is alone in the house something taps him on the backside and whispers "fat ballbag" in a sinister way?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:17, archived)

So, you want me to install his wife?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:21, archived)

haHA

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:23, archived)

I think he just needs something automated that drops his pills in his gob on time
Like the breakfast/wakeup machine in The Wrong Trousers
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:37, archived)

So, not content with spamming us all every week with shit that we've either seen or don't care about,
you're now actively trying to get people to install spyware? Great stuff there, you prick.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, archived)

what are you blathering about brayn?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:08, archived)

the William Hill link sends you to a random nation's William Hill site and tries to get you to run an EXE

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:09, archived)

It's alright I suppose, we can't reasonably expect rob to know anything about how the internet works.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, archived)

oh right,
i didn't click the link, anyone who buys space as advertising in the b3ta newsletter is clearly an idiot.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, archived)

:(
But how else do I raise my profile?

THEOBAN: MAN OF THE YEAR
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:35, archived)

2035

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:39, archived)

What am I gonna achieve when I'm 54 eh?
Shitting in my pants awards? Forgetting kettles don't go on hobs champion?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:40, archived)

world's oldest suvivor of the robot wars

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:48, archived)

Craig Charles?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:51, archived)

his radio show is irritating in that often there is some good music,
But it is hosted by a dickhead.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:53, archived)

I only listen to Radio 4 and Planet Rock
Soz WP
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:57, archived)

Anyone remember Sound Bites?
Those lollies which had a thing so you heard music in your head like a schizophrenic, but it was actually shit and sounded terrible.

What shit from your childhood did you love but now realise was complete kack?
( B.T., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:08, archived)

Mrs. Jackson's tits

(likeajackhammer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:10, archived)

in fact... sod that... they were awesome!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:23, archived)

are you for real?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:33, archived)

I remember recording the end credits on "Bad Influence!" so as to read all the cheat codes.
That's what I'm throwing out right here, and I'm JMG.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:41, archived)

Was that the one with Violet Berlin?
Her is now shacked up with the lispy one from How 2?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:48, archived)

I always imagined gareth and fred were a couple

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:51, archived)

imagined fantasised
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:01, archived)

The fucking A Team

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:14, archived)

My mum

( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:16, archived)

yeah... she was shit!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:18, archived)

Frankly you're an idiot for ever thinking she was good

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:18, archived)

As a child, love for your mother is a given.
Not once did I say she was good.
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:55, archived)

Sodomy

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:17, archived)

It's better to give than to receive.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:19, archived)

Mono's Mum

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:21, archived)

Stretch Armstrong was a paedophile

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:24, archived)

tr c
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:25, archived)

push pops, chupa chups that stain your tongue various colours and drumsticks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:30, archived)

push pops were alright, banned in our school cos apparently you could snap them and murder other kids with them
sounds good to me
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:36, archived)

you could lick them into a point I guess

I'm glad I never thought about it at the time but they do remind me of a dog's lipstick
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:41, archived)

Little kids everywhere deepthroating these phallic treats
Mmmm
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:42, archived)

And now I'm reminded of the fruit salad penny chews.
Like tempered glass if they were any cooler than room temperature and like a super fast setting cement when they were slightly warmer that made it feel like you were about to yank your teeth out.
( B.T., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:38, archived)

fruitsalads4eva
blackjacks were rubbish though
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:42, archived)

everything was better in the past

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:38, archived)

Even nostalgia

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:39, archived)

Clutch yo-yos

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:49, archived)

Oh mongs =/
cardiff.craigslist.co.uk/stp/2954490880.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:07, archived)

CRIKEY

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:10, archived)

what no scat?

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:26, archived)

Oh SSG :(

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:30, archived)

I was all ready to go until I saw it was Strictly Platonic :(

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:34, archived)

is that the BBC four saturday prime time slot?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:44, archived)

It's their answer to 'Take Me Out' :(

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:24, archived)

I would say that is not as real as it seems.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:37, archived)

DON'T JUDGE ME!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:09, archived)

Do you think Libya's troubles are related to the fact it sounds a bit like labia?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:45, archived)

less of your lip, sonny

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:47, archived)

What troubles?
I thought since they shot that tranny in that pipe everyone was happy
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:51, archived)

hold on a minute, libya is having troubles? that's not alright

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:51, archived)

No, it's almost certainly not that

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:57, archived)

Are we trolling Libya AGAIN?
This board needs something fresh.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:00, archived)

TO BEL AIR!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:07, archived)

Oh, I don't know.
Cuntistan never seems to have any trouble, so probably not.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:25, archived)

That thread's old, we need a new one.
What else needs replacing?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:00, archived)

My throat...it's sore
I'm going to see B*ldm*nkey on Sunday. If anyone has any messages they'd like passed on I can see to it that he gets them.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:05, archived)

Tell him he's a fat ballbag
x
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:06, archived)

Consider it done

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:11, archived)

Tell him to give you your diddlio back.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:07, archived)

I may have to fight him for it
but ok
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:11, archived)

Baldmonkey's gone?

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:12, archived)

Where's my Frisbee, Frisbee?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:14, archived)

I have them in my car. All I need to do is find the nearest post office and they'll be on their way

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:19, archived)

Also please don't break my legs 0_0

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:25, archived)

That won't be necessary
For now
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:30, archived)

tell him I'm going to have a ginster's chicken and bacon sandwich, prawn cocktail crisps and a coke for lunch

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:12, archived)

He'll be very excited to hear this, thanks Glued

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:13, archived)

going to have, or will have had?
This is on Sunday, remember
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:14, archived)

is the only place near you that sells food a petrol station?

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:16, archived)

Give him a big wet slobbery kiss on the lips from me

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:46, archived)

Jesus...

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:20, archived)

Just stare into his eyes, long and hard, see if there's even a flicker of humanity in that cold, impassive face

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:59, archived)

Like
this?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:23, archived)

Maybe then he'll show you his dark crystal

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:29, archived)

*shudder*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 12:31, archived)

Your mum's minge-ring,
which I'm reliably informed could be used as a hula-hoop by Queen Latifa.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:19, archived)

Oh No Yo Didn't.....Girlfriend!

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:32, archived)

*click click click*

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:57, archived)

i'd like a new robot body please, with a big claw for crushing cans

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:20, archived)

Yeah, like anyone is going to trust you with another robot body.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:37, archived)

the GOVERNMENT
yes! take that society
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:20, archived)

Filthy liberal hippy

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:26, archived)

corporate pigdog

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:35, archived)

Long-haired casually-clothed heathen
I fix my tie and gelled hair in disgust at you
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:38, archived)

SKINK OPPRESSOR

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:47, archived)

And what of it, hm?
Fuck skinks. They're a poor-man's Monitor Lizard
*nods with conviction*
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:55, archived)

I think we need a new website
Grey is so Web 1 point old.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:57, archived)

Hello.
How are you this morning?
My weekend is going to involve The North and lunch.
You?
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 7:56, archived)

Good morning MONO!
I am very well thank you.
I have no specific plans for the weekend, possibly working on Sunday, otherwise it's weather dependent.
Thank you for asking.
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 7:58, archived)

Hello.
You're welcome.
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:08, archived)

Please tell us more concerning The North and lunch. Are the two related in some way?

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:10, archived)

Yes.

( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:14, archived)

Well that all sounds jolly fun, I hope you have a splendid time with your The North and lunch.

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:16, archived)

Thanks!
I'm not too thrilled about the "The North" bit but the lunch bit is going to be good.
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:37, archived)

i was in The North the other day
i had a fine old time
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:21, archived)

You're so tall that part of you is ALWAYS in the north

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:29, archived)

this makes perfect sense

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:32, archived)

Of course it does
Because North goes...it's like...the thing about Directions is...YOU HAVE STUPID HIPPY HAIR!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:42, archived)

hahaha

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:43, archived)

Good morning MONO!
I am tired.
My weekend is going to involve a hire car and Gibraltar and sitting around in my pants watching cars drive round in circles. BRUM BRUM.
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:36, archived)

hire car banger racing!!
see also:
CANDLE!
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:38, archived)

9 years!
I'm so old :(
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:39, archived)

I prefer to think of you as matured

( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:40, archived)

Thank you MONO!
Hang on, you're not just being nice so you can try to stick your winkle in me are you? I've been hurt like this before.
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:51, archived)

you need more lube

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:59, archived)

BROADY IS THE GOD OF HELL FIRE
for today at least
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:58, archived)

*FIRE FIVES*

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

Birds have been removed from the loft
now I need to do work. Tonight there will be drinking.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:00, archived)

Tonight This morning
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:06, archived)

Gin gin gin gin gin

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)

have you tried this?
www.sipsmith.com/spirits/sloe-gin

I bought some for a friend for Xmas, she reckons it's the nicest gin ever.
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:16, archived)

My mum makes sloe gin for christmas
Straight from the freezer, it is the nicest thing in the world ever.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)

nicer than your mum for making it?
you utter cunt.
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

Yes, because she clearly doesn't make enough.
I regret nothing.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)

alright Edith Piaf

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:35, archived)

*smokes and shrugs nonchalantly*

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:06, archived)

fradam isn't even cool enough to be edith bowman

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:19, archived)

Glorious zingery here.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:56, archived)

I sort of fancy Edith Bowman
Is that wrong?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:05, archived)

drinking blood
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:13, archived)

Your 'Dribble' picture, with the right slogan, was t-shirt worthy
A t-shirt I'd wear anyway
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)

yeah, but you'd wear a personality horse tshirt

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:09, archived)

Of course I would!
I mean, you'd have to be brain damaged to not want one of those!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:13, archived)

there will be drinking. we dine in HELL!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:15, archived)

there will be drinking Matthew, I'm going to be Elton John.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:43, archived)

Tomorrow evening we're going to go play POOL and have FOOD
On Sunday we might go to the PUB, I dunno yet, we'll see. Plans are afoot.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:06, archived)

Meeeeaaaad?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:21, archived)

Two weeks Two Hats

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

MEEEAAADDD!!!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

Fuck off
I love you
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:08, archived)

Oh god.
I need to change my pants.
( MONO!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)

MiniDedd's birthday party on Sunday.
I have to find some time to pull a dissertation out of my arse this weekend too, it's due in on Wednesday and I've written about 7 pages.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:17, archived)

you could just copy and paste
this
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

meh.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:17, archived)

How you coping woman?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:19, archived)

I am miserable and in PAIN.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:28, archived)

*strokes*
*sings a gentle melody*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:31, archived)

But it's the pain of getting better right?
RIGHT?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)

you should totes become a super villain

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:43, archived)

oh so YOU'RE the new lass utol has been seeing

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:40, archived)

*slow motion beach run*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:19, archived)

chariots of fire or baywatch?
*imagines* you look good in that red swimsuit 2H
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:21, archived)

I was thinking more Bo Derek and Dudley Moore
I'm Bo Derek obviously
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

nice hats, sorry, tits

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:23, archived)

*polishes*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

i was thinking more d-von and bubba ray dudley
you're bubba ray, obviously
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:09, archived)

Those two were true heros

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:10, archived)

tna did the unthinkable and split them up

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:17, archived)

split them up continue to operate under the guidance of Eric 'shitbook' Bischoff.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:20, archived)

i've been watching that foley dvd
it's good stuff!
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:21, archived)

I want to watch it.
Send it to me.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:25, archived)

i haven't finished watching it yet

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:31, archived)

Remind me, is your copy signed by the HARDCORE LEGEND MICK FOLEY?
Or is it...y'know...not?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:33, archived)

no, mine isn't
tell me, is your copy of 'foley is good' signed by the HARDCORE LEGEND MICK FOLEY?
or is it... y'know... fuck off?
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:36, archived)

I lent that book to a friend and never got it back, as you know
YOU INSENSITIVE PRICK! I love you.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:43, archived)

It really is
Although you have the 3 disc version don't you? I want to see the last disc.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:30, archived)

The Mankind/Shawn Michaels match is one of my all time favourites
Just throwing that out there
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:32, archived)

i watched that just last night

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:34, archived)

My favourite wrestler vs The best wrestler ever
In my humble opinion
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:44, archived)

yeah
i'm on disc 2 so far. when i've seen that, i'll bring it round

foley/raven vs dreamer/funk was absolute carnage
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:32, archived)

I've got a dvd upstairs
With Funk vs Sabu in a barbed wire match for the ECW title. Ring ropes replaced with barbed wire...barbed wire-wrapped tables...it's unreal. It gets a bit messy towards the end (so they wrap it up) but it's a crazy match.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:46, archived)

That's nothing
I have a VHS of Windmill vs Sans Serif in a chainsaw match for the WCI title.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:57, archived)

The hell you have

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 11:03, archived)

*testifies*
*gets tables*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:14, archived)

Hey Miss Janet,
Just wanted you to know that me and all the guys at the betting shop are supporting you all the way on this one. Chin up.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:48, archived)

I woke up with a welt on my head and a blood blister on my middle finger
I have no idea how it happened but I'm not really tired.
Today is going to go fine.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)

ULTIMATE FRISBEE
FRISBEE WANKING
( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)

I'm getting bigger arms 'n' all, too
*frisbee flexes*
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)

how many mugs of tea can you carry at once now?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:39, archived)

Well your mum's more into biscuits than teas, so two teas and about 45 digestives for her

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:07, archived)

Good morning.
Mine is going to involve panelbeaters and gloss paint.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)

With sexy results?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)

I'm struggling to understand how that could ever end in sexy results.

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

you're sooooo vanilla

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:37, archived)

I could understand if it was matt emulsion

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:46, archived)

I should TOTES change my surname to Emulsion

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:51, archived)

And that's why YOU'RE where YOU are
and...I forget where I was going with that
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:37, archived)

hi grrrmach....hey, you're not grrry

( spesh., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:34, archived)

who knows mono.
Original plans have been cancelled, so now anything could happen. ANYTHING! ANYTHING!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:46, archived)

Prince Charles could strip off on BBC 1's The Voice and perform the Nutcracker Suite from start to finish?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:53, archived)

are you having trouble understanding the meaning of the word anything?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:59, archived)

I'm just throwing out a suggestion
Come on though...that would be pretty entertaining.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:04, archived)

fucking royalists

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:07, archived)

+ is seriously wicked fun!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:14, archived)

alright
what?
( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:15, archived)

alright m
i drew a picture of you the other day for theoban
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:18, archived)

can i please reiterate that i wish to be left out of any of your sick fantasy stuff, thanks, mongychops

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:30, archived)

i needed to draw 'fishing'
so i illustrated the picture with the world's most famous fisherman
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:37, archived)

I too use B3tans to describe my pictures
Couldn't be arsed to draw a penguin, so I just wrote 'Stuj'.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:31, archived)

If 2.0, with apologies to Rudyard Kipling
IF (you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and flaming you,
&& If you can provide citations when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their trolling too;
&& You can wait for torrents and not be tired by waiting,
|| Being twittered about, don't deal in tweets,
|| Being baited, don't give way to baiting,
&& Yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise on Facebook:
&& you can use an iPhone - and not make Apple your master;
&& you can blog - and not make blogposts your aim;
&& you can be redirected to Tubgirl and tehKittenz
&& treat those two impostors just the same;
&& you can bear to hear the truth you've blogged selectively misquoted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
|| watch the websites you gave your life to (like H2G2), broken, and stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
&& you can make one backup of all your JPEGs
&& risk it on one dodgy hard drive,
&& lose, and start again at your beginnings
&& never breathe a word about your loss;
&& you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To keep your Yahoo Mail account after all this time,
&& so hold on when there is nothing in your email except spam
&& you can talk with Daily Mail commenters and keep your virtue,
|| keep a pseudonym secret - without accidentally cross-posting,
|| neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
|| all men count +1 you, but none too much;
&& you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run in Daley Thompson’s Decathalon,)
then
{
return(‘Yours is the Internet and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a b3tan, my son!’)
}
else
{
return(‘Lol!’)
};
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 6:16, archived)

This is why history will never remember programmers

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 6:44, archived)

That wouldn't even compile.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 7:52, archived)

Fuck Rudyard Kipling, you should be apologising to us for that fucking abomination.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 7:53, archived)

sorry

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:04, archived)

if ($user->uid == 17540) { $user->action('kill yourself'); $user->action('come back as a zombie');$user->action('delete b3ta account');
$user-> action('distroy head'); unset($user); }
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:07, archived)

That's the best review I've ever had!

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)

roll call lurkers, say something

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:29, archived)

alright?

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:31, archived)

h3d

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:35, archived)

Hey.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:36, archived)

nobody is chatting ja, what's up? did i miss a crisis

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:43, archived)

Maybe friz has lured everyone on to his new forum.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:48, archived)

fucked off to nolongeradadnet ?

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:57, archived)

S'up?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:49, archived)

drinking a bottle of necastle brown ale for the first time in 20 years, its ok

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:55, archived)

Never tried it.
/trufax.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 2:15, archived)

ugghh!!

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 1:37, archived)

No.

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 5:21, archived)

i feel a little dispondent not knowing the alrightness
how would you cheer me up in picture link form?
( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:35, archived)

i.imgur.com/lgzKN.gif
( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:40, archived)

:)

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:49, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjgpenWavO8
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:41, archived)

'a' raven, a drugged up drunk raven, i like it

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:51, archived)

Never tried it.
/Trufax
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:55, archived)

i.imgur.com/ncehZ.gif
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:49, archived)

i posted once here herb, fucking mods, nice

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:53, archived)

i.imgur.com/mzy4U.png
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:50, archived)

imagine i posted my e17 alright sample here :)

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:54, archived)

www.b3tards.com/u/ee0d0a7dc532064da1b6/supermatt_starts_new_job_as_newscaster.jpg
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:07, archived)

lol, what the fuck, yank twats

( mongychops, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 0:08, archived)

everything

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)

Is this research for your next big huffington post article?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:17, archived)

yeah, didn't think of her, good choice

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)

Alright friz

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:23, archived)

what the fuck does friz mean???

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:26, archived)

or8

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)

the fuck is that?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)

friz, upset online

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:00, archived)

a thing

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:00, archived)

fucking massive faced fuck
fuck off you fuck
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

tell us why the alright thread troubles you, we are all forum memebers, maybe we can all work this out

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

riiiiight

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)

it's full of fuck

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)

ok, i only post, sometimes it expands, i dont really need this sort of shit

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:03, archived)

Neither do I
some cunt bought me a gram of mud the other night
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:06, archived)

Good god
you could have got it for free from a garden!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:07, archived)

he did get it for free, someone bought him it, he paid nish, nadda, zilch

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:12, archived)

I want to piss on you so hard that the hair on your bonce fucks off.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

ok

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

open wide, it's going to be a right ammonic gush

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)

open what wide?

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:03, archived)

your fackin' maaaaf
no raspberries on my bag mind, the slightest of tickles and I'll do a custard on your conk.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)

that would be you pissing INTO me, rather than the afore mentioned 'onto'

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:06, archived)

Well how else am I going to do a golden hello onto your bronchioles...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:08, archived)

as far as i'm aware you dont swallow fluids into your lungs
to do a liquid onto my bronchies you'd have to do some surgical procedure

aint my bag i'm afraid
(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)

fucking A

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

word up bum scoop

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:03, archived)

UP YER BUM

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)

WITH YOUR HANDS AND DEN YOO SMELL DEM

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)

alright donkey gums

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)

alright Jacktion

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:06, archived)

alright mr horrible

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)

alright dg, alright ja, alright ger, alright herb, alright susan

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)

where is the evening thread?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:07, archived)

up top

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:16, archived)

alright

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)

let's fuck it.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)

tldr

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)

have i upset you blossom?

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)

?

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:00, archived)

Smashing mongy
although what's going on up there is very upsetting.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:03, archived)

oh well, never mind eh, might be a take over of interesting people, fingers crossed

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)

bout time they all came out of hiding.

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:08, archived)

alright mongy

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)

soz ja, playing in the next thread now

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)

You can add little words to the word "Fuck" and get completely different meanings
Fuck up, Fuck off, Fuck about. Any more?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:27, archived)

FUCK YOU

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:32, archived)

FUCK YEAH

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)

Fuck nugget

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:45, archived)

the fuck are you doing wrong?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)

Get to fuck

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:47, archived)

what the fuck is going on

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)

fuckstick.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:47, archived)

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)

Fucksake

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:48, archived)

Fucking knees round me ears

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)

fuck lathe

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:49, archived)

fuck off, junior

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)

Fuck lamp

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:50, archived)

fuck off n00b

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)

Fuckushima

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:52, archived)

I fuck that hating cunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)

Fuck me
sideways
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:54, archived)

sideways arseways.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:02, archived)

perhaps a hollow, empty fuck

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:00, archived)

Fuckpile.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:58, archived)

good fucking god man

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:00, archived)

fucktopus

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:01, archived)

I approve of this

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:38, archived)

+ penguin fucking

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:03, archived)

Fuckadoodledoo.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:02, archived)

good one

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:02, archived)

fucking cock

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)

fuckacidal maniac

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:07, archived)

fuck supper

( avant-hard thought UHT was a sex noise, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:25, archived)

Fuck wit

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:00, archived)

fuck fuck

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:28, archived)

Fuckness Monster

(FRIZ my baby died on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:44, archived)

fuck you, goat fucker

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)

fuck a duck

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)

Fucko

( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)

fuck it off right now while you have a life

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

fuck turbot

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)

fucking hell
does anyone really watch The One Show?
( avant-hard thought UHT was a sex noise, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:03, archived)

well you obviously do
loser.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:04, archived)

haven't you any other channels?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:06, archived)

only two others, and they're only on for a few hours a day

( avant-hard thought UHT was a sex noise, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:28, archived)

I'm surprised you haven't seen the extensive advertising campaign regarding the digital switchover
but anyway you need to retune your set top box. Perhaps you're a retard in which case you can probably get free help from I dunno somewhere or other, google it.
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:31, archived)

ah, no - there's my problem, i'm in the past
that sometimes happens due to the time leak in my basement, but it's fixed. great british menu is on now. i love these competitive chef shows. shame, i've already seen this series four years ago.
( avant-hard thought UHT was a sex noise, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:38, archived)

WDYJSOYTSAGOADSLBI?

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:43, archived)

there's fuck all going on outside! besides, they're about to add a risky ingredient to the salty caramel filling

( avant-hard thought UHT was a sex noise, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:47, archived)

Have you gone back to the 60s or something?

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:39, archived)

My telly is shit though, can only get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and some shit freeview channels like QVC

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:40, archived)

fucking hell
I couldn't give a fuck.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:10, archived)

I approve of this amount of fucks in such a short post

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:33, archived)

Yes
I gather it's fairly popular within a certain demographic
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:13, archived)

I watch one show

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:14, archived)

Yes they do.
Otherwise it would not be in the BBCs best interest to show a programme that nobody watched.
Surely you could have worked that out for yourself?
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:19, archived)

Fuck off planear- wait.
/ac
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:20, archived)

Yeah, occasionally while having my tea
depends what's on Quest
( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:24, archived)

Lee Mack had a good joke
Piers Morgan. Big M, small organ.
( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:29, archived)

that's quite good.
I prefer Piers Moron though.
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:31, archived)

fucking

( vladimir, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:25, archived)

hell

( vladimir, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:25, archived)

only the damned

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:27, archived)

sometimes i watch Grahams Nortons show as well
bbc represents excellent value for money
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:30, archived)

I've watched that and have a sneaking suspicion he's one of teh gayz, but don't tell anyone

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:33, archived)

I heard he's all butch once the cameras stop rolling

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:40, archived)

I bet he is ducky

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:44, archived)

The Week in Meat, with Mr. Tea, aged 31&1/2.
Sirloin
leg of lamb
lamb sweetbreads
roast ham
smoked ham
Toulouse sausages
chorizo
chicken
duck
rabbit
fois gras
crevettes
salmon

Fuck me, Easter was good. What have you eaten lately that made you feel a bit like a Roman emperor?
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:09, archived)

fed christians to the lions
edit: oh eaten, thought you said done. I should learn to read.

so...ummm....jaguar's earlobes?
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:18, archived)

nice one

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:18, archived)

also: fat cunt

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:19, archived)

your mum

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:19, archived)

A bag of Otter's noses

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:21, archived)

I had a nice sausage roll

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:22, archived)

alright man no need to make shit up just to impress Mr Tea
he's not a bird, no fanny there
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:31, archived)

I had 2 kinds of fois gras yesterday
pate and fried. Fried was better.

/Mr Creosote
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:26, archived)

Foie
Fois gras would probably translate as 'fatty time' which could probably refer to 'any other time on here other than the gayshift'
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:33, archived)

I was just copying Mr Tea
:(
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:51, archived)

I know, I saw that, but he's probably fucked off by now
I wasn't trying to single you out spango. (I am relearning French atm so am a bit pedantic about it)
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:56, archived)

ooh la la!

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:59, archived)

le singe est dans l'arbre

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:05, archived)

le singe est sur la table

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:06, archived)

Quel méchant singe!

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:10, archived)

LE SINGE EST DANS LET SALLE DE BAIN, ENVOYER DE L'AIDE

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:52, archived)

T
R Z
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:56, archived)

hang on that's not right, 'salle' is a feminine noun
ET A
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:02, archived)

take it up with france

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:04, archived)

je viens de donner Sarko un coup de poing

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:15, archived)

I reckon I'd make a good Roman emperor
I'm practically designed to lounge around wailing for lark's tongues and pig's eyeballs while having a slave whipped for my pleasure

I had an Italian style burger that had pesto on it, does that count? If not, fuck you.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:31, archived)

what about feeding christians to lions, would you be happy doing that?

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:36, archived)

I'll feed anyone to a lion, people are generally awful, could do with fewer

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:37, archived)

I can't disagree there.

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:44, archived)

And think how comfy a toga would be

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:52, archived)

No pants, ever again
Free and easy as god intended
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:53, archived)

I can't help but hear you say this in a Homer Simpson voice

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:10, archived)

Dunno, I had some ham and bread earlier
and muesli, same as every day. It's just food, innit.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:52, archived)

say that again and I'll cut you

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 18:58, archived)

cut me down, cut me up, cut me off
or cut me in on a fantastic muesli deal that's going on in your 'hood?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:01, archived)

cut you right

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:05, archived)

thank god someone will
my last hairdresser was useless
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:06, archived)

no wonder all those Poles are over here

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:02, archived)

yes, everyone in a nation of 38million
has the same blasé attitude to sustenance that I do
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:05, archived)

hey, not your fault if a failing post-Communist society can only feed its citizens on bread, ham and muesli

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:18, archived)

I had pie and chips for tea last night.
Why would your selection of meats make you feel like a Roman Emperor?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:09, archived)

they were all on a pizza? dunno.

( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:20, archived)

perhaps a food tester was involved.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:21, archived)

maybe Mr Tea is a Beefeater at the Tower of London.
I would love to do that job.
( spesh., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:28, archived)

Officer Windy Pig here,
Seen any crime lately?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:41, archived)

They've started setting fire to cars in town recently
That's a fun new hobby for the Irish
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:42, archived)

Those crazy potato wogs,
all lost now they're not blowing up pubs.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:44, archived)

Nah the lot down here are docile as owt
Safest most peaceful place I've ever lived
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:49, archived)

Where abouts are you?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:51, archived)

Boston

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:53, archived)

Cheers.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:55, archived)

Make it bigger

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:40, archived)

BIGGER STILL

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:52, archived)

BIGGER

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:52, archived)

BIGGER

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:40, archived)

Cork

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:55, archived)

Chevron?

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:02, archived)

Chevron.

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:02, archived)

Woah

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:45, archived)

I saw some guy wearing hollowed out trotters, aviator glasses and a black pvc police leotard

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:43, archived)

you wanna dance?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:46, archived)

I will fetch my native american costume

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:48, archived)

Two Hats recommended I got jiggy with someone.
I think I'm going to need to read up on the subject before attempting this.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:47, archived)

You decide if it's SFW, I'm not your boss, but i'm gonna say probably not.
www.howcast.com/videos/6630-How-To-Have-Sex-in-a-Car
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:49, archived)

Those were not my exact words
Any comments made by anyone from Two Hats Inc™ have been taken entirely out of context
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:52, archived)

are you encouraging frisbee,
a lawyer, to rape someone?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:54, archived)

Rape?
Goodness me, no!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:23, archived)

Bit quet here today TH,
I'm on my break, and considering a little nap.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:27, archived)

Do it man!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:35, archived)

May I recommend Will Smith's Magnum Opus "Big Willie Style"
which details jiggy in some detail.
( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:07, archived)

ginger matt bought a gram of mud on sunday of some bloke he hardly knew, i lol'd my arse off, stupid ponce cunt

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:14, archived)

not a crime to sell or buy mud mongy,
you have failed to answer the question.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:16, archived)

is it not a crime to pretend to be selling a wrap of coke but really sell mud? or is that just a trades description thing?

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:28, archived)

what colour was this mud?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:31, archived)

too brown

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 17:04, archived)

i think it would be a crime if he was a registered company
advertising it as crack, then it would be false advertising, but i can't imagine that was the case.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:33, archived)

dry mud or wet mud?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:18, archived)

the other kind

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:27, archived)

bum mud?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:32, archived)

no thanks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 16:33, archived)

After-ning!
Question of the Week vote is HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:29, archived)

fuck off back to QOTW
/ac
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:35, archived)

I posted a picture of a stick man with an erection but I felt bad about it so I removed it
I hope this doesn't mean I get banned everywhere I can't handle that so late in my life xx
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:36, archived)

Rob says he's banning you from the internet

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:48, archived)

aw shit not again
last time I had to close down my popular Friz account and go with this loser personality
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:49, archived)

according to the fortean times, Friz died last year.
his ghost is currently haunting a womans changing room in Bognor Regis.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:59, archived)

his ghost is currently haunting a womans changing room in Bognor Regis. HuffPo
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:00, archived)

The UK HuffPo
Let's not pretend anyone reads it
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:56, archived)

Shit last time I mentioned friz he tweeted at me
I hope he doesn't do it again, that was awkward
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:56, archived)

Just tell him to fuck off and invent more babies to kill.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:00, archived)

That's a horrible thing to say

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:03, archived)

Yes, that's the point.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:10, archived)

Why would I be so horrible to someone?

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:13, archived)

Because I don't have twitter so I can't do it.
Be me Theo, just for a minute.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:15, archived)

But I don't wish him any harm
I found him a bit of a nuisance but that's it, I don't wish any of you any harm, you're all just made up words.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:17, archived)

But imagine what you could achieve as TheoBrayn.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:18, archived)

A fat silly haired depressive with ghost skin who lives in Birmingham with an anger management issue?
Yeah it'd be ace
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:20, archived)

You have an anger management issue?
That sucks, you should probably get help for that.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:23, archived)

Calm yourself sir
I didn't mean it, was meant to be a joke oh jesus I can't go back to the UK now you'll do punches on me :(:(:(
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:23, archived)

Mortal Wombat of all people put it best when he said I've got a vocabulary disorder.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:25, archived)

Is that like tourettes?
do you have awful tic where you exclaim 'the milky bars are on you' at ejaculation?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:37, archived)

failblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/party-fails-after-reign-in-wine.jpg
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:58, archived)

The industry pretends it's important
like a biiig circlejerk
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:01, archived)

Well the US HuffPo I've heard of
The first time I knew there was a UK version was when Friz's stuff was linked on here

I then didn't read the rest of the site because, y'know.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:03, archived)

it's duuuuull

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:04, archived)

Phew almost tempted to have a look there
ta spango
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:11, archived)

spango: reviewing websites so you don't have to

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:32, archived)

What is your review of "facts & chicks" on tumblr?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:37, archived)

very much enjoyed at Spango HQ
girls: top-notch
facts: interesting
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:41, archived)

Ah, excellent
*notes in filofax*
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:46, archived)

and sending him to JAIL

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:49, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7479326
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:41, archived)

I hope PM for the week wins because I'm sure there will be posts that are special kind of awful

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:47, archived)

fucking hell, same shit every week.
I wish you'd start a different thread, I bet you could be well LOL if you gave it a go.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:50, archived)

Hello darling

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:21, archived)

lol bumder

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:56, archived)

Haha, yeah
Just like them gayers!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:22, archived)

i'm not taking part in your conspiracy man

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:16, archived)

That's what he WANTS you to do

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:22, archived)

or DOES he?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:22, archived)

i'm going to have a lie down to think about this

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:00, archived)

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnfh9pGxqH1qi58qr.gif
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:47, archived)

Fucking hell
Even wanker than usual, if that's possible
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:21, archived)

Cheer up, Mr Rainyface
You've been unhappy all day :(
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:37, archived)

:(

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:46, archived)

*does happy dance*

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:48, archived)

Capital!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 14:51, archived)

It is written 'Two Hats are Sad when Fat Ballbag be Not About'
I don't know what it means though
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:02, archived)

Haha, no
Merely a happy coincidence. Anyway, I thought he was dead?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:08, archived)

I dunno what happened man, I just go on a long weekend and I come back and he's managed to insult everyone and get stepped
I can't leave you lot alone for five seconds, I'm like the black mum in Tom and Jerry
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:11, archived)

Apparently calling people fat isn't the done thing
Unless you're calling HIM fat. Or me. Or you. Or anyone else here.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:14, archived)

i think the big word there is 'here' the fat chick in question wasn't even here to respond

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:21, archived)

Fair point
But since when did anyone give a shit what BM says anyway? That's what I don't understand.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:29, archived)

You cared when he was putting his fist through your plasterboard

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:30, archived)

That shit costs money, yo!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:31, archived)

Well I don't like being called fat
But I am fat so I can't really complain, it's a valid description of me, you'd probably go 'he's quite fat' if you had to describe me to other people.

But that's not a reason to be horrible to other people.

I don't know, I just want us all to fuck.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:23, archived)

Me too
The fucking bit. Not the fat bit. I'm actually quite svelt, contrary to popular belief.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:32, archived)

Everyone should get their jiggy on in here.
Myself included.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:37, archived)

You should try it
It's not as good as the real thing, but it feels nice
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:41, archived)

*looks around for the nearest jigging-candidate*

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:44, archived)

I'm not siding with The Fat Ballbag™, because someone got genuinely upset and that's not cool
but by the same token, eat a bag of concrete and harden the fuck up.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:34, archived)

You bald thin ballbag

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:36, archived)

BaldING....I'm BaldING

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 15:41, archived)

Morning.
Not sure what's happened, I seem to have woken up feeling FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!
You?
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 7:51, archived)

Maybe you had a visit from the blowjob fairy

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 7:56, archived)

Well the 50p I left under my foreskin was gone when I woke up!

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:00, archived)

I dreamt I was being chased by a man with a knife and he wanted to stab me up with it

( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:13, archived)

Maybe he just wanted to butter your bread?

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:16, archived)

He would have probably left you alone if you sucked his cock

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:16, archived)

Are you wanting a blowjob this morning?

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:20, archived)

I'd thought you'd never ask

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:20, archived)

*kneels*

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:22, archived)

i've been to the doctor and i don't have diabetes

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:26, archived)

Celebrate with 16 cut-price easter eggs!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:28, archived)

i will once i stop vomiting!!!

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:29, archived)

Sounds like that's a result of too many blowjobs

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:40, archived)

I get myself tested loads.
I drink shitloads it always worries me
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:46, archived)

Too much drinking = pancreatitis
= impaired ability to produce insulin = type two diabetes = terminal death = assured place in heaven playing ping-pong with Sir Isaac Newton and Bonnie Langford*

*adjust expectations according to your belief preferences.
( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:18, archived)

Why are you telling me this?
Clearly I know it all already hence getting myself checked regularly due to my unquenchable thrist, you fucking mong
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:44, archived)

I'm telling you
as I thought you might be interested in an afterlife that involved the presence of Sir Isaac Newton and Bonnie Langford.
( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:50, archived)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:10, archived)

...yet

( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:04, archived)

I am alright,
That is all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:41, archived)

cool

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:45, archived)

I'm not cool,
I'm alright.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

Had a sex dream about one of the girls off the Apprentice
Woke up at 4, couldn't get back to sleep. Still sick. I'm having a bad week Munno.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:52, archived)

I don't think I even got to sleep until about 0400hrs
up at 0630hrs yet I feel good!
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:53, archived)

Fuck you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:55, archived)

Easy now, Two Hats
This sounds like tortoise-and-hair territory to me. He'll burn out by the time you're up to speed.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:01, archived)

*cries*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

It took me a few attempts to wake up this morjning
But I'm at work, bright eyed and shiney bearded, hooray. I'm expecting a package delivery of 20 500ml empty beer bottles today, but fuck knows how I'll get them cos I'm at work. CARE ABOUT MY ISSUES
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:57, archived)

I'd be more worried about the fuzz, Mr Moonshine
I'll set the law on yer!
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:02, archived)

It's not distilled so it's legal
I thought you were a legal worker? You know nothing, I ain't coming to you lot for advice
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

I see you're trying to disinstruct your de facto legal advisor
Have you ever considered making a will?
*reaches into suit pocket menacingly*
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:10, archived)

Why would I want a will?
It's not like I own owt
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

that's not true
you own 20 empty bottles!
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

Ain't took collection yet
I own two gallons of pre-mead too
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:23, archived)

Haha...pre-mead

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)

Technically it's a Must at the moment
I've been reading man, READING
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:28, archived)

Cool
You know, I don't believe I've ever had mead. Is it like anything else I may have had?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)

I dunno, the last mead I had was 11 years ago and I was already drunk
This is my first attempt, I'll let you know in a couple of weeks.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)

Sweet
*watches this space*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:34, archived)

I just Wiki'd it
That has the potential to be fucking incredible. Next time I'm out I'm going to try to buy some of this wonderful thing.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

Mine's not a straight up mead
It's either a melomel or a metheglin, it's got oranges in it, which would make it a melomel, but it's also got cinnamon in it, which pushes it into metheglin territory.

Christ that's dull, sorry.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:38, archived)

No, not at all
It looks dull written down, but I could talk about this sort of thing for hours. Maybe that makes us both dull. Oh, who cares.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:40, archived)

Here have a picture of them just when I'd put them in the plastic demijohns
a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/419546_10150697985314400_690939399_10998728_1651952002_n.jpg

It's before I stuck more water in and they've settled a lot more since then and have finished fermenting, I just hope to GOD it don't taste bitter
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:42, archived)

Cool
Well good luck. I'm looking forward to hearing how it tastes.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:45, archived)

hearing how it tastes being interested enough so that you'll post me a free bottle.

Also: I want one too.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:00, archived)

I'd happily send them out if it tastes alright
Except it'll cost a bunch and I can't be arsed and I'll just drink them all, ta.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:34, archived)

BASH AT THEOBANS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:14, archived)

I'm already putting the pickled onions on cocktail sticks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:19, archived)

Last even I had didnt even have them
I'm worst host
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:25, archived)

how many colostomy bags did it take to fill one of those?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:57, archived)

Hey cool that's the same joke that Janet did
You tit
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:34, archived)

I feel ill

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:13, archived)

Oh wait
I've been thinking about making mead for a while, you can say that this has been pre-mead-itated
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)

There is a village near me called Denmead
Which is Dutch for 'The Mead'

probably
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:02, archived)

Brewing your own beer?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:02, archived)

MEEEEAAAAAD

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

Oh yes, of course

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:11, archived)

Screwing your own ear?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

booing your own cheer?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:08, archived)