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I've been on the swings.
Fuck yous all.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 14:55, archived)
I've just chucked a few things in my skip
The guy across the road found a TV in his skip the other morning.
Any skip stories out there?
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:03, archived)
I live in a skip

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:05, archived)
I don't even like prawn cocktail

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:09, archived)
or this
www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/9252101/New-art-sculpture-in-Brighton-a-used-skip.html
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:10, archived)
This sub thread is going great
thanks all.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:13, archived)
Oi. Find your own pad.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:16, archived)
I've hired a skip a few times.
not sure if it was the same one.

true story that.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:16, archived)
What size?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:26, archived)
it was sort of skip sized.
like a skip.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:28, archived)
I don't give a fuck, that is is NOT art. That is spunking money up a wall and taking the piss.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:29, archived)
Art in "self-indulgent bourgeois waste of money" shocker.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:29, archived)
It shows how morally bankrupt the buyer is, to buy it in behalf of whoever they represent in order to rape the grant of it's primary asset.
And how morally bankrupt, or deluded, the 'artist' is in order to call himself by that proffesion.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:52, archived)
when i dont understand something i try not to imagine that i do because thats where ignorance and bigotry come from

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:08, archived)
Hi, my name's Pops, welcome to the internet. I hope you have a good time.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:13, archived)
I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME
:(
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:18, archived)
OH MY DEAR SWEET GOBBO !
Why, my darling, is that? Tell me, how is your penis usage at the moment?
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:20, archived)
i use it daily for a number of tasks

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:26, archived)
Succesfully?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:31, archived)
its all gone to plan so far

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:33, archived)
I've just lost a lot of respect for you

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:13, archived)
I do really glued
got a multipack of Skips on the go at the moment as it happens. Just wanted to make a crisp joke.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:18, archived)
oh thank god

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:19, archived)
I used to have the job of barrowing hardcore and soil into the skip on building projects
which meant running with the barrow up the scaffold board to the edge of the skip, timing the hops and jolting the barrow upright so that you tipped it onto its nose and dumped the contents from the very edge of the ramp.

I got it wrong and fell in quite a few times. YBF material, right there.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:03, archived)
I've bought a beard trimmer and it goes from 5-18mm
it currently ranges from 25-30mm, what is the optimum length for attracting the sex?
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:16, archived)
about three feet

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:26, archived)
"you shall have my bow"
"and my axe"
...
"and my hymen"
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:26, archived)
according to this site
www.hintsandthings.co.uk/nursery/heights.htm

I could hide a 2yr old under that, are you calling me a paedo?
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:57, archived)
I trim mine down to an eighth of an inch once a week.
It doesn't take it down to an eighth though on account of the direction of the hair and the thoroughly slipshod way I do it. Probably more like 3/16ths. Hope this helps. Apologies for the delay. I just baked some bread and planted some blackcurrants.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:44, archived)
I can't deal with this devil may care imperial primping
for all I know that is the length for maintaining the sex
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:53, archived)
2mm
sorry dude :(
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:49, archived)
that's alright, I can do 10mm then go over the offcuts with 8mm
then return it after a clean shave with PVA
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:56, archived)
the avengers is rubbish, 4 out of 10, would not bother

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:36, archived)
yeah, but doesn't it make fat greasy virgins think that Scarlet Johansson likes comic books, and will therefore sleep with them?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:54, archived)
so it should satisfy anyone on here who's under 30.
If you're over 30 and reading comics, just fucking kill yourself now.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:54, archived)
she dont even look all that and is pointless

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:59, archived)
I'd rather put sgt chub up her bum than yours

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:03, archived)
I really need to get off my tochkhus and go picture house to see that.
I've just been really lazy about it.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:19, archived)
i just told you it is shit, download it

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:38, archived)
He's totally dissing your opinion here.
I'd chib the cunt.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:45, archived)
ORGANIC CAFFINE

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:13, archived)
You don't even have organic breasts.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 19:18, archived)
But I got a free picture house pass !

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:08, archived)
Afternoon all!
Are you watching the football?
I'm going to Wembley next week. I have a spare ticket if you want to come.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:06, archived)
have you no real life friends to take?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:10, archived)
nope
billy no mates here :(
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:11, archived)
well why did you buy an extra ticket then?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:13, archived)
someone let me down

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:14, archived)
oh man :'(

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)
Champo playoff?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)
indeed

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)
I'd go
as long as it's in the Blackpool end
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)
it is

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:22, archived)
anway, I'm off to work now
£38 if you want it, cheers.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:26, archived)
once a year planearm turns off his tv and supports blackpool

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:22, archived)
up the hammers

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)
lolol

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)
bet your looking forward to them losing so you can beat the cunts next season

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)
yeah, loads of hammers fans round here too, dirty east london cunts

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:25, archived)
hoping we spank Fulham and the Arse get a draw today

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:31, archived)
4th spot is dodgy, don't want to have to bank on chelsea losing the final

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:48, archived)
No, I'm in the office. Having far too much fun.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:43, archived)
My friend found a thing
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/533327_10151740210050002_904710001_24247516_155296865_n.jpg

anyone know what it is?
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:18, archived)
It's a thing for thinging things.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:20, archived)
That's a thing that's taboo on /talk

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:23, archived)
its a photo

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:27, archived)
It's a whatchamucallit.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:43, archived)
Yup

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:51, archived)
I've got to be honest,
I prefer the sitcom quiz.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:51, archived)
This is the A Capella version of "lil manors " according to Siri.
Call Lezley Maxis colleague why is it that Newcastle had bad you do not have scuffles doggedly demob articulate Toscana dog that it was stupid's got sulphite and you'll be the Charlcot available with politics and all I sulkily risk April Fools' Day Porgy ran all you'll just another brick in the wall with Burger King is called useful as well as cosmic call haunting tolltakers of the 'advice… Regarding the papers catalytic is hello B brickbat a little total strangers atheistical need to get in both cases here with all that she can live so upset DDPA little finger on the phyletic band I have to say I want to lurking there is no reason why we are here Monarchians are welcome blah blah Fairlie, LLLU
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:53, archived)
tl;dr

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:58, archived)
We all hate iPhones and we all hate the cunts that use them.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:10, archived)
you can shove it up your arse

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:05, archived)
tl;dr

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:09, archived)
I have no Idea
I assume its for self defence against garden gnomes though
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:31, archived)
it's clearly a bear in a clown costume

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:39, archived)
ever seen a clown in a bear costume?
it'll blow your mind.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:49, archived)
in a clown costume?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:51, archived)
oh fuck!
*assplodes*
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:52, archived)
it's a link.
a badly copied fucking link.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:48, archived)
Properly wankerish bottle opener.
I don't fucking know.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:54, archived)
you seen this avengers film?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:51, archived)
Yeah man, it's pretty good.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:03, archived)
cool, off to see it now with my kids then

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:14, archived)
it's almost certainly owned by some sort of cunt.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:58, archived)
I'm going to guess a shitcunt.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:13, archived)
I've yet to hear back from the coop, i may need to email again

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:52, archived)
they're running scared mongy, they know they've fucked up.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:09, archived)
It's a tool for making holes in snake-like water creatures

(, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:13, archived)
pushing it down the board out of bettertude
who thinks im better than anything and if so what
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 2:54, archived)
you're taller and handsomer and cleverer
cheers
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 2:54, archived)
I used to think you were alright

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 3:13, archived)
oh yeah, nine rashers in my eight pack of bacon

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:30, archived)
What happened was, a pig tried to escape the slaughterhouse
so the owner strung him up, looked him in the eyes and said "you want out? I'll give you out, free of charge, no questions asked."

Then he killed him, sliced him up and put one slice of the pig into all the other packs of bacon, so that one part of your Full English tastes of coward.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:33, archived)
I think I'll just release the bacon back into the wild, find a nice field somewhere

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:55, archived)
than this cabbages, knickers clique

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:03, archived)
fuck off, how can a board with only seven users have a clique?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:04, archived)
oh wait, are you the fat one crying in the corner?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:05, archived)
if so, blub on fatso, we don't like your sort round here

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:05, archived)
That's more like it

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:07, archived)
I was going for low hanging fruit.

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:06, archived)
Poo
You're much better than poo. you're like a massive Welsh sweaty fat mans dump after a curry and too much whisky.
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:07, archived)
You are better than the mandatory block on b3ta in German Internet cafes.
That makes you about as good as GEMA
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:11, archived)
bored of that now
You know when you have a job interview and you're there and you suddenly think like you just want to rip all your clothes off and dance round the room spraying a joyous shower of urine over all and sundry, well that never happens to me, what never happens to you?

alt: etc

pricks
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:51, archived)
where did you buy your bags for life?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:56, archived)
I only ever buy things that are bad for the environment

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:00, archived)
sweet sweet lovemaking :(

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:07, archived)
fuck you
I walked past the pub and came home
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:09, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TE3ZlPCidfY&feature=related
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:13, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VIqA3i2zQw
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:26, archived)
Much as I love you, when it comes to music, we're not licking from the same flange

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:28, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lr0xJBsVbZY
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:33, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZSbkYjQer8
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:34, archived)
I'm trying to pretend I'm not 42 years old
by playing some music from my younger years.
Right now I've got on a bit of early 90s Acid Jazz
in the form of Izit and Outside. What (if anything)
do you do to kid yourself you're not an old cunt?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:19, archived)
Cling futily to these remaining months of my 29's...

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
Me too. I turn old in October.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:58, archived)
I'm November.
*weeps*
(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:04, archived)
I don't have that problem as I am not old.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)
I was like you once :(

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:30, archived)
I fuck teenagers
/sikrik
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)
i did it all when i hit 38 earlier this year, now i just want to die

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)
Hey now mongy, you shouldn't talk like that, you have a lot to live for.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:23, archived)
This bag split is the worst thing to ever happen to him
we're going to struggle to get him back to his old self.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:26, archived)
worse thing ever, i likd you mags, remember that, or not, no offence

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:28, archived)
Don't do anything rash
there will be other bags. Perhaps a trip to Selfridges will restore your faith in high street culture?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:42, archived)
oh mags, i just went to / bored and they are allowing adverts

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:48, archived)
I had to throw out a bag for life earlier because it had split.
An Asda one. Sad times.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:11, archived)
i'm emailing this to the coop

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:23, archived)
I thought you got a new one if it broke

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:29, archived)
you would

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:35, archived)
why is neptune so intent on rubbishing bags for life?

(, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:43, archived)
nah, it's all done

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:26, archived)
Not long now mate.
Chin up.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:31, archived)
I like to dress up as an adult baby.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:32, archived)
Do you have a premium newsgroup account?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:35, archived)
yes, yes I do.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:37, archived)
I thought you might have.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:37, archived)
What the hell is a 'newsgroup'?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:41, archived)
Usenet newsgroups, very early part of the internet,
mainly frequented nowadays by sexual deviants and copyright pirates en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:47, archived)
Having scouted through that article I declare this as my all time favourite quote:
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea. Massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
— Gene Spafford, 1992
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:53, archived)
i didn't get online till windows 95, man that changed shit

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:04, archived)
My first proper PC came with Win 3.1,
when 95 came out I was all like errhghg
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:14, archived)
that is because you are old rich, you said it

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:22, archived)
What are the scores?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:42, archived)
u cool?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:32, archived)
smashing, you?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:42, archived)
Good thanks, went down pound shop earlier, spent £15 on fizzy pop. Thats a lot of fizzy pop.
And assaulted sweets.

Got an oriental feast for dinner tonight too... pretty tops if I do say so myself.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:57, archived)
I hope the sweets were reduced.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:03, archived)
Were the sweets battered?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:11, archived)
you've beaten me with that reply

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:16, archived)
Did this post break the board OR SUTIN?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:47, archived)
Nah' man, don't get them south of scottland.
sorry Mr H, you snooze, you loose.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:11, archived)
FFS
battered, beaten. Do you people know nothing about puns?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
Yeah' man, and I was doing a pun* on the pun; that was the thing you missed.
Me - Assaulted to mean a mixed lot of things
MNS - Assaulted to mean phsyical violance with the word battered.
Me - Battered to mean a deep fried coating.

You missed an alright chain there, unless you can expand on that by doing a pun on the "Nah' man...." thread.

* is still a pun? What's it called someone changes the way a word is said to give it another meaing.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:48, archived)
worst alright thread ripoff ever

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:25, archived)
Hey guys
I was just out for a nice stroll down by the co-op, when I found this free Ribena carton just sitting by itself on the pavement.

It tasted totes amaze, best day of my life.

Have any of you had any big strokes of luck lately?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:55, archived)
oh man, it's all about to kick off :(

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:22, archived)
why, what's up?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:28, archived)
just.... scroll down the board.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:30, archived)
Oh... God
I am so sorry mongy, I had no idea

If it's any consolation it was probably the best most delicious ribena I ever had. Thank you for not getting that toothkind rubbish
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:39, archived)
I think it might give him some comfort to know one of his forum chums got to enjoy it.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:44, archived)
I won £25 on the premium bonds yesterday.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:22, archived)
ribenas all round!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:29, archived)
I just made a proper ghetto iphone case.
wp.me/p2pPSC-4h
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:46, archived)
I've just been flatting down primer with wet sandpaper
and all the splattering made me look like I was in a bukkake competition. What have you done that makes you look like porn?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:10, archived)
Grown a really shit beard.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:13, archived)
I did that, once

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:50, archived)
I hope this is for the wedding video.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:22, archived)
Mono's bumhole

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:50, archived)
I've genuinely got a big gay 80's handlebar moustache.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:02, archived)
I've never got round to fixing the fridge

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:10, archived)
Dressed up as a teddy bear and rubbed Angel Delight all under my arms.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:13, archived)
If it was Instant Whip I'd be interested.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:26, archived)
This pic of Angel Delight
looks a bit like a fanny
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:33, archived)
I've got a plumber in the house at the moment

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:28, archived)
Has he confessed anything yet?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:31, archived)
Yes
Sexey Times
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:32, archived)
I swallowed loads of sea men.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:35, archived)
I once had a nurse shave my balls.
It grew back all itchy though.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:55, archived)
what do you think? too strong? not strong enough? tl;dr?
dear mr or mrs co-op,
As a local shop i have been purchasing items from your store for over 30 years now, i may not have spent millions of pounds in that time, but i may have, i dont keep track, and really you shouldn't judge your customers on how much money they spend.
Anyway, the carrier bags in my local coop are now so small you dont need the warning as you could not fit one over your head, is this health and safety gone mad??? or money saving??? yet again these tissue paper tiny bags have failed me, this time it has cost me one carton of ribena, but what will it be next time, 2ltrs of white lightning??? i dont think so, would you take that risk???

i know you want us to get a bag for life, well i tried that, and she divorced me, lol, but you can see i have commitment issues, it's mainly your carrier bags fault, how could i trust you???
SORT YOUR FUCKING CARRIER BAGS OUT YOU SHITCUNTS
thanks
mongy
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:48, archived)
maybe i should mention gonz shitting in one

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:49, archived)
tl;dr

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:50, archived)
i can see it being a popular choice

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:51, archived)
I just emailed the Bahrain tourist information people to ask about a trip there
just for legal clarification, I asked if it's ok to have sex with my sister in Bahrain while she's in a persistent vegetative state
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:24, archived)
should be ok with your sister, but homosexual behaviour is illegal in bahrain, so make sure you fuck her in the cunt

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:28, archived)
PVS, not like she'll go blabbing about it

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:30, archived)
But what if her spincter got a splinter from your cocktail stick penis?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:34, archived)

too light; did rip
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:57, archived)
I can't believe I posted this before scrolling down, wat an awesome pants subthread

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:58, archived)
i might link to it in my email, too show them how well my day was going, until carrier bag hell

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:59, archived)
you don't come across angry enough.
have you considered cutting letters out of magazines and writing "MAKE THE BAGS STRONGER OR I WILL BLEED YOU SLOWLY. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE."
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:59, archived)
i'm considering all angles, they fucked with the wrong ribena drinker

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:00, archived)
I bet they put the price of ribena up an all, yet they make the bags shitter.
what a world :(
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:03, archived)
it was 72p, i was treating myself

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:06, archived)
:'(
the co-op are all fairtrade bannanas and tea and that but what about us eh? how come there's no fairness for folks carrying home their saturday treat?
it's a disgrace.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:11, archived)
i would cry mark, but i'm too angry, they have shamed me infront of my children

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:26, archived)
check

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:40, archived)
'em

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:40, archived)
nice dubs

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:45, archived)

Now this is a story all about how
Mongy’s co-op bag split and the ribena fell out
I’d like to take a minute, just read this post
The co-op don’t have bags about which they can boast

In the shop mongy got all the things that he need
Some cakes and some fags and some juice yes indeed
From the chiller cabinet, ribena all cool
And took it to the till coz he pays he’s no fool
A guy on the desk gave him a bag, was no good
It didn’t have the thickness that an ideal bag should
But mongy didn’t know, said to his goods
‘You’re coming home with me now, to my neighbourhood’

He whistled as he walked, everything was just great
But when he turned a corner, what a terrible fate
That flimsy bag was torn and out fell the drink, unseen
It’s times like this you see that fate’s a bitch she’s so mean

He got to his house about seven or eight
He reached for the bena, o man he couldn’t hardly wait
He looked in the bag, but the drink wasn’t there
Where it should have been there was only thin air
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:14, archived)
it's like you were there

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:25, archived)
This
is too excellent
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:09, archived)
I've got a broken bottle and a hammer to hand, you call the time and I'll be there, my brother-in-arms
shit just got real.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:36, archived)
i'm sending them alll this, do you think i should say i also lost a v. expensive pair of sunglasses?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:47, archived)
*looks inside shopping bag*
nice contents
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:11, archived)
you'll never make nice apple turnovers with that

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:44, archived)
Nothing could be strong enough for the distress they have put you through
thinking of you at this difficult time xx
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:43, archived)
cheers mags, if only the coop would email back I'd atleast have closure

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:26, archived)
Mate, I know exactly how you feel, it's like freekin' world has forgotten how to make disposable bags all of a sudden.
My binbags from Waitrose split 4 out of 5 times, have to double bag them up. I'd rather they fucking do what they're fucking paid to do right the first time. Sure, these new bags are enviromentally friendly, and yeah', that's fine. But they're not even doing that right 'cus you have to double bag anything. Got some metal bottles? Forget that, forget that right this instant. That's a no-go area for this shitstorm. WAITROSE for fuck's sake, they're only second to Harrods !

I feel like all the disposable bag makers all meet up down the pub and say "How can we fuck up the most people's shit?".
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:10, archived)
I'm not an angry man gonZ, i dont want no trouble, but they have pushed me too far :|

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:24, archived)
Thing is right, back in my day, when I was growing up, when I was a lad, in my youth... I had family in retail.
You know what it was back then? It was free advertising. These bags used to cost them £1 each, people used to come into the shop to buy them; that's the free bag we give away when you buy our skates'n'stuff. They were bright yellow, could hold your skates, pads and more. Had black rope so you could tie them up. If you saw the bags on the bus that took us to the swimming pool every friday at school, half the kids would be having them. Proud black logo on bright yellow. And you know what? Everyone who saw you with one said "Hot dayum that's a high quality disposable bag, bordering on non disposable". Not once in all my days did I hear someone say "It ripped", and I worked there EVERY saturday.

That was from a man who cared about a good disposable bag, that was a man who cared about brand and reputation. That was a man who knew how to make a bag; that was a man who knew a bag is an advert.

These days though, they're scum, scum of the earth, they ain't worth the dirt on my shoes. Fuck it, they ain't worth their own bag. You can judge a brand on the bag they sale; PC World have it alright. You see someone with a PC World bag with a square outline just the size of an iPad, Xbox or Dre Beats. You know you can follow them into the park they take a shortcut home from, and you wait behind a bush with a big cleaver, and then threaten to open up them up from balls to throat to see what they're made of. You know, afterwards, when you're walking away dripping with blood and red raw knuckles... you know you can have a bag that says "The person I just mugged used a company who _cares_ about their brand. AND, the brand cares about them.".
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:43, archived)
this deserves a reply and a click

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:54, archived)
Alright mate?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:45, archived)
What's the biggest pair of knickers you've ever seen in real life?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:18, archived)
your face

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:20, archived)
because your face is a big pair of knickers

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)
and your mum's got cement mixer tits and her face is halfway down her leg

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:59, archived)
and her wig is the vinyl roof from a Ford Capri

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:01, archived)
and she talks hippo language and all the hippos worship her as a goddess

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:03, archived)
hippos have pink milk

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:32, archived)
I fucking love Nesquick

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:44, archived)
i bet you watch dr who

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:20, archived)
Great. SSG. Here to ruin everything.
I'm leaving.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)
do you remember when ssg was alright?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:23, archived)
i don't even remember that it was so long ago

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:25, archived)
can anyone remember? maybe you were never alright

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:26, archived)
that seems possible.
but baldmonkey says i've changed which is also possible.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:30, archived)
dunno

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)
Gift shop in Yarmouth
they were comedy ones, probably 3 feet across with some wildly amusing text on them.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:22, archived)
There are a lot of fat women in Yarmouth though
so maybe it was through the window of BHS
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:25, archived)
and the wildly amusing text was just "BHS, machine wash"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:29, archived)
"if you can read this, you're too close"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:37, archived)
"please send help, I am being held prisoner in a giant pants factory"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:37, archived)
"my other pants are a bivvy"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:04, archived)
"your face here"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)
"fancy a fish supper?"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)
"junior Janet size"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)
"dry riser inlet"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:08, archived)
"goods inward"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:08, archived)
"historic seat of MONO!s bumhole"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:09, archived)
"baldmonkey has cat legs"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:09, archived)
"skidmarking for the Lord"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:14, archived)
"KNICKERS LOL!!!!"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:16, archived)
"Made by Tectonics"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:24, archived)
Tectonics make marquees
Good joke mags
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:29, archived)
"Blakey installs a two-way radio in Stan and Jack's cab, but should he believe all he hears?"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:26, archived)
"I 'ate you Butler, get that afterbirth aaat of 'ere!"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:26, archived)
"Blakey's methadone prescription has gone missing so Stan cooks up some krokodil"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:27, archived)
"Stan finds Blakey on the top deck ejaculating over Olive's exposed breasts"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:27, archived)
"shitbank"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:30, archived)
"no that's the perforated eel"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:31, archived)
"I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:33, archived)
what have you got on elaine dickinson?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:35, archived)
have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:40, archived)
"fatties do it with cake"

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:38, archived)
I saw bloomers the size of a sail once.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:03, archived)
you could say they were 'blooming sails', you know like the shop

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:33, archived)
LOL!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:36, archived)
i'm writing a letter of complaint to the co-op, these cunts are in for it today

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:36, archived)
what's happened?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:38, archived)
the carrier bags they are issuing now hold about 3 items and are like tissue paper, one of mine split on the way home yet again, i lost my carton of ribena :(((((((((((((((((((((((

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:40, archived)
what a bunch of cunts.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:56, archived)
bored of that now
see that forum user mongychap mentioned Kent back there, I've never been to Kent and I don't know exactly where it is and I'd honestly have to look on a map to make sure it's not in France or something, where have you never been and I don't know exactly where it is and you'd honestly have to look on a map to make sure it's not in France or something? you can say Hitler if you want

alt: just answer the question

penises
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:37, archived)
i dont understand the north, lancashire, yourkshire and all the other hobbit stuff
look where i had to park, why did you not advise me on my trip, i h8 u

media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/6d/ec/db/filename-imag1161-jpg.jpg
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:42, archived)
you daft cunt, if you'd kept on the main road for 4 miles you'd have been here
bit.ly/KwQyMW

free fishing lodges, lovely woodland and the car park gets used for dogging most nights
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:47, archived)
haha, i'm not good at planning, you know that was 4 years ago now, time flies

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:49, archived)
I miss GMoS

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)
we all do, i bet he is ok tho

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)
i was talking to him last night about a wicked sick gig he'd just done,
damn that honky is hot.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:04, archived)
he has a band?
I'd like to go and heckle, where are they playing next?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:05, archived)
oh i dunno man its folk stuff, i dont know much about folk stuff but he seems to be having a jolly time with it
and i don't mind any music really so long as its jolly
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:06, archived)
do they need a bass player?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:09, archived)
they probably have some weirdy instrument needs playing,
like an old shoebox with strings or sommat
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:17, archived)
I don't know what a Hampshire is.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:46, archived)
it is very nice, loads of lakes, there is the cemex lakes, but most a season ticket only now

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:48, archived)
wow, thanks mongy!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)
that's the north lake in hampshire
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/23553/1212866877/NewImage1resize.jpg
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:02, archived)
that's deffo in France

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:49, archived)
could be for all I know.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)
Anything north of London is thatched hovels that stink of pigshit, punctuated with the gentle ringing of smiths hammering on anvils
I bet when you have a toothache you have to take a bag of cabbages to the wise woman.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:54, archived)
no offence but when I was in Krakow people were getting on the train with their goats

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:56, archived)
how else are they going to get their kids to school?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:58, archived)
the real answer to this question is somewhat surprising
they take a horse and cart down the motorway

I ain't even joking
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)
that's grrr in the back
www.carlols.com/image/872-a-big-mac-for-the-horse-funny-car.jpg
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:09, archived)
that's a funny car,
I wonder if the horse is getting a big mac?
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:10, archived)
srsly, the motorways are full of those long cart things
it's like being in a Harry Potter movie probably, dunno, not really seen one of those
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:11, archived)
you must be
we don't have any motorways
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:19, archived)
that's Krakow innit
hardly the capital
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:19, archived)
Andorra

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)
that's just a made up thing like Narnia or MIddle Earth or Scotland

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:04, archived)
Thanks for clearing that up for me.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:06, archived)
Me and Tim went down to Kent
and met three ladies in a tent
we did not have much else to do
so I bucked one and tim bucked two
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:23, archived)
that's kent for you

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:24, archived)
Yeah. A crow today.
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:26, archived)
marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:29, archived)
seriously though, what kind of fucking prick moderates blog comments?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:29, archived)
a kingfisher once landed on my torrix

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:35, archived)
liar

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:36, archived)
i've seen thousands of birds, i just dont like to talk about it

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:38, archived)
maybe you have, maybe you haven't, the fact is you've lied to me before and now I can't trust you and I don't believe a word you say

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:43, archived)
you would of been a fool to of ever belived a word i've said anyway, i'm not to be trusted

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:56, archived)
all those lies about owning a bivvy
it's good that you've finally come clean about it, must be a weight off your mind
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)
yeah, i'm glad i didn't take it all the way to manchester only to find out that all the lakes were just bomb craters with rain water in and fear all night that my car was going to be robbed
GLAD THAT NEVER HAPPENED
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:06, archived)
lol l2manchester n00b

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:06, archived)
shant, i'll stay safe in kent, thanks

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:09, archived)
i cant remember or find the place i stayed, it was near a park with alledged fishing and an asda or some shit

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:22, archived)
haha, you can't remember because you're thick

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:27, archived)
i found it, haha, boggart hole clough, looked a bit rough round there

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:34, archived)
that's near where I was born
people get mugged and shot and stabbed and all sorts in boggart hole clough

and yeah, there's a boggart lives there apparently
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:38, archived)
da fuq is a boggart?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:43, archived)
fucking google it you cunt, learn something

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:48, archived)
i'd rather not, like to keep a bit of space in my brain

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:50, archived)

www.google.co.uk/search?q=lyrebird&hl=en&rlz=1R2ADFA_enGB427&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=bSauT66nJcfN8QOLkY2XCQ&ved=0CGsQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=600
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)
i'm not really a bird

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:04, archived)
i've been tipped off about a good place to see kingfishers near here
Might go tomorrow.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:47, archived)
don't come back

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:55, archived)
i was near a lake, dunno if that is relevant

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:57, archived)
if the place is deep in a cave I think it's a trap

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:03, archived)
Shit off with your shit blog you shitty shitting shitter.
Morning BM.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:43, archived)
morning wp

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:47, archived)
crows are black!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:52, archived)
ye

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:53, archived)
I like my coffee like my crows, black.
LOLOLOLOLOL
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:25, archived)
I have said this before but it bears repeating, I like this blog bm

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)
Agreeing with Vlad.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:13, archived)
cheers wp

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)
cheers v

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)
seen any pigeons?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:03, archived)
yeah
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/woodpigeon/
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/black-headed-gull-2/ - 3rd one
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)
"Anyway so I then I went home."
No. This is shit writing, fucking piss poor, and the quality offends me so much that I'm never visiting your blog again. You're a shit writer, a terrible photographer and you smell.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:53, archived)
Such a great catch
www.wimp.com/greatcatch/
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 5:20, archived)
what a brilliant Border Collie impression

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:15, archived)
I am welling up, what a hero

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:44, archived)
hahaha, good morning bbc visitors and your top interests
www.b3tards.com/u/6ade611e1870a93700b9/satam.jpg
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:52, archived)
No mention of Shelby's death
what a bunch of cunts
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:59, archived)
the mustang fella?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:23, archived)
extreme breastfeeding is more of a sport than frisbee.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:01, archived)
I tell you what, you wouldn't get such running and catching something skill in any other child's pastime.

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:00, archived)
alright mike woz ere
you missed all the excitement yesterday, I moved my desk over to the left and put my sofa over there in that corner and got the little table thing from the bedroom and now that's like there next to the desk and today I might move the beanbag over into the other corner but I'd have to move the parrot cage too so I dunno how that's gonna work out really
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:30, archived)
I bet you've got those shitty indentations in your carpet now so everyone knows how your room looked before anyway
and I bet most of your stuff is from Ikea.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:47, archived)
fuck off carpet, I don't do carpet, all laminate here

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:51, archived)
this is my bean bag, fuck Ikea
yeeeeah, you so jelly
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:52, archived)
lol, i like the choice of fabrics, this forum appears to be on the turn

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:10, archived)
what, fake parquet?
you council-housed tosser
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:03, archived)
probably a nightingale floor, lives up north dont he

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:09, archived)
He probably has to scatter fresh straw and sawdust over his floors every morning

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:15, archived)
i heard you can still sell the soiled stuff to tanners up there

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:20, archived)
your opinion counts for nothing after yesterday's LED lights debacle
we've all had enough of your lies
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:28, archived)
i hope your ceiling discolours, fuck that in your head nobber

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:36, archived)
haha, "parquet"
can't chat now, got to put some more parquet in the Aga
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:09, archived)
i keep the teabag in until after i've added milk

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:29, archived)
Your boyfriend
Really has trained his gag reflex
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:31, archived)
is this a joke about me having sex with a man?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)
I've never heard that Sir Sand Goblin has had sex with a man
I mean, have you ever heard that SSG is a gaymobumsexual?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:39, archived)
this kind of horrendously mean joke suggesting that i have had sex with a man is certainly hurtful to me

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:42, archived)
I can't imagine you have ever done any such thing
without sporting a massive erection
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:44, archived)
i wish people would think before they suggest that i would nosh down on some man cock
covering it in my saliva to make the subsequent penetration of my anus with it all the easier.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:49, archived)
That's fucking horrible
You could atleast spit on it repeatedly prior to insertion, to be certain of adequate lubrication.
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:09, archived)
You've got to say though, that was a top drawer comment.
I lolled.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:50, archived)
i dont like tea

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:33, archived)
no offence, but you don't know shit about parking tickets
why the fuck would your opinions about tea count? Great forumming though.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:35, archived)
haha yeh but seriously how do you make your tea

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)
WITH A FUCKING SPOON

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:39, archived)
i dont make tea, why would i?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:41, archived)
silly billy! so you can drink it of course!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:42, archived)
are you trying to force me to do something i dont like?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:44, archived)
i dunno i just wanna know how you make ur tea no need to be all harshin up

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:49, archived)
my reply stated i dont make tea, your not right you

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:53, archived)
i thought you were joking

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:56, archived)
years since i made a cup of tea

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:57, archived)
which cup of tea?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:59, archived)
the one i didn't like

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:10, archived)
so what about the one you did?

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:12, archived)
i dont like tea

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:16, archived)
you gotta be joking whats the point of this thread then

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:22, archived)
the point of this thread
is to make it so long that it hits the edge and then
we
have
to read
posts
like
this
all
squa
shed
up
ag
ain
st
a
a
r
r
g
h
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:04, archived)
I
l
i
k
e

t
h
i
s
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:57, archived)
look, happy birthday wales and all that
but what the fuck do you know about tea?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:33, archived)
wait what it aint my birthday

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)
well duh, i mean you'd have to be really stupid to take it out before, so stupid you'd forget to breathe probably

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:24, archived)
Unfair
to the regular mouth breathers
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:06, archived)
I don't. what a world!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:49, archived)
bit late for tea

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 2:16, archived)
good news guys, i seen a goldfinch
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:48, archived)
I'm pretty sure I'll move the parrot cage over by the door then have the beanbag over in that corner there and my amp next to the sofa

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:58, archived)
do you use the bean bag and the sofa at the same time

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:08, archived)
who the fuck keeps their beans in a bag, what the hell is he talking about

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:16, archived)
he probably soaks his beans for 24h before making the chilli
Rather than just buying them in tins
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
wat a complete tool

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:29, archived)
I bet he takes his pasta out of the bags and puts it in nice jars too

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:36, archived)
I just don't understand this kind of thing, surely jars are for gold blend

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:51, archived)
no no these jars have tight metal and rubber seals around the top in case the pasta makes a break for it

you don't want pasta crumbs all down the sides of your new black leather sofa
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:54, archived)
omg wat I am on the verge of tears here, it's all so confusing, prison warders in the form of seals, what's next, traffic warden dolphins

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:55, archived)
only on days when I sudd

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
enly find myself taller than usual

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
sorry, hit enter, easier than editing

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)
i still dont get any of it, a bean bag ? a sudd? sorry?
and in response to gonz, shut up about sunday opening, it wasn't allowed, so he is saying they were shut sunday and monday, wat?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:36, archived)
I really want to go to bed but the washer's running and I don't want to have my clothes go all smelly if I leave them in there all night, fml

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:42, archived)
you just get more fruity, have you met vlad?
hang them out tomorrow morning you spastic
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:45, archived)
s'ok, it just finished, I'm off to the fartsack, feel free to sit here all night insisting on yourself though, no skin off my nose

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:46, archived)
your nearly as bad a ssg, fuck off back to pointlessforum.net

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:50, archived)
I bet you have to take scatter cushions off the bed in order to get into it

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:57, archived)
have you ever been issued with a parking ticket by a dolphin, this is important

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:02, archived)
I got a parking ticket the other day
cost me £25. If I'd paid the parking charge normally it'd be 20p to park there for the time I needed. I thought it was a free carpark.

sadtimes
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:03, archived)
someone forgot to make sure they had their emergency tuna bribe in the glovebox

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:06, archived)
sadtimes, 40 quid in westminster, if paid in 14 days, i wonder what is the most expensive parking ticket

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:13, archived)
Jermaine Pennant
www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/855484-jermaine-pennant-i-deliberately-left-my-porsche-at-train-station-for-months
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:16, archived)
that aint meeting the rules i've set out, possibly in my head, but still, i mean a proper parking ticket

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:21, archived)
it's a fucking parking ticket

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:32, archived)
is it fuck, it is leaving a car in a carpark, i mean a spot fine, ffs, get with it

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:34, archived)
brew up mongy
I'm thirsty
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:36, archived)
train station where that jailbird left his car might make tea, as it aint a fucking proper ticket issuing place

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:43, archived)
I object to this like totally :(((

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:52, archived)
sorry vlad, but leaving some clothes in the machine overnight will not make them smell

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:00, archived)
unless mr messy never cleans out the filter

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:02, archived)
dude, that hargreaves family are srs litigaters over copy right, might wanna, you know

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:09, archived)
PFFFFFT!

(, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:46, archived)
OH WHO LEFT THEIR LORNDRY
in the schtinky mildewy fullaskinkpiss maschine again, asked his buxom Swiss homehelper
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:10, archived)
You fat ballbag

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:03, archived)
I tell you what, right, baldmonkey, I tell you what, I like your blog

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:13, archived)
I hope it pecked your stupid eyes out.
LOL, nah you're alright you are.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:13, archived)
I want your speccy icon
love it
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:17, archived)
anyone off out tonight? i'm not
got any big plans for dinner tonight? i dont
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:20, archived)
SADTIMES :(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:31, archived)
It's alright mongy, we're here for you

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)
we can make it www.b3ta.com/juicer

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)
now stop looking at my bird before I glass you, cunt

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)
steady on, i didn't realise that was a bird, looks like a fella dressed up

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:51, archived)
me neither! wow, it's like we're brothers or something.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:32, archived)
alright mark

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:32, archived)
all safe here, you alright mongy?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:35, archived)
my smashers just turned up, great times

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:52, archived)
brill! I hope you have fun.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:54, archived)
dont look like it, they came with t&c's on the time spent this weekend, still i get cuddles

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:58, archived)
Cuddles make it all better

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:10, archived)
i hate that duck, lol

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:13, archived)
LOL!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:18, archived)
what's a really shit 80's film i should troll /bored with tonight mark?
you cant say howard the duck

pricks
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:32, archived)
Karate Kid

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)
no wait, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)
nah the dicks will like that, i want it more wanky

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:40, archived)
flight of the navigator

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:41, archived)
good call, incoming ceiling cat lulz

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:44, archived)
hooray! I'm helping!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:45, archived)
job done

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:49, archived)
city slickers
turner and hooch
Mac and Me
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:43, archived)
i dunno man, i need a proper character, i might go back to howard
pricks
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:50, archived)
I'm staying in tonight
Wifes going out
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:34, archived)
I hope she gets some proper cock.
no offence.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:36, archived)
Five or six tonight she said
have to pay the bills some how
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:37, archived)
does she accept IOUs?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:37, archived)
I'll just text her hold on...

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:38, archived)
she fucking accepts anything always.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:39, archived)
yeah...Mark should know
she changed her number btw mark. I'll get it for you, one sec.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:39, archived)
nah, it's cool.
bored of that now.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:41, archived)
:D

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:42, archived)
talking about your wife being a prostitute to try and fit in.
have you no shame?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:44, archived)
None at all

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:27, archived)
And besides
Fit into where?
You told me she'd get proper cock, thereby inferring she's loose.
I was merely resorting to your low level of chat so that you'd understand what I was saying.
It takes two to Tango.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:51, archived)
There is after all
my newbie internets learning skills lessons
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:38, archived)
I'm staying in, drinking beer and cooking
skint and jobless! Wahey.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:35, archived)
mug someone.
I don't think you need to pay tax on it either.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:45, archived)
i'm not paying tax and i'm working, i love these caymen island banks

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:46, archived)
my mate works on ships, he ain't paid any tax ever.
the fucking rich cunt, has a big fucking house in spain.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:48, archived)
sounds alright, i might take a 3 month tour of afgan, got to cut some deals first

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:05, archived)
I've just been to the chippy
they close at 8, what's that about?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:56, archived)
dunno man, why would you close on a friday early, odd cunts
round my way no chinese or chippys open on sunday, rose reckons that is just round here, i dunno tho
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:59, archived)
our local chippy is open 1pm - 9pm Monday to Saturday. Closed Sunday.
/true story
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:32, archived)
right, i'm getting the info i need, i honestly belived you couldn't sell cooked fish on fridays(edit- sundays, not fridays, years ago, but i googled it before, it stumped me, like my research into the origin of the saveloy, no firm facts, i blame he jews

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)
postin in a food subthread, right here

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:47, archived)
it was a food thread to start off, you gone dumb again

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:02, archived)
Whoah there fellas. I didn't mean for all this. This has gone horribly wrong.
I might delete it.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:04, archived)
Finshmongers are traditionally closed on mondays, fact fans, something about god's opening times on a sunday.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:13, archived)
that aint proof gonz

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:30, archived)
Deffo circamstancial though.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:40, archived)
Sounds
like the ideal weekend to me
(, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:12, archived)
I just "received" an internal memo.
Every sentence had at least one phrase "in unnecessary quote marks".
What "stupid little thing" will make you "go on a killing spree" in your "imagination" "today"?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:20, archived)
"baldmonkey"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
+ 's willy
LOL
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
Now we're talking.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)
I'm starting to use that too much now to be taking the piss...
:-/
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)
"willy"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:36, archived)
Oh shit.
And now the withering starts.
Why can't you leave us alone to play happily, ffs?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:46, archived)
i cant help myself its in my blood

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:58, archived)
"blood"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:08, archived)
i just ate 200g of jellybeans

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:14, archived)
"ate"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:16, archived)
I'm not little.
I'm fat.
Not as fat as the women on here, obviously, but still pretty fucking fat.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
the women here are pretty huge

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)
guna make ma girl's dinner 2nite chicken dipers and chip's there faverite!!
then play sm take a brake magersine bingo lollll love itt xxxx
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:50, archived)
all these boring shit stupid threads about sofas

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
I liked them.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)
wait til I start wondering about moving the beanbag and the parrot cage again, that'll be tomorrow's debate

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)
Save it until Monday. I might not see it otherwise. :(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)
this is all raking up bad memories for me of when i found my bed too high

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:26, archived)
let's not dwell on the past eh, it only leads to talk of central heating thermostats

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)
i removed mine, looking at it disgusted me

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:36, archived)
I bet you gummed it up with wank and it stopped working

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:37, archived)
FoooooOOOoo00ooo oh, past eh

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:33, archived)
straight or corner?
recliners?
I hope it's not white leather
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:27, archived)
we've been through all this, it's black leather

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:33, archived)
oh man, oh man oh man, cupholders?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 18:21, archived)
I've just had to move desks so my boss can keep a closer eye on the incompetent dick who used to sit here.
I'm not amused.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)
I moved my desk today!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)
Can't be you, he doesn't have an imaginary parrot.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)
nothing, i'm on my way to cannon st, gonna get the 1642 train home, might have a pint in the red barn if you fancy one ballbag

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)
buses don't run to Cannon Street any more, not since they built the Arndale extension
you want Shudehill or Market Street Metrolink to Piccadilly
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)
hahaha , i ment london cannon st, i'm on the train now, should be in the barn by ten past five, ok

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:33, archived)
yeah, I don't care

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:38, archived)
it hasn't left yet

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:41, archived)
I'll be wearing a red carnation
red tin of
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)
Q5

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)
look at AB trying to be funny
www.b3ta.com/questions/shopsandsupermarkets/post1612963#answers-post-1613019
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)
Look at Quentin crossposting a reposted repost.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)
look at frisbee replying to my cross-posted reposted repost

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)
Look at me shitting up a rope.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:26, archived)
you didn't get very far

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)
Look at Adam trying to Adam Adam at Adaming Adam

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)
Just reading that has made me feel woozy

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)
i pretended it was the beat to a song

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)
Shut up Quentin

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)
I-I meant Adam
ADAM
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)
MADAM I'M ADAM

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)
Why isn't 'Palindrome' a palindrome, hm? Somebody tell me that.
I wish it was as hilarious as the word 'Lisp' when said by a tonguemong.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:30, archived)
I feel funny, I think I need something sugary :(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:39, archived)

thing
+r
a e
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:45, archived)
Brain no worky, please to make plain and simples

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:54, archived)
surgery
he should have struckthrough 'some' as well though
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:57, archived)
"Hope this finds you well?"
"?"
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:31, archived)
"would of"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:39, archived)
The tiresome thirtysomething bints in my office who keep bleating on about "vajazzling" and spray tans.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:12, archived)
There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall.
The first one stands up and says to the others "

Someone should write the second half of this amazing joke for me. Ta.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:05, archived)
There's a prize for the best suggestion.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:06, archived)
There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall. The first one stands up and says to the others:
There is a prize for the next suggestion.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)
I suggest you go play on your phone in the toilet.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)
Winner.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)
Fucking favouritism

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:09, archived)
Some other part of him would be insanely jealous and try to maim the winning part, though.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:12, archived)
That's true

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)
I feel like I've been mean over the past few days. I don't know why :(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)
You should probably fuck off and die. No offence.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)
PRIZE PLEASE

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:17, archived)
You get to lend me a bass guitar for the weekend.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
Your dun it rong, bimblyballbag

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)
"Why did we get into this boat in the first place? Not only can we swim, but we're pretty good fliers too!"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)
What's my fucking prize?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)
I miss poopants :'(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)
no that's the perforated eel.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)
"I've always loved you"
One of the ducks says "Oh God, me too!"
The first duck says "Oh...I wasn't talking to you. Ugh."
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:11, archived)
It's funny because ducks are well known for not reacting well in socially awkward situations

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:11, archived)
well, we could just fly away...?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:12, archived)
oh TH already did that erm
how about 'uh-oh, looks like we're ducked
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)
Your version fits into a joke much more comfortably
I'm not very good at jokes. I'm more an 'amusing noises' sort of person.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:14, archived)
fnark

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:15, archived)
Decautz'd!
You know, that sort of thing.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:17, archived)
Fuck off

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)
>:(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:15, archived)
Pfft

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)
TO CHINA¡

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:14, archived)
stick figure ninja, gone too soon, all the good peoples die :(

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
You know what I haven't seen for years? "Street Trash"
Crazy film. Might download it. Probably won't.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:18, archived)
The ducks wouldn't be expecting that

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:18, archived)
waht?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)
There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall. The first one stands up and says to the others
"Quack."
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:19, archived)
i think this should win

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)
2nded

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)
bored of that now
I started counting my nipple hairs, got to 15 then got bored, what did you last start then get b
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:30, archived)
Repl

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:37, archived)


(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:38, archived)
I'm looking for a tenuous excuse to ban Syncubus from the b3ta facebook clique page.
anyone got one?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:39, archived)
he's a squirrel fucking yehaw gun toting redneck nonce.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)
That's good enough for me.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)
squirrel eh?
litle fuckers.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)
He's seen bou naked.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:00, archived)
Fucksake,
he needs support, sympathy and counselling, not punishment. :(
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:05, archived)
She's seen his penis, sans pink sock.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)
I am sitting in the Senator lounge surrounded by cunts dressed in grey with laptops.
I managed to change my schedule from DUS - HAM - MAN to DUS - MAN but have the privilege of waiting 4 fucking hours for a flight.

I just counted to 67 blokes, not a single bit of tit so far so have stopped counting.

I have now had 4 half pint glasses of Irish Whiskey trying to figure out if in a quality basis it differs in any way from the rest of the muck they serve you on Lufthansa.

I am counting how many days of this shit I have left. People whinge abut working in an office. I would like all of you who have to endure this business travel shit, stand up and be counted.

Edit: Oh there was one transvestite but I think he got on the Munich flight.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:39, archived)
tl;dr

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)
fu;wr

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)
I get the bus.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)
I envy you.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)
no need, just go to any bus stop and wait for a bus.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:43, archived)
The only bus here goes to
another fucking terminal
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:44, archived)
well, you might enjoy the journey.
shesh, I was only trying to help :(
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)
Soz man, but this is dreadful. It's like a sauna only with booze so I am grumpy.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)
I dunno, have a stranglwank. unwind a bit.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:48, archived)
I tried that
But when Klaus is expelling his Alt Bier and Bratwurst in the cubicle next to you, ya just kind of can't manage it.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:59, archived)
Two pints of whiskey?
That doesn't sound very sensible
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)
Hey TH
Imagine it eh? But fair enough, they are kind of half full and with lots of ice cubes.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:48, archived)
Ah, I see
Yes, that makes more sense.
I have limited experience of airports, as I'm not very well travelled. Neevrtheless, my time spent there was very boring.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:49, archived)
Which surprises me actually
What amazes me is the crazy collecting of status miles, so you can sit in the same place you had to endure to collect said status miles.

Rule number 1 of business travel:

You are more likely to meet interesting people in Economy then in Club or First.

Rule number 2:

The lady sitting next to you on a flight would not even be considered after 18 pints in your local, so get a grip man.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:54, archived)
BTW, WTF R these iPAD hings that everyone has?
What do they do with them. And what's with the lavish cases?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:58, archived)
Sometimes when I yawn too hard my chin hurts a bit

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:50, archived)
Your chin?
That's strange
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:51, archived)
That IS strange
Try yawning and without touching it see if you can notice your chin.

I AM bored.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:56, archived)

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