I've been on the swings.
Fuck yous all.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sun 13 May 2012, 14:55, archived)

I've just chucked a few things in my skip
The guy across the road found a TV in his skip the other morning.
Any skip stories out there?
( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:03, archived)

I live in a skip

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:05, archived)

I don't even like prawn cocktail

( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:09, archived)

or this
www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/9252101/New-art-sculpture-in-Brighton-a-used-skip.html
( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:10, archived)

This sub thread is going great
thanks all.
( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:13, archived)

Oi. Find your own pad.

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:16, archived)

I've hired a skip a few times.
not sure if it was the same one.

true story that.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:16, archived)

What size?

( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:26, archived)

it was sort of skip sized.
like a skip.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:28, archived)

I don't give a fuck, that is is NOT art. That is spunking money up a wall and taking the piss.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:29, archived)

Art in "self-indulgent bourgeois waste of money" shocker.

( Gvpyczjppcl when I arrive I'm balls in a heatwave, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:29, archived)

It shows how morally bankrupt the buyer is, to buy it in behalf of whoever they represent in order to rape the grant of it's primary asset.
And how morally bankrupt, or deluded, the 'artist' is in order to call himself by that proffesion.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:52, archived)

when i dont understand something i try not to imagine that i do because thats where ignorance and bigotry come from

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:08, archived)

Hi, my name's Pops, welcome to the internet. I hope you have a good time.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME
:(
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:18, archived)

OH MY DEAR SWEET GOBBO !
Why, my darling, is that? Tell me, how is your penis usage at the moment?
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:20, archived)

i use it daily for a number of tasks

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:26, archived)

Succesfully?

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:31, archived)

its all gone to plan so far

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:33, archived)

I've just lost a lot of respect for you

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:13, archived)

I do really glued
got a multipack of Skips on the go at the moment as it happens. Just wanted to make a crisp joke.
( magnum, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:18, archived)

oh thank god

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:19, archived)

I used to have the job of barrowing hardcore and soil into the skip on building projects
which meant running with the barrow up the scaffold board to the edge of the skip, timing the hops and jolting the barrow upright so that you tipped it onto its nose and dumped the contents from the very edge of the ramp.

I got it wrong and fell in quite a few times. YBF material, right there.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:03, archived)

I've bought a beard trimmer and it goes from 5-18mm
it currently ranges from 25-30mm, what is the optimum length for attracting the sex?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:16, archived)

about three feet

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:26, archived)

"you shall have my bow"
"and my axe"
...
"and my hymen"
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:26, archived)

according to this site
www.hintsandthings.co.uk/nursery/heights.htm

I could hide a 2yr old under that, are you calling me a paedo?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:57, archived)

I trim mine down to an eighth of an inch once a week.
It doesn't take it down to an eighth though on account of the direction of the hair and the thoroughly slipshod way I do it. Probably more like 3/16ths. Hope this helps. Apologies for the delay. I just baked some bread and planted some blackcurrants.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:44, archived)

I can't deal with this devil may care imperial primping
for all I know that is the length for maintaining the sex
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:53, archived)

2mm
sorry dude :(
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:49, archived)

that's alright, I can do 10mm then go over the offcuts with 8mm
then return it after a clean shave with PVA
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:56, archived)

the avengers is rubbish, 4 out of 10, would not bother

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:36, archived)

yeah, but doesn't it make fat greasy virgins think that Scarlet Johansson likes comic books, and will therefore sleep with them?

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:54, archived)

so it should satisfy anyone on here who's under 30.
If you're over 30 and reading comics, just fucking kill yourself now.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:54, archived)

she dont even look all that and is pointless

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:59, archived)

I'd rather put sgt chub up her bum than yours

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:03, archived)

I really need to get off my tochkhus and go picture house to see that.
I've just been really lazy about it.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:19, archived)

i just told you it is shit, download it

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:38, archived)

He's totally dissing your opinion here.
I'd chib the cunt.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sun 13 May 2012, 17:45, archived)

ORGANIC CAFFINE

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

You don't even have organic breasts.

( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sun 13 May 2012, 19:18, archived)

But I got a free picture house pass !

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 18:08, archived)

Afternoon all!
Are you watching the football?
I'm going to Wembley next week. I have a spare ticket if you want to come.
( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:06, archived)

have you no real life friends to take?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:10, archived)

nope
billy no mates here :(
( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:11, archived)

well why did you buy an extra ticket then?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:13, archived)

someone let me down

( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:14, archived)

oh man :'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)

Champo playoff?

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)

indeed

( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)

I'd go
as long as it's in the Blackpool end
( mr horrible prick wanker, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)

it is

( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:22, archived)

anway, I'm off to work now
£38 if you want it, cheers.
( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:26, archived)

once a year planearm turns off his tv and supports blackpool

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:22, archived)

up the hammers

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:20, archived)

lolol

( planearm, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)

bet your looking forward to them losing so you can beat the cunts next season

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:21, archived)

yeah, loads of hammers fans round here too, dirty east london cunts

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:25, archived)

hoping we spank Fulham and the Arse get a draw today

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:31, archived)

4th spot is dodgy, don't want to have to bank on chelsea losing the final

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:48, archived)

No, I'm in the office. Having far too much fun.

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:43, archived)

My friend found a thing
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/533327_10151740210050002_904710001_24247516_155296865_n.jpg

anyone know what it is?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:18, archived)

It's a thing for thinging things.

( Maffers Five zombies. 4 bullets. Two zombies., Sun 13 May 2012, 10:20, archived)

That's a thing that's taboo on /talk

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:23, archived)

its a photo

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:27, archived)

It's a whatchamucallit.

( JackAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 13 May 2012, 10:43, archived)

Yup

( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:51, archived)

I've got to be honest,
I prefer the sitcom quiz.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 13 May 2012, 10:51, archived)

This is the A Capella version of "lil manors " according to Siri.
Call Lezley Maxis colleague why is it that Newcastle had bad you do not have scuffles doggedly demob articulate Toscana dog that it was stupid's got sulphite and you'll be the Charlcot available with politics and all I sulkily risk April Fools' Day Porgy ran all you'll just another brick in the wall with Burger King is called useful as well as cosmic call haunting tolltakers of the 'advice… Regarding the papers catalytic is hello B brickbat a little total strangers atheistical need to get in both cases here with all that she can live so upset DDPA little finger on the phyletic band I have to say I want to lurking there is no reason why we are here Monarchians are welcome blah blah Fairlie, LLLU
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:53, archived)

tl;dr

( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:58, archived)

We all hate iPhones and we all hate the cunts that use them.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 13 May 2012, 11:10, archived)

you can shove it up your arse

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:05, archived)

tl;dr

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:09, archived)

I have no Idea
I assume its for self defence against garden gnomes though
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:31, archived)

it's clearly a bear in a clown costume

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

ever seen a clown in a bear costume?
it'll blow your mind.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:49, archived)

in a clown costume?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:51, archived)

oh fuck!
*assplodes*
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

it's a link.
a badly copied fucking link.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:48, archived)

Properly wankerish bottle opener.
I don't fucking know.
( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Sun 13 May 2012, 11:54, archived)

you seen this avengers film?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:51, archived)

Yeah man, it's pretty good.

( BraynDedd CHEER THE FUCK UP YOU MOANING TWATS, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:03, archived)

cool, off to see it now with my kids then

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:14, archived)

it's almost certainly owned by some sort of cunt.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Sun 13 May 2012, 11:58, archived)

I'm going to guess a shitcunt.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

I've yet to hear back from the coop, i may need to email again

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:52, archived)

they're running scared mongy, they know they've fucked up.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:09, archived)

It's a tool for making holes in snake-like water creatures

(Drimble An open communiqué to certain members of b3ta., Thu 17 May 2012, 21:13, archived)

pushing it down the board out of bettertude
who thinks im better than anything and if so what
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 2:54, archived)

you're taller and handsomer and cleverer
cheers
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sun 13 May 2012, 2:54, archived)

I used to think you were alright

( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 3:13, archived)

oh yeah, nine rashers in my eight pack of bacon

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:30, archived)

What happened was, a pig tried to escape the slaughterhouse
so the owner strung him up, looked him in the eyes and said "you want out? I'll give you out, free of charge, no questions asked."

Then he killed him, sliced him up and put one slice of the pig into all the other packs of bacon, so that one part of your Full English tastes of coward.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:33, archived)

I think I'll just release the bacon back into the wild, find a nice field somewhere

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

than this cabbages, knickers clique

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:03, archived)

fuck off, how can a board with only seven users have a clique?

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:04, archived)

oh wait, are you the fat one crying in the corner?

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

if so, blub on fatso, we don't like your sort round here

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

That's more like it

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:07, archived)

I was going for low hanging fruit.

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:06, archived)

Poo
You're much better than poo. you're like a massive Welsh sweaty fat mans dump after a curry and too much whisky.
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:07, archived)

You are better than the mandatory block on b3ta in German Internet cafes.
That makes you about as good as GEMA
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Sun 13 May 2012, 10:11, archived)

bored of that now
You know when you have a job interview and you're there and you suddenly think like you just want to rip all your clothes off and dance round the room spraying a joyous shower of urine over all and sundry, well that never happens to me, what never happens to you?

alt: etc

pricks
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:51, archived)

where did you buy your bags for life?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:56, archived)

I only ever buy things that are bad for the environment

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:00, archived)

sweet sweet lovemaking :(

( lazygamer tittybiscuits, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:07, archived)

fuck you
I walked past the pub and came home
( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:09, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TE3ZlPCidfY&feature=related
( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:13, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VIqA3i2zQw
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:26, archived)

Much as I love you, when it comes to music, we're not licking from the same flange

( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:28, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lr0xJBsVbZY
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:33, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZSbkYjQer8
( broadsword, Sun 13 May 2012, 1:34, archived)

I'm trying to pretend I'm not 42 years old
by playing some music from my younger years.
Right now I've got on a bit of early 90s Acid Jazz
in the form of Izit and Outside. What (if anything)
do you do to kid yourself you're not an old cunt?
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:19, archived)

Cling futily to these remaining months of my 29's...

( Maffers Five zombies. 4 bullets. Two zombies., Sat 12 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

Me too. I turn old in October.

( 2 Can Chunder : Cruise Control, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:58, archived)

I'm November.
*weeps*
( Maffers Five zombies. 4 bullets. Two zombies., Sun 13 May 2012, 0:04, archived)

I don't have that problem as I am not old.

( JackAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)

I was like you once :(

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:30, archived)

I fuck teenagers
/sikrik
( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)

i did it all when i hit 38 earlier this year, now i just want to die

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:21, archived)

Hey now mongy, you shouldn't talk like that, you have a lot to live for.

( JackAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 12 May 2012, 22:23, archived)

This bag split is the worst thing to ever happen to him
we're going to struggle to get him back to his old self.
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:26, archived)

worse thing ever, i likd you mags, remember that, or not, no offence

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:28, archived)

Don't do anything rash
there will be other bags. Perhaps a trip to Selfridges will restore your faith in high street culture?
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

oh mags, i just went to / bored and they are allowing adverts

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:48, archived)

I had to throw out a bag for life earlier because it had split.
An Asda one. Sad times.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 12 May 2012, 23:11, archived)

i'm emailing this to the coop

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:23, archived)

I thought you got a new one if it broke

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:29, archived)

you would

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:35, archived)

why is neptune so intent on rubbishing bags for life?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 13 May 2012, 0:43, archived)

nah, it's all done

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:26, archived)

Not long now mate.
Chin up.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:31, archived)

I like to dress up as an adult baby.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:32, archived)

Do you have a premium newsgroup account?

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:35, archived)

yes, yes I do.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:37, archived)

I thought you might have.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:37, archived)

What the hell is a 'newsgroup'?

( JackAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 12 May 2012, 22:41, archived)

Usenet newsgroups, very early part of the internet,
mainly frequented nowadays by sexual deviants and copyright pirates en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:47, archived)

Having scouted through that article I declare this as my all time favourite quote:
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea. Massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
— Gene Spafford, 1992
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:53, archived)

i didn't get online till windows 95, man that changed shit

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:04, archived)

My first proper PC came with Win 3.1,
when 95 came out I was all like errhghg
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:14, archived)

that is because you are old rich, you said it

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:22, archived)

What are the scores?

( Maffers Five zombies. 4 bullets. Two zombies., Sat 12 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

u cool?

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:32, archived)

smashing, you?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:42, archived)

Good thanks, went down pound shop earlier, spent £15 on fizzy pop. Thats a lot of fizzy pop.
And assaulted sweets.

Got an oriental feast for dinner tonight too... pretty tops if I do say so myself.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:57, archived)

I hope the sweets were reduced.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:03, archived)

Were the sweets battered?

( mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:11, archived)

you've beaten me with that reply

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:16, archived)

Did this post break the board OR SUTIN?

( mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:47, archived)

Nah' man, don't get them south of scottland.
sorry Mr H, you snooze, you loose.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:11, archived)

FFS
battered, beaten. Do you people know nothing about puns?
( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

Yeah' man, and I was doing a pun* on the pun; that was the thing you missed.
Me - Assaulted to mean a mixed lot of things
MNS - Assaulted to mean phsyical violance with the word battered.
Me - Battered to mean a deep fried coating.

You missed an alright chain there, unless you can expand on that by doing a pun on the "Nah' man...." thread.

* is still a pun? What's it called someone changes the way a word is said to give it another meaing.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 22:48, archived)

worst alright thread ripoff ever

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 23:25, archived)

Hey guys
I was just out for a nice stroll down by the co-op, when I found this free Ribena carton just sitting by itself on the pavement.

It tasted totes amaze, best day of my life.

Have any of you had any big strokes of luck lately?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:55, archived)

oh man, it's all about to kick off :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:22, archived)

why, what's up?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:28, archived)

just.... scroll down the board.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:30, archived)

Oh... God
I am so sorry mongy, I had no idea

If it's any consolation it was probably the best most delicious ribena I ever had. Thank you for not getting that toothkind rubbish
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:39, archived)

I think it might give him some comfort to know one of his forum chums got to enjoy it.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:44, archived)

I won £25 on the premium bonds yesterday.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:22, archived)

ribenas all round!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:29, archived)

I just made a proper ghetto iphone case.
wp.me/p2pPSC-4h
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:46, archived)

I've just been flatting down primer with wet sandpaper
and all the splattering made me look like I was in a bukkake competition. What have you done that makes you look like porn?
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:10, archived)

Grown a really shit beard.

( Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Sat 12 May 2012, 17:13, archived)

I did that, once

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:50, archived)

I hope this is for the wedding video.

( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:22, archived)

Mono's bumhole

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:50, archived)

I've genuinely got a big gay 80's handlebar moustache.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Sat 12 May 2012, 18:02, archived)

I've never got round to fixing the fridge

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:10, archived)

Dressed up as a teddy bear and rubbed Angel Delight all under my arms.

( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

If it was Instant Whip I'd be interested.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:26, archived)

This pic of Angel Delight
looks a bit like a fanny
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:33, archived)

I've got a plumber in the house at the moment

( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:28, archived)

Has he confessed anything yet?

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:31, archived)

Yes
Sexey Times
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:32, archived)

I swallowed loads of sea men.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:35, archived)

I once had a nurse shave my balls.
It grew back all itchy though.
( 2 Can Chunder : Cruise Control, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:55, archived)

what do you think? too strong? not strong enough? tl;dr?
dear mr or mrs co-op,
As a local shop i have been purchasing items from your store for over 30 years now, i may not have spent millions of pounds in that time, but i may have, i dont keep track, and really you shouldn't judge your customers on how much money they spend.
Anyway, the carrier bags in my local coop are now so small you dont need the warning as you could not fit one over your head, is this health and safety gone mad??? or money saving??? yet again these tissue paper tiny bags have failed me, this time it has cost me one carton of ribena, but what will it be next time, 2ltrs of white lightning??? i dont think so, would you take that risk???

i know you want us to get a bag for life, well i tried that, and she divorced me, lol, but you can see i have commitment issues, it's mainly your carrier bags fault, how could i trust you???
SORT YOUR FUCKING CARRIER BAGS OUT YOU SHITCUNTS
thanks
mongy
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:48, archived)

maybe i should mention gonz shitting in one

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:49, archived)

tl;dr

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:50, archived)

i can see it being a popular choice

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:51, archived)

I just emailed the Bahrain tourist information people to ask about a trip there
just for legal clarification, I asked if it's ok to have sex with my sister in Bahrain while she's in a persistent vegetative state
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:24, archived)

should be ok with your sister, but homosexual behaviour is illegal in bahrain, so make sure you fuck her in the cunt

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:28, archived)

PVS, not like she'll go blabbing about it

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:30, archived)

But what if her spincter got a splinter from your cocktail stick penis?

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:34, archived)

too light; did rip
( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:57, archived)

I can't believe I posted this before scrolling down, wat an awesome pants subthread

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:58, archived)

i might link to it in my email, too show them how well my day was going, until carrier bag hell

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:59, archived)

you don't come across angry enough.
have you considered cutting letters out of magazines and writing "MAKE THE BAGS STRONGER OR I WILL BLEED YOU SLOWLY. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE."
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:59, archived)

i'm considering all angles, they fucked with the wrong ribena drinker

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:00, archived)

I bet they put the price of ribena up an all, yet they make the bags shitter.
what a world :(
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:03, archived)

it was 72p, i was treating myself

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:06, archived)

:'(
the co-op are all fairtrade bannanas and tea and that but what about us eh? how come there's no fairness for folks carrying home their saturday treat?
it's a disgrace.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:11, archived)

i would cry mark, but i'm too angry, they have shamed me infront of my children

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:26, archived)

check

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:40, archived)

'em

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:40, archived)

nice dubs

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:45, archived)

Now this is a story all about how
Mongy’s co-op bag split and the ribena fell out
I’d like to take a minute, just read this post
The co-op don’t have bags about which they can boast

In the shop mongy got all the things that he need
Some cakes and some fags and some juice yes indeed
From the chiller cabinet, ribena all cool
And took it to the till coz he pays he’s no fool
A guy on the desk gave him a bag, was no good
It didn’t have the thickness that an ideal bag should
But mongy didn’t know, said to his goods
‘You’re coming home with me now, to my neighbourhood’

He whistled as he walked, everything was just great
But when he turned a corner, what a terrible fate
That flimsy bag was torn and out fell the drink, unseen
It’s times like this you see that fate’s a bitch she’s so mean

He got to his house about seven or eight
He reached for the bena, o man he couldn’t hardly wait
He looked in the bag, but the drink wasn’t there
Where it should have been there was only thin air
( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:14, archived)

it's like you were there

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:25, archived)

This
is too excellent
(steveb Olde Phart, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:09, archived)

I've got a broken bottle and a hammer to hand, you call the time and I'll be there, my brother-in-arms
shit just got real.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:36, archived)

i'm sending them alll this, do you think i should say i also lost a v. expensive pair of sunglasses?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:47, archived)

*looks inside shopping bag*
nice contents
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:11, archived)

you'll never make nice apple turnovers with that

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:44, archived)

Nothing could be strong enough for the distress they have put you through
thinking of you at this difficult time xx
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:43, archived)

cheers mags, if only the coop would email back I'd atleast have closure

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:26, archived)

Mate, I know exactly how you feel, it's like freekin' world has forgotten how to make disposable bags all of a sudden.
My binbags from Waitrose split 4 out of 5 times, have to double bag them up. I'd rather they fucking do what they're fucking paid to do right the first time. Sure, these new bags are enviromentally friendly, and yeah', that's fine. But they're not even doing that right 'cus you have to double bag anything. Got some metal bottles? Forget that, forget that right this instant. That's a no-go area for this shitstorm. WAITROSE for fuck's sake, they're only second to Harrods !

I feel like all the disposable bag makers all meet up down the pub and say "How can we fuck up the most people's shit?".
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:10, archived)

I'm not an angry man gonZ, i dont want no trouble, but they have pushed me too far :|

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:24, archived)

Thing is right, back in my day, when I was growing up, when I was a lad, in my youth... I had family in retail.
You know what it was back then? It was free advertising. These bags used to cost them £1 each, people used to come into the shop to buy them; that's the free bag we give away when you buy our skates'n'stuff. They were bright yellow, could hold your skates, pads and more. Had black rope so you could tie them up. If you saw the bags on the bus that took us to the swimming pool every friday at school, half the kids would be having them. Proud black logo on bright yellow. And you know what? Everyone who saw you with one said "Hot dayum that's a high quality disposable bag, bordering on non disposable". Not once in all my days did I hear someone say "It ripped", and I worked there EVERY saturday.

That was from a man who cared about a good disposable bag, that was a man who cared about brand and reputation. That was a man who knew how to make a bag; that was a man who knew a bag is an advert.

These days though, they're scum, scum of the earth, they ain't worth the dirt on my shoes. Fuck it, they ain't worth their own bag. You can judge a brand on the bag they sale; PC World have it alright. You see someone with a PC World bag with a square outline just the size of an iPad, Xbox or Dre Beats. You know you can follow them into the park they take a shortcut home from, and you wait behind a bush with a big cleaver, and then threaten to open up them up from balls to throat to see what they're made of. You know, afterwards, when you're walking away dripping with blood and red raw knuckles... you know you can have a bag that says "The person I just mugged used a company who _cares_ about their brand. AND, the brand cares about them.".
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:43, archived)

this deserves a reply and a click

( mr horrible prick wanker, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:54, archived)

Alright mate?

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:45, archived)

What's the biggest pair of knickers you've ever seen in real life?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:18, archived)

your face

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:20, archived)

because your face is a big pair of knickers

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)

and your mum's got cement mixer tits and her face is halfway down her leg

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:59, archived)

and her wig is the vinyl roof from a Ford Capri

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

and she talks hippo language and all the hippos worship her as a goddess

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:03, archived)

hippos have pink milk

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:32, archived)

I fucking love Nesquick

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:44, archived)

i bet you watch dr who

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:20, archived)

Great. SSG. Here to ruin everything.
I'm leaving.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)

do you remember when ssg was alright?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:23, archived)

i don't even remember that it was so long ago

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:25, archived)

can anyone remember? maybe you were never alright

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:26, archived)

that seems possible.
but baldmonkey says i've changed which is also possible.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:30, archived)

dunno

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:21, archived)

Gift shop in Yarmouth
they were comedy ones, probably 3 feet across with some wildly amusing text on them.
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:22, archived)

There are a lot of fat women in Yarmouth though
so maybe it was through the window of BHS
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:25, archived)

and the wildly amusing text was just "BHS, machine wash"

( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:29, archived)

"if you can read this, you're too close"

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:37, archived)

"please send help, I am being held prisoner in a giant pants factory"

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:37, archived)

"my other pants are a bivvy"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:04, archived)

"your face here"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)

"fancy a fish supper?"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)

"junior Janet size"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, archived)

"dry riser inlet"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

"goods inward"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

"historic seat of MONO!s bumhole"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

"baldmonkey has cat legs"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

"skidmarking for the Lord"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

"KNICKERS LOL!!!!"

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

"Made by Tectonics"

( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:24, archived)

Tectonics make marquees
Good joke mags
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:29, archived)

"Blakey installs a two-way radio in Stan and Jack's cab, but should he believe all he hears?"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:26, archived)

"I 'ate you Butler, get that afterbirth aaat of 'ere!"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:26, archived)

"Blakey's methadone prescription has gone missing so Stan cooks up some krokodil"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:27, archived)

"Stan finds Blakey on the top deck ejaculating over Olive's exposed breasts"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:27, archived)

"shitbank"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:30, archived)

"no that's the perforated eel"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:31, archived)

"I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:33, archived)

what have you got on elaine dickinson?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:35, archived)

have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:40, archived)

"fatties do it with cake"

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:38, archived)

I saw bloomers the size of a sail once.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:03, archived)

you could say they were 'blooming sails', you know like the shop

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:33, archived)

LOL!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:36, archived)

i'm writing a letter of complaint to the co-op, these cunts are in for it today

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:36, archived)

what's happened?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:38, archived)

the carrier bags they are issuing now hold about 3 items and are like tissue paper, one of mine split on the way home yet again, i lost my carton of ribena :(((((((((((((((((((((((

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:40, archived)

what a bunch of cunts.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:56, archived)

bored of that now
see that forum user mongychap mentioned Kent back there, I've never been to Kent and I don't know exactly where it is and I'd honestly have to look on a map to make sure it's not in France or something, where have you never been and I don't know exactly where it is and you'd honestly have to look on a map to make sure it's not in France or something? you can say Hitler if you want

alt: just answer the question

penises
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:37, archived)

i dont understand the north, lancashire, yourkshire and all the other hobbit stuff
look where i had to park, why did you not advise me on my trip, i h8 u

media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/6d/ec/db/filename-imag1161-jpg.jpg
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:42, archived)

you daft cunt, if you'd kept on the main road for 4 miles you'd have been here
bit.ly/KwQyMW

free fishing lodges, lovely woodland and the car park gets used for dogging most nights
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:47, archived)

haha, i'm not good at planning, you know that was 4 years ago now, time flies

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:49, archived)

I miss GMoS

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)

we all do, i bet he is ok tho

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)

i was talking to him last night about a wicked sick gig he'd just done,
damn that honky is hot.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:04, archived)

he has a band?
I'd like to go and heckle, where are they playing next?
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:05, archived)

oh i dunno man its folk stuff, i dont know much about folk stuff but he seems to be having a jolly time with it
and i don't mind any music really so long as its jolly
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:06, archived)

do they need a bass player?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:09, archived)

they probably have some weirdy instrument needs playing,
like an old shoebox with strings or sommat
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:17, archived)

I don't know what a Hampshire is.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:46, archived)

it is very nice, loads of lakes, there is the cemex lakes, but most a season ticket only now

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:48, archived)

wow, thanks mongy!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)

that's the north lake in hampshire
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/23553/1212866877/NewImage1resize.jpg
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:02, archived)

that's deffo in France

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:49, archived)

could be for all I know.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:51, archived)

Anything north of London is thatched hovels that stink of pigshit, punctuated with the gentle ringing of smiths hammering on anvils
I bet when you have a toothache you have to take a bag of cabbages to the wise woman.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:54, archived)

no offence but when I was in Krakow people were getting on the train with their goats

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:56, archived)

how else are they going to get their kids to school?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:58, archived)

the real answer to this question is somewhat surprising
they take a horse and cart down the motorway

I ain't even joking
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)

that's grrr in the back
www.carlols.com/image/872-a-big-mac-for-the-horse-funny-car.jpg
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:09, archived)

that's a funny car,
I wonder if the horse is getting a big mac?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:10, archived)

srsly, the motorways are full of those long cart things
it's like being in a Harry Potter movie probably, dunno, not really seen one of those
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:11, archived)

you must be
we don't have any motorways
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:19, archived)

that's Krakow innit
hardly the capital
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:19, archived)

Andorra

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, archived)

that's just a made up thing like Narnia or MIddle Earth or Scotland

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:04, archived)

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis www.housefreaks.co.uk, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:06, archived)

Me and Tim went down to Kent
and met three ladies in a tent
we did not have much else to do
so I bucked one and tim bucked two
( magnum, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:23, archived)

that's kent for you

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:24, archived)

Yeah. A crow today.
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:26, archived)

marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:29, archived)

seriously though, what kind of fucking prick moderates blog comments?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:29, archived)

a kingfisher once landed on my torrix

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:35, archived)

liar

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:36, archived)

i've seen thousands of birds, i just dont like to talk about it

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:38, archived)

maybe you have, maybe you haven't, the fact is you've lied to me before and now I can't trust you and I don't believe a word you say

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

you would of been a fool to of ever belived a word i've said anyway, i'm not to be trusted

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:56, archived)

all those lies about owning a bivvy
it's good that you've finally come clean about it, must be a weight off your mind
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)

yeah, i'm glad i didn't take it all the way to manchester only to find out that all the lakes were just bomb craters with rain water in and fear all night that my car was going to be robbed
GLAD THAT NEVER HAPPENED
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:06, archived)

lol l2manchester n00b

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:06, archived)

shant, i'll stay safe in kent, thanks

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:09, archived)

i cant remember or find the place i stayed, it was near a park with alledged fishing and an asda or some shit

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:22, archived)

haha, you can't remember because you're thick

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:27, archived)

i found it, haha, boggart hole clough, looked a bit rough round there

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:34, archived)

that's near where I was born
people get mugged and shot and stabbed and all sorts in boggart hole clough

and yeah, there's a boggart lives there apparently
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:38, archived)

da fuq is a boggart?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:43, archived)

fucking google it you cunt, learn something

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:48, archived)

i'd rather not, like to keep a bit of space in my brain

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:50, archived)

www.google.co.uk/search?q=lyrebird&hl=en&rlz=1R2ADFA_enGB427&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=bSauT66nJcfN8QOLkY2XCQ&ved=0CGsQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=600
( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)

i'm not really a bird

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:04, archived)

i've been tipped off about a good place to see kingfishers near here
Might go tomorrow.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

don't come back

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

i was near a lake, dunno if that is relevant

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:57, archived)

if the place is deep in a cave I think it's a trap

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:03, archived)

Shit off with your shit blog you shitty shitting shitter.
Morning BM.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Sat 12 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

morning wp

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

crows are black!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:52, archived)

ye

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:53, archived)

I like my coffee like my crows, black.
LOLOLOLOLOL
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:25, archived)

I have said this before but it bears repeating, I like this blog bm

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:59, archived)

Agreeing with Vlad.

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Sat 12 May 2012, 10:13, archived)

cheers wp

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)

cheers v

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)

seen any pigeons?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:03, archived)

yeah
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/woodpigeon/
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/black-headed-gull-2/ - 3rd one
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:29, archived)

"Anyway so I then I went home."
No. This is shit writing, fucking piss poor, and the quality offends me so much that I'm never visiting your blog again. You're a shit writer, a terrible photographer and you smell.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 10:53, archived)

Such a great catch
www.wimp.com/greatcatch/
( mike woz ere 7442200 getter, Sat 12 May 2012, 5:20, archived)

what a brilliant Border Collie impression

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:15, archived)

I am welling up, what a hero

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:44, archived)

hahaha, good morning bbc visitors and your top interests
www.b3tards.com/u/6ade611e1870a93700b9/satam.jpg
( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:52, archived)

No mention of Shelby's death
what a bunch of cunts
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:59, archived)

the mustang fella?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:23, archived)

extreme breastfeeding is more of a sport than frisbee.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:01, archived)

I tell you what, you wouldn't get such running and catching something skill in any other child's pastime.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:00, archived)

alright mike woz ere
you missed all the excitement yesterday, I moved my desk over to the left and put my sofa over there in that corner and got the little table thing from the bedroom and now that's like there next to the desk and today I might move the beanbag over into the other corner but I'd have to move the parrot cage too so I dunno how that's gonna work out really
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:30, archived)

I bet you've got those shitty indentations in your carpet now so everyone knows how your room looked before anyway
and I bet most of your stuff is from Ikea.
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:47, archived)

fuck off carpet, I don't do carpet, all laminate here

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:51, archived)

this is my bean bag, fuck Ikea
yeeeeah, you so jelly
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

lol, i like the choice of fabrics, this forum appears to be on the turn

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

what, fake parquet?
you council-housed tosser
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:03, archived)

probably a nightingale floor, lives up north dont he

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

He probably has to scatter fresh straw and sawdust over his floors every morning

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:15, archived)

i heard you can still sell the soiled stuff to tanners up there

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

your opinion counts for nothing after yesterday's LED lights debacle
we've all had enough of your lies
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

i hope your ceiling discolours, fuck that in your head nobber

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:36, archived)

haha, "parquet"
can't chat now, got to put some more parquet in the Aga
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:09, archived)

i keep the teabag in until after i've added milk

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:29, archived)

Your boyfriend
Really has trained his gag reflex
(Gazelle Wasn't here on, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:31, archived)

is this a joke about me having sex with a man?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)

I've never heard that Sir Sand Goblin has had sex with a man
I mean, have you ever heard that SSG is a gaymobumsexual?
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:39, archived)

this kind of horrendously mean joke suggesting that i have had sex with a man is certainly hurtful to me

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:42, archived)

I can't imagine you have ever done any such thing
without sporting a massive erection
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:44, archived)

i wish people would think before they suggest that i would nosh down on some man cock
covering it in my saliva to make the subsequent penetration of my anus with it all the easier.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:49, archived)

That's fucking horrible
You could atleast spit on it repeatedly prior to insertion, to be certain of adequate lubrication.
(Gazelle Wasn't here on, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:09, archived)

You've got to say though, that was a top drawer comment.
I lolled.
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 23:50, archived)

i dont like tea

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:33, archived)

no offence, but you don't know shit about parking tickets
why the fuck would your opinions about tea count? Great forumming though.
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:35, archived)

haha yeh but seriously how do you make your tea

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)

WITH A FUCKING SPOON

( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:39, archived)

i dont make tea, why would i?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:41, archived)

silly billy! so you can drink it of course!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:42, archived)

are you trying to force me to do something i dont like?

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:44, archived)

i dunno i just wanna know how you make ur tea no need to be all harshin up

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:49, archived)

my reply stated i dont make tea, your not right you

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:53, archived)

i thought you were joking

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:56, archived)

years since i made a cup of tea

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:57, archived)

which cup of tea?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:59, archived)

the one i didn't like

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:10, archived)

so what about the one you did?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:12, archived)

i dont like tea

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:16, archived)

you gotta be joking whats the point of this thread then

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:22, archived)

the point of this thread
is to make it so long that it hits the edge and then
we
have
to read
posts
like
this
all
squa
shed
up
ag
ain
st
a
a
r
r
g
h
(steveb Olde Phart, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

I
l
i
k
e

t
h
i
s
( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:57, archived)

look, happy birthday wales and all that
but what the fuck do you know about tea?
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:33, archived)

wait what it aint my birthday

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:38, archived)

well duh, i mean you'd have to be really stupid to take it out before, so stupid you'd forget to breathe probably

( Lightguy hail satan, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:24, archived)

Unfair
to the regular mouth breathers
(steveb Olde Phart, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

I don't. what a world!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Sat 12 May 2012, 0:49, archived)

bit late for tea

( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Sat 12 May 2012, 2:16, archived)

good news guys, i seen a goldfinch
baldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com/
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:48, archived)

I'm pretty sure I'll move the parrot cage over by the door then have the beanbag over in that corner there and my amp next to the sofa

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:58, archived)

do you use the bean bag and the sofa at the same time

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:08, archived)

who the fuck keeps their beans in a bag, what the hell is he talking about

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:16, archived)

he probably soaks his beans for 24h before making the chilli
Rather than just buying them in tins
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

wat a complete tool

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:29, archived)

I bet he takes his pasta out of the bags and puts it in nice jars too

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:36, archived)

I just don't understand this kind of thing, surely jars are for gold blend

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:51, archived)

no no these jars have tight metal and rubber seals around the top in case the pasta makes a break for it

you don't want pasta crumbs all down the sides of your new black leather sofa
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:54, archived)

omg wat I am on the verge of tears here, it's all so confusing, prison warders in the form of seals, what's next, traffic warden dolphins

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:55, archived)

only on days when I sudd

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

enly find myself taller than usual

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

sorry, hit enter, easier than editing

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

i still dont get any of it, a bean bag ? a sudd? sorry?
and in response to gonz, shut up about sunday opening, it wasn't allowed, so he is saying they were shut sunday and monday, wat?
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:36, archived)

I really want to go to bed but the washer's running and I don't want to have my clothes go all smelly if I leave them in there all night, fml

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

you just get more fruity, have you met vlad?
hang them out tomorrow morning you spastic
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:45, archived)

s'ok, it just finished, I'm off to the fartsack, feel free to sit here all night insisting on yourself though, no skin off my nose

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:46, archived)

your nearly as bad a ssg, fuck off back to pointlessforum.net

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:50, archived)

I bet you have to take scatter cushions off the bed in order to get into it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:57, archived)

have you ever been issued with a parking ticket by a dolphin, this is important

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:02, archived)

I got a parking ticket the other day
cost me £25. If I'd paid the parking charge normally it'd be 20p to park there for the time I needed. I thought it was a free carpark.

sadtimes
( magnum, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:03, archived)

someone forgot to make sure they had their emergency tuna bribe in the glovebox

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:06, archived)

sadtimes, 40 quid in westminster, if paid in 14 days, i wonder what is the most expensive parking ticket

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:13, archived)

Jermaine Pennant
www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/855484-jermaine-pennant-i-deliberately-left-my-porsche-at-train-station-for-months
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:16, archived)

that aint meeting the rules i've set out, possibly in my head, but still, i mean a proper parking ticket

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:21, archived)

it's a fucking parking ticket

( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:32, archived)

is it fuck, it is leaving a car in a carpark, i mean a spot fine, ffs, get with it

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:34, archived)

brew up mongy
I'm thirsty
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:36, archived)

train station where that jailbird left his car might make tea, as it aint a fucking proper ticket issuing place

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:43, archived)

I object to this like totally :(((

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:52, archived)

sorry vlad, but leaving some clothes in the machine overnight will not make them smell

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:00, archived)

unless mr messy never cleans out the filter

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:02, archived)

dude, that hargreaves family are srs litigaters over copy right, might wanna, you know

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 23:09, archived)

PFFFFFT!

( vladimir, Sat 12 May 2012, 7:46, archived)

OH WHO LEFT THEIR LORNDRY
in the schtinky mildewy fullaskinkpiss maschine again, asked his buxom Swiss homehelper
(steveb Olde Phart, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

You fat ballbag

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:03, archived)

I tell you what, right, baldmonkey, I tell you what, I like your blog

( vladimir, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:13, archived)

I hope it pecked your stupid eyes out.
LOL, nah you're alright you are.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 22:13, archived)

I want your speccy icon
love it
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 22:17, archived)

anyone off out tonight? i'm not
got any big plans for dinner tonight? i dont
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:20, archived)

SADTIMES :(

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:31, archived)

It's alright mongy, we're here for you

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)

we can make it www.b3ta.com/juicer

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)

now stop looking at my bird before I glass you, cunt

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:42, archived)

steady on, i didn't realise that was a bird, looks like a fella dressed up

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:51, archived)

me neither! wow, it's like we're brothers or something.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:32, archived)

alright mark

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:32, archived)

all safe here, you alright mongy?

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:35, archived)

my smashers just turned up, great times

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:52, archived)

brill! I hope you have fun.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:54, archived)

dont look like it, they came with t&c's on the time spent this weekend, still i get cuddles

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:58, archived)

Cuddles make it all better

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:10, archived)

i hate that duck, lol

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:13, archived)

LOL!

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:18, archived)

what's a really shit 80's film i should troll /bored with tonight mark?
you cant say howard the duck

pricks
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:32, archived)

Karate Kid

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)

no wait, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)

nah the dicks will like that, i want it more wanky

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:40, archived)

flight of the navigator

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:41, archived)

good call, incoming ceiling cat lulz

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:44, archived)

hooray! I'm helping!

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:45, archived)

job done

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:49, archived)

city slickers
turner and hooch
Mac and Me
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:43, archived)

i dunno man, i need a proper character, i might go back to howard
pricks
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:50, archived)

I'm staying in tonight
Wifes going out
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:34, archived)

I hope she gets some proper cock.
no offence.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:36, archived)

Five or six tonight she said
have to pay the bills some how
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:37, archived)

does she accept IOUs?

( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:37, archived)

I'll just text her hold on...

( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:38, archived)

she fucking accepts anything always.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:39, archived)

yeah...Mark should know
she changed her number btw mark. I'll get it for you, one sec.
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:39, archived)

nah, it's cool.
bored of that now.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:41, archived)

:D

( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:42, archived)

talking about your wife being a prostitute to try and fit in.
have you no shame?
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:44, archived)

None at all

( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 20:27, archived)

And besides
Fit into where?
You told me she'd get proper cock, thereby inferring she's loose.
I was merely resorting to your low level of chat so that you'd understand what I was saying.
It takes two to Tango.
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 20:51, archived)

There is after all
my newbie internets learning skills lessons
( PooPants Coz. Innit., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:38, archived)

I'm staying in, drinking beer and cooking
skint and jobless! Wahey.
( mr horrible prick wanker, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:35, archived)

mug someone.
I don't think you need to pay tax on it either.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:45, archived)

i'm not paying tax and i'm working, i love these caymen island banks

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:46, archived)

my mate works on ships, he ain't paid any tax ever.
the fucking rich cunt, has a big fucking house in spain.
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:48, archived)

sounds alright, i might take a 3 month tour of afgan, got to cut some deals first

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:05, archived)

I've just been to the chippy
they close at 8, what's that about?
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:56, archived)

dunno man, why would you close on a friday early, odd cunts
round my way no chinese or chippys open on sunday, rose reckons that is just round here, i dunno tho
( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 19:59, archived)

our local chippy is open 1pm - 9pm Monday to Saturday. Closed Sunday.
/true story
( mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:32, archived)

right, i'm getting the info i need, i honestly belived you couldn't sell cooked fish on fridays(edit- sundays, not fridays, years ago, but i googled it before, it stumped me, like my research into the origin of the saveloy, no firm facts, i blame he jews

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:39, archived)

postin in a food subthread, right here

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 20:47, archived)

it was a food thread to start off, you gone dumb again

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:02, archived)

Whoah there fellas. I didn't mean for all this. This has gone horribly wrong.
I might delete it.
( mns is... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:04, archived)

Finshmongers are traditionally closed on mondays, fact fans, something about god's opening times on a sunday.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:13, archived)

that aint proof gonz

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:30, archived)

Deffo circamstancial though.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Fri 11 May 2012, 21:40, archived)

Sounds
like the ideal weekend to me
(steveb Olde Phart, Sat 12 May 2012, 9:12, archived)

I just "received" an internal memo.
Every sentence had at least one phrase "in unnecessary quote marks".
What "stupid little thing" will make you "go on a killing spree" in your "imagination" "today"?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:20, archived)

"baldmonkey"

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

+ 's willy
LOL
( hubare XBOX Gamer tag: hubare | http://twitter.com/hubare, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

Now we're talking.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)

I'm starting to use that too much now to be taking the piss...
:-/
( hubare XBOX Gamer tag: hubare | http://twitter.com/hubare, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)

"willy"

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:36, archived)

Oh shit.
And now the withering starts.
Why can't you leave us alone to play happily, ffs?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:46, archived)

i cant help myself its in my blood

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:58, archived)

"blood"

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:08, archived)

i just ate 200g of jellybeans

( Sir Sand GOBLIN TEAM GONZO, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:14, archived)

"ate"

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:16, archived)

I'm not little.
I'm fat.
Not as fat as the women on here, obviously, but still pretty fucking fat.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

the women here are pretty huge

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)

guna make ma girl's dinner 2nite chicken dipers and chip's there faverite!!
then play sm take a brake magersine bingo lollll love itt xxxx
( fatpoof, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:50, archived)

all these boring shit stupid threads about sofas

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

I liked them.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)

wait til I start wondering about moving the beanbag and the parrot cage again, that'll be tomorrow's debate

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)

Save it until Monday. I might not see it otherwise. :(

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)

this is all raking up bad memories for me of when i found my bed too high

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:26, archived)

let's not dwell on the past eh, it only leads to talk of central heating thermostats

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)

i removed mine, looking at it disgusted me

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:36, archived)

I bet you gummed it up with wank and it stopped working

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:37, archived)

FoooooOOOoo00ooo oh, past eh

( broadsword, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:33, archived)

straight or corner?
recliners?
I hope it's not white leather
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:27, archived)

we've been through all this, it's black leather

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:33, archived)

oh man, oh man oh man, cupholders?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 11 May 2012, 18:21, archived)

I've just had to move desks so my boss can keep a closer eye on the incompetent dick who used to sit here.
I'm not amused.
( Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)

I moved my desk today!

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)

Can't be you, he doesn't have an imaginary parrot.

( Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)

nothing, i'm on my way to cannon st, gonna get the 1642 train home, might have a pint in the red barn if you fancy one ballbag

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)

buses don't run to Cannon Street any more, not since they built the Arndale extension
you want Shudehill or Market Street Metrolink to Piccadilly
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)

hahaha , i ment london cannon st, i'm on the train now, should be in the barn by ten past five, ok

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:33, archived)

yeah, I don't care

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:38, archived)

it hasn't left yet

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:41, archived)

I'll be wearing a red carnation
red tin of
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)

Q5

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)

look at AB trying to be funny
www.b3ta.com/questions/shopsandsupermarkets/post1612963#answers-post-1613019
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)

Look at Quentin crossposting a reposted repost.

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:24, archived)

look at frisbee replying to my cross-posted reposted repost

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:25, archived)

Look at me shitting up a rope.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:26, archived)

you didn't get very far

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)

Look at Adam trying to Adam Adam at Adaming Adam

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:27, archived)

Just reading that has made me feel woozy

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)

i pretended it was the beat to a song

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)

Shut up Quentin

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:28, archived)

I-I meant Adam
ADAM
( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)

MADAM I'M ADAM

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)

Why isn't 'Palindrome' a palindrome, hm? Somebody tell me that.
I wish it was as hilarious as the word 'Lisp' when said by a tonguemong.
( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:30, archived)

I feel funny, I think I need something sugary :(

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:39, archived)

thing
+r
a e
( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:45, archived)

Brain no worky, please to make plain and simples

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:54, archived)

surgery
he should have struckthrough 'some' as well though
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:57, archived)

"Hope this finds you well?"
"?"
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:31, archived)

"would of"

( Grrrmachine and then you go and spoil it all, Fri 11 May 2012, 17:39, archived)

The tiresome thirtysomething bints in my office who keep bleating on about "vajazzling" and spray tans.

(Drimble An open communiqué to certain members of b3ta., Fri 11 May 2012, 19:12, archived)

There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall.
The first one stands up and says to the others "

Someone should write the second half of this amazing joke for me. Ta.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:05, archived)

There's a prize for the best suggestion.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:06, archived)

There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall. The first one stands up and says to the others:
There is a prize for the next suggestion.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)

I suggest you go play on your phone in the toilet.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)

Winner.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)

Fucking favouritism

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:09, archived)

Some other part of him would be insanely jealous and try to maim the winning part, though.

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:12, archived)

That's true

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)

I feel like I've been mean over the past few days. I don't know why :(

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)

You should probably fuck off and die. No offence.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)

PRIZE PLEASE

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:17, archived)

You get to lend me a bass guitar for the weekend.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

Your dun it rong, bimblyballbag

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)

"Why did we get into this boat in the first place? Not only can we swim, but we're pretty good fliers too!"

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)

What's my fucking prize?

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)

I miss poopants :'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:07, archived)

no that's the perforated eel.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:08, archived)

"I've always loved you"
One of the ducks says "Oh God, me too!"
The first duck says "Oh...I wasn't talking to you. Ugh."
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:11, archived)

It's funny because ducks are well known for not reacting well in socially awkward situations

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:11, archived)

well, we could just fly away...?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:12, archived)

oh TH already did that erm
how about 'uh-oh, looks like we're ducked
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)

Your version fits into a joke much more comfortably
I'm not very good at jokes. I'm more an 'amusing noises' sort of person.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:14, archived)

fnark

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:15, archived)

Decautz'd!
You know, that sort of thing.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:17, archived)

Fuck off

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:13, archived)

>:(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:15, archived)

Pfft

( Frisbee Attorney-at-lol, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:16, archived)

TO CHINA¡

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:14, archived)

stick figure ninja, gone too soon, all the good peoples die :(

( mongychops handbrake?, that's not how i roll, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

You know what I haven't seen for years? "Street Trash"
Crazy film. Might download it. Probably won't.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:18, archived)

The ducks wouldn't be expecting that

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:18, archived)

waht?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:21, archived)

There were three ducks in a boat that was about to go over a waterfall. The first one stands up and says to the others
"Quack."
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 11 May 2012, 16:19, archived)

i think this should win

( manolith - six seasons and a movie, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:22, archived)

2nded

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:29, archived)

bored of that now
I started counting my nipple hairs, got to 15 then got bored, what did you last start then get b
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:30, archived)

Repl

( broadsword, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:37, archived)

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:38, archived)

I'm looking for a tenuous excuse to ban Syncubus from the b3ta facebook clique page.
anyone got one?
( Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 11 May 2012, 15:39, archived)

he's a squirrel fucking yehaw gun toting redneck nonce.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)

That's good enough for me.

( Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)

squirrel eh?
litle fuckers.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)

He's seen bou naked.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:00, archived)

Fucksake,
he needs support, sympathy and counselling, not punishment. :(
( Mr. Tea burying dead greyhounds without a licence since, Fri 11 May 2012, 16:05, archived)

She's seen his penis, sans pink sock.

( Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 11 May 2012, 16:23, archived)

I am sitting in the Senator lounge surrounded by cunts dressed in grey with laptops.
I managed to change my schedule from DUS - HAM - MAN to DUS - MAN but have the privilege of waiting 4 fucking hours for a flight.

I just counted to 67 blokes, not a single bit of tit so far so have stopped counting.

I have now had 4 half pint glasses of Irish Whiskey trying to figure out if in a quality basis it differs in any way from the rest of the muck they serve you on Lufthansa.

I am counting how many days of this shit I have left. People whinge abut working in an office. I would like all of you who have to endure this business travel shit, stand up and be counted.

Edit: Oh there was one transvestite but I think he got on the Munich flight.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:39, archived)

tl;dr

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:40, archived)

fu;wr

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)

I get the bus.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)

I envy you.

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:42, archived)

no need, just go to any bus stop and wait for a bus.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:43, archived)

The only bus here goes to
another fucking terminal
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:44, archived)

well, you might enjoy the journey.
shesh, I was only trying to help :(
( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)

Soz man, but this is dreadful. It's like a sauna only with booze so I am grumpy.

(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)

I dunno, have a stranglwank. unwind a bit.

( mark morrisons prison shoes like a metrosexual bellend or something, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:48, archived)

I tried that
But when Klaus is expelling his Alt Bier and Bratwurst in the cubicle next to you, ya just kind of can't manage it.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:59, archived)

Two pints of whiskey?
That doesn't sound very sensible
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:46, archived)

Hey TH
Imagine it eh? But fair enough, they are kind of half full and with lots of ice cubes.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:48, archived)

Ah, I see
Yes, that makes more sense.
I have limited experience of airports, as I'm not very well travelled. Neevrtheless, my time spent there was very boring.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:49, archived)

Which surprises me actually
What amazes me is the crazy collecting of status miles, so you can sit in the same place you had to endure to collect said status miles.

Rule number 1 of business travel:

You are more likely to meet interesting people in Economy then in Club or First.

Rule number 2:

The lady sitting next to you on a flight would not even be considered after 18 pints in your local, so get a grip man.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:54, archived)

BTW, WTF R these iPAD hings that everyone has?
What do they do with them. And what's with the lavish cases?
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:58, archived)

Sometimes when I yawn too hard my chin hurts a bit

( broadsword, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:50, archived)

Your chin?
That's strange
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:51, archived)

That IS strange
Try yawning and without touching it see if you can notice your chin.

I AM bored.
(Amo Bishop Roden to C3, checkmate, Fri 11 May 2012, 15:56, archived)