fuck off

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:37, archived)

you are a horse slasher

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:38, archived)

WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE NEW LOGIN STUFF
:(
( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:51, archived)

I don't know what their fucking problem with robots is. First of all they kill popular forum members pr1ckb0t and wankertron and now this.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:55, archived)

bleep bloop :[

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 19:03, archived)

Just because some ugly fat bird and her top bloke are shit

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 19:05, archived)

Alright gays and non-gays
How many times do you reckon you've thrown up in your whole life? I haven't done it for a while now, but I bet it's quite a lot.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:35, archived)

my son asked me this question a while back
I didn't know then either, but you have the same thought processes as a nine year old
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:42, archived)

Of course I do

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:42, archived)

are you planning on spending ALL day watching minecraft videos on youtube?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:43, archived)

couple of years and he'll be watching redtube ALL day

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:44, archived)

watching featured on
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:22, archived)

not ALL day
I'll stop for dinner
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:46, archived)

11,047 roughly

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:43, archived)

wow
I bet your belly's well sore
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:47, archived)

Are you calling me fat? I'd better throw up more

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:58, archived)

Only done it once or twice since I split up with an old girlfriend
Her mother poisoned me on a regular basis.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:47, archived)

Literally poisoned you?
What method did she used?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:48, archived)

Rat poison in her cooch?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:51, archived)

It's spelled "coach" m8

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:52, archived)

"conch" actually m8

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:53, archived)

Fish, apparently

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:53, archived)

jeepers
Why?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:10, archived)

I throw up every time I look in the mirror
:(
( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:47, archived)

oh dont put urself down babe x x x

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:48, archived)

thx
x
( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:49, archived)

that's only because directly behind where you have to stand to look in the mirror,
there's a picture of piers morgan and katie hopkins
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:09, archived)

remember
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25860
( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:55, archived)

reemember

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:56, archived)

yes!

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:57, archived)

reemember reemember the feeth of neevember

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:09, archived)

Are you like that guy who records every sneeze he does?
You should also record every piss, shit and wank that you do. You might make it onto the BBC News website one day.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:15, archived)

Perhaps I'll do it next year
I'll spend the whole of 2016 recording every sneeze, wank, piss, shit, etc. I'll get on BBC News if it kills me.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:16, archived)

or you could kill 2 can and get on bbc news much quicker

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:19, archived)

but then I'll go to jail
And I'm too pretty for the hoose gow
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:20, archived)

MODS! this is totally unacceptable

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:38, archived)

it's factually correct

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:58, archived)

dunno, soz. definitely more than 50 times.
anyway, what's that zappa tune called with the horns that go
...- ...----, ...- ...-.--
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 16:49, archived)

...---...---
killing in the name of?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 17:49, archived)

no it's like all the horns going
b-b-b-baa bedaddle dahdeedum dah, wahdahdah daah dee-diddle-dumdeedum-daah

all harmonising. i think two or three (probably three) saxes or whatever. quite mellow, real chords, a bit minory, a little slow maybe 115bpm.

lalalalaaaaa lalala-lalalaaalaaaaa, lalalalaaa lalala-lalalaaalaaaa
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 17:56, archived)

peaches en regalia

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:01, archived)

Ooh, can we all club together and buy this for frisbee's birthday please?
www.b3ta.com/links/Scalpel_blade_Frisbee
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 18:09, archived)

ask me anything, about lunch

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:07, archived)

What do you think of the Beatles' ouvre of work?
Because I think it's pointless unlistenable shit that should have been buried in landfill 45 years ago and never talked about again.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:10, archived)

red pepper and white sauce and hard day's boiled eggs sandwiches

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:13, archived)

Sergeant Red Pepper's Lonely Hard Boiled Egg Club Sandwiches?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:17, archived)

OMG are we having the same lunch???

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:18, archived)

Chick Coronation Mystery Tour

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:18, archived)

looks like we're a busted flush on the beatles puns very early on here
maybe it's a blood sugar thing...have we all had something to eat?
( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:26, archived)

Smoked Norwegian Salmon Wood

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:32, archived)

I just don't understand, after everything he's done for us
why Grrrmachine is trying to trick Manolith into downloading viruses. I think it's just mean-spirited.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:10, archived)

I just don't understand, if you were really a true friend of his,
why you'd stop him spreading his wings and soaring higher into the world of video editing, where his creative genius could truly shine. The only explanation I can posit is some sort of, dare I say it, jealousy?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:13, archived)

BECAUSE IF HE BECOMES SUCCESSFUL HE'LL LEAVE FOREVER AND NEVER COME BACK
HAPPY??
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:15, archived)

Hah, yeah,
THAT'S the reason everyone left this place
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:46, archived)

you always hurt the ones you love

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:15, archived)

What are you having for lunch, Vlad?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:12, archived)

, ;
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:13, archived)

what the heck is that grrr

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:14, archived)

that's me replacing a comma with a semi-colon
so that it looks like Two Hats is suggesting you eat yourself in a weird masochistic cannibal orgy of perpetual eating.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:16, archived)

this is what the popular page was built for

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:17, archived)

I just don't know two hats, I just don't know

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:14, archived)

I don't think anyone truly knows two hats
least of all manolith, who trusts him despite two hats' obvious darker intentions regarding their so-called "friendship".
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:15, archived)

can you summarise pls I am not sure I have time to read up on this spat

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:16, archived)

I want manolith to grow from a tiny seed into a mighty oak
Two Hats wants him to stay as a weed in a ditch, by telling him the gentle caress of the sun will burn his leaves until he withers and dies.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:19, archived)

Also, I don't want the boy to get too crestfallen if he takes the exam and fails
He's not terribly bright
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:22, archived)

I just don't think this is troo

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:26, archived)

_huhhuh-huh^{huuuuuuuuuuuuuh}_huh

I know
this
much
is...
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:58, archived)

NOBODY LISTENS TO SPANDAU ANYMORE GRANDAD

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:59, archived)

you still recognised it, you closet tonyhadleyophile

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:08, archived)

so if I have this right you are trying to commit metaphoricide

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:24, archived)

Well let's look at this logically
1) Decide how hungry you are
2) Identify what food is immediately available to you, and in what quantities
3) Select from 2) what you will, or would like to eat
4) Prepare your meal
5) Scoff
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:17, archived)

1) not hungry
2) medium quantity within 5 feet
3) NONE OF IT
4) christ you didn't warn me it would get this difficult
5) it looks like you are suggesting I eat myself in a weird masochistic cannibal orgy of perpetual eating
( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:25, archived)

nah, thx

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:19, archived)

:(
life. over.
( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:24, archived)

how do I eat myself in a weird masochistic cannibal orgy of perpetual eating?
and can you recommend the best way to prepare myself?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:28, archived)

warm up exercises, gentle stretching, you don't want to rip any tendons here

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:29, archived)

do you have any recipes that contain tangledupinblue?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:32, archived)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/64/7e/62/647e62beeba32c1d61541993bce69105.jpg
( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:34, archived)

actually, you do want them ripped
instead of cutting them with a knife; they're a lot like lettuce or basil in that regard.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:32, archived)

ha

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:35, archived)

what should i have for lunch?
i'm wearing my STI shirt btw.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:28, archived)

maybe you should eat your shirt

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:29, archived)

r
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:33, archived)

I think that would be unhygienic

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:35, archived)

where do you stand on cheese and pickle sandwiches?

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:51, archived)

to the right!

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:51, archived)

Haha I was just going to answer your question but you went and did it yourself haha

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:55, archived)

hahaha
so cray, cray!
( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:57, archived)

I prefer mango chutney

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:07, archived)

prefer mango am a massive
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:08, archived)

I'm not into chutney in any capacity

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:17, archived)

Have you written any poems about lunch, and if not then why the fuck not?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:10, archived)

my bread sat palely like a cloud
ungarnished ham with seas'ning nil
when all at once I spied a jar,
a host of golden Piccalill
i.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:19, archived)

lunchtime, lunchtime, greasy spoon,
at the start of afternoon,
what unwashed hand or puking fly
dared give me fearful dysentery
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:49, archived)

season of cheese and mellow toastfulness
close-bosom friend of the maturing ham.
Conspiring within a loaf of bread
with fruit the plate bears pears and plums.

/Ode to Ploughmans.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:58, archived)

This is the Janet crossing the street
Its lunchtime and she must find something to eat,
Lettuce won't feature, it's all about carbs
Doughnuts and pizzas and cakes and tarts
The chip shop's uphill, an impossibe climb
The gradient's against her, but she's on time.
She turns up her nose at a sushi place,
Shovelling mars bars into her face,
Farting noisily as she passes
Several gallons of methane gasses.
Birds turn their heads as she approaches,
Stare from bushes at her blank-faced coaches.
Sheep-dogs cannot turn her course;
They slumber on with paws across.
In the farm she passes no one wakes,
But a jug in a bedroom gently shakes.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 13:43, archived)

What happened to Janet?
She gave some 24-carat mental while she was here, bless her.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:59, archived)

I thought her disease-riddled body finally gave up the ghost
It had more holes in it than a swiss cheese.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 15:20, archived)

I would just like to say that I love you all very much

( vladimir, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:25, archived)

bit gay m8ate

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:31, archived)

I have fallen head over heels in like with you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:34, archived)

head willy
over in
heels bum
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:52, archived)

don't be so emotional, it's just a lunch thread

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:38, archived)

did you take my other chicken drumstick out of the fridge?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 14:49, archived)

morning everyone

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 7:01, archived)

morning grrr

( Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 7:55, archived)

Alright major

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 7:55, archived)

everyone?
crikey
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:32, archived)

EVERY
ONE
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:33, archived)

well, er, good morning I suppose

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:37, archived)

more like morning everyBUM

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:35, archived)

hahaha sounds a bit like 'bum'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:36, archived)

Not even 9 and it's already smut on here

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:41, archived)

I don't think I'm going to bring my kids here again, it's not so family friendly these days

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:59, archived)

nowhere is safe these days
www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/marks--spencer-advertising-gaffe-6270385?ICID=FB_mirror_main
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:14, archived)

haha, 'brea'!!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:21, archived)

EXACTLY

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:59, archived)

it is a particularly callipygous morning
well spotted
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:43, archived)

cheers

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:21, archived)

CHEEKS, more like!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:35, archived)

wahey!
/ac
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:45, archived)

stop dumbing down /talk you prick

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:49, archived)

more like stop BUMMING down /talk
you prick
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:52, archived)

vote uprik

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:13, archived)

this sounds like a declaration of support for the orange sex pest

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:00, archived)

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for morning, I can tell you I don't have morning. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my morning go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:38, archived)

good luck

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:41, archived)

Ta, I might not bother now as it's a bit chilly

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:46, archived)

better wrap up warm, wear a scarf too

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:08, archived)

I have nothing to add here
except that Sebastian Winnett is a scarf-wearing cockhound.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:25, archived)

while I appreciate a good running gag
this phrase is nowhere near as damaging to his reputation as the results of a Google Image search
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:34, archived)

I have gathered as much.
I might try this when I'm not at work.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:44, archived)

/tak3n

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:12, archived)

Thank goodness it's not monday any more.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:49, archived)

what's wrong with mondays?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:08, archived)

Garfield doesn't like them and I have a lot of respect for him.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:53, archived)

he's a worthless fat shit

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:58, archived)

that's why 2Can gets on so well with him

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:01, archived)

yeah, but we need all the posters we can get at the moment

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:01, archived)

hahahaha yeah

( mongychops, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:27, archived)

you don't like mondays?
tell me why
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:15, archived)

You're right, Bob Geldof doesn't like mondays and he's a prick. Now I don't know what to think.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:54, archived)

fuck off

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 8:58, archived)

I'm going to fit a letterbox to your arsehole and send hate mail to your colon

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:09, archived)

cool

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 9:52, archived)

i.imgur.com/WoHA5.png
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:03, archived)

i had his mega drive game in the 90s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_poBNHQnRnY
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:18, archived)

"hah this 7up bottle, so random, 7up logo, so random"
fucking hell
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:36, archived)

yeah, i hadn't heard the audio. soz
i've replaced it with a less abrasive (and longer!) video
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:42, archived)

I know people get all nostalgic over retro gaming
but most games back then, especially platform games, were completely shit. Even stuff like Flashback was fucking unplayable thanks to the pixel-perfect timing requirements.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:47, archived)

Ah, another visitor
Stay a while...STAY FOREVER
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:48, archived)

I still have a C64 somewhere*
I shudder to think what my favourite childhood games would feel like if I played them now. Kickstart? Dizzy? Jack Attack?

*in a shipping container, along with the Amiga and my old Hornby trains.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:51, archived)

i used to play blitzkreig and frenzy on my bbc micro

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:01, archived)

Dizzy was a real favourite of mine
And Jack the Nipper.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:04, archived)

oiiiiii
fix up look sharp
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:26, archived)

check out this winner
www.youtube.com/watch?t=105&v=UEFr6ACZ8sI

Watch through to about 3:10
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:02, archived)

proper upset

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:12, archived)

CLEARLY A SET UP
To make him...erm...so that he...ah...who would set him up and why??
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:14, archived)

MI5

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:17, archived)

defo

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:21, archived)

It's TV; it's all faked until the director gets the reaction he wants.
See also: www.eurogamer.net/articles/2013-06-04-gamesmaster-the-inside-story
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:25, archived)

how totally pointless

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:29, archived)

haha, the big pouty div

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:32, archived)

I mean, even he was set up (as grrmachine's link suggests)
Have a sense of humour. You're on a television show for crying out loud. It's not exactly Tonya Harding.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:34, archived)

Quiet 5's, a 10 has arrived

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:20, archived)

where?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:23, archived)

^jealous
Alright?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:27, archived)

yep
i'm in the classroom all week learning how to use video editing software
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:43, archived)

ooh
sounds interesting
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:45, archived)

yeah, it's pretty cool
i might take the exam at the end of it
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:01, archived)

excellent
good luck
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:06, archived)

knock them dead m8

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:08, archived)

oh, you guys
this is why i love it here. so much positivity and support
xx
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:28, archived)

I need to borrow some money

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:32, archived)

Which one?
I have to make vids for work and I'm completely self-taught, meaning my results are appalling.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 10:48, archived)

avid
it's what they use at the uni
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:02, archived)

when you've done the course, download Lightworks from RedShark and play with it
you might prefer it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:13, archived)

DON'T DO IT MANOLITH, IT'S A TRAP

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:15, archived)

phew, that was close. thanks man

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:27, archived)

I've got your back, dude
and if you play your cards right, your front too
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:34, archived)

actually it was a favour, and Two Hats has held you back
so that you'll continue to suck at life while his career progresses in leaps and bounds, so that eventually you'll have to ask him for money and he'll give it to you, ostensibly as a friendly gesture but really so that you'll be in his pocket for the rest of your life.

He's not the friend you think he is.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:54, archived)

Don't corrupt his mind with your Polish lies
He knows which side his bread is buttered
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:56, archived)

You see this manolith? Two Hats is openly admitting that that he uses sweetening tactics to keep you on his side
whereas I have nothing to lose or gain by letting you know about a completely free tool that offers equivalent or even superior performance for all your video editing needs.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 12:09, archived)

OK, from here we star wipe to a glamour shot of Flanders paying his bills, then we star wipe to Flanders brushing his teeth. . .
( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:00, archived)

that was my first question in session 1 yesterday
how to do star wipes. turns out you can't without downloading it as an extra!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:02, archived)

sounds like a pretty shit bit of software the, m8te

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:04, archived)

i had... i had to use a- a- a diamond wipe!
*weeps*
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:11, archived)

WHO WANTS TO BE FRAMED BY A DIAMOND?
Tell them to forget it, m8te8e
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:13, archived)

A DOMINIK
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 11:54, archived)

midnight snack:
salted peanuts.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 23:57, archived)

Batman is dead :-(
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-33964830
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 0:00, archived)

hope the cops told him 'you're under a west'

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 0:09, archived)

i don't think adam west has long left, burt ward said he was very ill :'(

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 0:35, archived)

also midnight snack: shot of Aberlour single malt

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Aug 2015, 0:05, archived)

eveninh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:50, archived)

Yer looking forward to the oval

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:10, archived)

one team will be shit and the other won't be shit and none of it will matter

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:43, archived)

I've got my fingers crossed for a 5 day test

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 21:14, archived)

yeh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 21:46, archived)

alright gobbo
hand-coding HTML pages here like some sort of muppet
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:15, archived)

What Muppet? Ralph is my guess

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:22, archived)

more like Statler tbh

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:24, archived)

This fella?
youtu.be/FcKN5DHAftA
( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:24, archived)

not clicking that, might be trolling

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:41, archived)

Ur so anti luz

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:51, archived)

Lulz are to Grrry as garlic to a vampire.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 22:20, archived)

What's actually GOOD these days?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:36, archived)

I'm good, ta

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:45, archived)

^stating the bleedin' obvious

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:47, archived)

Procrastination techniques
When I was at school I only had Solitaire or Minesweeper to keep homework at bay. Now there's oodles of shit out there to keep me pre-occupied.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:45, archived)

I didn't even have that!
So you're right, procastination. That's going in. What's next?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:48, archived)

Let me get back to you when I've finished this round of Gamma Bros

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:49, archived)

I'm more of a Wake the Box kinda guy

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:57, archived)

Booze, drugs, porn, junk food.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:47, archived)

All classics
Even when they're bad, they're pretty good
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:48, archived)

Unless it's bad acid
or cocaine laced with rat poison or summat
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:49, archived)

And porn where the women lick their own tits.
Why has no-one figured out that this just looks fucking stupid?
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 17:03, archived)

yeah, but boobs m8
boobs
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 17:07, archived)

That's an unassailably good point.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 18:35, archived)

being cool

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:51, archived)

I'm sorry, but wake me up when someone cooler than the Fonz comes along

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:54, archived)

The last thread was quite good

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 17:10, archived)

stop living in the past, man
you can't change the past
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 17:11, archived)

If enough people remember something incorrectly to the point it becomes fact (albeit erroneous)
then technically you can
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 17:12, archived)

Hollyoaks
the girls are fit and the boys reem
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 18:34, archived)

alright gonz

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 18:58, archived)

haha

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:01, archived)

This is playing on Heart outside my consulting room.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXmF4GbA86E

I think you'll agree it is FAR better than the Soft Cell version.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:09, archived)

The video is

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:17, archived)

videogames
they're better than ever, on the whole
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:11, archived)

The BBC is saying they make you violent.
Maybe that's why you're so violent.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:12, archived)

I think you mean 'browner'

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:27, archived)

you're playing the wrong games, homie

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 20:10, archived)

he playing gaymes.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 23:06, archived)

dunno

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 19:50, archived)

What's the best Arnold Schwarzenegger film?
Be warned, there is a correct answer
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:56, archived)

Ha, as if anyone here would be ignorant and uncultured enough to say anything other than Kindergarten Cop.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:57, archived)

JESUS, THANKS TEA
Ok, now Tea's ruined it by getting it right, what's the second best one? Be warned, there is no correct answer
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:58, archived)

wait, he makes films now?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:59, archived)

he's taking a break from politics

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:59, archived)

will he be back?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:04, archived)

He does hint at a return on a regular basis, I won't lie

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:05, archived)

Haha, like that bit in Exterminator II when he says "I will come back".
Brilliant.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:55, archived)

I like the bit in Complete Remembrance when he says "Get on a plane to Venus"

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:57, archived)

I like the bit in Alien Big Game Hunter where he says "you really are the ugliest fellow one has ever encountered".

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:05, archived)

I also liked the bit in No Underpants where he says "you ought to get into steam engines, Bennet".

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:05, archived)

Yeah, and when he drops him off the cliff and goes 'Game over man, game over'.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:17, archived)

Or in Carnivore when he says "Make your way to the helicopter".

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:08, archived)

Last Action Hero was unwatchable shit, I'll tell you that much

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:00, archived)

I don't know
6th Day was pretty bad
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:02, archived)

I thought it was alright
you get two Arnies for the price of one.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:47, archived)

T2

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:07, archived)

ok, reporting this to the mods for trolling

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:07, archived)

Hercules in New York

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:07, archived)

actually
Twins
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:09, archived)

dunno

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:13, archived)

No, you don't, do you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:15, archived)

bit hostile, m8

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:15, archived)

Pumping iron

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:21, archived)

Is this a sex thing?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:22, archived)

It is now, phwoar

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:23, archived)

humping brian MORE LIKE

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:48, archived)

I won!
yes!
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:23, archived)

Congratulations
You get to start the next thread x
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:30, archived)

I do hope it's relevant to my interests

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:38, archived)

kindergarten cock
Wait, are we doing original Arnie films or porno versions?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:55, archived)

The Cumming Man

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:28, archived)

Commando, obvs

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 15:56, archived)

Well done, this is the correct answer!

( Zuowan, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:34, archived)

junior

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:02, archived)

shit i got sidetracked and missed the lunchtime thread
soz

still though, i'm going to have a flapjack and maybe a salad wrap, or some soup.

amen.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:50, archived)

I hope you at least get his consent first.
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=15369
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:55, archived)

you fucking stupid fucking cunt
/ac
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:58, archived)

I like that very ornate insult about being a horse slasher, how does it go again?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:58, archived)

Ah, let me see...oh god, it's on the tip of my tongue
it's something something something horse something something fucking cunt something haha I can't do it, you do it, you're better at it
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:06, archived)

you are a horse slasher

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:08, archived)

...I feel cheated. :(
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:14, archived)

hth x
jelly.b3ta.com/search/talk?q=horse+slasher
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:15, archived)

actual lol at this, you bastard

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:56, archived)

I hope God smites you for taking the lunch thread in vain.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 14:07, archived)

Saucisson sec and English mustard vs. cheese and pickle - Round 1 - FIGHT!

FATALITY!

Saucisson sec and English mustard...WINS!!!
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:33, archived)

I agree with that
and this
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:40, archived)

*victory move*

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:45, archived)

I'm eating a cheese & pickle sandwich
so suck it bitches
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:28, archived)

no... no I will not
I will send feedback to your line manager instead.
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:33, archived)

You wouldn't dare
*narrows eyes*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:42, archived)

*opens up sideways*

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:47, archived)

*runs screaming*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:48, archived)

you kids with your 'food'
not proper food like we had in the old days, sugar on toast and powdered ham never did me any harm
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:40, archived)

Pfft, powdered ham
It's ALL about cheese & pickle these days, grandad. And crisps.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:42, archived)

Powdered ham? Ha, get Little Lord Fauntleroy here!
In my day we have vaporous brawn residue, and we were bloody grateful for it, I tell ye.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:46, archived)

powdered hamtoucher

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:01, archived)

touch snort
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:16, archived)

cheese AND pickle?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:43, archived)

Money means nothing to me, Tangled
If I want cheese and pickle at once, I'll bloody well have it
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:44, archived)

Cor!
livin' the dreem!
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:45, archived)

Even my SOCKS are designer labelled

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:47, archived)

Mat Alan?

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:15, archived)

Mat Alan MATERNITY actually.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:17, archived)

D.R Bar N'Ados, actually

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:24, archived)

just don't get carried away yeah
you know what you get like
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:45, archived)

I buy thick sliced Hovis too
I don't give a fuck, m8
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:46, archived)

such luxury

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:46, archived)

Apparently there's been a recessesion!
Fucked if I've noticed. I've been throwing money around left, right and centre
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:48, archived)

Yes yes, we've all heard about your new lambourghini that's fun to drive up here in the hollywood hills and your seven bookshelves you had to get installed to hold 2000 books that you talk about in your TEDx talk. Enough already

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:15, archived)

I don't even drive it
I just get chicks to pose by it
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:22, archived)

I shan't, I don't like pickle

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:45, archived)

It's Branstons, only the best

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:46, archived)

I like the juice

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:47, archived)

you could pick out the bits I suppose

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:48, archived)

You can buy just the juice hth

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:56, archived)

Sweet jesus, really?
Cheers mongy
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:58, archived)

original or small chunk?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:48, archived)

small for sarnies m8, come on
That's basic
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:49, archived)

some traditionalists wouldn't accept it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:50, archived)

well they can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned, Tangled

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:51, archived)

defo reporting this to your line manager

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:57, archived)

he's got to be stopped

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:00, archived)

Well this has been a massive disappointment.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:58, archived)

so's ur mum's face, m8

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:59, archived)

Please select one of the following internet comebacks
www.wattpad.com/4200058-25-funny-insults-comebacks
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 13:07, archived)

lunchtime soon
so have a think about what you're going to reply in my forthcoming what's for lunch thread. let's make it a good one.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 11:50, archived)

I'm probably just going to stomp it instead of replying

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:08, archived)

stomp like stomp that troupe who make music with bins?
i like them
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:11, archived)

A guy from stomp taught me how to drum once!
Well, he taught me how to hit a bin with my hand.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:12, archived)

'Cause the chomper's gonna chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp
and the glomper's gonna glomp glomp glomp glomp glomp
Baby I'm just gonna stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp
Stomp it off, stomp it off.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:22, archived)

This seems like rather a waste of a thread, which is a shame as we probably don't have many left.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:11, archived)

think of this as a kind of john the baptist thread, appearing in the wilderness eating locusts and wild honey.
after this thread comes the one more powerful, the straps of whose sandals this thread is not worthy to stoop down and untie.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:16, archived)

The lunch thread had better be pretty fucking biblical then.
And not in a 'I'm having 5 loaves and 2 fish for lunch' kind of way.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:18, archived)

John the baptist had his head cut off
Fingers crossed.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:22, archived)

bog-standard morning thread, monday edition

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 7:24, archived)

on-the-bog, standard morning reply, good for any day of the week

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 7:51, archived)

not for Friday though
Fridays are special
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:29, archived)

disgusting

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:53, archived)

and how!

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:14, archived)

Please try to put some effort in, otherwise we will never again achieve the greatness of 2008 /talk

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:18, archived)

I feel like a worn-out comedian who used to play Vegas
but is now propping up the bar in a working men's club in Sheffield. Still got the gold lamé jacket though.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:29, archived)

supermarket own-brand reply, in many ways almost as good as a name brand version

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:30, archived)

most supermarket brands come from the same production line as the branded ones
they just don't spend so much on advertising, so you're getting a better bargain
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:38, archived)

Yeah right

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:43, archived)

I used to translate the Polish Grocery Portal daily newsletter
the number of stories about this very topic was mindblowing.

blow numb
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:51, archived)

don't believe everything you read in the Polish Grocery Portal daily

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:55, archived)

You mean live exports haven't risen 6.3%
thanks to new markets in Algeria, Azerbajzan and Montenegro?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:10, archived)

Or in the case of tesco value lager, they just take their regular lager and then add 50% tesco value water.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:45, archived)

traditional recipe fuck you

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:32, archived)

just like mum used to make

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:37, archived)

Just had some cunt tell me they'll get the work done in week 36
Just give me a date, you fucking idiot
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:48, archived)

by that I mean "good morning"

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:48, archived)

Tell them you only use the
Kodak Calendar
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:49, archived)

Finally, something that makes sense
and stops old people complaining about easter being too early/too late
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 8:51, archived)

have they said when christmas is going to be this year?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:30, archived)

Early this year
11th December
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:32, archived)

I thought it was banned because of the muslamic health and safety political correctness immigrants

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:33, archived)

no they just renamed it 'seasonal non-denominational present-exchange festival'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:40, archived)

AT LAST
a return to traditional values.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:52, archived)

are they pregnant?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:25, archived)

no, german

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:27, archived)

germans can get pregnant too you know

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:30, archived)

b-b-but that means that they can make
more Germans!
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:32, archived)

g-g-g-g-g-GERMANS!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:32, archived)

+ o
+ o
+ adget
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:34, archived)

Zoinks!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 11:20, archived)

M-M-M-M-MONSTERGERMANS!!!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:09, archived)

I'll date you
x
( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:26, archived)

*blush*
Where would you take me? You can't say anus
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:27, archived)

for a walk around cheddar gorge

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:29, archived)

Ooh, lovely
I warn you though....I'm a fiend for cream teas!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:33, archived)

disgusting

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:34, archived)

did you go to wookey hole in the end?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:45, archived)

no sex talk, plz

( $$ ✅, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:46, archived)

It all started out romantic and now it's filth filth filth

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:51, archived)

baby. with me, all talk is sex talk

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:51, archived)

he wanted to Frome but she shepton mallet.

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:52, archived)

I got her to oldham, then I got to bangor as fast as I could

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:53, archived)

Did you take her to Carlisle and Cockermouth?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 12:12, archived)

No, the weather was too mental
So it'll be Friday, or early next week.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:52, archived)

the weather really has been ridiculous

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:28, archived)

It was insane
We decided to go to Southampton instead, but the visibility on the motorway was terrifying, so we got off at Fareham. Crazy. I blame Labour.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:29, archived)

that corbyn fellow is planning on returning us all to the sort of radical weather we had in the 70s and 80s

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:31, archived)

My nan was complaining about songs of praise the other day
about them broadcasting from calais.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:34, archived)

There

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:36, archived)

lol

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:43, archived)

It's turned chilly too, supposed to be summer

( mongychops, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:33, archived)

everything is bollocks

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 10:38, archived)

I'm sure there's a punnet to be made here

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:28, archived)

We'll fig-ure it out

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 9:32, archived)

You sicken me, but how are you repulsing me tonight

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 22:43, archived)

with an electric fence

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 22:54, archived)

oh sorry, I meant with my BO

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 22:55, archived)

i don't think you're ready for this jelly

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 0:06, archived)

might post an aspic

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 0:20, archived)

up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 18:20, archived)

The young ones, darling we're the young ones

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 18:33, archived)

I'll be vivyan then

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 18:36, archived)

I miss remember the quote, vivs mum said up yours ugly

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 18:53, archived)

oh no, heavy

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 19:03, archived)

I love it when you talk dirty

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 19:39, archived)

Remember to put your bins out.

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 1:16, archived)

Morning! I've been up for the past 4 hours in agony because of a sinus infection. I've been distracting myself from the pain by reading old /talk posts. This place used to be hilarious!
What's your favourite talk post ever?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 6:33, archived)

If you need reminding you can check the list of the most popular /talk posts.
www.b3ta.com/search/talk/everyone/best

Although it's a little depressing as it seems that nobody has posted anything funny here since 2008.

Alt: Which porn do you fund most arousing:
'Religious Humiliation Prophet Muhammad', 'Holocaust Gassing Jews' or 'Goddess laughs at Martin Luther King'?
clips4sale.com/small-dick-humiliation
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 7:03, archived)

it's more that there used to be people here to click posts
some of those have more than 30 likes. now we never have that many here and we've whittled down until only the cuntiest cunts remain and they're even less likely to click stuff. it only takes 2 clicks to get on the populol page but it almost never happens anymore
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 11:47, archived)

so the answer must be to click absolutely everything, just in case one person finds one thing funny

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 12:01, archived)

yeah that's what i'm saying, obviously

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 14:47, archived)

clicked

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 15:32, archived)

Yeah not clicking that

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 12:09, archived)

very wise

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 14:47, archived)

I guess that comedy accounts work, hence dt's instant populolling whenever he pops by?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 12:21, archived)

i don't think it's quite that simple
but it's not far off. i think you'd need to use another account AND another device/ip. i'm not 100% on that though
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 14:48, archived)

last time I was stepped I'd left both home and work computers logged in to the same account, couldn't view the site from either for a week

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 16:00, archived)

Shall I start clicking everything again?
I guess that would mean coming on here more than once a day.
( Zuowan, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 17:06, archived)

Nah you're alright, if anything you should cut down

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 17:43, archived)

if someone posts on /talk and there's no-one there to click it,
is it still funny?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 17:58, archived)

Is that really the best we can do in over a decade?
Loads of posts saying "click me!", some dead links and people telling each-other to fuck off?
( Zuowan, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 16:33, archived)

dunno

( mongychops, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 8:40, archived)

the best is yet to come

( $$ ✅, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 9:14, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5300448
( vladimir, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 10:07, archived)

That was certainly a classic. I wonder what happened to gluey.
Why don't you do an 'ask me anything' tribute thread vlad? I used to think you were one of the funnier people here until you were mean about my holidays, might be a good chance to redeem yourself.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 12:13, archived)

wonderous

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 12:30, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/4838435
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 13:04, archived)

:)
oh btw, spotted an eggcorn in the wild the other day,

"not for the faint of heart," in a computer programming book.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 20:18, archived)

OK, you got me - what's eggcornish about that?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 21:57, archived)

same here
I don't know what you're babbling on about, MGT
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 7:24, archived)

a si an a


hur hur hur!!!
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 20:56, archived)

I just bought two bottles of wine, each one cost £7.99.
I have the cashier a £20 note.

I also bought a £1 scratch card.

I was given £29 change.

I felt I should say something.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:11, archived)

"I am a notorious nonce"

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:35, archived)

Well it's great of you to share that.
The group feels enlightened by your honesty
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:37, archived)

*shakes fist*
WHY YOU LITTLE...!!!
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 22:01, archived)

yeah
something along the lines of "this is too much change"
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:37, archived)

That could be misconstrued

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:38, archived)

Bit conservative, m8

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 22:02, archived)

You didn't answer my question.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 21:54, archived)

"please don't judge me for buying a scratch card"

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 22:05, archived)

"Alcohol abuse and gambling are the only ways I can cope with the pressures of becoming a father for the first time."

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 22:28, archived)

"Broken Britain"

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 0:02, archived)

"Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail"?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 16 Aug 2015, 0:31, archived)

I had a snickers and a tub of cheesy pasta in the end.

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 17:50, archived)

woa dude,
personally i don't care what you push up your end but, you know, oversharing and all that
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:11, archived)

the tub was literally the hardest part

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:18, archived)

...at least at first...

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:18, archived)

such culinary riches!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:12, archived)

I think you know what I'm going to say here

( vladimir, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:57, archived)

apparently nothing
nothing apparently
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 22:54, archived)

lunch ideas.pls

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:20, archived)

the ketchup on the rye

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:29, archived)

the blt

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:34, archived)

war and pizza

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:38, archived)

a shit sandwich

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:37, archived)

Try having some food, washed down with a refreshing drink

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 12:56, archived)

PAIN

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 15:19, archived)

FROMAGE

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 16:13, archived)

QUELLE

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 18:03, archived)

DOMMAGE

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 18:04, archived)

that's it, close the board, this can't be topped
I'm clicking I like this on every single one
( vladimir, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 19:58, archived)

silica gel

( Zuowan, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 15:33, archived)

Eat a pack of dicks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 16:31, archived)

hot dog

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 17:03, archived)

jumping frenchman

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 15 Aug 2015, 18:51, archived)