Can't believe it's already International Mountain Day

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 16:46, archived)

K

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 16:48, archived)

2

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 16:48, archived)

I've been mountin' YM all day
(Do we still do YM jokes?)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 16:48, archived)

probably not

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:24, archived)

I walked up part of an alp, once.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 16:51, archived)

not hero

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:24, archived)

I climbed Ben Nevis as a kid.
The mountain, not the local bully.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:05, archived)

hero

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:24, archived)

Check out this pair
PHWOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAR
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:07, archived)

Mt. Tits

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:10, archived)

nice

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:24, archived)

wallop

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:26, archived)

I can't believe my cousin's mother's grandmother's friend knows Angela Merkel

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:09, archived)

jerkel that merkel

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:24, archived)

My dads boiler has broken down.
Anyone know a decent heating or boiler servicing engineer in Oxford?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:12, archived)

Bit beyond my remit

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:16, archived)

no, soz

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:23, archived)

Ask Boyce...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:26, archived)

They already have a high opinion of themselves, so stuck up but with their head in the clouds ..lol

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:17, archived)

lol

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:23, archived)

I love a mountain roast

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:29, archived)

*shakes beans*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:45, archived)

Really? They seem to have an international day for everything these days!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 17:54, archived)

international day for everything day is next week

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 18:01, archived)

have a beer to celebrate

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 18:30, archived)

i went to bear mountain once, some yank breathed down my neck, i didn't like it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 18:00, archived)

sounds like a gay club night m8

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 18:09, archived)

gay club night sounds gay m8, no offense

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 12 Dec 2017, 1:01, archived)

oh :(

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 18:30, archived)

anyone remember naked jungle?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:25, archived)

was that the Keith Chegwin thing?

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)

The late Keith Chegwin.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)

Ah gotcha
Cheggers plays pop his clogs etc
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:44, archived)

CHEGGERS went POP!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)

Maggie Philbin deserved better.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:49, archived)

Cheggers Gays Plops more like

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:52, archived)

No.
What was it?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:28, archived)

a very small penis

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:35, archived)

a national disgrace

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:36, archived)

A source of huge frustration. I lived with my family at the time and we could only get channel 5 in black and white with wiggly bits and hissing.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:48, archived)

There's probably nude pics of Cheggers online if you want to relieve your frustration

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:53, archived)

Dead

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:32, archived)

i only come here to talk about dead celebrities these days
see you tomorrow!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:39, archived)

I pulled £426 from the Death Pool at work when Fidel Castro popped his clogs
Who says Communism doesn't pay
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:44, archived)

i don't know, i've never heard anyone say it

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:50, archived)

I just did

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:15, archived)

ok, well the answer you are looking for is 'sporters'

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:19, archived)

I am the naked jungle

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:35, archived)

the real naked jungle is the friends we made along the way

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:37, archived)

amen, brother

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:38, archived)

He was good in that Viz documentary

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:43, archived)

Poor fella
I'd have been on the sauce hard if that was the thing people remembered me for. He was pretty good in his time on the Big Breakfast.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:54, archived)

with that coke head and jamiroquai's bird?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:58, archived)

Jamiroquai was banging Gabby Roslin?
*boke*
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:02, archived)

Lily Savage?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:33, archived)

Oh before I forget we need to add you to the spreadsheet, are you ready for christmas the doveston?

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)

i'm always ready for xmas, i am all about xmas

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:11, archived)

Good work soldier

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:16, archived)

Have you got a giant light up display of santa and all his reindeer plastered across the front of your house?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:24, archived)

He's Brown bread.
No. Brown Sauce.
No. Brown bread.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)

VPN isn't working so neither am I.
Watching Jingle All The Way with 2/3 of my kids, instead.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:10, archived)

i work in I.T. so i think i can help
put scrooged on instead, it's got that weird speaking man from police academy

or it's a wonderful life, that's also good
( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:12, archived)

Fuck off mate

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)

and???

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:14, archived)

This is my blog and you can't unsubscribe.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:21, archived)

light him up

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:36, archived)

wasting hard-working taxpayers' money

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:15, archived)

But are you ready for Christmas?

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:19, archived)

How many christmas watches do you own?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:22, archived)

I own no Christmas themed watches

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:25, archived)

Non Christmas thread.
www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/15710987.Future_of_long_running_Oxford_sex_shop_to_be_decided_tonight_after_Bullfinch_concerns_resurface/#comments-anchor

Some excellent comments here. Is there a place for sex shops in our modern world?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:16, archived)

Amen
A well run sex shop does not create child abuse just as Tesco selling alcohol responsibly and within the law does not create child alcoholism. Cowley Road is not, and never has been, 'family centric' - it's full of bars and pubs, none of which are remotely family friendly. The objectors to this licence have never liked there being a 'private shop' on Cowley Road because they are prudish and think it devalues their houses, and are using 'won't somebody think of the children' as an excuse. It's a slur on those badly affected by Bullfinch to use them in this way.
( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:23, archived)

Its thinking of the children that caused this problem in the first place

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:18, archived)

These days, a traditional sex shop is one of the few places you can still buy a penis beaker.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:25, archived)

I'll be your Private Shop, sell porn for money
Order in what you want me to
I'm your Private Shop, sell porn for money
And any old shopper will do
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:27, archived)

I prefer to make my own sex at home.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:44, archived)

what type of glue do you use?

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:49, archived)

Gloy Gum.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:54, archived)

Serious answer this time
I think there is a place for sex shops in the modern world but it's not a place that most of them seen in any hurry to occupy. Because we as a society are so cripplingly repressed about everything sexual, sex shops have become secret and sordid places that no-one ever talks about visiting. A lot of them cheerfully accept this reputation and are populated by glassy-eyed men with thousand-yard stares and rapist's raincoats, shuffling from foot to foot and sweating. Even the largest one where I am has a separate and nondescript exit at the back so that no-one has to see you've just been in a sex shop.

If, on the other hand, they were actually sex-positive places, places that acted as a source of information and advice for people looking to satisfy a normal human need, society as a whole would be a healthier and a happier place. Just think how many thousands if not millions of couples there are and have been in the world whose sex life is utterly inadequate for no good reason, but they're too insecure or too uninformed to know that things can be better. The one sex shop in which I've ever seen couples and single women is a relatively new one in town that markets itself as a much softer and friendlier emporium - you could almost mistake it for a greeting cards shop at first glance. It sells comedy sexy mugs and aprons, fluffy handcuffs, glittery massage powder, head massagers, dice, lollipops and more, beside the more 'traditional' sex toys. It's doing so well that it's just had to move to larger premises. Sex is fun. Enjoy yourself.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:59, archived)

christ just shut the fuck up will you no one is reading all that shit you type

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:05, archived)

Lol.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:09, archived)

I think I'll go for a wank

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:08, archived)

Right you are.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:09, archived)

Women always seem happy to go into the seedy looking sex shops to buy chocolate willies for hen-dos.
They'll always come back with a story about visiting the fabled back room, and being shown a massive black dildo.
I've never known any men who'd admit to visiting one, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:11, archived)

Exactly, so clearly the only way to talk about sex is to make a massive joke about it.
Of course, I understand that women can't casually admit to having bought a little something for themselves while they were there either, because every man within earshot would promptly turn into a sweaty-handed lunatic.

The sex shop with the secret rear exit has a 'cinema' upstairs that's paid for single men and for single women, but free for couples. When I was in there with my girlfriend at the time, we thought we'd check it out, for a laugh. There was one small, empty room with a couch, a TV screen and a DVD player. At the end of the corridor was a larger, open room, again with a couch and a DVD player. Sitting on the couch were three zombified, silent men, who started looking at my girlfriend as if she were the last piece of chef's special chicken at an all-you-can-eat buffet. We left.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:18, archived)

I'll bet women love to watch a pneumatic bimbo get choked and slapped by some dude with a freakishly large penis.
I genuinely have no problem with people being more "sex positive" and less uptight, but I reserve my right to point and laugh at the same time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:33, archived)

Oh, granted, porn has a long way to go in that regard as well.
It's even teaching an entire generation of young people that casual violence and degradation are the norm in the bedroom, that the woman's pleasure is incidental and that if you're not packing ten inches, you're a failure as a man. For anyone with any genuine 'organic' experience, it is of course ridiculously unrealistic and dumb.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:37, archived)

It's lucky that all those steroids I took to enhance my physique didn't shrink my 12" willy,
or my wife wouldn't let me spank her fanny.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:03, archived)

I hope they're steam cleaned regularly...
I wouldn't be flopping my bits on other peoples souped up haberdashery in a hurry.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:41, archived)

effin 'ell
you just used up half teh internets allowed number of characters on a webpage just to say something about sex
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:16, archived)

Cor, sex! Who doesn't love a bit of that, eh?
Wahey!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:17, archived)

No wonder I could never see the point of Twitter.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:18, archived)

it's 280 characters now if that helps wordman

( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:19, archived)

True, but still.
It's just like you're talking to yourself, isn't it?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:20, archived)

yes but you might say something stupifyingly amazing and go viral
#lifegoals
( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:22, archived)

i only read the first paragraph to be fair
anne summers seem to straddle the line well enough, funderwear out the front and 12" black mambas out the back
( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:17, archived)

'Funderwear', heh.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:27, archived)

Even Primark has a naughty Christmas section this year...
Clear as day, on the main floor of the Manchester branch.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:32, archived)

Pics or it didn't happen.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:45, archived)

ok hun

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:50, archived)

^paedo apologist

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:38, archived)

No m8.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:45, archived)

I saw someone trying to defend paedophilia as a legitimate sexuality on other parts of the internet.
And it's a good argument for nobody being allowed online at all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:55, archived)

It's not even a sexuality; it's a paraphilia.
On a related note, those glass bottles in which posh soups are sold can easily be transformed into offensive weapons, so as a precautionary measure we should ban soup.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:01, archived)

False equivalence.
Having soup readily available hasn't caused groups of dangerous soup glass shiv wielding people to band together and persuade more folk that glass shivs are ok and distribute glass shivs and produce glass shivs
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:09, archived)

This is turning into Brass Eye.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:10, archived)

I hope net neutrality gets voted down

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:13, archived)

I like using the word chrimbo.
CHRIMBO!!!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 13:43, archived)

I would like it if you shut up.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 14:00, archived)

Mid-Morning goys
you all sorted for chrimblemasspoppypoos?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:07, archived)

Not even started yet. Gonna get a tree on the way home from the yard today.
Might order some presents as well.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:08, archived)

Ive done most of mine online ...
Going to go into town on the last Saturday before, for some last minute gifts, like the idiot I am.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:16, archived)

I think I might take and afternoon off work this week
to go to the pub Christmas shopping
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:34, archived)

Sure am buddy
I'm so excited I could literally plop
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:13, archived)

Nope!
Haven't started. Ain't getting a tree, don't do Christmas cards, and if I can't get what I need on Amazon then it isn't gonna happen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:14, archived)

No tree for us this year either, not with this puppy.
Lights and Judy garlands dotted about the place.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:17, archived)

Our cat is totally not interested in the tree
She has, however taken great umbrage of the flashing Christmas lights behind her shithouse.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)

lol, friend of Dorothy

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:00, archived)

I'm doing a bit fat nowt for Christmas this year.
Although I might help my dad put his tree up if he feels like it. That reminds me: I should ask my brother what he wants for Chrimbo.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)

tr will

lol
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:21, archived)

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:32, archived)

Tree was up last week
Picking up the Radio Times tomorrow. That is 50% of the job done right there
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:24, archived)

I opened the first bottle of port of the season yesterday

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:30, archived)

I shall be decanting my sloe gin and sloe vodka to remove said berries tonight
They smell amazing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:34, archived)

Ah, now that takes me back.
Haven't had port at Christmas since college days.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:35, archived)

I couldn't give a fuck about it

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:37, archived)

typical jew

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:38, archived)

This is about the 20th post asking if we are ready for Christmas, it's fucking tedious

( mongychops, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:49, archived)

nearly time for the lunch thread!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:50, archived)

enough about that... what are you eating at christmas?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:08, archived)

I'm all about Kwanzaa

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:55, archived)

No treble

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 11:59, archived)

My left boot is no longer waterproof.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:04, archived)

shocking Daniel day-lewis didn't win an oscar for that sequel

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:06, archived)

+ Dear Liza

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:17, archived)

Yep
Tree and decorations go up Wednesday and all the food and presents have been bought
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 12:15, archived)

Just bought a pair of these, fuck you, nahmean?
www.freestylextreme.com/uk/home/brands/adidas/adidas-white-core-black-bluebird-leonaro-shoe.aspx?prodid=291715&lang=1&refine=c%7b3427%7d%3as%7bstandard_uk_12%7d&sort=1&catid=3427&p=2
(Tha D O Z, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 22:20, archived)

I'm finishing the weekend by getting mashed and watching Bill and Ted.
Its like Wayne's World but better!
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 22:44, archived)

Bogus Journey is better than Excellent Adventure.

(Tha D O Z, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 22:56, archived)

go fuck yourself

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 13:44, archived)

K

( broadsword w⚓, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 13:48, archived)

I keep trying,
but I'm just not that flexible.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 14:14, archived)

not in this weather

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 14:28, archived)

i don't need your validation

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 14:38, archived)

Whiny emos got hold of the master tapes for The Wall, you won't believe what happened next

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 15:18, archived)

All in all you're just, like, whatever

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Dec 2017, 5:25, archived)

I died in a horrible car accident.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)

check out Amethyst Realm, she likes to fuck ghosts

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 15:08, archived)

I actually didn't bother going to see the bike in the end.
Just driving to the yard was frustrating enough. People cannot drive in the snow.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Dec 2017, 15:31, archived)

we don't have much here
and what we do have isn't sticking. i know what you mean about people driving in the snow, it's one of the few reasons i'm glad i can't drive.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 15:54, archived)

It's sheet ice here.
I was supposed to be renting a van and moving my stuff today. There's snow in Aberdeen, glad I decided I couldn't be arsed.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 17:39, archived)

Bit harsh

( mongychops, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 16:35, archived)

Alright horbs.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 17:19, archived)

rip max clifford
gone too soon, may his legacy live on
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:36, archived)

Good
he was a horrible cunt.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:40, archived)

👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼
( $$ ✅, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:41, archived)

Never seen this before
This article is experiencing high levels of activity because it is about a person who has recently died. The initial news reports, such as the circumstances of the person's death and surrounding events, may be unreliable, and the risk of misinformation is unusually high. The last updates to this article may not reflect the most current information.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:43, archived)

Ah, good stuff.
An entirely wasted life and a toxic cunt famous for all the wrong reasons.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:52, archived)

But that's enough about Jade Goody olololol.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 12:55, archived)

I don't think Jade Goody wasted her life
in that she was too pigshit-stupid to have done anything else with it. Clifford had plenty of flaws but he wasn't a total idiot.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 13:06, archived)

i'll always remember the time he stood behind a news broadcaster and mimicked him

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 13:05, archived)

he should still be made to serve the rest of his sentence

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 14:27, archived)

To quote a classic Viz letter,
"If Max Clifford is do good at PE, how come everyone thinks he's a cunt?"
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 17:20, archived)

Good at PE.

(Tha D O Z, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 17:48, archived)

elations

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 17:51, archived)

Oh motherfuck this phone.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 10 Dec 2017, 18:29, archived)

I'm wondering if there'll be a letter or email sent out labelled...
To be sent in the event of my death. The letter/email will contain every secret, every provable case of every dispicable act that was ever hushed up or spun, that all his high powered clients thought had died with him.
( Sweeplovesfisting Take all your footballs home and burst them., Sun 10 Dec 2017, 23:35, archived)

so, my saturday night will involve babysitting and dealing with a very hungover niece
how has your saturday been fucked up?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 16:37, archived)

One of my kittens decided to stand on top of my head. I was standing at the time.

(Tha D O Z, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 16:54, archived)

you have a case of head cats
the van will be there shortly to collect you
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 17:09, archived)

I've just bumped into my Resident Grumpy Old Git neighbour.
Lives at the end of the road, looks like an alcoholic trawlerman and spends his entire waking life complaining. He bitched and whinged at me about not tidying away my bins early enough (after he took delivery of a parcel for me and promptly fucked off for a fortnight, then complained I took too long to pick it up when he got back).
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 16:58, archived)

euthanise him
it's a kindness, really
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 17:05, archived)

He'd just complain I was using the wrong needle.
The look on his face when I just walked away after giving a fairly "Come and have a go" response to his nonsense was precious.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 17:11, archived)

It's going well
Lazy day after heavy drinking in london thursday/Friday. Tomorrow however is set to be a bit shit as I am going to cirencester in the bloody snow.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 9 Dec 2017, 17:45, archived)

I like snow

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 17:53, archived)

I like snow.
I don't like driving in the snow as some wanker always manages to fuck it up and crash. Also, I'm looking at a motorbike for sale, hope the guy has a garage.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 9 Dec 2017, 18:06, archived)

A motorbike? In snow?
That could be a bad idea
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 18:13, archived)

I'll bring it back in the van.
I'm not riding a bandit in the snow. If it was an adventure bike or crosser I would.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 9 Dec 2017, 20:09, archived)

Jaysumz is quite keen on riding a bandit.

(Tha D O Z, Sat 9 Dec 2017, 20:39, archived)

Fuck off mate

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 9 Dec 2017, 20:47, archived)

you couldn't make it up

( Shlvng, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:39, archived)

Tenner says I could

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:43, archived)

Stephen King did

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:50, archived)

I think that's the point, he got there first

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:58, archived)

I will never in my life believe mary Shelly wrote anything, something off in that history

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:36, archived)

Can too, I've had a couple of blue pills

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:50, archived)

True
I'm really not very creative.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:06, archived)

I can.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:33, archived)

Prove it.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:39, archived)

I've already posted it on the exclusive b3ta gold story board

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:42, archived)

It's already got 12 upvotes

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:48, archived)

I up graded your status

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 21:52, archived)

I didn't realise 4rthur was still going.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 22:06, archived)

oh really
( vladimir, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 23:08, archived)

Anything nice for dinner?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:23, archived)

Jenkem

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:32, archived)

Good luck breathing that in.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:36, archived)

have you ever played jenkem jenga?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:01, archived)

Generic, unbranded food.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:43, archived)

Three cheers for Aldi!
*hip hip hurray!*
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:45, archived)

Turned out to be meatballs from Costco.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:42, archived)

Alright planearm anything good on telly tonight?

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:03, archived)

Sausages, sweet potatoes and baked beans

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:11, archived)

Bit of ching, bit of horse, load up on shine, and then blaze it

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:14, archived)

No shoe?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:00, archived)

FoooOooOOOoOOoooOOOOOOOOoOooOOOOOOOOooooooooooood

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:31, archived)

^

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:49, archived)

I've basically eaten a persimmon, an apple and a yoghurt all day.
I think a pizza is on the cards.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:37, archived)

Wouldn't it be better on a plate oh ahahaha

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:53, archived)

O-ho!
Nah, I'm Blumenthalling it tonight.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 20:22, archived)

Your nan's flange.

(Tha D O Z, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:41, archived)

your flan's nange

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:03, archived)

Yeah, heading out for some Moroccan in a bit.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:51, archived)

This is about drugs, yeah?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 18:59, archived)

Not decided yet
Maybe steak
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:00, archived)

yeah probably

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:01, archived)

Show off

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:48, archived)

well y'know
i don't like to brag but i try to have something nice for dinner most nights
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:52, archived)

Aw daaad, biscuits AGAIN?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 19:54, archived)

Stop that: it's silly. And a bit suspect, I think.
Going to be bumping into an ex tonight, probably. Have you ever bumped into an ex? How did it go?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:18, archived)

yes, soz

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:29, archived)

What is this, Anecdote Kings Hour?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:30, archived)

I see my ex all the time , soz

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:37, archived)

soz m8

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:40, archived)

Went to a concert together last weekend, soz

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:43, archived)

Do you have issues with spacial awareness?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:39, archived)

Sometimes I buy more shopping than can comfortably fit in my rucksack.
Does that count?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:41, archived)

I bet you *bump* into the poor checkout girl too.... heathen.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:48, archived)

I can't: there's a big metal checkout in the way.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:52, archived)

have fun and be yourself

( sock more tea vicar?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:41, archived)

Even if I'm a terrible person?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:47, archived)

no, they're all dead

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:42, archived)

Are you a tree frog whose skin secretes a deadly poison?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:45, archived)

No, I am a Benny tied to a tree.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:08, archived)

But there are always new arrivals at the oap home

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:49, archived)

Yes.
It went fine.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:48, archived)

Jolly good
(soz)
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:52, archived)

I'm on the train home.
Brixton was alright.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:57, archived)

quite often
it goes fine, we're still good friends
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:57, archived)

That's the way to do it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)

I only have one ex that I wouldn't want to speak to,
But i never had many relationships I suppose.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:01, archived)

I can think of two.
Another one will be at this swing concert tonight and I wouldn't mind speaking to her again, but she has a rule where she cuts off all contact with someone as soon as she's broken up with them, so I will keep a respectful distance.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:03, archived)

Wave your willy at her.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:11, archived)

there's three i wouldn't want to talk to
because they're dead
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)

Murder?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:10, archived)

suicides, apparently
although one did owe rather a lot of money to some very unpleasant gentlemen
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:13, archived)

Crikey.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:17, archived)

he was found hanging from a tree
with no lower branches and nothing under him to stand on. still ruled a suicide.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:18, archived)

Did you date Dr David Kelly?

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:19, archived)

don't think so

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:22, archived)

Jokes probably a bit high brow for the student politics loving forum posters

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:25, archived)

Mmmh
Better stick to more 'pop cult' references like accidentally cutting off your own head when combing your hair.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:27, archived)

Got to know your audience

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:27, archived)

David who?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:35, archived)

i am surrounded by morons on a daily basis
some of it may have rubbed off
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:36, archived)

it them
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:44, archived)

heh

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:32, archived)

Thx

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:24, archived)

Oddly my old dj partner from years ago died the same way
was your ex called Ray?
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:32, archived)

don't think i've ever dated a ray

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:34, archived)

Should give it a go, then when they commit suicide you can make ex-ray jokes

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:47, archived)

pff

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:53, archived)

There's a bottle of 63% rum knocking round this office.
Ive just been given a rather large measure
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 14:59, archived)

Get drunk. Get your bum out

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:00, archived)

He'

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:01, archived)

What's the other 37%?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:05, archived)

witchcraft

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:07, archived)

I've just Googled to see if Sodastream Witches Brew was a figment of my imagination,
and found that not only was Scarlett Johansson their spokesperson for a bit, but that Sodastream are responsible for the oppression of the Palestinian people.
I just don't know what to make of all this.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:19, archived)

don't make fizzy milk with a sodastream
it's all kinds of wrong
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:21, archived)

So I have been told.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:26, archived)

Blimey.
Now there's a conspiracy theory in the making.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:24, archived)

That factory provides more jobs for them than Jews

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:27, archived)

Skim read the article, I just liked looking at the pictures of the lady with the pretty hair.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:40, archived)

There was a program about it I watched, does seem like an odd choice of place to build it

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:41, archived)

Indeed.
Still, maybe a shared love of fizzy squash could bring the two sides together?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:50, archived)

The settlements get bombed but the factory doesn't, so it seems to be working

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:01, archived)

Tim Minchin almost called it, then.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:26, archived)

water

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:10, archived)

neck it and photocopy your cock

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 15:06, archived)

Someone I went out withat college is a teacher at my kids' school
We haven't spoken though. I'm fairly certain she wouldn't recognise me
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:05, archived)

How many disfigured people live in pompey?

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:16, archived)

Higher than the national average
Although a lot of it is to do with inbreeding
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:16, archived)

And she had a thing for them, gotcha

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:17, archived)

you got there in the end, champ :)

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:18, archived)

When my daughter started secondary school 4 female teachers told her they knew me, first parents evening was a worry

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:21, archived)

Yikes
I wasn't even with this girl for very long. Not one of the great romances.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:32, archived)

another victim of Two Hat's pump and dump policy

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:36, archived)

Such a player

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:39, archived)

they know what they're getting into, right from the beginning

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:48, archived)

1/7 :(
A handful of times, yes.

I wish I'd been kinder and not quite so much of a dick.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:36, archived)

Well, you know what they say :
Treat 'em mean 'cos you've got low self esteem.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:48, archived)

This guy's got it all figured out
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-birmingham-42271150
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:49, archived)

That's his mum's xmas gift ruined

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 16:58, archived)

I don't even know where to start with this one.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 17:01, archived)

Alright heaux meauxes's
What's YOUR fucking problem, eh?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:32, archived)

Ooh well me back's giving me a bit of gyp

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:33, archived)

My back always hurts, to some degree
#Lold
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:39, archived)

Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:34, archived)

peace off you CAAAAANT

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:36, archived)

Have a peace of THIS *points at groin*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:39, archived)

I'll get my craft knife and some tweezers.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:49, archived)

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:44, archived)

Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without, but an equilibrium which is set up from within.

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:15, archived)

Im alright actually.
Works do tomorrow, so my liver will be suitably bashed.
2 week countdown begins to TDFU 2017
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:37, archived)

Nice
Mine is next week. I always dread it, and always end up having a good time. You'd have thought I'd learn, really.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:39, archived)

we always go somewhere nice for a meal
but always end up mortal before the first course.
Boss always buys a bottle of tequila or 2 from behind the bar.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:47, archived)

tequila is terrible
he must hate you
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:38, archived)

Breaking news: Gay man has terrible taste in something

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:44, archived)

some every
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:45, archived)

Small companies working in the same building as each other should team up and have a big do for the whole building.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:01, archived)

Got mine today, only another hour till TDFU
Flying out to Berlin tomorrow morning though so I need to be moderately good
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:18, archived)

I really liked Berlin
Groovy, in an old fashioned sort of way. I had, what some might call too much, sausages and lager there.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:32, archived)

I want w going to say anything, but since you've brought it up,
my problem is you, 2H. Knock it off, yeah?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:39, archived)

well put, as usual

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:40, archived)

This phone is more eloquent than I could ever hope to be.
Chances are, I'll inadvertently write a sonnet, at some point.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)

rite ear
s b
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:39, archived)

haha
this made me laugh way more than it deserved to
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 12:00, archived)

that's all i ever wanted
x
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 13:04, archived)

Beers a bit tangy in this spoons

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:41, archived)

I never touched it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:45, archived)

frothy head, boss?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)

I'm cold and knackered and the atmosphere's a bit tense in the office
after my boss turned up forty minutes late, because she was helping the cleaning lady tidy her son's room, and didn't tell anyone, so we thought she'd been run off the road or god knows what.

Swing concert tonight. Should be a laff.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:42, archived)

concert tonight +er's party
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:47, archived)

That would be even more fun.
Maybe it'll be the afterparty.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)

Cleaners aren't paid to tidy up.
Well, mine aren't, anyway.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:49, archived)

I guess I'm just TOO real

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:47, archived)

I've often said that of you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:48, archived)

I'm purely imaginary.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)

what kind of sick mind would dream up that?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)

Probably manolith.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:12, archived)

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:50, archived)

One man may hit the mark, another blunder; but heed not these distinctions. Only from the alliance of the one, working with and through the other, are great things born.

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:14, archived)

Poor old mark
lol
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:26, archived)

Nothing
Until one of you pricks makes it a problem. YOU GONNA MAKE IT A PROBLEM?
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)

Whats a hoax moaxes?

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:20, archived)

dunno
i only got about 2-3 hours sleep. that's quite vexing
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:26, archived)

Woah
How come?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:27, archived)

see below

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)

Well have you SEEN him?
He's fucking beautiful
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:33, archived)

dunno
just couldn't stay asleep for some reason. i may have been lying awkwardly as my shoulder hurts now
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:40, archived)

Ah, spare arm syndrome
I know it well
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:43, archived)

^running through Two Hats' dreams all night

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:27, archived)

most people around me are stupid

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)

Neurosyphilis

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 11:28, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 6:17, archived)

goiemorgen
as they say in the land of the hasj-smokers, kaas-eaters and klompen-wearers
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:06, archived)

are you in the lowlands now then?
I've got an old mate there.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:28, archived)

I wish I was.
hope to go there again next year, tho. lots to "see and do" there. amirite lads, eh?

hell, where I live I can be in like 5 countries within the space of 1-2 hours and on the Atlantic coast within perhaps 3. I don't live in hell btw. but I know someone who's been there, which is in Norway. but there's also a Hel in Poland. but you know all that.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:47, archived)

Hiya

(Tha D O Z, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:40, archived)

good reply

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:44, archived)

Hiya

(Tha D O Z, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:40, archived)

shitpost

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:44, archived)

Yes m8

(Tha D O Z, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:56, archived)

Woo Friyay!
Mornin' chaps
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:52, archived)

I always get Cadbury Caramel and Crunchies confused when it comes to That Friday Feeling references
I'm not sure which one is the more joyous snack.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 7:54, archived)

They both have their merits
Although a combination of the two sounds like a god tier chocolate bar
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:45, archived)

Morning all, morning all.
I've got a pair of those blue light-filtering glasses and am sitting here like a speccy four-eyes.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:13, archived)

are you U2's new singer?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:16, archived)

They're not visibly blue, thank Christ, or I actually might look like that twat.
Or Elton John, another proud member of the Lolwakki Glasses Brigade.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:18, archived)

are you up for it?

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:17, archived)

I'm well up for it m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:31, archived)

xxx

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:23, archived)

^ August Ames tribute thread

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:32, archived)

I had to google that
23 is no age
( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:39, archived)

Her real name was more porny than her porn name.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:54, archived)

I had no idea who she was
I don't learn the names of pornstars as that makes them human and I can't have that
( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:55, archived)

Didn't know her real name, or that she'd died.
I'm not some sort of stalker.

She'll never answer my tweets, now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:58, archived)

She didn't sound like the brightest bulb in the drawer
with her comments about not wanting to work with teh gayz because of teh bad AIDS, when (I believe) porn stars working in the regulated industry are tested for STDs every two weeks.

Not that the system's infallible, what with Darren James and his gonzo porn shoot holiday in Brazil from which he brought home teh bad AIDS and then infected a bunch of other people in California on his return, but that had nothing to do with teh gayz anyway.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)

I'm almost tempted to look up how much girl-on-girl she's done, just to see if she's as much a hypocrite as I think she might be.
Also, those lip injections.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:12, archived)

Heh.
Yeah, she did like to rock that duckface.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)

It's her choice though
she can choose to fuck someone or not. It's not up to us to tell her to fuck her or him.
( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:14, archived)

No, but her warning another performer off doing a scene with a guy who'd done a bit of man-on-man just outs her as a homophobe.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)

woo it's party time!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:46, archived)

yes!
Party all the time
Party all the time
My girl wants to party all the time
Party all the time
( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:47, archived)

When does she do the cooking and cleaning?

( mongychops, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:52, archived)

Tuesday and Thursday

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:54, archived)

best eddie murhpy song ever!!!!!!!!!!!
rick james, bitch!
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:55, archived)

Wasn't that Arsenio Hall?
lol, "Arse"
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:03, archived)

Citation needed

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 8:52, archived)

Blue, T (2017) Is it Only Wednesday? in: Machine, G (ed) morning, Poland: b3ta.com/talk
[Online] Available at: b3ta.com/talk/8135575
(accessed 08/12/17)
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:03, archived)

venga bus finally got to your house?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)

What makes people think that faux leopard skin coats look good?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:03, archived)

They're ok as long as they don't have fake leopard feet at the end of the sleeves
because those would be massive faux paws
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)

jesus

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)

 
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)

me and my winky

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:05, archived)

oh yeah, forgot

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)

I think if you're attractive you can make most clothing look good

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:06, archived)

And yet I've never seen an attractive person wearing one

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:10, archived)

oh ;(

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:13, archived)

Not counting you, Richie Edwards and Nicky Wire

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)

I'm afraid I don't have any photo's of mcbeef
i.pinimg.com/736x/8d/c8/4f/8dc84fa8e328fe6a4bcdf8d92ea9f727--b-bardot-bardot-hair.jpg
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:16, archived)

I suspect that's not faux

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:17, archived)

dunno, she's a bit of a mad bitch when it comes to animal rights

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:18, archived)

Even back then?
In any case, this stuff looks nowhere near that stylish. Not that I condone the wearing of real fur. That's just revolting in a different way.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:20, archived)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2452204
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:22, archived)

Oh, she was beautiful, no question

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:27, archived)

She's known for being immune to the cognitive dissonance you'd think might result from loving animals and hating Muslims and gay people.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:23, archived)

You'd rather they wear real leopard?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:19, archived)

idiot

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:20, archived)

You'd rather they wear real idiot?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:23, archived)

\o/

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:26, archived)

Neurosyphilis

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:28, archived)

See, I assumed it was some form of mental illness
but there might be something physical, you say? Interesting.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 9:30, archived)

Yo!

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:02, archived)

*bumrushes*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:05, archived)

*shows*

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:13, archived)

right back atcha!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 10:27, archived)

Oh, it's still here.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 20:18, archived)

Fuck off you cunt

( mongychops, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 20:25, archived)

alright mongy

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 21:03, archived)

we kept everything looking the same for you because we knew you'd come back

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 21:11, archived)

pls ignore roger rabbit's handprint

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 21:19, archived)

Ta.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 Dec 2017, 22:05, archived)

So is sickipedia, but it's shit now.
/talk is /talk.
( clockworkrat has nice pants, Fri 8 Dec 2017, 2:24, archived)