My personal bugbear is people who sneer at other using anything other than rigid standard english.

( Mu 's lovely horse stomping through the field, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 7:44, More)

Mummy, I vant a Veetabix
look Mummy, two Veetabix, ah, ah, ah, ahhhhhh
( Grrrmachine : as apologetic as a shitting dog's face, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 23:48, More)

You're like those students who spoil the impeccable timing of the Pythons by reciting the lines just before they get delivered.

( Bob Todd is going to do a poo at Paul's, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 23:34, More)

So what's the point of asking if we prefer a delicious baked treat to the cessation of all sensation?
Are you some sort of cunt?

What's next - cuddle a kitten or get AIDS? Have chocolate pressed into your mouth by voluptuous dryads or get raped by a zombie Nazi with bees in his mouth and when he says 'ACHTUNG!' he yells bees at you? Do a crossword or eat the crossword then do a sick then eat the sick then do a poo then eat the sickpoo then die and be autopsied and explode and make a mess of crosswordy sickpoo all over the walls?
( Bob Todd is going to do a poo at Paul's, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 23:31, More)

It sounds like the title of a corny action film.
Growling narrator with subsonically deep voice: In a land before time... [whoomph] in a time before memory... [whoomph] the seeds of humanity's future were sown. [whoomph] And only one man [whoomph] can change the past [whoomph] before it's too late. With only his frisbee, [whoomph] his goal is to save the human race. [whoomph] This summer, get ready for [whoomph] The ULTIMATE. [whoomph] Frisbee. [huge explosion]

Followed the next year by The Ultimate Frisbee 2: Now With Razorblades And Wasps.
( Know ye not Woodside? http://www.spam.com/lol, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 21:38, More)

If there's one thing worst than a food thread it's two in a row.
If there's one thing worst than that it's two in a row by the same person.
If there's one thing worst than that it's two in a row by some dull cunt who also took a picture of his food.
Probably AIDS or Cancer after this.
( mike woz ere puts the 'sexy' in 'dyslexia', Tue 1 Dec 2009, 19:51, More)

You need to get thicker toilet paper

( Donkey Gums Is engaged now to someone he's never met, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 17:15, More)

You look like someone tried to suck your chin away from your face

( Donkey Gums Is engaged now to someone he's never met, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 16:19, More)

Hello Mr Paws.
It am not CRISPMAS now. It am THWEE and a hawlf WEEKS left.
PWEASE get to fuck.
( Zuowan , yes, in China., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 13:28, More)

frostitute

( rhcpaul - you don't need pants for the victory dance, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 9:35, More)

Nigger on a penguin
I hope you die of cancer
SuperMatt fucks kiddiwinks
And rhythm is a dancer.
( baldmonkey creeping forward on its many tentacles, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 9:10, More)

what do you call a tiny hairy man who walks on his hands and feet and has a whiskery face and pointy ears?
a cat!
( Lightguy I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!!, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:04, More)

What's the best cheese to disguise a horse?
Marscapone (mask a pony)
( The Furry Dinosaur is a Clitasaurus, quake before her awesome power!, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 23:03, More)

Supermatt walks through a wood with some children
who were scared in the dark all alone
"You're lucky", he said
with a shake of his head,
"I've got to walk back on my own."
( FoldsFive .blogspot.com, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:19, More)

you'd never be seen again

( Moon Girl Technologies agent of Yahweh, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 18:54, More)

There is no 'right'.
I'm sorry to inject uncertainty and greyness into your miniscule, black-and-white world of right and wrong, but you're trying to make a chaotic and meaningless existence more manageable by artificially imposing boundaries and values on social customs. It won't work. It never works. You'll wake tonight sweating and realise that we are adrift in an uncaring universe, and you'll scream and you'll scream, but it won't make any difference. None at all.
( Flapjack - a nasty case of the Afghan Surge, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:33, More)

[long convuluted rant by grrrmachine that will be clicked by people that think that kind of thing is clever]

( Undulating Tentacles of Love voted most likely to be least likely, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 14:49, More)

Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

I’m never drinking ever ever again. I’m such a shit drunk.

When it was raining on Saturday night I was walking up to my house drunk and tripped and headbutted my front door with full force, not even putting my hands out which is solid wood and a small reinforced etched glass window. I managed to headbutt only the glass bit and smash it.

My parents came running downstairs to see what the fuck was going on, I knocked myself so stupid that when my mum asked what’s happened I ran upstairs and grabbed my duvet whilst shouting at her “But I heard a rumour that Rob’s got CHICKEN!” and ran out the house Forrest Gump style.

I woke up on Rob’s floor on Sunday morning which is 4 miles away with about 20 missed calls from my house. I can remember snippets of running down the road. Rob said I knocked on his door, soaking wet, waking him up and I gave him a HUGE industrial tub of mayonnaise, I’ve got no idea where I got this.

I fell asleep on his floor face down. I lost my duvet somewhere too :(


( Donkey Gums Is engaged now to someone he's never met, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 11:17, More)

fat ugly bird, how ar you? luffs

( mongychops you don't like him and he doesn't like you, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 21:13, More)

Oh shit, I forgot to run it by Wicca again.
I do hope I'm still allowed to post on here.
( Pauly pops Disclaimer: I'm joking, soz for potential offence., Sun 29 Nov 2009, 15:18, More)