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Profile for Snorty McBumhole:
Profile Info:

EVERYTHING on my profile was out of date. so here i have invented an ingenius device, it automaticly makes everything in my profile up to date without having do to ANYTHING.


and here it is:































Recent front page messages:

hmmm...


CLICK TO BUY A 'HORNY OBJECTS' T-SHIRT!!!!

.
(Sun 12th Dec 2004, 2:36, More)

I feel really quite depressed now.


But there's still a hope, a very VERY small one, but still, a hope. Or not.

Cocking hell! Front page!? i never saw that one coming. Cheers mysterious masked front page man.

(Wed 3rd Nov 2004, 13:05, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

the usual "at school" story
back in the day, 8 or 9 years ago (christ i'm getting old) there was the generic 'cock of the year', which was the hardest guy in your year, although in hindsight i think it has two meanings.

Anyway, school finishes, gates open, everyone floods out, usuall banter outside gates before everyone says their farewells (and buys and icecream from the peadeo in a van).

out strides the cock of the year, blonde hair, blue eyes, and his usuall chav crowd in tow.

he goes round, mocking, 'playfully' punching people in the stomach as he walks by. it comes to my turn, i knew what was coming so jumped out of the way, but he still clipped me in the stomach but not enough to hurt. not wanting to appear too hard, in case tries again, and being the little geek i was trying to avoid confrontation, i bent over and pretended it hurt.

usual series of thoughts running through my head; "stay in this position until he's gone, don't make eye contact, UPPERCUT THE FUCKER"

Shit, what, where did that thought come from? too late. i'd looked up, targeted his chin, straightened up whist swinging my fist and.... oh shit, contact.


FUCK FUCK FUCK. RUN? STAY AND PRETEND I'M HARD. FREEZE LIKE A CHICKEN? oh, yeah, right, now i'm a chicken. thoguth the haze of my own confusion and his, i hear his chav 'posse' shout out "hit him back, you can't let him do that to you, get him" etc. "oh dear. i'm going to be on the floor" i thought.



"nah, err, i'll leave him this time" replied a squeeky voice.


what. the. fuck?

i walked home, feeling heroic and making a permanent mental note never to do any shit like that again.



he never even looked at me again.




sorry for length, girth, and excessive use of commas.
(Tue 1st May 2007, 1:11, More)

» Not Losing Your Virginity

When i left school
My friend had a party. lots of booze, cheap booze at that.

I brought 2 bottles of some shite called "Scotsmac", i remember it actually being quite nice, but i was pretty much an alcohol n00b back then.

So anyway, I go up to my friends sisters friend, and whilst acting like james bond (at least, in my scotsmac drunken state i was, in hindsight i was a drooling lemon) i asked her if she was seeing anyone.

The reply was "no" with a little smile at me.

so i returned with "bit of a bugger that, aint it" then stumbled off a bit miffed.

You see, i forgot what question i asked her, and though i'd asked her if she was single.

Wasn't until i was in the other room that i realised what i'd actually asked her and proceeded to bang my head on the door. the damage had been done, there was no comeback. :(
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 20:25, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

i hurt my bollards
one of the first times i went out drinking round town with my mate.

We were in the middle of town deciding where to go next and i suggested a pub, and knew a shortcut down an alley. so i ran down it leaving my friend behind to catch me up.

my mate follows and finds me on the floor in agony, and attempts to ask what i've done through his fits of drunken laughter.

a bollard painted black. at night time. in a dark alley. exactly crotch high.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 14:32, More)

» The Onosecond

Another one.
My friend, who was quite the charmer over yahoo messenger. when i say charmer, i mean that's the only way he chats people up.

anyway, my mum comes into my room one day, asking me if my friends yahoo screen name is "xxxxxx" i say 'aye'.

why did she want to know that? he'd been chatting her up in a yahoo chat room, not knowing it was my mum.

things were said on there, which you REALLY should NOT say to your friends mum.

We didn't tell him until he next came round though.


bless him.


Plus he's ginger, which doesn't help.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 12:22, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Me and a friend
i was young, maybe 9/10 ish. just made a new friend near our new house.

a few weeks later, we decided to rummage through my mates garden. it was quite weedy and like a jungle.

We made our way to the back of the garder, where the overgrown hedges were.

Nice and hollowed out those hedges were, great new den.

until we found some jars full of dead woodlouse. i'm not talking any jars here. i'm talking one HUGE STONKING FUCK OFF MASSIVE NEARLY AS BIG AS ME jars. full to the TOP with dead woodlouse.

i beleive we found about 3 of these in total.

Not really treasure, but it was quite amazing and freaky at the same time. apparantly some chinese family used to live there before him.

what the hell did they want with 3 HUGE jars of woodlice?
(Fri 1st Jul 2005, 2:06, More)
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