» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Once had a hungover wank at work
And took ages to finish, only to turn round and realise I hadn't shut the cubicle door. At least three other people had been in and out again during the time it took....

... a small detail I'll never forget is seeing my red, sweaty, embarrassed face in the mirror with my tie over my shoulder, for obvious reasons...
(Sat 19th Aug 2006, 21:43, More)

» Anonymous

I once took LSD and pissed on a dance crowd at the Melkeweg in Amsterdam...
Spent the whole previous part of the night hiding in a bass bin and getting triple whiskey redbulls passed in. At some point I was seen on the blacony pissing on the enraptured revellers below.

A bouncer knocked me out and threw me in the canal. The cold water woke me up and I was seen scampering across leidseplein, as the crow flies, tripping and falling over everything in my way whilst cackling maniacally.

Still have a scar to prove it.
(Thu 14th Jan 2010, 18:41, More)

» The Apocalypse

1st Monday of the month madness
So when I first moved over to amsterdam as a youth I was rather partial to the odd three day bender at the weekends, this involved little sleep and usually left me in a state of almost euphoric paranoia. Long story short, I was wandering home through a compleltely empty part of town on a monday morning and hear this godawful wail start up "oooooooooooWAAAAHHHHHHHHHH" and then another and another nearer and nearer to the point I could hear nothing else. Panic took me, where was EVERYONE and why were all these air raid sirens going off, who the fuck was attacking and how do I get to the coast, quick get to a canal and steal a boat, a fast boat, yes that'll do it, you can get home to ireland if you're lucky. And then it stopped. And an old man with a dog walked around the corner and it shat by lamppost and they went past me as if nothing had happened.

I later found out that every first monday of the month they test the flood warning sirens. They still freak me out a bit every time i hear them.

EDIT- found a clip of the insanity, here www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEsm1VDA1UA&feature=plcp
(Sun 17th Jun 2012, 15:43, More)

» Books

The Forever War - Joe Halderman
War! But in the future. Apparently the inspiration for the writer was the feeling of disconnecton he felt with society on his actual return from Vietnam so he realised it would be even worse for returning galactic soldiers who, due to the vagaries of speed of light travel, would return centuries after they left.

It's a completely fascinating novel with one of the most "complete" and utterly satisfying endings. It's the last time I shed a tear reading a book. Gah.
(Sat 7th Jan 2012, 19:51, More)

» Guilty Laughs

Dance Valley. Amsterdam '99
So there we were, me and a mate at Dance Valley, it was pishing it down and had been all morning, it was a sullen, miserable affair, we had made the mistake of smoking some coke as a pre-cursor to the day which annulled the effects of all the pills we subsequently necked.

Not in the mood for the over packed sweaty techno tents we discovered some respite from the rain by loitering out the back of the tents where the extraction fans blew a patch of grass dry and kept the rain from our heads.

After a few spliffs and general silence we heard this awful whining noise coming over the hill ahead of us and then HE appeared a poor fucker in Stephen hawking style wheelchair with headstick for control, he was gurning like a nut and was clearly off his head, as he picked up speed coming down the hill he manage to throw some kind of handbrake move and started going sideways, little wheels churning up dirt as they searched for traction on the sodden turf. Suddenly they bit and he started doing these great doughnuts up and down the hill, he started laughing (kinda) and we laughed with him.

he kept doing it for a couple of hours as we watched, i laughed a lot.

Made our day.
(Wed 28th Jul 2010, 16:39, More)