art historians were shocked to find...

evidence of muppets pre-dating jim henson!
(Thu 22nd May 2003, 5:23, More)

sloth extreme sports

attract a loyal following. (edit:oh yes! my first fp)
(Thu 8th May 2003, 8:23, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

crack in the box
This is not a story about my pain, but it still makes my eyes water.
I played cricket in a C grade team when one of the A grade bowlers was coming back from injury... he was quick.
The inevitable happened, he struck a batsman right in the box - the batsman predictably went down in pain. We all stood around in mock sympathy as he grimaced and writhed. After a minute or so it was apparent that the pain was not receding. So our silly mid off / first aider (good combination!) investigated.
The cricket ball had split the box down the middle opening a crack wide enough for a fraction of a second to accept a substantial fold of skin, wherupon it closed again on said skin.
Took a screwdriver to reopen the crack and release the batsman, who, once he'd found a new box, continued his innings.
(Sat 15th Jul 2006, 4:47, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I have another...
Not so much embarrasing as just downright painful...

Far North Queensland is home to the Mud Crab. A beast that can grow 20cm across the shell with prize-fighter nippers that can crush beer bottles, take off toes etc. They are dangerous, but delicious!

Experienced Crabbers plant a bare foot on their backs and truss them up with a piece of string to render them 'mostly harmless'.

My mate, an experienced crabber, is carrying a hessian sack with 20 or so 'trussed' crabs back along a very lonely beach when one of them gets loose inside the sack and bites him - HARD - in the middle of the back, through the sack. Not surprisingly, he lets go of the sack, which then hangs by said claw. Ow!!

Two friends try to help, cutting a hole in the sack - even cutting off the crab's claw, but it remains locked on. Not until he's back to the car, and it's toolkit, do they manage to get the bugger off!
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 3:45, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I am crap at cricket
but that didn't stop me enjoying a came with the local C graders. We had an erratic, but fast bowler who used to do some damage.

One day he hits a batsman in the 'box'. The batsman falls away to leg and does the usual groaning and writhing on the ground while we all stand about and empathise, but this time it seems to go on, and on, and on!!

Our Silly Mid Off is a First Aider, so he takes a closer look. The impact of the ball has split the resin box, a split which had now closed on some very, very sensitive skin.

Took three blokes to pry it open with a couple of screwdrivers and set him free. After which he batted on! Man of steel!
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 3:30, More)

» Dad Jokes

I'd a dad (x3!)
And I love telling lame jokes - nothing beats the pained expression of your offspring as they realise you've set them up for another of your most pathetic jibes. I particularly like it when they say something is "cool" and I can reply, "no, actually I think you'll find it's rather hot" - equally devastating for all ages!
(Thu 11th Dec 2003, 2:25, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

here in OZ...
there's an ongoing spat between two high profile radio announcers, Alan and John; formerly colleagues, now competitors.
Alan is suspected of being a mouthpiece of the government in return for lenient treatment over other commercial matters he's involved with.
Recently, a government minister sent Alan a very supportive personal fax on government letterhead. Trouble was, she sent it to his old employer, where arch enemy John still worked.
Needless to say, the whole of Australia overheard that little conversation!
(Fri 11th Jun 2004, 5:43, More)