Profile for J R Hartley:
Author of Fly Fishing, phone number available in the good old Yellow Pages.
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Author of Fly Fishing, phone number available in the good old Yellow Pages.
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Darwin Awards
40-40 over 100 stitches
when i was about 11 i was playing '40-40' with my younger sister and a girl from down the road in our back garden.
the 'home base' was the plate glass back door [you can see where this is going].
'dhingy lips' from down the road put her arm through the glass getting superficial cuts and i was sent to get help. as i went to open the door please from her and my sister were 'the glass will fall out if you open it, climb through the hole' so i climbed through the hole and tripped.
ripped a huge chunk of my left outer calf out of my leg. another cut a bit further up left another huge gaping hole with a chunk of leg flapping freely and also cut my hand [which bled the most as its wasnt such a deep cut.
my mum was a kip on the sofa and came out to the hallway to see what the screams were all about, she called for my dad who was sleeping off a sunday afternoon bevvy and almost fell down the stairs trying to dress himself in a rush.
mum said you could see the bones in 3 places. no one thought to retrieve the lost chunk that was in the doorway and i was bloody lucky not to have lost my leg let alone bled to death if it had been my thigh. thankfully the top surgeon in the area was at the hospital that day and managed to stretch the remaining skin and stitch it.
i tell everyone, including my kids, that its a shark bite!
(Thu 12th Feb 2009, 21:56, More)
40-40 over 100 stitches
when i was about 11 i was playing '40-40' with my younger sister and a girl from down the road in our back garden.
the 'home base' was the plate glass back door [you can see where this is going].
'dhingy lips' from down the road put her arm through the glass getting superficial cuts and i was sent to get help. as i went to open the door please from her and my sister were 'the glass will fall out if you open it, climb through the hole' so i climbed through the hole and tripped.
ripped a huge chunk of my left outer calf out of my leg. another cut a bit further up left another huge gaping hole with a chunk of leg flapping freely and also cut my hand [which bled the most as its wasnt such a deep cut.
my mum was a kip on the sofa and came out to the hallway to see what the screams were all about, she called for my dad who was sleeping off a sunday afternoon bevvy and almost fell down the stairs trying to dress himself in a rush.
mum said you could see the bones in 3 places. no one thought to retrieve the lost chunk that was in the doorway and i was bloody lucky not to have lost my leg let alone bled to death if it had been my thigh. thankfully the top surgeon in the area was at the hospital that day and managed to stretch the remaining skin and stitch it.
i tell everyone, including my kids, that its a shark bite!
(Thu 12th Feb 2009, 21:56, More)
» Your Weirdest Teacher
the guitar hero
apologies but i forgot the guitar hero of primary school who was Mr Dully.
he sort of looked like terry nutkins and played guitar in assembly whilst going redder and redder in the face. was the pe teacher and always wore millets trackcuits.
The man is a legend.
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:40, More)
the guitar hero
apologies but i forgot the guitar hero of primary school who was Mr Dully.
he sort of looked like terry nutkins and played guitar in assembly whilst going redder and redder in the face. was the pe teacher and always wore millets trackcuits.
The man is a legend.
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:40, More)
» Your Weirdest Teacher
Another school perv
I had left middle school when this happened but one of the male teachers was arrested for making phone calls to the kids he taught, at christmnas time prtending to be Santa, once the parent had passed the call to the child he started being utterly perverted down the phone to them (asking them to touch themselves and stuff).
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:19, More)
Another school perv
I had left middle school when this happened but one of the male teachers was arrested for making phone calls to the kids he taught, at christmnas time prtending to be Santa, once the parent had passed the call to the child he started being utterly perverted down the phone to them (asking them to touch themselves and stuff).
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:19, More)
» Your Weirdest Teacher
A selection of teachers
PRIMARY SCHOOL - Mrs Hamilton. She made me sit at the desk infront of hers with one of the naughty kids and told my mum I was obsessed with sex and babies! I was about 6 at the time and didn't have an inkling of the word sex, let alone what it involved.
Mrs Thomas - she also had me sit right infront of her desk (a pettern emerging? I wasn't a naughty kid just a bit loud). She hated me for some unknown reason. Became Mrs Petchey when she married a bloke who was Peter Sutcliffes' double.
Mr Grange the caretaker - murdered one of the pupils and stuffed her body in the school bin.
MIDDLE SCHOOL - Mrs Ballinger, she hated me with a passion and banned me from a school trip to a museum because I dropped my gingerbread man on the floor during class (i'd been sneakily eating it during lesson). The reason she hated me was because of the "warning" that came with my report from my primary school. I'd love to have read that warning as like i'd said i was loud but not a naughty child. Told my mum at parents evening that she hated me. my mum was not best pleased and complained about her though nothing came of it.
Mr Jones - jolly welsh bloke who was my tutor in the 4th year. at the school summer fete he crouched down on the ground to have a go on a bowling stall and revealed a very hairy arse to the class.
HIGH SCHOOL - Mr Gordon. wore a cream pvc jacket and died his hair a peach colour. Dirty lech, i was his star pupil until when on a school trip to Shropshire I called him a dirty pervert and told him to fuck off. He hated me after that and ensured I failed my IT GCSE.
COLLEGE - i can't think of the guys name but he taught us Finance. He was a weedy little mouse type bloke with glasses and kept threatening to walk out if we didn't shut up. One lesson he did walk out, not only from the lesson but from the College and we never saw him again.
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:09, More)
A selection of teachers
PRIMARY SCHOOL - Mrs Hamilton. She made me sit at the desk infront of hers with one of the naughty kids and told my mum I was obsessed with sex and babies! I was about 6 at the time and didn't have an inkling of the word sex, let alone what it involved.
Mrs Thomas - she also had me sit right infront of her desk (a pettern emerging? I wasn't a naughty kid just a bit loud). She hated me for some unknown reason. Became Mrs Petchey when she married a bloke who was Peter Sutcliffes' double.
Mr Grange the caretaker - murdered one of the pupils and stuffed her body in the school bin.
MIDDLE SCHOOL - Mrs Ballinger, she hated me with a passion and banned me from a school trip to a museum because I dropped my gingerbread man on the floor during class (i'd been sneakily eating it during lesson). The reason she hated me was because of the "warning" that came with my report from my primary school. I'd love to have read that warning as like i'd said i was loud but not a naughty child. Told my mum at parents evening that she hated me. my mum was not best pleased and complained about her though nothing came of it.
Mr Jones - jolly welsh bloke who was my tutor in the 4th year. at the school summer fete he crouched down on the ground to have a go on a bowling stall and revealed a very hairy arse to the class.
HIGH SCHOOL - Mr Gordon. wore a cream pvc jacket and died his hair a peach colour. Dirty lech, i was his star pupil until when on a school trip to Shropshire I called him a dirty pervert and told him to fuck off. He hated me after that and ensured I failed my IT GCSE.
COLLEGE - i can't think of the guys name but he taught us Finance. He was a weedy little mouse type bloke with glasses and kept threatening to walk out if we didn't shut up. One lesson he did walk out, not only from the lesson but from the College and we never saw him again.
(Sun 13th Nov 2005, 15:09, More)