» Have you ever started a fire?

Pipe Bomb
Some mates and I made a pipe bomb/mortar once and got arrested. I mixed up my own black powder using my Dad's extensive list of chemicals that he kept in the garage (he was an industrial chemist.) We then took said powder to a local sandstone quarry which overlooked the village.

We found an old bit of steel pipe that was sealed at one end, filled the open end with the powder and buried it deep in the sandstone (open end up).

I then proceeded (rather stupidly with hindsight) to hammer a small pebble in the open end to seal it all up. Now having a sealed metal pipe buried in the ground we had no way of igniting it so we built a fire around it. We all sat back expecting not much to happen. The mix of black powder was completely random and the seal on the pipe was a bit suss.

After a while, sparks began shooting out of the end of the pipe (I had also put a good dose of iron filings in the powder.) Now these weren't sparkler type sparks, we're talking a good 7-8 feet in length. Woo-hoo! Our jubilations were short lived as an enormous boom ripped through the quarry temporarily deafening us and leaving a 10 foot wide crater in the sandstone. We legged it. Later on we found out that the pebble in the end of the pipe had smashed through the window of a pub about 1/4 mile away below the quarry and almost killed the barmaid.

We were arrested in school the next morning 'cause someone snitched. Bastards! Good fun though. My Dad gave me a right bollocking.
(Tue 2nd Mar 2004, 20:48, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Double Whammy!
Homelands festival a few years back. Had VIP tickets and access all areas through my job. After seeing a few acts and munching too many "sweeties" my mate and I went back to the media area and saw Jane Middlemiss leaning back on a plastic garden chair barking into her mobile phone. She looked pretty pissed off so I kicked the back legs of her chair from under her and she went over into the mud. We legged it giggling like a couple of schoolgirls closely followed by two hefty security guards. To make our escape we ran into the rather intimidating and packed Drum and Bass tent only to smack straight into Roni Size who went flying in a shower of spliff-sparks. They didn't catch us and I think I weed myself laughing shortly afterwards.
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 12:22, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

My Gran (Gawd Bless Her)
My Gran took me to buy a pair of trainers once. The shop assistant asked what size I was and she said "Well...He's a size six shoe in a trouser." WTF? This has since become a much loved phrase in our family. She's in a home now.
(Fri 12th Mar 2004, 11:20, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Just returned
From shopping in town (drunk) I have 2 new shirts and 1 T-shirt (bought from the most expensive "Nathan Barley" type shop in town) a pair of hideous pink and black Etnies trainers and a £400 synthesizer. Dreading the credit card bill...
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 15:21, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Abalone
It's a shellfish, looks like wobbly tummy-tuck waste and tastes like snot. Avoid. BTW, I can't believe how fussy you guys are, tomatoes? Pickles? Mushrooms? Jeez...think yourself lucky you've got a choice!
(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 10:19, More)