» Pet Stories

Lucy Goosey
Our neighbor had a goose that one day wandered over and started following me and my family around. We thought it was so adorable that we wanted to name it and let it just hang out with us. But the next day we couldn't find it anywhere, and then we heard it honking next door. They had locked it up in a pen! My step-father, Rich, went over there and asked our neighbor why he locked it up and he said she was an ornery bitch who would just be a nuisance and attack anyone that came near her. "But she liked us!" Rich protested, so our neighbor basically said "Fine then, it's yours".

Well it turns out the reason she was such an utter cunt to most people is that she had lost her mate, and geese mate for life, and apparently she had taken a fancy to Rich! So now she follows him around, making geesy noises every time he talks on the phone and honking and screaming every time she hears his truck (or any truck for that matter) and runs full speed to the driveway. She's fairly protective, too and will attack total strangers if they act too hostile or affectionate towards Rich. She once kept a postman trapped in his car four over an hour until my step-dad arrived to rescue him. She's also a randy old gal, especially in the spring. My older brother had a friend who she tried to rape while he sat by a bonfire outside, and in his horror he threw his beer on her to get her to back off, but I think that just made it worse. My mom and her have formed some sort of truce, though. I assume that Mom must have knocked the hell out of her the first time she tried anything. We even buried an old bathtub in the backyard for her to bathe in as she'd muck up our pool and be in there all hours of the night splashing.

Heres a pic:

(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 19:41, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Everybody loves the penis game!
This game requires more than one person.
One person whispers "penis" as quietly as possible. The next person repeats it slightly louder. Then so on, until everyone is screaming "PENIS!" at the very top of their lungs.

Game ends when someone loses their nerve or is arrested.

Best played in libraries, museums, and other such centers of culture and silence.
(Mon 29th Mar 2004, 23:47, More)

» Singing the wrong words

blinded by the light
revved up like a douche into the roller of the night
(Tue 1st Feb 2005, 16:12, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Ah, then the fuel classic
blee-blah-blee-blin in my arse in my ass again
blee-blah-blee-blin in my arse again
(Tue 1st Feb 2005, 16:13, More)

» People with Stupid Names

I had a pal
in gradeschool. His name was "Ryan Sawyer Peters" you do the math. (I'm sure he hated his rents)
(Tue 31st Aug 2004, 21:37, More)