» Slang Survey

a typical bedroom conversation with my partner
(no meanings given - should be easy to guess)

"I'm still queuing outside."
"Yes I can tell. Ouch! Stop Pushing!"
"It's OK just relax."
"Ouch. No! No, it's no good. You'll have to have a word with the doorman."
"*sigh* OK"

(a couple of mins pass by)
"OK now"
"Yeah. Ow! Christ not so hard!"
(Tue 3rd Feb 2004, 23:07, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Here's my offering
To be sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things" from "The Sound Of Music"....

My Least Favorite Things

Julio Iglesias and all The Three Tenors
Radio 2 and the Cliff Adams Singers
Washed-up soap actors who then try to sing
These are a few of my least favorite things

Cream compilations and Ibiza anthems
Coked-up dance DJs and Elton John tantrums
Madonna and Britney, what were you thinking?
These are a few of my least favorite things

Bjork in odd dresses with badly smeared make-up
A mechanised pop industry that needs a shake-up
Cliff Richard crooning about the three kings
These are a few of my least favourite things

When the dog howls
When I hear Sting
When I'm feeling sad
I simply download all my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

(Repeat all verses until brain melts)


As is the common saying on this site: "it took me far too long to do this!"
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 21:54, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Not so much a lie by my parents but still a lie nonetheless
My parents are fairly religious and thus I had a religious upbringing. When I was perhaps about 10 or 11 I had started playing D&D with a friend down the road. This was fine with them until some cretin from the church told them that it had the same effects as using a ouija board. When they passed this on to me I was savvy enough by then to know otherwise. However my dad stepped in during one of our games and told us to stop playing because it was evil. Of course I was used to this claptrap but I was still mortified at my friend having to hear my father's misinformed rantings...

We never played D&D again.

And thus were planted the seeds of cynicism against parental advice that later germinated and flourished during my teenage years.
Parents be warned, you reap what you sow!
(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 13:15, More)

» Irrational Fears

Jellyfish
Oh boy did they do my head in when I was young! Every time I swam in the sea there was always a Portugese Man O'war lurking nearby. Even in places like Cornwall.
If not a Man O'war then it was that huge one pictured in David Attenborough's Life On Earth book that we had at home.
Also that head in Jaws scared me witless.
It's a wonder I ever tried scuba diving in later life.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 14:04, More)

» Breakin' The Law

My little brush....
...involved them finding me in a drunken sleep in someone's front garden on the way back from a party. They picked me up, put me in the back of their car and drove off. They turn a couple of corners and...

...find a parked car on fire.
Oh dear.
They immediately suspect me but I manage to convince them that it wasn't me. They believe me and take me all the way back to my home. Nice rozzers.


Oh and there was this other time when a policeman jumped into my car at some traffic lights and "commandeered my vehicle". I asked him if he wanted me to drive fast. He said no, the spoilsport.

Oh and bravo to the guy who managed to pull the WPC. Is it off-topic for me to say that I find young uniformed WPCs sexy (just the non-shotputter types)?!
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 13:21, More)