Recycling in the jungle.
The Hippooh-pottymouth


/Edit : Yayyy.. 400 must be my lucky number - Very first FP.
(Mon 9th Feb 2004, 11:14, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Don't know if its relevant - you decide.
Been with my girlfriend for 11 years now.... A while ago she asked how many partners I had been with (cos we had reached that honesty stage).... Cue to me going...

Er...1....2.3....4,...er 5...6...you....8,errr 9...

She was not amused.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 9:41, More)

» Ouch!

And the minor ones....
When 10 or so...
Friend jumped off the shed roof and onto the grass. I did the same but landed on the path. Knee hit jaw, Jaw got dislocated, Friend p!ssed himself laughing

Same friend wanted to jump his bike off a ramp. Only large flat thing in my garden was an old car windscreen. Like any sensible 10 year old, I laid on the floor, holding the windscreen above me (at an angle) as my mate rode towards it.... then bunny hopped onto it. 1 hospital visit to sort our bruised ribs and glass in the eye.

Same friend decided to shoot me with an air-rifle from about 5 feet away - another bruised \ cracked rib.

Jumped off a the trailer of a lorry (parked near the woods near my house) - Landed fully on a 6 inch screw that effectively "nailed" my welly to my foot.

Licking an envelope (birthday card or something) - Sister pulled envelope away - very large paper cut on tongue and side of mouth.

Got annoyed with same sister one christmas - jumped on her etch-a-sketch and smashed it.... while barefoot.... iron-filing-goodness and a tetnus injection needed.

Sister in front-room. Me peering through the door-jam taunting her. She slamming the door on me, trapping my nose.

Sneezing while wet-shaving. foam in eye as I try and stop bleeding as I took top off my nose off with "safety" razor. (was older than 10 at this point)

Dad working under bonnet of a car he had just bought. I sounded the horn. dad jumped. and skewered his head on the bonnet latch.
(Fri 30th Jul 2010, 17:26, More)

» Teenage Poetry

There were some that I used to mumble at school...
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm Schizophrenic,
And so am I.

Little fly upon the wall,
'Aint you got no friends at all?
Don't you know this walls been plastered?
Oh you're such a silly fly.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 11:36, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Mr Deadman - Computer teacher
brought in to our school to head up the new computer system (ahh... Commodore Pets with integrated tape drives, followed by RM Nimbus...). He spoke with little or no pauses, used punctuation via a scatter gun when writing on the overhead projector... Best thing was his nylon suits. Worn spring, summer, autumn and winter (with a Noel Edmonds-esque stripy tank-top during the colder months), we could tell the age of each suit by counting the white rings that appeared under his suits arm-pits as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head.
(Mon 14th Nov 2005, 12:59, More)

» Ouch!

Cyst + cycling = all better now
Part The First...
A few years ago I had a cyst (bursar?) start growing in \ on my knee. started small (as they do) then ended up the size of a golf ball, half in and half out the gap behind he knee-cap; not really painful, just annoying. Had MRI scans etc and after 6 months of consultations was sent to hospital for the removal. Stayed in the hospital overnight, saw the surgeon who discussed the procedure etc... then the consultant saw me again. He asked if anyone had drained the cyst before now - I said no, so he went away and came back with a large \ evil looking metal syringe with an even bigger needle and started jabbing it into the cyst (more than 10 , less than 50), drawing off what could only be described as watery angel-delight; Same colour and cosistnecy, just a different taste (I suspect). Consultant looked pleased and sent me off home.

By the time I got home, cyst had started "re-filling" . As I had "cancelled" the operation, they could not fit me in for another few months.

Part The Second...
a month or so later I took my son cycling over the local woods \ copse and found some bright sparks had built a ramp over a large depression in the ground - We started jumoping it on the bikes (Did I say I was 40-ish?). All going wonderfully well - even got a troop of cubs \ scouts ? watching us as we sailed over the mud \ wood \ cans \ rubbish left in the hole. All went well until I went a bit to far and fell off. scouts loved it , son p!ssing himself with laughter, me trying to smile and laugh it all off. Waited 5 mins until they all walked away (probably discussing the stupid old geezer) so I could lift my hands away from my knee and pull out the 5 inch spliter of wood that had gone through my jeans and into my knee, neatly (all-be-it dirtily) puncturing the cyst and causing rancid angel-delight to pour down my knee again :)

Ahhh... to be 40 again....
(Fri 30th Jul 2010, 16:47, More)