» Heckles

Allow me to be the first to post the famous Eric Douglas heckle story.
Kirk Douglas's lesser-known son Eric was in the UK a few years ago, trying to make his mark in stand-up comedy. He was going down badly, so grabbed the mic and said: 'What's wrong with you? Don't you know who I am? I'm the son of Kirk Douglas!' There was absolute silence, then someone at the back stood up and said: 'No - _I'm_ the son of Kirk Douglas!' Within seconds, the whole audience was doing it.

EDIT: beat you by 3 minutes Mr WhoElse!
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 14:54, More)

» That's me on TV!

At weekends, I am (occasionally) a Dalek...
...and have graced lots of news programmes as well as a couple of things for CBBC and, greatest moment of my adult life, Doctor Who Confidential. Some national news exposure in 2005 when a charity invited me and a mate to go along to a G8 meeting opposite Westminster Abbey and shout "Drop the debt and save the humans" a lot. At one point my Mum phoned and said "Gordon Brown's on the telly being harangued by a Dalek -- is it you, dear?" Anyway, Confidential and some of the news stuff is on YouTube -- search there for stevethedalek.
(Thu 11th Jun 2009, 17:01, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Raymond Cusick.
A name that probably doesn't mean much to sensible people who have lives, but to Doctor Who fans, famous as the designer of the Daleks way back in 1963. A couple of years ago he was guest of honour at a convention in Liverpool, and surrounded by about 15 fan-built Daleks, expressed his wistful regret at not having a proper photograph of himself surrounded by his creations. I step forward and offer to take such a photograph and mail it to him in due course. Imagine my disappointment, when I look at the picture properly on my PC screen the day I get home from the convention, and discover that at the precise moment the shutter went off, Raymond has decided to adopt a facial expression more consistent with being anally violated by a grizzly bear. I never did send him the picture :(
(Thu 25th May 2006, 18:57, More)

» Jobsworths

Not really a jobsworth but a man desperately blind to facts.
I take a fullsize Dalek to events like model shows and so on. If you can think of another hobby that allows you to shout at 8-year-old children and then chase their teenage sisters around, and not get arrested for a breach of the peace, then I'd like to hear it. Anyway, I did an event at the excellent Bovington Tank Museum in Dorset last September or so. There was an old buffer in a yellow fluorescent jacket helping direct exhibitors' vans to parking spots. Here's the conversation:

Man: What you got in the back of that van, then?

Me: Daleks!

Man: I'll tell you about Daleks, my friend. The BBC come down here and filmed with the Daleks in the quarry I used to manage. That Jon Pertwee was there. I'll tell you when it was....it was in 1963.

Me: I think you'll find that was 1973. Jon Pertwee wasn't in it until 1970 and he stayed until 1974. That story was in Season 11.

Man: No, it was definitely 1963, because I'd just moved over from managing another quarry.

Me: But it was filmed in colour. The BBC never filmed anything in colour until the late 60s at the very earliest. And they showed it in 1973.

Man: Alright then, they filmed it in 1963 and showed it in 1973.

Me: Argh.

I still wake up sweating about the memory of this conversation.
(Fri 13th May 2005, 11:11, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

DashboardDrums(TM)
Small electronic drum pads for mounting at convenient reach in the vicinity of your steering wheel. Ideal for beating out the giddy rhythms of the rumba or cha-cha-cha while waiting for the lights to change. With optional "TrafficJam" (TM) MIDI-over-Bluetooth pack (sold separately), play along with fellow DashboardDrum owners when stuck in those clockwise-M25 weekday afternoon queues and turn otherwise tedious gridlock into something approaching a Santana concert.
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 8:34, More)