Profile for Jaffacake:
I LURK THEREFORE I AM
jaffacake2k (at) hotmail (dot) com
Im a Watford B3tan - so if theres any others out there drop me a line and i'll allow you to entertain me over a keg of ale .. Yaaarrr!
My fingers hurt ... I'll finish this another time ...
Ok .. Heres a coupla things that ive posted that i think may be worth displaying again to the unwashed masses..
Gaberdine Angus
Not as funny as i thought it was ...
Bow down to the one true god!
Domo Sapiens
Spack out!!!!
Dont ask!
Now this one started out as a marmoset .. But by the time id got the eagle in you couldnt tell the body was of a damn monkey so i had to add the cigar and the monocle just so it LOOKED like id done something!! next time i'll put a bit more thought into it ....
Yay for ArtRage
Coal powered giraffe
GAAAAH!! Comic Sans!! WTF was i thinking!??
God i was cutie!
Everyone else seems to be doing these ... So
im gonna too ........
Which ABBA member are you ?
This pointless quiz was made by TMO
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.
What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
My inner dragon is the most vile and crafty of all dragons. Remember Smaug? He was a red dragon, just like me! And just in case that's not cool enough for you, reds are Fire Elemental dragons, too. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 20 years, 9 months and 12 days
- has posted 647 messages on the main board
- has posted 106 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 5 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 2 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 2 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
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I LURK THEREFORE I AM
jaffacake2k (at) hotmail (dot) com
Im a Watford B3tan - so if theres any others out there drop me a line and i'll allow you to entertain me over a keg of ale .. Yaaarrr!
My fingers hurt ... I'll finish this another time ...
Ok .. Heres a coupla things that ive posted that i think may be worth displaying again to the unwashed masses..
Gaberdine Angus
Not as funny as i thought it was ...
Bow down to the one true god!
Domo Sapiens
Spack out!!!!
Dont ask!
Now this one started out as a marmoset .. But by the time id got the eagle in you couldnt tell the body was of a damn monkey so i had to add the cigar and the monocle just so it LOOKED like id done something!! next time i'll put a bit more thought into it ....
Yay for ArtRage
Coal powered giraffe
GAAAAH!! Comic Sans!! WTF was i thinking!??
God i was cutie!
Everyone else seems to be doing these ... So
im gonna too ........
Which ABBA member are you ?
This pointless quiz was made by TMO
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.
 I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You? |
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
A RED Dragon Lies Beneath!
My inner dragon is the most vile and crafty of all dragons. Remember Smaug? He was a red dragon, just like me! And just in case that's not cool enough for you, reds are Fire Elemental dragons, too. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Look! It's me in the Local Paper
Oh god .... Ive been trying to forget about this ........
I made the front page of the Watford Observer in Dec 1997. I happened to burn my house down AND almost kill the kid i was sharing it with at the same time ...
It all started At about 8am on a Sunday morning outside my digs that i shared with 2 other blokes (not gay!)and i had to be at a regular haunt for bikers in north London by midday. No problems! except i was having issues with my fuel getting to my carbs on my beast ... So ... there i was in the street outside my terraced house wresting with this sodding petrol tank. because i have an intellect the size of a small planet i decided it would be safer for all concerned if i took the tank away from the the roadside and into my back yard where it would be undisturbed. Great idea! Where this plan fell apart was when i went THROUGH the house with the tank and NOT through the alley!
Now (luckily for me in retrospect) its a straight line from my front door to my back door in my kitchen, so i strolled through holding the petrol tank safely in both hands. Got to the back door - LOCKED! Okay ... Put the tank down, unlocked and opened the door and then picked up the tank again. At this point all i recall is seeing an orange rainbow of flame arch from the kitchen corner towards the tank. There was a MASSIVE noise and rushing sound and then i was skidding across tarmac flat on my back. Yup .. Id been blown clean through the house into the street! ... Ouch!
Now normally this is where mu humorous tale would end ... But oh no ... i have more! Of these 2 mates i was sharing with one (the one i didnt see eye to eye with) has left early for sunday league footie but the other is tucked up snugly in bed! (not mine!) So im banging on doors getting ppl to call the polie/fire/ambulance/coastguard/boys brigade whilst shouting "wake the fuck up u cunt! The house is on fire!" ... But his room is at the back of the house above the kitchen so cant hear me.
Well .... he's upstairs and hes awake. And he can hear alot of banging and smashing (the windows and worktops cracking with the heat!) and thinks that myself and the other bloke are have a right old set too with our fists! (whats going on in his head!!??) After a coupla mins he starts thinking "jesus! they're killing each other!" and gets up ... Whereupon he starts jumping up and down because the floor (kitchen ceiling) is red-hot! "ooh" "ow!" "fucksocks!" he was shouting! then he notices the smoke .... And shits his jim-jams! So .... He throws a chair through his window causing a vacuum which sucks all the smoke in the house through his room ... In a coupla seconds hes flat out unconscious due to lack of oxygen .... Hes had better Sunday mornings im sure!
Outside 2 big red fire trucks have pulled up, a large crowd has formed and im being quizzed about the blaze ... like i have a clue! But i do manage to let them know there may someone in there ... And off they steam into the inferno. About a minute later they drag out my mate ... black as the ace of spades and stark bollock naked to boot! Hah! in front of the neighbours! The ambulance rushed us both to the hospital. Im fine - scorched eyebrows and a sore arse - and my mate was kept in a for a coupla days due to smoke inhalation.
What wasnt destroyed by fire was damaged by the water they chucked at it! the house was gutted and almost completely rebuilt ... And i had no household insurance so lost the lot! (let that be a lesson to the rest of you!)
The fire chief reckoned that there wasnt a 100% seal on the gas boiler and that had ignited the pertol fumes in the kitchen. (get em checked ppl!) The gas boiler exploded blowing me through the house which probably saved me before the petrol tank erupted dousing every thing in accellerant.
The police were very understanding ...
OB "So ... you must hate him then. To want to burn him alive.."
ME "ummm ... no..."
OB "behind in your payments were you....?"
ME "up to date actually....."
OB "Well its gotta be an insurance job ...."
ME"Ive lost the lot ... *sobs* "
And thats how i made front page of my local rag ...
(I also made the front page of the Daily Mail in 1993 too .... I have it somewhere .. I was out in Bosnia but i forget what the story was about ... it had a good pic of me tho! Very handsome i was!)
(Fri 11th Feb 2005, 0:00, More)
Oh god .... Ive been trying to forget about this ........
I made the front page of the Watford Observer in Dec 1997. I happened to burn my house down AND almost kill the kid i was sharing it with at the same time ...
It all started At about 8am on a Sunday morning outside my digs that i shared with 2 other blokes (not gay!)and i had to be at a regular haunt for bikers in north London by midday. No problems! except i was having issues with my fuel getting to my carbs on my beast ... So ... there i was in the street outside my terraced house wresting with this sodding petrol tank. because i have an intellect the size of a small planet i decided it would be safer for all concerned if i took the tank away from the the roadside and into my back yard where it would be undisturbed. Great idea! Where this plan fell apart was when i went THROUGH the house with the tank and NOT through the alley!
Now (luckily for me in retrospect) its a straight line from my front door to my back door in my kitchen, so i strolled through holding the petrol tank safely in both hands. Got to the back door - LOCKED! Okay ... Put the tank down, unlocked and opened the door and then picked up the tank again. At this point all i recall is seeing an orange rainbow of flame arch from the kitchen corner towards the tank. There was a MASSIVE noise and rushing sound and then i was skidding across tarmac flat on my back. Yup .. Id been blown clean through the house into the street! ... Ouch!
Now normally this is where mu humorous tale would end ... But oh no ... i have more! Of these 2 mates i was sharing with one (the one i didnt see eye to eye with) has left early for sunday league footie but the other is tucked up snugly in bed! (not mine!) So im banging on doors getting ppl to call the polie/fire/ambulance/coastguard/boys brigade whilst shouting "wake the fuck up u cunt! The house is on fire!" ... But his room is at the back of the house above the kitchen so cant hear me.
Well .... he's upstairs and hes awake. And he can hear alot of banging and smashing (the windows and worktops cracking with the heat!) and thinks that myself and the other bloke are have a right old set too with our fists! (whats going on in his head!!??) After a coupla mins he starts thinking "jesus! they're killing each other!" and gets up ... Whereupon he starts jumping up and down because the floor (kitchen ceiling) is red-hot! "ooh" "ow!" "fucksocks!" he was shouting! then he notices the smoke .... And shits his jim-jams! So .... He throws a chair through his window causing a vacuum which sucks all the smoke in the house through his room ... In a coupla seconds hes flat out unconscious due to lack of oxygen .... Hes had better Sunday mornings im sure!
Outside 2 big red fire trucks have pulled up, a large crowd has formed and im being quizzed about the blaze ... like i have a clue! But i do manage to let them know there may someone in there ... And off they steam into the inferno. About a minute later they drag out my mate ... black as the ace of spades and stark bollock naked to boot! Hah! in front of the neighbours! The ambulance rushed us both to the hospital. Im fine - scorched eyebrows and a sore arse - and my mate was kept in a for a coupla days due to smoke inhalation.
What wasnt destroyed by fire was damaged by the water they chucked at it! the house was gutted and almost completely rebuilt ... And i had no household insurance so lost the lot! (let that be a lesson to the rest of you!)
The fire chief reckoned that there wasnt a 100% seal on the gas boiler and that had ignited the pertol fumes in the kitchen. (get em checked ppl!) The gas boiler exploded blowing me through the house which probably saved me before the petrol tank erupted dousing every thing in accellerant.
The police were very understanding ...
OB "So ... you must hate him then. To want to burn him alive.."
ME "ummm ... no..."
OB "behind in your payments were you....?"
ME "up to date actually....."
OB "Well its gotta be an insurance job ...."
ME"Ive lost the lot ... *sobs* "
And thats how i made front page of my local rag ...
(I also made the front page of the Daily Mail in 1993 too .... I have it somewhere .. I was out in Bosnia but i forget what the story was about ... it had a good pic of me tho! Very handsome i was!)
(Fri 11th Feb 2005, 0:00, More)
» The last thing that made me cry
...
... Im big and butch ... But i cry every day. Sometimes in happiness and sometimes in sadness. I welled up just reading a few of the replies here before i started typing this.
My friends say im easily "moved" ... I wouldnt change it for the world. It makes me feel more human knowing i can empathise with someone elses pain or joy.
Reading some of these comments in this thread make me feel happy to be a part of the human race. Its a feeling that is getting rarer every month. ... And that makes me cry.
So thanks to all for helping to make me feel good today.....
(Mon 18th Apr 2005, 18:31, More)
...
... Im big and butch ... But i cry every day. Sometimes in happiness and sometimes in sadness. I welled up just reading a few of the replies here before i started typing this.
My friends say im easily "moved" ... I wouldnt change it for the world. It makes me feel more human knowing i can empathise with someone elses pain or joy.
Reading some of these comments in this thread make me feel happy to be a part of the human race. Its a feeling that is getting rarer every month. ... And that makes me cry.
So thanks to all for helping to make me feel good today.....
(Mon 18th Apr 2005, 18:31, More)
» Claims to Fame
Ummmm .......
.. I have a few minor claims to fame
My boss at weekends is Janet St Porter ...
.. During the week my boss is Simon Kelner .. (82nd most influential person in the country - allegedly)
... I work with Charles Kennedy's ex-speech writer..
... One of my mates used to be the fella in the Honey Monster suit!! ... (God! How can anyone top that??)
... As a child i met the Queen when she was giving out Maunday Money...
... I grew up with Chris Bonnington's kids Rupert & Daniel - or Bonny and Joey (as in Deakin!) if you knew them....
... I went out on a coupla dates with Julia Reid (from Robot Wars)...
... I used to be in a WW2 re-enactment society as was used as an extra in the final battle of Saving Private Ryan.....
... Ive also met Bob Holness & Anita Roddick.
Oh! ..... And my dad invented the question mark.
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 16:57, More)
Ummmm .......
.. I have a few minor claims to fame
My boss at weekends is Janet St Porter ...
.. During the week my boss is Simon Kelner .. (82nd most influential person in the country - allegedly)
... I work with Charles Kennedy's ex-speech writer..
... One of my mates used to be the fella in the Honey Monster suit!! ... (God! How can anyone top that??)
... As a child i met the Queen when she was giving out Maunday Money...
... I grew up with Chris Bonnington's kids Rupert & Daniel - or Bonny and Joey (as in Deakin!) if you knew them....
... I went out on a coupla dates with Julia Reid (from Robot Wars)...
... I used to be in a WW2 re-enactment society as was used as an extra in the final battle of Saving Private Ryan.....
... Ive also met Bob Holness & Anita Roddick.
Oh! ..... And my dad invented the question mark.
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 16:57, More)
» I'm an expert
me am teh expert in ....
Kalashnikov assault rifles .... ive even instructed eastern european soldiers in their use.
(right about now i'd like to swap this for an expertise in Flash or Dreamweaver.......)
I am also an expert in clitoral stimulation ... Form an ordely queue ladies ....
(Thu 23rd Jun 2005, 23:38, More)
me am teh expert in ....
Kalashnikov assault rifles .... ive even instructed eastern european soldiers in their use.
(right about now i'd like to swap this for an expertise in Flash or Dreamweaver.......)
I am also an expert in clitoral stimulation ... Form an ordely queue ladies ....
(Thu 23rd Jun 2005, 23:38, More)
» Weird Traditions
Im sure i could think of more ...
...But i really cant be arsed!
1) No idea why ... But when myself or my mates are looking for something in another presence, when its found the "findee" says "There it is!" And everyone else in a stereotypical northern accent alltogether say "Riiiiight THERE!" and point ..........
2) For some reason no matter what im doing, if i eat a bar of chaocalt, biscuit, pack of crisps or the like - i just HAVE to fold the wrapper into a long, thin strip and then tie it into knots until i cant knot it any further.
3) I dont drink coffee - i much prefer a good brew ANY day! However ... When i talk to people about not being the type to drink the stuff i ALWAYS get the desire to go home and make a piping hot mug of extra sweet weak coffee ......
Did i win?
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 19:31, More)
Im sure i could think of more ...
...But i really cant be arsed!
1) No idea why ... But when myself or my mates are looking for something in another presence, when its found the "findee" says "There it is!" And everyone else in a stereotypical northern accent alltogether say "Riiiiight THERE!" and point ..........
2) For some reason no matter what im doing, if i eat a bar of chaocalt, biscuit, pack of crisps or the like - i just HAVE to fold the wrapper into a long, thin strip and then tie it into knots until i cant knot it any further.
3) I dont drink coffee - i much prefer a good brew ANY day! However ... When i talk to people about not being the type to drink the stuff i ALWAYS get the desire to go home and make a piping hot mug of extra sweet weak coffee ......
Did i win?
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 19:31, More)