» Clients Are Stupid

At the pub where I work, we don't take bookings,
yet we get numerous phone calls asking to book.
Here's one memorable one:

customer: I'd like to book a table please
me: i'm sorry, we don't take bookings
customer: but it's for tomorrow night
me: well I'm afraid we can't take bookings
customer: well, can't you put a reserve on a table for us?
me: no, sorry, we might be busy, someone else might need to sit there
customer: but there's eleven of us
me: well, if you ring up about half an hour before you intend to come, we'll see what we can do
customer: so you're letting us book?
me: no, i'm letting you ring back tomorrow to see if ther is enough space. What time are you coming?
customer: nine 0'clock
me: ok, but we stop serving food at half past
customer: do you need my name?
me: no thanks
customer: it's Smith
me: right
customer: so we're booked in for nine o'clock then?
me: no, like I said, we don't take bookings
customer: so why did you ask what time we were coming in then?
me: curiosity, I'm cooking it
customer: well, as you're the chef, what would you recommend?
me: another pub. bye
customer: you can't talk to me like that, i'm a shareholder
me: so am I. Bye
*hang up*


needless to say, they never rang back
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 0:01, More)

» People with Stupid Names

My friend's old school
head teacher was called Frank Lee Gay,
and quite frankly, he was gay
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 11:51, More)

» Premonitions

mine ALWAYS involve money
one: a few years back, I had a dream about finding money on a plate. the next day I went to a cash machine to find the person in front of me hadn't waited for his cash. £50

two: while sleeping at my (now ex) girlfriends (who happens to be a 'witch' - it's true) I had a dream about £20 notes that were stuck to a wet floor. went home about 2.00 the next night to find money scattered about around the corner from her house. £60

three: a couple of weeks ago, I went out, and had no money for a taxi home. after waiting about 2 hours for my wages to go into my bank, I thought fuck it, I'll walk and just hope to find some money. 200 yards later, £20. I look up, another 20 up the road. so I get that, and what do I see? more 20s. lots of them. I count them, £580

total: £690 worth of premonitions, or as I like to call it, being a jammy little fucker

of course, the last one wasn't a premonition, I just wanted to show off
(Fri 19th Nov 2004, 14:25, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

Car washing
After leaving school at 16, and struggling to get a job, me and my friend used to go around door to door with a bucket, sponge, turtlewax and my three-year-old nephew.
The nephew would sweet talk the customers into letting us wash the car, then he'd wash the car, while me and the friend got paid a fiver each, plus "tips", i.e. any change left lying around in the car. We even found £20 once.
We didn't leave the nephew with nothing though, he got an ice cream, blue sweets, and a can of red bull for doing it
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 14:18, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

5 second rule
Yes, the 5 second rule is everywhere, and i'm wasting an answer to show this 5 second rule video


so sue me
(Tue 25th Jul 2006, 11:47, More)