» The Onosecond

I receieved this once
Someone had meant it for their girlfriend and accidentally mass-emailed it to a newsgroup.

Morning my darling,
Thankyou very much for being so cute and cuddly last night, I really
needed it after such a hectic weekend. I've managed to get into work ok
but the whole place feels a little surreal at the moment. I am awake but
I am noticing lots of things that I normally ignore. For example, on the
back of Nick's monitor are warnings and instructions in loads of
European languages - except French! Why? Never noticed that before.

Feeling really hungry and have run out of M&S low fat snack bars. Bum.
You're so squishy and I want to marry you, snoogles! :-) Here's a kissy
smiley: :-x

Rambling now, so will get back to work. Love you loads bumblepoo!

Your hugglesnuffkin,

Robot Boy
Xxxx
XXXX
xxxx


-----------
The information contained in this e-mail message, and any attachment, is
confidential and for use solely by the intended recipient. If you have received
this message in error, please delete this message immediately.

I especially like the bit at the bottom. Naturally, I saved it instead.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 13:18, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

I think I was the stupid colleague...
Last year, on our uni course, we were sent to study education in alternative settings and this included a museum/art gallery. We sat in front of a big family portrait, and the lady leading the session was talking about how people can make themselves look better than they are. She pointed to a different portrait of a rather large lady in a blue dress; "for example, this lady [the baroness of something or other] has had herself painted to look like the Goddess Fortuna..."

I couldn't figure that out and had to ask the person next to me "Fortuna? Like, she was the goddess of fish?"

Not my finest hour.
(Fri 4th Mar 2011, 18:31, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Petals
A man and a woman had three daughters. One day they were curious as to how they got their names.
The first daughter came up and asked "Mummy, why am I called Rose?"
Her mother replied "Well, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head and so we decided to call you Rose."
Then the second daughter came up and asked "Daddy, why am I called Lily?"
Her father replied "Well, when you were born a lily petal fell on your head and so we decided to call you Lily."
Then the third daughter came up and asked "Mmmmnnngh mgh nnngrgh?"
To which her parents replied "Oh, shut up Wardrobe."
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 22:23, More)

» Eccentrics

Reading Elvis
The man is a local legend (possibly a national one, he's been put on Facebook). He is totally obsessed with Elvis, is only ever seen wearing Elvis t-shirts and dirty jeans with his greying hair in a quiff, usually carrying an Elvis vinyl or two in an old carrier bag. I'm told he often stands in the station during rush hour waving the vinyl as though it was a Bible and preaching about Elvis.

5 years I lived in Reading, and didn't see him until the week before I moved out. My life is complete.
(Fri 31st Oct 2008, 12:20, More)

» Crap meals out

Halls Food
University halls of residence food is awful, as I'm sure many a student will agree. In all fairness, it wasn't bad every single day, just most of them - all of it lukewarm, potatoes with everything (pasta and chips, anyone?) and at least one of the options containing "grey sauce" (so called because it was greyish and had no distinctive flavour whatsoever...). Specialities included "pig pasta" (we think it was supposed to be carbonara, but it had huge chunks of ham floating in the aforementioned grey sauce) and "glue pudding" (some sort of sponge that was never cooked properly and was rather sticky and glue like in the centre).

But the best offerings were the ones that the kitchen staff named themselves. There was label next to a dish of brown stuff labelling it 'meat biryani'. Upon asking what sort of meat it was, we were told "it is meat". When questioning what sort of fish was hidden in the deep fried greasy lump they were being served, my corridor-mate was told "fish. White fish. Chips?".

And, one night, a mate asked "what flavour is the ice-cream?" since it was a sort of yellowy colour and she didn't know if it was banana or vanilla. The answer? "Yellow." "Yes, I can see that, but it vanilla or banana?" "It is yellow."

And we found flies in the vinegar in the first term. They were still there when we left at the end of the year. Yummy.
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 13:26, More)