chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop


I shall get the hang of this!

My first FP, I'm nearly in tears
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 20:46, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

Like many others I'm not a fan of novelty ringtones.
The only one I ever had on my phone was one that goes.
*loud siren x2* Warning...I'm stood next to a ringtone wanker! *loud siren x2* Warning...I'm stood next to a ringtone wanker!

I rarely used it but I did once at a festival I worked, for shits and giggles, but also because it was the only one loud enough for me to hear.

So imagine my joy the following Monday morning, whilst stood on a primary school stage, micced up, in front of a full primary school assembly. A couple of hundred angelic faces pearing up at me.
All the kids, teaching staff and my boss waiting to see what amazing act of dexterity I'd next do to thrill and amaze, when I feel the rumble in my pocket and the dreaded sound of...
'AROOGAH... AROOGAH... WARNING...I'M STOOD NEXT TO...'
(Mon 3rd Aug 2009, 20:04, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

tunes
Not so much a funeral story but...
We were talking in the pub about what song we'd like at our funerals. The ususal stuff came up but Pauls choice of 'Living in a box' pretty much took the prize
(Sun 14th May 2006, 3:23, More)

» Accidental innuendo

There's now't so queer as folk
Talking with a friend Charlotte about a mutual acquaintance.
She says "Look, it can't be easy being gay in a small northern town can it?"
'You reckon?' says I 'from what I hear Hebden Bridge is the lesbian capitol of England at the moment!'
"Yeah" she concedes "but lesbians go down better!"
(Wed 18th Jun 2008, 4:11, More)

» Dentists

My dentist cried
when she saw the state of the abscess caused by an combination of a impacted wisdom tooth and an errant shard of Christmas eve peanut.
She had a rant about Salfords Hope hospital continually cancelling appointments to remove said impacted wisdom teeth over a period of 2 years.
At the end of this rant the tears started to flow and she was whispering 'bastards, bastards, bastards'.
She got me an appointment for removal quite quickly after that though.
When the abscess burst it felt like my whole mouth was full, that was nice.

Oh aye, my flatmate did his work experience with a dentist years back. He tells me the Dentist was extracting a tooth using gas when he went, 'Oh dear', as he'd pulled the wrong one. He swore my flatmate and the nurse to secrecy then pulled the proper tooth.
He later told the woman that he'd found the neighboring tooth was rotten... charged her for it too.
(Thu 9th Nov 2006, 4:32, More)

» Heckles

More Knives
Woppas knives story reminds me of this one.

I was watching the show at the Bristol juggling festival, the Audience was made up of jugglers, a lot of whom are performers so the heckles were flying. As part of one act the juggler got three kids out and stood them at the back of the stage, he told them he was going to juggle and throw each object for them to catch, he then turned his back and picked up three knives. We all had a laugh at the little urchins faces when he turned around.

After a bit of banter and tension building (and having a go at the parents for not stopping him) he said it was only fair that he used normal clubs.
He passed the clubs to them and then announced that he now wanted them to throw them back,

Somebody shouted 'Give them the knives'. This got a good laugh, then with perfect timing the performer responded with
'Oh very funny... I got the same heckle last week at Butlins, shows the level of intelligence of this audience!'

I've not been heckled that much, most often its been good natured and fairly obvious stuff. The one that kind of threw me was an obsessive ex screaming 'I love you!', when I came on stage. All I could think of to say was 'Any other offers?' got a bit of a laugh.

Length? She must be obsessive for some reason.
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 5:25, More)